I’m often asked, “How do you find time to do everything?” And I always respond, “I’m just like any other working mom out there.”
When I worked full-time in the capitol, no one asked how I juggled family and work, but it’s a common question now that I’m a full-time writer.
I also find it odd that male authors with families rarely get asked the same question, but that’s a whole other topic (and one that’s probably a bit controversial, so for now I’ll steer clear. Feed me a few drinks at a conference, and you’ll hear me wax poetic on the subject.)
In fact, I have it much easier in many ways than other working moms. I don’t commute. I rarely have meetings, don’t have to deal with co-workers, and can watch a movie in the middle of the day as research–like watching a great fight scene over and over to get the choreography down. I can take time off to drive on field trips. For example, today I was a driver for my daughter’s basketball team, and last Friday I was a driver on a field trip to a Bowling Alley — where they were studying physics and movement through bowling (kind of cool!)
I can stay in my pajamas all day, most days. In fact, in the morning after the treadmill I often shower and put on clean pajamas! Or, sweat pants. But usually clean jammies if I don’t have to go out again. Sometimes, I get paid to go on trips and speak to other writers!
Basically, I have a LOT of flexibility in my work schedule.
Being a full-time writer and the major breadwinner of the family isn’t always easy, but neither is working full-time outside of the house.
I remember when I commuted to the capitol and one of the kid’s was sick, it could take me 30-45 minutes to reach them. As a mom, this just kills me — I know the school wouldn’t call if they weren’t really sick. There was little flexibility in my schedule — I worked 9-5, five days a week. But in reality? It was 7:45 when I left the house, took the kids to day care/school, commuted to work, worked until 5, then commuted home — picking the kids up usually just a few minutes before 6 in the evening.
But the weekends were mine, all mine. We could play, sleep, watch TV, go on a day trip, whatever.
Now? I write every day. Not just five days a week, but seven days a week. If I take the day off to go on a field trip, I put my time in at night. If I am on a roll–or on a deadline–I’ll stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning. Getting paid is erratic — sometimes there’s a nice large check, but I have to budget for several months, and suddenly, it doesn’t seem so big anymore. There’s so much in the publishing world that’s out of my control, but not the writing — I can write as much (or as little) as I please. There is a lot of stress in being self-employed — higher taxes, less stability, higher medical insurance (even higher now that the government cancelled my policy and forced me into a completely different plan), no built-in retirement — but there’s also freedom because I am doing what I love to do.
I don’t know why it bothers me when I’m asked, “How do you do it all?” other than the fact that I was never asked that when I worked in the Legislature. But it does.
Whether we have kids or elderly parents, it’s not easy juggling family and work — whether you work from home or outside of the home. We do it any way we can.
Today, I wrote far less than I wanted to this morning before the basketball game, and then after the game I had middle school open house with my son. Now, tonight, I’m writing.
And then, when it’s quiet and I’ve finished the chapter I started this morning, I’ll be watching JUSTIFIED.
What’s one question you hate being asked? Or never know how to answer?
Allison Brennan is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of nearly three dozen romantic thrillers and mysteries, including the Lucy Kincaid series and the Max Revere series. She lives in Northern California with her husband, five children, and assorted pets.
Since, outside the internet, pretty much no one except my family knows I write, I don’t get many questions. And after the first few years of writing and rejections, the family doesn’t even ask about the writing anymore.
Sorry you have to deal with the questions, Allison. I guess it would be annoying. (But for me, it might be kinda nice because then it would mean that my work was out there. Ya know?)
I think my problem is that some people think that it’s harder for me, as a writer, than it is for any other working mom, when ALL working moms have the same types of issues to face as I do. And, in fact, when I commuted it was a LOT harder to balance everything than now, when my schedule is far more flexible. While I put in more hours each week, they’re MY hours, not a rigid schedule.
