You know that song, Same Old Lang Syne by Don Fogelberg? Here’s a link to him singing it on You Tube.
Whenever I hear that song, I get a lump in my throat. He captures what it feels like to see an old lover in the grocery store. That nostalgic ache that is made up of joy, sadness, memories…so many emotions, it hurts to feel them.
That song invokes in me the memory of my teenage love. His name was Mike. He was tall, thin, smart, and wanted to be a navy diver. Our relationship was full of innocence that only happens in the teenage years.
I remember so vividly the feeling that would envelope me when I looked at him. I can still feel myself reaching out and sliding my hand into his, and for a second, I could touch the future that shimmered with blinding brilliance. The beauty of it would fill my heart with a hope so fierce, my chest would ache with it.
I thought we’d never let go of each other or that glittering future.
But of course, we did. We grew up and went our separate ways. I haven’t seen him in decades. Yet if I ran into him in the grocery store, I would feel that ache again.
For he represented something in my life that was an innocent form of love colored with untested hopes and dreams.
What I have with my husband transcends that. It is real, vivid, and I love him more with each breath I take. Yesterday we celebrated Christmas with our three sons. Our home was filled with laughter and with memories we have built together over time. And each time I looked at my husband, I felt another wave of quiet joy and gratitude.
My husband is my heart.
But the memory of that special love in high school? I would not be the woman I am today without him. And so, that teenage boy lives on in my memory. Every once in a while, I think of him with that nostalgic ache that Fogelberg sings about in Same Old Lang Syne.
Mike was special at that time in my life.
And that is exactly how I feel about MurderSheWrites. This blog, and all of you, have been very special in my life. And that is why saying goodbye is so damn hard. I’ve decided that it’s time for me to leave the group. Change is vital to all of us.
Even when it hurts.
Like thinking of the nine other women who have shared the blog with me; Karin, Allison, Toni, Rocki, Lori, Laura, Sophie, Deb and Sylvia. They are nine of the most positive, motivated, kind, generous and talented women I know. I am proud to have been a part of the group with them. I consider all of them friends, and hope we stay in contact.
And all of you, the MurderSheWrites readers. You have made me laugh, cry and smile at your comments and interaction. I want you to know that I appreciate each of you.
But now it is time for me to leave. So it’s my wish that in this, my last post, we can raise a glass to the memories we’ve made. And embrace our futures with grace, courage, and a little kick ass attitude.
If we ever meet in the grocery store…let’s relive our memories. That’s why we made them.
Now go out and make 2012 your best year ever!