Sometimes life gives you little reminders of how much of it has slipped into the past. For instance:
One day it dawns on you that you really can’t cop to being in your forties when your son is almost thirty–although I am from the South…and complex math is not my strong suit.
When a bartender who looks like he never had to live through the indignities of the 70’s nor even the rebound of the 80’s tells you that the drink you just ordered is the drink of middle-aged women everywhere. (Between you and me, he didn’t deserve to live….but he wasn’t worth the jail time.) You give him a jaundiced eye and ask him why it seemed like a good idea to tell you that. And he shrugs and says, “You want to avoid stereotypes , you know. Okay, maybe he was worth the jail time….
You realize that somehow the word f**cking became an adjective and you missed it.
Standing in the checkout line at the grocery store you realize you don’t recognize anyone on the covers of the various tabloids.
When your kids are listening to some of the classic music from their past and you weigh in waxing poetic about the Stones and Led Zepplein, Chicago and Sir Elton and the kids look at you like you shouldn’t be allowed out in public without a keeper and a leash. So, you pull up info on these bands on the Internet and get a good look a Mick Jagger…..and realize he must’ve been injecting embalming fluid all these years. You close your computer and tell your kids to ignore you, which they do most of the time anyway.
When you need to heed the call of nature in the middle of the night and you lie there contemplating whether it will hurt more to lie there ignoring the current situation or to get up and hobble to the bathroom.
When you finally realize your mother was right when she told you that rarely does anything good happen after midnight. In fact, in thinking about it, you can’t remember the last time you stayed up to midnight (yes, those of us in the Pacific Time Zone are thrilled in New Year’s Eve when we can watch the ball drop in Times Square, clink out glasses and call it a new year and a good night.)
But there are some good things to being older than I ever thought I’d be:
I have tons of grist for the writing mill.
I enjoy the pleasure of my own company over the thrill of the chase, and a good book over an average dinner date. And the company of my kids and good friends over everything.
I know it is an incontrovertible truth that most people are not what they seem.
I can say whatever I want and people act like that’s to be expected. My son will roll his eyes and say, “You know Mom.” I’m down with that….as the kids say.
I can content myself with having “good bone structure” and ignore the fact that my ass seems to be taking growth hormones.
I am who I am and other peoples’ opinions are their own business. And when someone feels compelled to tell me they didn’t really like the book I’ve written, I shrug it off and tell them they’re entitled to think that way…..then I promptly write them out of my will.
Hey, being a grown up is still a work in progress–two steps forward, one step back. I’m not perfect. And I did have sort of a heart-stopping moment this morning. Enthused with my new commitment to fitness, I decided to drive out to this place I know where I can walk a nice loop and get lots of change in elevation to challenge my heart. On my second loop, my brain suddenly came online….and I couldn’t remember having put on my pants. I reached down and sighed with relief. I had put them on, I just didn’t remember doing it.
I am one step away from a truly embarrassing moment. I’d better pay more attention….if only I could muster the energy to control my brain. But then I’d have to remember I need to….
The other day I was with a group of outstanding women of all ages. One of my dearest friends told the group that we could talk about anything other than our health, because, if we started talking about that then we’d know we are old.
And we are, for the most part. But with age comes, if not wisdom, at least perspective….God can be cruel but she wouldn’t be so much so as to not give us something valuable in exchange for all the aches and pains and wrinkles and….gravity issues.
So, if you could go back in time, what is the one well-earned pearl of wisdom you know now but wish you’d known then?
My mother tells me I was born a very long time ago, but I’m not so sure—my mother can’t be trusted. These things I do know: I was raised in Texas on barbeque, Mexican food and beer. I currently reside in Las Vegas, where my friends assure me I cannot get into too much trouble. Silly people. I am the author of WANNA GET LUCKY? (A NY Times Notable Crime Novel for 2010 and double RITA™ Finalist), LUCKY STIFF, SO DAMN LUCKY and two digital novellas, LUCKY IN LOVE and LUCKY BANG. My upcoming releases are tow digital novellas, LUCKY NOW AND THEN, Parts One and Two (March and April 2013) and the fourth Lucky novel, LUCKY BASTARD (May 14th in hardcover). I can usually be found at the bar, but also at www.deborahcoonts.com.
