The other day on the news I heard that a study had been done on the relationship between alcohol consumption and cases of Rheumatoid Arthritis. The conclusion? People who consume three or more drinks a day are less likely to get RA.
Umm. Hello? If I consumed three or more drinks a day, everyday…I wouldn’t CARE that I have RA! I’d be drunk enough to not FEEL the joint pain, and of course, I’d be dealing with a pickled liver.
Seriously—who dreams up this stuff?
People who want grant money, that’s who.
Sheesh. Over the years of coming downstairs in the morning, getting my coffee and turning on the news, I have heard so many randomly stupid studies—meaning either that they were pointless or that I could have answered the question with a simple ninety-cent phone call instead of the million dollar study, that I have decided I am missing the boat.
It’s time for me to get off my ever-growing duff (and yes, they’ve done a study—women do gain weight in middle age….grrrrr….no shit, Sherlock!)
So…I’m going to apply for a grant to do my own study! It sounds like easy money, right? But of course, I must come up with a burning question that society will pay to answer. I’ve given this some serious thought:
1) How do writers waste the most time? (Duh, whining and Internet.)
2) Whose idea was it to package PMS medicines in containers that are impossible to open? (MEN.)
3) Do kids really give their parents gray hair? (Do you KNOW how much I spend to cover my gray? I have three sons! I spend A LOT!)
4) Where does the missing sock in the dryer go? (Answer: Only women know.)
5) Why do we believe our kids won’t do what we did when we were kids? (Child birth obviously causes parental brain damage)
But here’s the REAL question: What is the REAL reason a person will slave for years writing book after book? It’s hard to write a book; to take an idea, develop it and follow it through until the end is (metaphorically) back-breaking, sweat-popping, headache-inducing, sleep-destroying work. Then to keep doing it over and over, for not all that much money, and people often end up criticizing the author instead of the book. Why? What makes us keep doing it over and over and over? We could be out there with REAL jobs, making money and contributing to society. But no…we choose to spend the bulk of our time with pretend people that we talk to as if they were real.
Is that even sane?
I don’t know, but I bet I could do a study to find out!
So if you could grab some of that grant money for yourself, what would you study?