Even though I’m not a writer, but a HUGE fan of yours (which is why I read this blog, promise I’m not a stalker), I also work from home as a medical transcriptionist. I’ve never been asked how do I do it, but I always have people assuming I have all the time in the world to do housework, attend school activities and catch up with people. I try to explain to people that my job is no different than theirs with the exception I don’t have to worry about getting dressed up for work. I still have set hours I work and a hospital that depends on me to get my work done, as well as, a team of coworkers.
I wouldn’t trade my job for a position where I had to actually go into an office, but the belief that I can do anything whenever I want is frustrating.
Thanks for letting me vent!!!
Hi WHogan! You hit the nail on the OTHER head. When I first quit my job, before my books were out, I had the same problem you did. I think that now that I have 22 books published, people realize I’m actually working when I’m home, but for the first year or two I was asked to do anything and everything. “Oh, but you’re just working from home …” as if working from home was not as important as working from an office.
Thanks!
It sort of fascinates me that people don’t necessarily consider writing a full-time job. In fact it is probably more than full-time as you are not set to the traditional 40 hour work week.
I think that people have a disconnect about anyone who works from home first, but second, I think that people who write 2 or more books a year must not have a life. I know people who write 4 or more books a year … and I don’t know how THEY do it because 3 a year, plus a couple short stories, is my limit. But Some people write faster and I accept that. I can’t make myself write faster, and sometimes those 3 books stress me out. It’s definitely not a 40 hour a week job.
I retired three months ago. I’m still getting used to working at home. After fifty years of nursing, it’s lovely not to leap up at the crack of dawn to go to the hospital. One day after it snowed, I was at my desk, toasty warm, working on my newest WIP and so pleased to be doing what I love. Not all roses. I care for an adult child with a disability so my schedule is not always my own. But I’m able to write more, the day never drags and I feel so blessed.
Enjoy your retirement! I think you’re like me, you would probably be bored if you didn’t have something to do every day. 🙂
WHogan hit it! People assume I don’t do anything since I’m a self-employed writer. I write to pay bills, not to have “play” money. I put food on our table. I pay off loans. I pay medical bills. They call when they need help, expecting me to drop everything. They turn up their noses when my house isn’t spotlessly clean–like that’s ever happened! LOL I hate housework and didn’t do it until “forced” when I worked full time.
That vented, another question that really irritates me is, “Do you write REAL books?” Uhm…no. I write fake ones. 🙄 D’uh.
LOL Silver — I’ve been there.
And I don’t clean. I have a husband and minions. If they want the house clean, they can clean it themselves.
When the kids were in school I would get asked to help a lot because I was at home, I didn’t have a ‘real’ job. Even if you are “just” a SAHM you still have your own things to do, sometimes you can’t just drop everything to do stuff for others. Why do so many people think they are the only ones who are “busy”? Grrrr! Yes, my pet peeve.
I was a SAHM for nine months. I don’t know how people do it for 10, 20, 30 years. I was exhausted. I pulled my kids from day care after I sold and had my first contract. I couldn’t afford day care, and it seemed silly because I was home writing. Of course they’d be good and let me write!
Not! And then my husband expected me to clean (we used to share it, but since I was “at home” I should be doing it?? Not!)
One of my good friends is a SAHM with six kids. She is far, far busier than I am. Talk about not knowing how she does it! LOL. And I would never in a million years ask her to do anything “just because” she’s home all day.
I’m not surprised people ask you that question. I wonder it myself all the time. I always worked outside the home usually more than 40 hours a week (most of the time my kids were in school I was on active duty in the Navy), went to school at night (before on line classes) for a couple years to get my Masters degree and went to most of 2 children’s sports and school events. Sure you don’t have a commute any more but you have FIVE children. Getting 2 where they needed be, when they needed to be nearly killed me, even with a lot of help from my husband and really good neighbors. I was so happy when the oldest got his license and took up some of the slack. We are in awe of you.
When my oldest got her license, I was thrilled! She took the kids to school. Then my #2 got her license right when #1 left for college. Yeah! But she’s leaving this fall and #3 will only be 13. It’s going to hurt, big time, not having that third driver!
We had a year between oldest going to college and youngest getting her license. It was a big adjustment, even for just a year. Was soooo happy when she got her license.