I took a self-defense class a couple of years ago. When confronted with a burglar in their home, do you know what most women do first?
Scream? Nope.
Run? Nope.
Ask: How did you get in here? Yep!
Let’s think about that—when confronted with danger, most women want to know how the burglar got into their home.
As if it matters.
Have you ever thought about what YOU would do if someone broke into your home? Well, of course, if you hear something, it’s best to move away from the noise—exit any way you can, then call 911. But if you’re in the house with nowhere to run and someone walks in on you, DON’T be Nosy Nellie and ask how he got in!
First: Scream your pretty head off. This sounds easier than it really is—have you ever really screamed? Not yelled down to the basement or cheered at a ballgame, but thrown your head back and screamed bloody murder? Many women are too timid, even in the face of danger, to make enough noise not just to alert neighbors, but also to make the intruder pause. If he broke in with the thought of burglarizing an empty home, he might simply leave if you make enough noise to bring down the roof. (By the way, don’t just scream, but scream something helpful, like “Get out of here! Help me, somebody!”)
Second: Know what household items you can use as weapons. Think of things that will keep you away from the intruder—things that are long, or things you can swing, like a baseball bat or any sports racquet, a guitar, fireplace tools, or a broom or rake. Anything heavy or sharp can be thrown—sports balls, vases, books, dishes, tools, even shoes. And don’t forget about things you can spray or throw on an intruder (aim for the eyes): hairspray, cleaning chemicals, bug spray, shampoo, dish detergent, paint. Pots and pans can do some damage, too, or fend off blows and weapons the intruder might try to use on you.
Third: Know what parts of your body to use. Hitting or punching someone with your hand really hurts! Most women have never struck another person, and don’t realize the force it takes to fight back. Did you know your feet and legs are more valuable than your arms when fending off an attack? If cornered, fall on the ground and kick at the intruder—your legs are stronger than your arms, and you can inflict damage with your shoes or high heels while protecting your face and head.
Take time to walk through your home, apartment or office and think about how you would defend yourself if someone broke in. And consider taking a self-defense class to practice screaming and punching in a safe environment–trust me, it’s very empowering. Odds are you’ll never have to defend yourself in a home invasion—but in the unlikely event you do, it’s comforting to know you’re prepared enough to give yourself a fighting chance.


















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Great reminders for all–Thanks Stephanie. I know how to yell and my Louisville Slugger is handy!!
So smart! Women should have Louisville Sluggers scattered throughout their home!
Thanks for the ips, Stephanie. The first suggestion made me pause. I don’t think I’ve ever screamed like that.
Peace and love,
Paula R.
Happily, most women HAVEN’T had to scream like that…but in a scary situation, it doesn’t serve us well. When I took the self-defense class, the instructor had to GOAD women into screaming–most of us are afraid to make noise!
I’m so glad you posted this. It’s excellent advice, though I fear you’re only preaching to the choir on this site.
It’s funny the number of times I’ve brought this up to people I know who, for the most part, identify themselves as “very open-minded” or “progressive-thinking.” Almost to a one they respond with things like, “I don’t want to live my life in fear like that.” As if being prepared will turn them into some crazed gun nut who shoots anyone or anything that steps past their property line.
Then when they become victims (happened to two of them), they bitch about the violence in the world and lament that it’s not the utopia they think it should be, when they could have given themselves half a chance through simple preparation.
I’m actually one of those gun-toting people, but I don’t let having and knowing how to use a gun make me complacent because I know I might not always be near my weapon if I need it. I agree with you that feeling more prepared makes me feel less scared…I might be a victim someday, but I won’t make it easy for the criminal.
Stephanie, I’m also one of those gun toting people. But I don’t feel like fear “runs” my life. I just find it funny that so many “open-minded” people think that about simple preparation. Good on ya for stating some of this so plainly.
Good recommendations! I remember a teacher in high school who took our class outside to practice screaming if we were ever physically attacked. She said women are taught to be quiet and we needed to know how it felt to really use our lungs. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be!
I think that was my biggest takeaway from the self-defense class–that women actually freeze up when they’re in danger and don’t use the one thing that could help them most–their voice!
Situational awareness, Stephanie. It’s something everyone should be taught. I have to admit, I don’t worry too much about anyone breaking in. Between the two VERY large and barking dogs, we have a small arsenal and I have the training to use it.
