My son started college last week. For the past month, there has been a steadily growing pile of belongings in our dining room. Cardboard boxes filled with sheets and towels, clothes, and books were stacked next to piles of shoes and bicycle tools, backpacking gear and lacrosse sticks.
We warned Tyler that there was no way all of that would fit in the dorm room he is sharing with two other freshman boys, but he remained as stubborn as we’ve come to expect over the last eighteen years, and we finally gave up, knowing we could bring home whatever didn’t work out. It’s one of the advantages of sending him to college only an hour away.
In the final days, some odd things were added to the top of the pile. Things you might not expect to find in a young man’s belongings.
There was the venus fly trap he’s been nurturing with care. Tyler prowls the yard at dusk, catching flies to feed his prized houseplant.
There was a nest of cables and electronic parts dating back, I swear, to his very first Gameboy, the one he got when he was six or so. None of these parts are required for any of his current electronics, I’m pretty sure.
There was a photo of the cat we had when he was little, who ran away when he eight. A clay whistle he made in grade school. The Pink Floyd coffee mug from a favorite concert. South Park figurines.
I’m under no illusions that any of this will make him a better student. But if it makes him a happier student…well, then I hope he found a place for all of it.
We learn what’s important when we move. Having downsized dramatically a couple of years ago, I remember well the pain of parting with things. In Tyler’s case, he knows I won’t throw anything out; it will be here in his room for him when he returns. I had to pack many boxes of books and mementos to send away to charity, with no hope of seeing them again. Once I got over the initial pain of loss, it hasn’t been so bad. Rarely do I miss any of it.
But I, too, made some unexpected choices when deciding what to keep.
Above my desk is a hutch with open compartments in which one might have stacked diskettes, back in the day. Instead, I’ve filled them with my strange little comfort objects. When I’m stuck on a story – every week, for sure, if not every day – I gaze around my office and see them, and I smile.
There’s a travel Etch-a-Sketch on which Tyler wrote “I Love You” many years ago. (I hand carried that one from the old house, careful not to shake it even a little.)
There is a pair of plastic penguins, toys from kids’ meals at Kentucky Fried Chicken, which I’m convinced bring me inspiration. When was the last time either of my children were satisfied with kid-size portions? I don’t remember.
There is a little vase my brother and his wife gave me on a birthday that landed in a difficult year. It’s never held flowers. It’s too pretty to use, swirled with chocolate brown glaze, but when I look at it I feel the love of my family.
There is a photo of me at sixteen, with my cello, looking incredibly geeky. And incredibly optimistic about the future. I like that photo.
There are the cards from friends, maybe a dozen of them. Eventually I’ll tuck them into a Tupperware box I keep for that purpose, to make room for more. Because my dear friends keep sending them, to mark celebrations or give me a boost when I’m down.
These are the objects I kept. None are worth much, perhaps, in terms of monetary value, but to me they are priceless.
It didn’t escape me that Tyler waited until the day before departure to put his own comfort objects on the pile. He’s new at this uprooting thing, after all. Maybe he thought he didn’t need them. Maybe he thought he was too old, too mature, too something. At the last minute, luckily, he changed his mind.
Do you have your own comforts strewn around your private spaces? What’s on your desk? What do you hold dear? Share, if you care to. I’ll raffle a $15 Amazon certificate to a random commenter.
i have a quilt that my step-mother made me that is made out of a purple fabric with huge purple roses on it. anytime i don’t feel good or i am a little sad i wrap up in it and i feel better.
trvlagnt1t@yahoo.com
quilts are at the top of my list of comfort objects. I have a tall stack draped over a rack next to my bed…i look at them each night before going to bed, and change the one on top of my covers all the time.
My whole life is strewn about me: knitting on the lounge chair, a pile of books on the coffee table, pen & paper on the computer desk. If there is a surface you will find a trace of my life.
