Writer as God
Last week, I turned in the revisions of IF I SHOULD DIE, minus the ending. The last sixty pages just weren’t working. I’d attempted to write the ending a multitude of times, but as I got into it, something stopped me.
The set-up was contrived. The characters were being stupid. I forgot a character over here. I killed the wrong guy.
Nothing was coming together the way I thought it would.
I suppose I should have realized this book would be the hardest book yet. More than five years ago, my first book was published and I thought that surely, writing would be easier.
After my seventh book nearly killed me, I thought surely, it will get easier.
I remember chatting with my mentor and friend Mariah Stewart, lamenting the fact that (at the time) she had twenty-some books published and it was “so easy” for her. She laughed at me and said, “Honey, it doesn’t get easier.” In fact, she continued, it gets harder, because you’re always striving to write a better book. Writing a book equal to the last is, in fact, slipping, because readers will continue to expect more.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing—but it does add pressure.
The writing itself isn’t the problem. I think I’m a stronger writer—my manuscripts are cleaner, I don’t make some of the amateur mistakes I used to. But it takes me longer to write each book. I can no longer write beginning to end without pause. I see the mistakes right after I make them; I stop, backtrack, rewrite, repeat as necessary. And even then, when I’m done, I rewrite the entire book.
IF I SHOULD DIE is a very linear story. While there were lots of things going on, there was a definitely catalyst, and everything came from that. But as secrets of the small town of Spruce Lake, NY were revealed, I found the story was far more complex than I thought. And because of that, the ending was difficult to write. I had to tie up a lot of loose ends, make sure the climax was both exciting and realistic, and that the motivations of the characters held up to the end. Meaning, their actions and reactions had to be consistent based on who they were. The villain in particular.
Each ending I began (but didn’t finish) was headed toward a conclusion that didn’t make sense—to me OR to my characters. So I’d back-track and rework and start in a different direction. A character would die, then I’d realize they couldn’t die! Or it didn’t make sense, and then they’d be resurrected for the next go-around. A different person would die. Or live. Or be severely injured. Or kidnapped. But none of it was working and I was desperate. I’m just not cut out to play God with my characters. I’m just the voice, telling their story.
I finally gave up control and let my sub-conscious figure it out: I went to bed thinking about the book and where and why I was stuck. And I woke up with the solution.
This kind of problem solving has worked for me in the past, both in my writing career and in my previous career, but I hesitate to rely on it. Maybe I fear that if I count on dream solutions I will become lazy and complacent and not think things through. Whatever the reason, it usually works when I’m completely stuck and see no way out.
What amazed me this time was the solution was there all along, I was just too stubborn to see it. In fact, I’d rejected the solution long ago because I thought getting all the characters in one place was contrived. But on the contrary, it was the only possible outcome for the set-up. It made sense.
At least, I hope it does … I’m waiting to hear back from my editor who hasn’t read the ending yet to let me know if it all works. :/
Here’s the back cover copy from IF I SHOULD DIE, book three of the Lucy Kincaid series, which will be out 11.22.11
A TRIP TO THE DARK SIDE
Aspiring FBI agent Lucy Kincaid and her P.I. boyfriend, Sean Rogan, are headed to the Adirondack Mountains for a pleasant romantic getaway, when they detour to help out troubled friends, owners of a new resort who are battling malicious vandals. After Lucy and Sean pursue an arsonist into an abandoned mine shaft, Lucy stumbles upon an even more heinous crime—and the perfectly posed remains of its victim.
The only thing more disturbing than the woman’s corpse is its sudden disappearance. While the local police remain skeptical, Lucy is dead certain there’s a connection between the sabotage and the murder—one that the less-than-neighborly citizens of Spruce Lake seem to have a stake in keeping hidden. When a cold-blooded sniper targets Sean and Lucy, FBI agent Noah Armstrong enters the fray to ensure more bodies don’t hit the ground. Now three outsiders race to untangle a violent conspiracy before they end up like the rest of Spruce Lake’s secrets: dead and buried.
And I’m thrilled to announce that I have a title for Lucy Kincaid #4, which will be out next May: SILENCED.
My question today: what an assumption you’ve had about your writing, your kids, your life that has changed? For me, I thought writing would get easier the more books I’d written; that is so, so, SO far from the truth. What about you?
AS you mentioned, there are some aspects that do get easier. I’ve got what I think is a much stronger voice, and it seems to come more easily. However, I do want every book to be better than the previous, plus I don’t want to repeat things I’ve already done, which presents its own challenges.
And I know all about those books that won’t end!
Terry
Terry’s Place
Hi Terry, I could do a whole blog about the fear of repeating myself! One of the things I really like about IF I SHOULD DIE is that it isn’t a serial killer book. The prologue makes it sound like one, but it’s not, and that was also fun to write something different … my first book wasn’t technically a serial killer book, either, and there were two others, but when your publisher expects a certain type of story you have to find ways to make it different.
It’s strange how even after a bunch of books, one can suddenly give you big trouble! I know this one will be awesome just like all your others!