Women should also be aware of their surroundings when they are away from home. They are just as likely to be attacked in the mall parking lot as they are at home. Scream to draw attention. If your attacker only wants your purse, let him have it and concentrate on getting the best description of him you can for the police report. Pay attention to any vehicle he gets in and license tag number, if possible.
Do NOT worry about being embarrassed. ALWAYS file a police report.
And one last tip if it’s a sexual assault. If at all possible, force yourself to vomit on the guy. He may get off on the screaming and fighting since it’s about power not sex. If you are gagging and losing lunch on him, you might just find that small window for escape that you need.
Okay. Take off my cop hat now.
Great topic today, Stephanie, and something EVERYONE should think about, plan for, and rehearse.
Agree with you on everything! I live in a walkable area, so I’m almost always on foot…and my head is always pivoting to see who’s around me. Simple things like not wearing earbuds and wearing your purse across your body like a messenger bag might be enough for a criminal to pass you by. And yes, don’t be embarrassed to sidestep or make a scene if you feel threatened–if a man doesn’t have criminial intentions and has a mother, sister, daughter, etc., he will understand. (And who gives a fip if he doesn’t understand?)
Great advice! I laughed at some of the things you mentioned swinging or throwing. I could see a comic Carol Burnett scene with her grabbing all these unusual things she kept in her bedroom: rakes, fireplace tools, dishes, paint, pots and pans. I loved it.
I bet Carol could scream too.
I’m getting a bat!
Made me laugh. But yes, go buy a bat for every room!
Good advice for all. I keep my cell phone on me and we have a home security alarm. Still, nothing’s perfect.
When I’m out, I keep my cell phone and keys clipped to my belt or in a pocket so that if my purse is snatched, I’ll still have my phone and won’t have to worry about someone else having a key to my home.
And yes, a home security alarm will at least give you time to lock yourself in the bathroom until the police get there.
I taught a women’s self-defense class through a local police department one time. We advised women to carry shoulder strap purses because they could be swung like a weapon to keep the attacker away until the woman could escape. In demonstrating said move one time, I’d forgotten I had a hardback book in mine. Uhm…oops. I clobbered the cop who was my partner and knocked him out. *looks shifty-eyed* He never let me forget it. But…it proved the point.
And yes, keeping phone and keys separate is excellent advice!
Made me laugh…but yeah, a flying book can do some damage.
My husband is a cop and I never would have thought of just scream.
Men are unnerved by a screaming woman who is drawing attention–if he broke in with the thought of stealing something quick and getting out of there, you might just scare him off. If we try, women can make more noise than a man can!
The best advice my brother ever gave me was to scream and run toward the guy like a crazy person. I know it works well with animals as I have done it in my work.
When I travel I keep the tire iron in my passenger wheel well, close enough to grab.
Yes, most criminals just want a compliant victim and are thrown off their plan if you do something they don’t expect. There are too many EASY victims out there for them to waste time on one that will cause trouble.
Oh, and hurray for the tire iron!
good advice! I always forget the scream. On eof the self-defense techniques I was always taught was to scream NO. that drew more attention than just a scream.
I was also taught to scream “No!” at the attacker and to scream “Help me! Call 911!” in case a bystander (or neighbor) could hear you but not see you.
Good tips
Great tips thanks
I live in a flat in the upper floors of a high-rise where you have to swipe your card for access to the building, so a home invasion isn’t something I’m particularly worried about (and the only answer to “How did you get in?” would be “Through the front door”). But I walk or cycle everywhere, often when the sun’s not out (thank you long & dark New England winters!), so I’m all about situational awareness. I’ve been doing Krav Maga for a while and we often do situational scenarios– home invasions where your hands are bound, someone jumping you as you’re strolling down the street, a mugger pulling a knife, etc.– so that the responses to those threats become automatic with no freezing up.
My biggest ‘advantage’ in a confrontation: I’m a very unassuming just-under-5’4″ & 115 lbs, but between the running, swimming, scuba diving, Krav, and general exercising, I can do some serious damage. And run like hell!
I could scream or grab a skillet. I like the part about using hairspray. I just read a scene like that in a mystery book yesterday — Hiss and Hers by M. C. Beaton. Agatha and Toni were drugged and in the back of a car. Agatha sprayed the driver (bad guy) with hairspray and he crashed into a kabob stand and was killed.
I think they say you should yell “Fire” because people are more likely to help you or call the police.
It does make you wonder what you would do. My home is very secure, so fingers crossed I guess.
Thanks for this great post. I read more about this subject and women who are armed.