As many of you know, my husband is uber talented when it comes to putting words to rhyme. Every year that he worked as a cop, he would compose a ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas poem relating to that year’s events and his current squad. They were always hysterical and simply brilliant. Most every holiday season I ask him to compose a Twas The Night Before poem for me, usually relating to my writing or a particular story I’m working on. This year he composed three for me: One, a bawdy, naughty tale of the Blood Moon Rising (it’s posted on my fb page). It’s a knee slapper with adult content. The second one I asked him to write was for our group of dear friends who live in our court. The third was to rework and update the deadline poem he wrote many many many years ago, which I am happy to say, he graciously did. It is that one I’ve posted today. It’s damn accurate too! So without further adieu, a little Christmas ditty compliments of the hubster!
‘Twas The Night Before Deadline by Gary Tabke
‘Twas the night before deadline and all through my brain,
Not a story was working, I felt totally drained.
For weeks I’d been writing again and again,
Working my story from beginning to end.
My family forgotten, who the hell are they,
I’m on a deadline, nothing more to say.
In the back of my neck a pain so severe,
Hunched over this laptop, I give it a sneer.
I know I must focus this work is due,
But people keep calling and IMing me too!
Distractions abound and the tension will mound,
If I don’t finish soon, my head it will swoon!
Then out on the porch in front of the house,
Something did stir, too big for a mouse.
The doorbell was ringing, too busy to care,
“Won’t someone get that,” I’m driven to swear!
But alone I must be for no one is moving,
The ringing continues, it’s mine for the choosing.
Up from my desk and my work at hand,
I head for the stairs, “Who is it?” I demand.
Giggling and laughter, what the hell could this be?
Some silly door to door, they should know I’m busy!
Out on the porch there came such a clatter,
I flew down the stairs to see what was the matter.
Now to the door I move in a flash,
And yank the thing open, I know, a bit rash.
There in the dim from the moonlight high,
Coming into focus, the annoyance I spy.
Eight tiny Diva’s in their own right,
Half in the bag and out for the night!
They rushed right in and went straight to work,
Gals on a mission not one a jerk!
While one mixed martinis, another had truffles,
Chips, dip and candy and even a pretzel.
A varied group of female persuasion,
I still tried to figure, what was the occasion.
They threw up an easel and a board to boot,
It’s a plotting party! Oh what a hoot!
Idea’s now flowed and the booze did as well,
We were chatting up a storm, this idea was swell!
Soon it was finished, my story on track,
Another great book, no I’m no hack!
“Now out of here all of you, this book I must write,
Out of my house and into the night!”
I called to them all, each by their name,
It was time to get going this is no game!
“Now out of here Virna and Tawny too,
Out the door Josie–Poppy I bid you adieu!
Sylvia and Allison with the others you go,
Toni and Deb as well you know!”
Into the night they staggered away,
All on their feet, no one had a sleigh.
Like waves on the ocean, arms in arms,
They swayed down the street setting off car alarms!
The house now quiet, to my office I retreat,
Two little dogs and a cat at my feet.
I know I can finish with much delight,
But I gotta get to work, it’s almost daylight!
Off in the distance I can barely hear,
The tone deaf singing of Diva’s so dear.
“Ninety-nine copies of Blood Vow on the wall,
Ninety-nine copies of Blood Vow!
You take one down read it in town,
Ninety-eight copies of Blood Vow on the wall…”