Ever seen the movie Alien? You know the scene where the creature bursts out of a person?
I have one of those inside of me. It feels like a big knot of twisted rope wrapped around my intestines. The damn creature comes to life every time I try to write a new proposal, start a book or hit the dreaded sagging middle…
Hell she lives in me every freaking day.
Lately she’s been torturing me in the worst way. I think she’s on steroids or crack. Seriously. And her voice…holy cow…she sounds like fingernails on a chalk board that sounds something like:
“You call that an idea? Ever heard of CLICHE??? And your heroine, boring! I’ve had more fun at the dentist than reading about that chick. If you don’t come up with something better, you can nail the lid down on that coffin you call a career.”
I’m going to kill her. I swear I am. She’s driving me out of my mind, making me lose sleep and, deep down, she scares the hell out of me.
What if she’s right?
Lately I’ve been playing with a new idea. I have my last contract fulfilled, I’ve turning the option book idea, and so I have some down time. It’s a good time to think about a new direction, try new things, push myself to be a better writer.
But that damned Alien inside of me–where is Sigourney Weaver when I need her? Or even Bruce Willis, he’d find a way to kill that bitch for me. I think I have a good idea, something a little bit different and challenging, but Alien Bitch will not leave me alone.
I have to know, is she an evil alien or is she my subconscious telling me the truth?
So this weekend, I went to the one person who will tell me the truth. While having breakfast, I told my husband I didn’t know if I had the skill to tackle the idea I have. He set his fork down and told me that I can’t think like that. This story will help me to grow as a writer and that I am very capable of doing it. Staying in the same rut is what will hurt me. But I have to give myself the time it takes to figure it all out.
I married a smart man, obviously.
Now how do I kill off that Alien Bitch inside me without creating a big messy whole in my stomach or chest?