“strewn” is how I like my surroundings too, 🙂
Comfort items are strewn all over the house but the ones on my desk are a mug won from a contest, a miniature wind-up Hello Kitty riding a pegasus/unicorn mutation (happy meal toy from McDonald’s), a photo of my family during vacation, several books, and a large amethyst crystal.
ha, what is it about those happy meal toys? i adore them!
Years ago my Dad made me a hanging quilt rack/shelf. I wasn’t sure what to put in it. My girls-at the time they were 2 and 4 maybe???-decided they had things to fill it with. They gave me 4 little Disney characters and each drew a picture.
The girls are now 13/15. The drawings are still there, as are Mickey, Minnie, Pluto, Tigger and Eeyore.
Makes me wonder what “comfort” items my girls will take when they head off to college.
i recently visited a friend whose kids are ages 24-34. guess what’s all over the house – their grade school drawings
As you well know, my Dante left for college one month (and four days, but who’s counting?) ago and I well remember the growing pile of belongings in the dining room. I think it’s interesting to note, though, that Dante refused to take his precious things…his fear was that we would change his room into a guest room or gym or another office and he doesn’t want ANYTHING to change in there. So the trophies, the guitar magnets, the nerf hoop, even the Sponge Bob snowball are right where they always have been, and still need to be dusted. He insisted that his room stay “HIS ROOM” forever. The only thing I changed is the pull-up bar in the closet – I took it down so I could close the door.
His room is frozen as it was the day he left. The only sign of life in there is the occasional rumple of his comforter…which tells me that perhaps Dad sneaked in there, and sat down for a cry. Or maybe that was me.
Brace yourself, sweetie. The first few weeks aren’t easy. xo
oh rocki, that got the tears going again. i’ve been parceling out the cleaning chores over a week…each day i go in and strip the sheets…or dust…or move things around on the shelves – i miss that boy like crazy!!! thanks for commiserating sugar…
What a sweet post, Sophie. Must be a very poignant time at your house right now. *sniff*
I keep similar items of sentimental clutter around my office. On of my favorites is a big glass bowl filled with seashells I’ve collected over the years with my kids.
i love the seashell idea! i have wine corks from all the dates i went on with my ex the first year. they are still special to me. guess i’m hopeless…at least as a romantic…
:hugs: My only went off to college a month ago. She took some sentimental things with her, but since she left, I’ve either sent or taken things I thought she might want – pics of the cats, a stuffed animal (she didn’t take any because she thought it’d be too childish at college – silly girl) – and she was really happy to have them.
The sentimental items I keep on my desk are an Eeyore toy my daughter bought for me, a pic of my parents, and a coffee mug I won in college. Other things are scattered around the house or in boxes waiting until we own our own home.
psst don’t tell tyler, but i’m mending his old stuffed bear for when he gets home….
Pottery mug right by my computer, wall hangings that I made years ago and a photo that I cherish. Lovely post.
oh yes, i have a hanging too – a miniature quilt i made with tiny, tiny basket blocks. i love it.
I have an autograph pic of a sexy model on my mirror next to my bed where i do most of my reading so he becomes inspiration of alot of my heroes…for some reasons that brings me comfort
ha ha 🙂 yes, that sounds comforting indeed…
I have a memento board in my bedroom. I often put photos or pictures that my kids have drawn on it. As I was passing it a few days ago I realized the tissue paper and clothespin butterfly my son made at kindergarten orientation is still there. He started his last year at the elementary school a few weeks ago. There are also pictures of my brother-in-law’s family before he was divorced. It’s sad to think how much life has changed for them all.
you know what, i never thought about putting a memento board in my bedroom, but i *love* this idea and may do this myself!
I’m not terribly sentimental, so I don’t have a lot of knick-knack type things. But I do save absolutely everything from my daughter. They’re in storage boxes and every once in awhile I might take a box out to look through!
kris, i have a big box from every single year my children were in school…i can’t bear to part with a single paper…
I look around the room that is now my office (was once The Only’s bedroom) and I realize she’s still *here*–two walls and the closet filled with her things. On my desk, I have my baby gargoyle, my silver Kokopelli charm, five unicorns from a collection that once numbered way more than I want to admit, a leprechaun, and my Celtic dragon puzzle box. There’s a ceramic mug from a now-closed restaurant Lawyer Guy and I frequented. The place was our date night. On my walls, I have photographs and art done by The Only, dream catchers, and my covers. Hanging in the window is the stained glass feather with the horse charm, representing one of my tribal clans.