Thanks for your vote of confidence Deb. All my books lately have been trouble. I don’t think I’ve had an “easy” book. I’ve had “easier” books — The NO EVIL trilogy was a bit “easier” in that the storylines themselves didn’t hang me up or give me fits. And SUDDEN DEATH in some ways, though the ending of that was a total bitch. The beginning of LMTD was much harder than the ending.
We have to pick one?
In my writing, I assumed that a good story trumped my newbie writing. Umm, no. I’ve spent the last year reading blogsites and learning about how to write a good query letter and book. But, I’ve found that mistakes made in a query letter usually flow into the writing.
It was simple stuff for me. I used -ing to much, I needed active verbs, I used “that” a few thousand times in my first MS. I tend to double speak/write – I headed for the cabin and walked into the cabin – that sort of thing.
I gave up on writing every single day for months. Finally, I had a ‘come to Jesus’ meeting with myself. I decided that is doesn’t matter if I am ever published (although, it’s still my goal), I love to write. I love wielding stories. I spend most of my day thinking up new stories and mentally rewriting parts of my current stories, whether I’m at my computer, a swim practice for my kids or a doctor appt.
So now, I keep my goal firmly in sight and I write for me – and no one else.
Cheers on the new book title! 🙂
Shannon, I have often asked people during my NO PLOTTERS workshop that if they knew they would never be published, would they still be writing? If they answer yes, then they have what it takes. You have to LOVE being a writer and actually WRITING because otherwise you’ll hate it even when you sell. It’s not easy, even though some things are easier than others. You have the right attitude! Good luck — and I strongly recommend SELF-EDITING FOR FICTION WRITERS. The best book I bought before I sold.
THANK YOU! I found it and downloaded it onto my Nook.
Off to read…
Let me know what you think! I buy extra copies and give away to high school students and also gave a copy to my daughter who is a writer.
So far so good. About 1/2 way through.
Fairly clear about the main problem they run into as editors – show NOT tell.
My favorite quote so far is in the Intro, Pg 7 “A word of warning: because writing and editing are two different skills, they require two different mind-sets. Don’t try to do both at once.”
I think I might have to write that one down on a sticky and Superglue it to my computer.
Thank you again. Seeing the MS from the Editor’s POV is new to me. Their way of looking at MS’s is so simple – which means the writers are the one that make it hard??? No way – couldn’t be. *grins*
Hi Allison,
I don’t know why I thought it would get easier. And in the back of my mind I’ve still got this idea that “someday down the road when the book just writes itself…”
I like your dream solutions technique. Sometimes I think it’s a matter of clearing your mind so the solution can pop out at you and you will recognize it.
Beautiful cover!
So I’m not alone! LOL.
I really haven’t assumed much, but been more a roll with the tides kind of person (not having kids helps). Maybe by this age I’d assumed I’d have a house, but don’t. My parents always said being a home owner was a lot of work and not as great an investment as many people think. With this market, I can definitely see they had a point.
Anne, I really wish I hadn’t bought into the myth that when you’re married with kids you have to be a home owner. It is hugely expensive, and there are so many other headaches and pressures. We got a good deal on our new house, but it still went down in this market, and we can’t sell our old house, and it’s costing us far too much. Good advice from your parents!
I guess for me the assumption that I would find one career and stick with it for years on end is something that has changed. And I’m glad it has. I’ve worked some interesting jobs and I’m about to head to school to receive the training for a new job (paralegal). So I’m glad that my assumption of sticking with one thing was certainly not the case. I’m happy with my colorful employment history!
Oh, though I should add, if I do get a writing career going, I’d be happy to stay wtih that for a long time. 🙂
Great example! When I quit my day job to write I was interviewed by a job magazine for an article about people who changed careers while still under 40. The other stories were even more interesting than mine!
YAAAAAAAAAY for more Lucy books!!! I love Lucy and SEAN!!! and the series so much! I can’t wait to read the others (and that you’ll get Carina in one of the books! :P). But May??? What about January? I think it sounds better! 😉
I always assumed that in my twenties I’d have my shit together, I’d know what I want to do with my life and be half way there. Or I’d at least know how to get there. I’ll be 23 on Sunday, and still have no flippin’ idea what I’m gonna do with my life. I’m half way through my second University course and thinking about quitting to start a third. I want to be an author, but don’t have confidence enough to even do something about it. I have no shit, let alone have it together. Oh, well.
🙂
Happy early birthday! … Lucy #4 will be here in time for your 24th birthday 🙂
I think you’re still young enough to not know what you want or where you’re going. That’s okay. Read Rocki’s blog again from Tuesday — it’s about the journey, not the destination.
re: Carina … I doubt she’ll make an appearance in the next three books. I do have a story idea for her, Lucy and Nelia, but don’t know when or how it’s going to come together.
