Three days remain until the new year. Three more mornings to wake up and seize the day before the calendar page turns and I’m off on the new adventure that will be 2011.
I have a list of goals and visions and intentions for the new year: changes I want to make, mistakes I wish to correct and habits I hope to improve. I am painfully aware of the things I did wrong or left unfinished, the good intentions I didn’t follow through on, and it’s easy to get frustrated over my shortcomings.
But I’m trying to resist. “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” I frequently find myself telling my son, who is far more demanding of himself than he is of others, and far more critical of his own mistakes. “You need to remember all the right choices you’ve made, and all the successes you’ve had, all the good things you’ve already accomplished.” So in that spirit, I’m taking a little time to appreciate a few things I did right in the past year.
No, I didn't get Dog to write my books for me...maybe in 2011!
1. I remembered to be grateful.
The past few years have kicked my ass in a lot of painful ways. In a life ruled by trial and error, I’ve found myself on the “error” side of the fence far more often than I’d like – and some days it was hard to come up with the energy and the will for one more trial. Loss and grief have darkened my door.
But even on the worst days, the bright spots were there when I took a moment to look for them. I have work I love. Good people have gone out of their way to help and instruct me. I have beautiful, healthy children. My family supports me in so many ways. And though I cannot imagine what I have done to deserve them, God keeps blessing me with extraordinary friends.
2. I spoke up.
After decades of mealy-mouthed, spineless, nice-girl waffling, I stood my ground a few times this year. I’m still a beginner, and it was scary as hell, but once my heart stopped pounding I loved the feeling of knowing I stuck up for my convictions or insisted on my fair share.
3. I kept my mouth shut.
The flip side of the “nice-girl” curse is a tendency towards passive aggression, codependency and control issues. This year, I started working on all of these. I said nothing when I wanted to tell my loved ones exactly what they were doing wrong and how if they just listened to me and did what I said everything would be better. It was hard – really, really hard. But to my astonishment, everyone managed just fine even without the benefit of my micromanagement.
4. I didn’t let fear stop me.
I’ve been dreaming big for a few years now. First I dreamed of publication. Then I dreamed of writing as a career. Now I have an entirely new set of dreams – bold, audacious, outrageous dreams that leave me breathless and terrified.
But I didn’t get this far by turning away when things got scary. I said “Absolutely!” when what I was feeling was “I have no idea if I can pull this off.” I claimed to be the woman for the job even when I didn’t know the first thing about it. If you happen to see me somewhere in 2011 with a grim and frightened look on my face, odds are that I am silently chanting I-can-do-this-I-can-do-this-I-can-do-this as I step into the unknown yet again.
5. I found time for exercise.
It’s the one non-negotiable in my routine. Everything else may fall to pieces: I may lose sleep, live on potato chips, yell at my kids and cry in meetings, skip showers and forget appointments and let the house go to the dogs – but several times a week I’ll be hiking the hills or sweating on the stepper. I can’t do my job if my body fails me, and since exercise has been proven even more effective at mood management than anti-depressant medication, it’s the best wellness bargain around.
What about you? Share something you did right in the past year, one habit or accomplishment you’re proud of. One commenter will win a beautiful big red Moleskine journal to record your thoughts in 2011. (If you’ve never had a Moleskine journal, you don’t know what you’re missing!)
Something I did right? Well, I made sure to always be there for my friends. I had a lot of people in my life go through some really hard times, in which they really needed someone to be there for them and with them, and I always made sure I had the time, the heart and the spirits to be there, listen, give advice, kick them in the bum if necessary, give hugs and tell everything will be OKAY, even when I was going through my own issues. I think, maybe, because I feel so alone going through my problems, I always make sure my friends have someone there with them; no matter what’s going on in my life, I’m always there for them.
If nothing else, I’ve been a good friend.
🙂
Barbie, that’s a great thing to reflect on, and one of my goals for ’11. Your friends are lucky to have you.
I can’t think of any one specific thing really. I had some major accomplishments at work and was duly rewarded (I have such a great boss).
having a great boss puts you in the lucky minority! I had a wonderful boss from ’92-98, and her words still guide me to this day.
My accomplishment for the year was leaving my job to do what I want professionally and personally. It was a scary decision but in the two months since I realize it may be the best decision I’ve ever made. Other accomplishments include clearing out the physical clutter of my life along with some of the mental and emotional clutter, too.