My old desk had photos of The Only, taken as she was growing up. I didn’t move that to the new space. In here, I am surrounded by *her* and don’t need the reminder. The things she left behind are as comforting as a quilt and as sweetly nostalgic as the memories I have of her.
Lovely post, Sophie. You and Rocky and B.E. need to remember that even after college and weddings, our kids never ever truly “leave home.”
silver, i should have figured you would have a marvelous collection of lovely things. and thank you for the reminder…
I have my collection of owls from when I was a child. A few of them my mom made in a ceramics class she took. I also have my two favorite stuffed owls from my childhood too. And photos. I have a lot of photo albums.
I think that is very sweet that Tyler packed those items that are meaningful to him.
linda, i too have some ceramics that my mother made. they are from the 70s, and they are very precious to me.
You are right he want have room for all of that in a dorm room. I moved my son back to college in Aug. He has one room mate and they don’t have much room in those rooms. My son does take a quilt with him that I made but other then that just the things he really needs. He is only an hour away also and I will have to take him groceries this weekend.
I have a few things of my mom’s and grandmother’s that I have kept. I also still have my Barbie Dolls from when I was a child to remind me of my childhood. I guess I will always keep these thing.
i am making tyler a quilt…it was supposed to be ready for school, but it’s not. so he took his old one, that i made ten years ago…
Big tip: Have your son find out if there’s summer storage on campus so you don’t have to schlep everything back and forth. That’s craziness, we did that for 2 years for my brother and sister before I couldn’t take it any more and came up with the idea. If not, he should find the local storage place and make sure he gets a spot before they’re gone.
I’m not possession oriented. I have nothing personal on my desk. If something is stolen or destroyed I may miss it for a week or two, but if it isn’t living, I can live without it or replace it.
great tip! love that idea, and i will definitely find out. thank you.
I love pictures of my family scattered around my office.
me too, and i try to circulate them, switching them out now and then. but there are a few favorites i will never part with, ever.
Having spent the majority of my life moving around from city to city and continent to continent, practicality (of the “where-am-I-going-to-put-this-when-I-move?” persuasion) has always topped sentimentality for me. My desk at home has a pencil holder and my iPod speakers; my desk in lab has a “The Perfect European Should Be…” postcard [hilarious European stereotypes], a couple funny comics comparing the Ph.D. process to both marriage & the [soccer] World Cup, and a handful of lab-related notes.
My roommate at university had to convince me to put up something on my walls, since my half of the room looked so barren! Four years of university in a foreign country consistently fit in four storage boxes (plus a suitcase of winter clothes), class notes & all! And since my parents have moved three times & downsized since I left home to go to university, I don’t even have a room at my parents’… my ‘things’ (high school diploma, academic awards, a series of floppy disks (?!) containing God-knows-what, etc.) are all in two of those fit-under-the-bed containers in the garage.
I did, however, have a moment of sentimentality last time I was visiting the parents and brought back the yearbook from when I left my school in Hong Kong at the end of 9th grade. And I love travelling and try to collect shot glasses (because they’re small!) from the places I visit… that counts as sentimental, right? 🙂
Good luck adjusting to having your son off at university! My parents moved from Asia to North America when my older sister flew the coop and got a dog when I left… good thing my younger sister went to university close enough that she could go home on the weekends 😛
cris, the more i move, the more i adopt the philosophy of keeping things simple. i’ve really winnowed down. and i too find that it’s the little (size) things that are easiest to hold onto. i even have some pebbles I’ve carried around for decades, from a special beach day.