LOL, great post, Deborah. The Hubs and I have decided, too, that growing older sucks. But we’re dealing with it. We’ve got stuff to do – like upkeep on this new home/property – and no one’s going to do it for us, so old bones or not, we’re out there raking and lifting and reaching and pulling. (And paying for it the next day.)
There are so many things I wish I’d known then, it would fill up the page and then some. One thing I learned in my advancing age that I wish I’d known when I was young that’s sort of important, though. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re less than you are. And if they try, kick ’em to the curb. Life’s too short to accept someone else’s opinion of you. Oh, and ‘like yourself’ because if you don’t, no one else will.
Great advice! Yes, if I’d only known that not all people are positive:)
OMG, Deborah. Laughing so hard until I had to go. Gosh, the joys of age… 😉
I completely identify with everything you said. I would add, with age comes a sense of humor…or it should. Because without it, you’ll find out if prison orange is a good color for you.
The one thing I wish I’d know then is that my body would eventually “crumble.” I dang sure would have taken better care of it. I still would have been something of a daredevil, and I still would have played sports, but I would have taken my injuries more serious and dealt with them differently. *listens to knees creak and pop* 🙄
I’ve always loved orange but so far, laughter keeps the life sentence at bay:)
I loved this post… I was laughing along with you.
The best thing that age has taught me is that age is a mind set.. sounds better than age does not matter, because it does to a point. But you can act old and do nothing or act like life is important and still do the things you want with care and some abandon. Besides there are always some anti-inflammatories to help with the pain.
I think the best thing about age is self-acceptance. Things that used to matter, don’t anymore, which is a good thing:) most of the time I can’t remember those things anyway:)
Loved your blog Deborah! Thanks for the laughs this morning. All of it was so true.
The strange part for me is that I forget how old I am. I don’t “feel” it. When I pass a mirror I am always surprised. When did this happen?
But it’s okay because when I look back I think of the amazing life I’ve had and I’m not done yet. So it’s all good. 🙂
I try not to pass mirrors:)
Just one pearl of wisdom? I heard so many but ignored them. Probably to use more sunscreen on my face instead of the tanning beds. What the heck is with the aching back? That’s normal, right?
Aching everything is normal!
First, you are the youngest forty-something I know, myself included. You’ve done pretty well.
I can’t think of anything I would tell myself … except maybe to learn that happiness comes from within FIRST, and no one or nothing can MAKE you happy.
I’ve always told my son that happiness is a choice and it is. Each day you can chose to be happy. Some days it’s a easier choice than others:)
I loved this Deborah!! I’ve left the house more than once and had a moment where I thought I forgot to put on pants or even shoes! I’m gonna be 30 in a year and a half…. It doesn’t seem right. I swear I was just in high school! 😉
Oh Erin, you have so much to look forward too:)
Love the post!
I wish I had learned to refuse to discuss certain topics that always ended in an argument – so much wasted energy and hurt feelings.
Get-togethers are so much nicer when old topics remain off the table.
Funny stuff. Good post. And so true. We recently bought his n’ her Jeeps with the removable front roof panels – since we live at the beach but I need to be havin’ a good “back day” to take ’em off. Then there’s the puppy. A Scottie – he’s bein’ housebroken – which means bendin’ down to pick ‘im up, 412 times a day to put his leash on. (We haven’t had a dog for 20 years – back when our boys were approachin’ their 20s.) Never shoulda traded in those Titanic tickets.
I used to find this video hysterically funny, because – of course – it was never going to happen to me.
Past couple of years…. well….. 🙂
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWp7FqXl8vU