I’m with Barbie on this one… I’d assumed that I’d know what I wanted out of life and where my life was heading when I became an “adult”. And yet here I am in my mid-twenties, a career student three quarters of the way through a doctorate that I’ll probably never use because I have no interest in a career in academic science, and with absolutely no idea what to do once I’m done with this. (In fact, I started said doctorate because the idea of venturing into the real world after university was too intimidating and I reasoned that ~6 years of postgrad might give me time to figure my life out. No such luck)
But, hey, at least I’ll be DoctorNo-Life-Plan-So-I’m-Roaming-the-World-Aimlessly 🙂
The dream-based problem-solving technique is legend… many a multivariable calculus problem has been solved that way during my studies 🙂 Fingers crossed that the ending works satisfactorily; November is entirely too far away!
Hello Dr. Aimless! 🙂 … As a college dropout, I can’t relate to you smart people! LOL. As long as you’re enjoying the journey … I’m sure something is going to pop up that you least expect.
Well, it isn’t absolutely dreadful (as long as you don’t think weekends should be restful and don’t much mind being overworked and underpaid), so I guess I can’t really complain 😛 My dissertation adviser is genuinely lovely and takes my somewhat frequent “I’m restless, so I’m off to Fiji (or some other exotic locale) for a week to go scuba diving. See ya!” moments in stride, so that helps.
You’re in your mid-twenties and three quarters through a DOCTORATE??? Wow!!! Hey, at least you’ve accomplished something! You have a degree! I’m just about into my mid-twenties and still trying to finish a GRAD degree. I was in Law School for two and a half years and quit that. Now I’ve been studying Languages for two and a half years and am seriously thinking of quitting that to study Psychology. So, that’s FIVE YEARS OF NOTHING I have. I’m just a career course-switcher. Just what my mommy and daddy had dreamed for me. Oh, how I’m their pride and joy! NOT 🙁
Yeah, it was upper school –> 4 years of university (biology & business) –> straight into my doctorate in microbiology (currently on year 4 of ~5-6). I often debate the wisdom of not having taken any time between university and postgrad, but being a professional student seemed like a good idea at the time and now I’m past the point of no return. At least I’ll be Dr. Aimless before I’m 30… collecting degrees is a viable life plan, right? I’m thinking a M.Ed to follow the Ph.D., and maybe an MBA 😛
always love your storys!
thanks so much!!! 🙂
I always thought life would get easier as I got older but I was wrong.
LOL … I wish you had been right :/
I’ve been gone all day, finally catching up online. Allison you said it for me! I assumed I’d learn techniques that would make future books easier. Instead, I’m always pushing myself to do better and it gets harder!
I made the newbie assumption that with the first published book the rest all just falls into place. Okay, you can all stop laughing now. I’ve learned it isn’t true, but for awhile there I believed.
Gotta love the subconscious! I continuously bribe mine. Congrats on getting the ending worked out, Alli! Can’t wait to read this one, too.
Assumptions…hrm… Life would get simpler when The Only went off to college. Uhm…nope.
Life would get simpler when she graduated. Huh uh.
Life would get simpler when she got married. Wrong.
As for my writing, my only assumption has been that I will get better with practice. That’s proving true, which is a good thing. 😉
With 2 teenage girls, I try to NEVER assume anything–I’m always wrong and well, assume makes–you know the rest.
The bookcover is amazing. It looks ready to jump off the shelf and grab you!
What haven’t I had to rethink? I thought that loving my husband would be enough but I learned that telling him I really love him was so much more powerful. Sounds stupid but making the conscience effort really does make all the difference.
And I thought when my kids would get older I would worry less. Not so! The only difference is now I assume if something is wrong they will tell me, call me or somehow contact me and not to worry until then.
Can’t wait for the new book. Shame it takes so long to get them out once you finish one. I am 59 and still have no clue other than focusing on writing for now. I graduated with a BA in Sociogoy using my GI Bill when all you needed was the degree in 1983. But unfortunately when things change I wasn’t able to go back to school.
Things change and I like to roll with the flow. Have to admit being an army wife and a soldier for three years too that worked rather well, maybe no children helped too lol.
Looking forward to the next Lucy and wish all the pros the best sales ever. 🙂
I assumed as my children became adults I would not have to worry about them. NOT!
Great post, Allison. I can’t even begin to list the assumptions I made about the writing business that were wrong…and I shouldn’t. It would discourage the newbies. Anyway, the assumptions are all changing as the publishing industry does.
Count me as one who thought it would get easier. And one who worries about repeating! As I stare down the barrel of 30 books, I am starting to realize I must use some hero’s names twice. What does Nora do??? xo
I’m glad I didn’t write down my assumptions because I’d hate to look at how wrong they were, after 6 years of being published.
Ditto to the “it gets easier” comments, because it doesn’t. Just yesterday I was talking about deadlines to someone and they’re like…those romances are just “easy” to write, aren’t they? You can crank them out in no time…
That is one thing that hasn’t changed sadly, the cutting comments about being an erotic romance author…
I always thought raising children would get easier as they got older. Wrong!! It just got DIFFERENT.