I have lots of photos, cards, love notes from husband and items that family and friends that have given me that I cherish. When I look at these things, it warms my heart.
crystal, i have boxes of cards for each member of my family. i’ll never get rid of them….i take them out and read them now and then. they are precious.
Lovely post, Sophie. I moved last year after 10 years in the same place (the longest I’d lived anywhere), and it was quite the project. Remind me not to move again for a looooog time.
Once I got on the purging kick, it felt great. I felt lean and mean and ready for a new, lighter stage in life. One thing I kept, which suprised me, was my first big-girl jewelry box with drawers that fold out and oodles of itty-bitty compartments. I can mark my many life stages by the jewelry I’ve chosen to keep over the years, from the delicate gold chain that I bought with babysitting money to the crazy earcuff with a chain linking it to an equally crazy earring.
yup, there’s nothign like streamlining possessions, it’s just as good as losing 5 lbs 🙂 i go through a drawer or cabinet ever few weeks, just to get that shiny feeling….
I have all sorts of comforts surrounding me—family photos, kaleidoscopes, LSU memorabilia, favorite coffee mug (so I totally understand Tyler’s need for the PF mug.)
I know what you mean about Tyler’s things not fitting in his dorm room. After we hauled my stuff back and forth to dorms a couple of times, Dad and I developed a rule for college rooming: Stuff expands to fill available space. (Unfortunately, it seems to apply in my home, as well.)
Good luck to you all on the transition.
that’s a great rule! and, unfortunately, quite true. i have a smallish closet these days, and it takes a lot of discipline to make sure I don’t just throw things in there. i like it when everything hangs well….i guess that’s my reward for being orderly…
i have alot of precious things around me. i have a library of books and boxes full. lol i also have a big collection of glass dolls that i collected when i was little. every one of my dolls came from someone special, so each hold a piece of my heart. 🙂
shadow, it’s often gifts that i cherish most – it’s not so much about the object, but the person who gave it to me. your glass dolls sound lovely.
My Mom’s hat hangs on the bedpost, her last bathrobe in my cupboard even though it would never fit me.
My children’s first hand print on plaster from preschool; the first Christmas ornament they made.
All my husband’s Birthday and Valentine’s Day cards.
My comfort!
diane, i have a supply of handprint art that is among my most dear things. there are little tiles, plaster coasters, and cards my kids made. wouldn’t trade ’em for anything.
My son goes back to college for his Second year this Friday. He finally started finding all his stuff he brought home in June and dumped in several places. He didn’t take anything extra last year because they worn you not to bring alot of extra stuff and college is a hour and half away so we knew he could take more things or bring them back withina week or so. Unforunately for us he started coming home every weekend. Not to see us but a girlfriend. He still has the same one and even through summer he doesn’t spend much time here. We’re hoping he’ll learn to just stay there at school more this year and learn to live on his own a bit. He says it’s boring we say he needs to learn how to entertain himself and find new friends. His girlfriend is a high school senior so i’m guessing nothing will change. He needs some balance in his life but he doesn’t see it that way.
It’s tough when they get old enough for college but still not mature enough to see what the worlds like. What’s out there. Other people suddenly start to have more influence on them than you do.
Lisa B
lisa, good luck with your young man! so far, we haven’t had any girlfriend issues. but i imagine that will change before long. there are a lot of pretty girls on that campus, i noticed.
I have things everywhere. I have a blanket from when I was a kid. I have photos up.
i saved my children’s first blankets. they are just so soft, though the print is worn nearly off of them.
I LOVE to sit on the porch and read. So peaceful. I have dozens of wind chimes hanging on the porch, the trees. Unless we’re having a hurricane it is so soothing. But others tell me it takes getting used to. 🙂
wind chimes always remind me of my dad’s house in the 70s. i think he still has some, but i don’t hear them out my window when i visit any more. they’re lovely.
Love this post, Sophie. I am surrounded by treasures. Mostly in my office. Pictures, cards, priceless Tabke children artwork. Poems hubby wrote. My grandmother’s bible isn’t far away. I couldn’t wait to add my granddaughter to the ever growing list of family. The pages are old and brittle, but the memories as I made each entry warm me.