Michele, I applaud you for making a scary, but brave, decision. You know, it’s very rare that I hear someone say that they worked up the courage to make a life change – and regretted it. Deep down I think we know what’s right for us, and making it happen is the best kind of courage.
I have had hands on training at the job that I had found. I was the least experienced in all of the staff and also had the least in official training or relevant coursework. So I asked questions, was not put off by being wrong sometimes but kept trying to improve. It had been a bit over two years at my position and this year they promoted me into the administration.
wonderful. i read an article recently (you may have seen it – it’s been making the rounds) saying that it’s people who aren’t afraid to fail or make mistakes, but keep trying, who end up being the most successful. I think this is a life-changing bit of information. As parents, we so often try to shield our children from making mistakes – but it’s the biggest mistakes that teach us the most. And I know that I have great admiration for people who are able to say “well I made a mistake, I was wrong, but that doesn’t make my next try any less worthy” – so count me among your fans and there is no stopping you at work or anywhere else you decide to try.
I did a lot of good this last year. Mainly I was a better mother to my girls. I have had anxiety problems in the past and i finally got it taken care of so I just feel better about myself. I also made sure to talk to old friends that I haven’t had contact with in a while. I realize that you can never have too many friends and it you are blessed to have them you better treat them right 🙂
Leagh, friendships are at the top of my list this coming year. You are right – friends are a blessing and they merit some care and attention.
Something I did right was to call my mother weekly just to let her talk at me (and occasionally to me) for about an hour at a time.
She had a bad year health wise and just needed to spill to someone other than my father.
Anne, I made a pledge last year to call my dad once a week. I don’t always get to it but I am sure to make it up asap. It has really improved our relationship. He lives across the country, and we don’t see the world the same way, so it takes a little effort, but it is so worth it.
I started using my medical knowledge to write a medical romance. Next I want to try a paranormal medical mystery, just for fun. I’d been avoiding using my medical background in my stories just because I didn’t want to write what I do all day, every day. I wanted escape. But, medical fiction, even though based in reality, isn’t the same as the every day grind and I’m enjoying it after-all.
I’m so glad you are enjoying the writing, Carol, and my understanding is that medical is hot right now, so there are readers waiting for a book just like that. I do undersand what you mean aobut hesitating to write about what you do day in and day out – but it is also true that you can bring somethign unique and compelling to the story that no one else can. Good luck!!
I love your accomplishments: I spoke up & I kept my mouth shut! Sounds like me! LOL Not that I’ve ever had ANY trouble speaking up…I’m very vocal about my opinions! So this past year I’ve done better at choosing the right times to speak up! It’s amazing how “picking your battles” creates less stress! Not saying I’ve mastered it cuz lets be honest…Rome wasn’t built in a day either! LOL I figure I’m a work in progress! Hope your new year is great!
“Rome wasn’t built in a day” – that’s it for sure 🙂 IT will take a lot more than one year for me to undo a lifetime of telling people what to do, but with my son now 18 years old, i am enjoying – usually – letting go and trying to remember that he can make his own decisions. And yes – we are ALL works in progress. That’s how God designed us, I think.
Lovely and heartfelt post. I have become closer and more supportive of my daughter-in-law. She has become more appreciative so we get along well now. I am more patient and understanding with people and less judgmental.
I admire your openess, Sophie. This year I focused on the forgetting part of forgive and forget and using less sarcasm.
Too many times I would find myself dwelling on a bad thing someone had said to me or a negative situation from the past. I’ve never had real trouble dealing with the people who were part of those issues. I had forgiven them, but the forgetting was harder. Focusing on the negative was making me a negative person. So now I push those thoughts away, rather than marinading on them.
Sarcasm, on the other hand, is not so easy to defeat. It’s my native language, and so those kind of comments pop out of my mouth without any forethought. Plus, I kind of enjoy it. For 2011, I’m revamping this to “I will not be sarcastic with my children or husband.” It’s a good place to start, I think. 😉
Also on the agenda for 2011 is a list of 47 character qualities. I’m planning to spend a week focusing on each and hopefully I’ll come out a better person for it.
Happy New Year’s, dolls!
it’s so hard to let go when we’ve been slighted, isn’t it? i tell myself – and truly believe – that it’s really not about me, but it still takes a lifetime of practice to shrug it all off. i am intrigued by your list of 47 – good luck!
