Note to Roberta Harwell—you won an autographed copy of BLOOD MAGIC! Please email your mailing address to me at Jenapodaca@aol.com
I’m not a big shopper. I don’t understand the phrase, “Want to go shopping?” I mean…what? Shopping? Why would I WANT to go shopping?
Shopping is an exercise in humiliation. Don’t believe me? Then either you are a five-foot-eight beanpole and under the age of 25, or you have never actually gone into a dressing room.
Florescent lights and three way mirrors…don’t tell me there isn’t a hell! I’ve seen it! I’ve been there! Mirrors and ugly lighting must be hell.
I’d rather get a review from Mrs. Giggles. Just saying…
So the other day I was shopping…not for me, for the husband. I accidentally walked by the women’s clothes and I thought, hmm, I need some jeans. I mean jeans are depressing enough, but I can handle jeans. I’m here, so I’ll look, but somehow, I ran right smack into cute little summer dresses. Okay. I. Am. Not. Afraid. I will try them on.
Surprise! The dress fit! Then I turned around.
OMG! While I’ve been keeping my butt in the chair and writing like a fiend, my body must have gotten bored and invited a friend or two to move in!!! And let me tell you, these are some seriously unattractive friends!
Darn it, these two dresses are exactly the kind of dresses I like to wear! They are my style!
I bought two of them.
Why? I don’t know! Am I trying to stay young? Am I stupid? My husband says the dresses look “fine” and that just gave me nightmares.
He used to say I looked hot. Or sexy. Or stuff I can’t even write here.
Those two dresses are hanging in my closet, with the tags, mocking me. Tormenting me. Whispering evil things like, “Go back to the gym!”
“But the gym burned down!” I explain. It’s true! And it’s an excellent excuse!
“Join another gym.”
“But I have books to write!” I whined.
“Then take us back to the store, loser.”
See? I’m telling you shopping is an exercise in humiliation…and the humiliation followed me home!
Sigh…I think I’m going to go back to the gym. Maybe.
What about you all? Do you love to shop? Hate to shop? Wonder if I am really as insane as my blogs make me sound?