I haven’t touched my youngest son’s room. He’s a man now, a Marine, and will soon be married and starting his own family, but for now, his treasures, a picture of me on my horse when I was a girl, a picture of his grandfather, dad and him at football camp, a crystal angel, and his too numerous to count trophies wait patiently for his return. I’m going to let him take what he wants when he’s ready, but until then, his room and all of his treasures will remain untouched, mostly for me.
karin, you softie!! xo my step-brother’s room remained exactly as it was until he was 35 years old! his mom couldn’t bear to change a thing. i’ll probably be the same way.
As a mom who’s had four fly away, I will say it gets easier. 🙂 I still have things that remind me of each of them in my office, and my bedroom too. My comfort items tend to be things I’ve bought for myself that are book-related: one per book, perhaps to remind myself to believe! 🙂 Great post, Sophie!
cj, i am right there with you on having talismans that remind us to have faith! i had a porcelain cross hanging from my rear-view mirror for years. one day i found it in my son’s room…he had pinned it to his bulletin board. it remains there to this day. there are all kinds of faith, and they are all splendid.
Sophie, what a lovely post. We recently went through this when our baby moved into her new house. I made her a huge photo album of pics from birth until now. It was so emotional! I’m certain your son will be as wonderful and successful as you!
i cherish my photo albums so much. a big project ahead of me is to transfer some of the oldest ones to archival paper.
On my desk, I have a Bony Elvis I won at Delilah Devlin’s website. He is my company while I work. I also have comics and art from my kids! Around the house I have doodads from trips and kids art work.
bony elvis!! now that sounds like a productivity booster for sure 🙂
I have my son’s very first plastic toy cars in a baggie in my dresser. I remember his little hands holding on to them.
awww….that makes me wish i had saved some of tyler’s darda cars…
I have postcards sent to me by friends from foreign places and baseball bobblehead dolls which always make me smile. 🙂
ha! i am waiting until i find a bald-headed sheriff bobblehead to be my goat jones.
Books are what I hold dear to me and go to for comforts. I have a whole shelf dedicated to my comfort reads and they range from the pick-me uppers, to the make me laugh and the utterly romantic ones where I can dream and fantasize to my heart’s content. Aside from that I turn to food, natural sweets such a fruits will not only boost my taste buds but can energize me as well.
yes, i too have “comfort” books on my desk. There are half a dozen of them between bookends, more for looking at than actually reading. my first book is in there, and my brother’s first book, and those of friends.
I have a lot of family and friend pictures on my desk and on my walls, and I also have a few personal plushes on my bed that were handmade.
I don’t have a desk, but I make sure to keep special things around me 🙂 I like to look around and see familiar things around me! 🙂
I have a stuffed McGruff the Crime Dog on a shelf in my office that belonged to my grandparents. My siblings and I used to play with this thing like crazy when we were kids and when my daughter was about three or four my grandmother gave it to her. My grandparents both passed away a few years ago and I love having McGruff hanging out where I can see him and remember good memories.
Good luck to your son at college. I can relate to all the bags in the dining room since I put everything in the dining room living room area for our son this year. I think the things I’ve kept some ceramic bowls and pieces that my kids make when they were in elementary school.
I have a hard time letting things go. Everything means something to me. I still have my baby blanket. In fact, amazingly it’s still intact and all three of my kids have used it. Pictures are huge for me as well as cards from my kids and any hand made gift from them as well. A lot of my kids’s books were mine when I was little and I even have a few from my mom’s childhood. Some of my daughter’s baby dolls are adorned in my baby clothes. I’m really big on keeping things and passing it down because it means more. The one thing I still have that sits in my closet that I will always keep with me is my pengy I had since I was a baby. My dad’s dog got a hold of it when I was 10 and it’s missing an eye, but he’s still intact 🙂
Obviously my books, I have many keepers and family pictures and many things my children (now in their 30’s) made in grammar school.