Great list, Sophie. The one thing I did right was attend every one of my kids’ home games, and most of their away games, unless there was a conflict with another kids’ game (does that make sense?) I only missed 2 soccer games (out of 12), 2 volleyball games (out of 27) and 4 football games (out of 11)– those were all away games and conflicted with soccer games.
P.S. I only missed one days’ games because of a writing commitment.
i am always astonished that you are able to attend all your kids’ games, and keep up on your own responsibilities, allison. to me, that’s a sign of truly thoughtful priorities – adn some really good planning 🙂
Thanks for this very inspiring post.
I am still trying to find time for exercise because I agree that it is the best thing for the body and the soul. My work schedule is totally crazy….I teach English to individual students and have between three and five classes a day and spread out….I really need to find a solution for this. Maybe not every day…three times a week or so…oh my.
Valerie
in Germany
it is hard to fit exercise into a busy schedule, that is for sure! i have been lucky in that I was able to combine it with other thigns. sometimes i can enlist my husband or daughter into hiking with me, and make it “catch-up” time as well. and i always take a book to the gym so then it’s reading time too. Good luck…maybe your students would like to have a lesson while walking?!
I got to spend more time with my family and really enjoyed seeing my niece experience her first day of school. I also managed to cut my soda consumption. I still occasionally have a Coke when I’m eating out.
Jane, I gave up Diet Coke with Toni back in February! I fell off the wagon over the summer, but I’m down to only a couple a week (and I used to have a huuuuge one – 64 oz – every day). “Cheers” – with a glass of water perhaps…
This year I pulled myself together and sent my manuscript to TWRP. They accepted it, and it comes out in February.
Jill, I am so extremely proud of you and of anyone who has the guts to hit “send”. It’s no easy task, as you well know…and how wonderful that it is seeing publication!
I let my daughter plan her own wedding. (I hear you on that familial micro-managing, Sophie!) She’ll have her dream wedding next week and I’ll be the proud MotB–and wearing Western boots under my formal MotB dress… 😀
Silver, that is awesome. When it’s time for my own daughter to marry, someone is going to have to duct-tape my mouth shut. I have told her already to ignore anything I say to her during that time. I just know I won’t be able to resist throwing in my two (or four or six or a hundred) cents in! Have a wonderful MoB experience and congratulations!
I didn’t let all of the irritating little things affect my mood, most of the time. I also tried to keep my mouth shut and let my kids, husband and others do things without my help (nagging). Still working on that one-lol.
pssst I think that “most of the time” are magic words. Perfection is boring! If we can meet our goals most of the time, to me that is a huge success.
I decided to take my writing seriously this year. In the past I’ve submitted one or two short stories, collected a couple rejections and put my writing back on the back burner. I began 2010 with the goal of having one short story published and I’m happy to say I had many more than that published. 🙂
congratulations janel – it must feel wonderful to look back over the year and appreciate everything you made happen by being brave.
I took time to connect with family and relatives whom I hadn’t seen in a long time. It is very meaningful and important for me.
ive been trying to do the same, ellie, especially since my aunts and uncles are now elderly – and it’s a chance to catch up with my cousins, too, who i adore.
I told people that I needed time to do things for me. Not being selfish. I have learned that I need to take care of myself before I can be effective taking care of everyone else. I am so much happier and more balanced now.
good for you, jen! i had a therapist once who would always ask, like clockwork, near the end of the session, “and what are you doing for *you*?” – – so it felt like homework. but it was only by treating it like homework taht i was able to make it a habit, and – eventually – something i enjoyed thinking about and planning.
Sophie, I LOVE this post. It got me to thinking what I need to refocus on. I too have a problem when it comes to my kids and their lives, not to micromanage. I have become quite adapt at duct taping my big mouth shut. My goal for ’11 is to not use so much damn tape!
This past year I tried to stop putting things off, especially with cleaning out drawers and closets. It has always been easy for me to ignore the mess when I can’t see it but this past year when I see a mess I try to take the time to clean it out.
Something I did right this year…Well, I like to think have done a great job as a mom. Staying home with the kids have been tough and I’ve been dealing with fighting, and sicknesses and when I am sick the house is in total dissaray. I tend to obsess over keeping a clean house, while I am doing all the cleaning I’ve noticed the little things I am missing out on. Over the past several months when the kids ask me to play a game or read a book, I’ve been making sure to stop what I am doing and go hang out with them. Dishes and laundry will always be there, but the kids actually wanting to spend time with me will slow as they grow older. I’ve been making sure to leave the house a little messier so I have extra time with my kiddos