Even though I hate to admit it, I am old enough to remember when ‘texting’ was not a verb…in fact I don’t think it was a word at all.
And tweeting meant something altogether different than it does now. Come to think of it, so did ‘messenger’ and ‘overnight’ and, well I could go on, but you get my drift.
Life is changing. Human communication is evolving seemingly everyday.
I went on a date recently (dating…a whole other topic), and the guy asked me what I wanted to do. I suggested grabbing a glass of wine somewhere, talking, getting to know each other. In response I saw a perfect imitation of a deer caught in the headlights of an onrushing Amtrak. Of course, that’s partially a Y-chromosome thing, but really, in this age of tapped out missives and profound observations of 140 characters or less, when did you last allow yourself to wallow in words with someone? Yeah, that’s my point.
I have friends who text questions to me like, “How do you make turkey chili?” or “What did you think of my manuscript?” Really? What kind of answer do they expect…via text?
In response to the above questions, I tapped out “With great care.” And “You know Chapter Two? Well, it sucks.” Miraculously, my serial texters have learned how to dial my number.
When dining out have you ever looked around and seen how many people are fixated on their smartphones, thumbs flying—even while sitting with their loved ones? And it’s not just the kids…the parents do it, too. When my son was small and moved at the speed of heat, I used to take him out dinner just so I could make him sit in one place and actually have a conversation with me.
But now it seems texting is all we do. Nobody actually picks up the phone and calls anyone anymore. And families are more comfortable texting each other even though the various members might be in the same room—or at the same table. And teenagers! Sound bites are the keystones of their language… along with acronyms.
God forbid they actually have to discuss something…you know, that trite old custom where there was conversational give and take? And they might have to suffer the consequences of irritating the person they are having discourse with…and they might express their displeasure or disagreement in words and phrases longer than 140 characters. Today, that is almost considered a personal affront.
And all this electronic communication allows us to hide—to cloak ourselves in complete separation. And what does this distance, this extenuated form of communication do?
It makes us jerks… and really bad spellers (but I digress).
In his book, Ascent of the A-Word: A-holism, The first Sixty Years, Geoffrey Nunberg claims technology allows us to feel “closer” to folks with whom we differ ideologically. And the cloak of relative anonymity allowed by technological communication unshackles the latent A-hole in all of us. Oh joy.
Everyday I see evidence to support his theories and I bet you do as well. The things people feel comfortable saying to me in a text or a randomly sent missive, or even a anonymous review on a website, are not the same tone as they would adopt if they were within receiving distance of my response, be it by phone or in person. And their word usage is casually cruel, lacking the social niceties engendered by a sense of self-preservation that kicks in when a message is delivered personally, directly.
And the kids? LOL! We’ve done away with cursive writing. And tact. Next it’ll be spelling and sentence structure.
And so much of the art of communication will be lost.
Where do we draw the line?
So, what do you think? Is all this quick and dirty “communication” a good thing or a bad thing? And, if it’s a bad thing, how do you counter it?
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Great post, Deborah. I think it can be both a good and bad thing. If you need a quick answer to something, I guess, it could be good. But I agree that it seems to be killing conversation (or maybe it’s just a function of whatever is making conversation die).
We don’t text here at the Sanderson place. Partly because we have cheap cell phones and partly because even if I could afford better, my hands don’t respond well to typing on tiny cell phone keypads. Bleh. I’ll save my fingers for typing books. ;o)
As with most things, there are good points and bad. Texting works for me when I need to confirm an appointment or communicate with my son when he is at work…oh, and it’s also very good for flirting:) Other than that, I wish people would just give me a call. Nothing warms my heart like the sound of a loved one’s voice.
Excellent thinking points, Deb C! I think this short communications stuff is good at times–when necessary. But I don’t like it as “the” only means of communication. Pick up a phone! Let me hear your voice! That’s the preferred method for me!
One of the best things about living at the corner of no and where is the spotting cell service, hence, texting cannot be done here, you have to go down the road at least. My kids text nonstop and my daughter at college wishes I would text instead of call. Seriously! I need to hear her voice. My son who has been in basic training for the past 12 weeks (one week left) will get his phone back next week and will be back on a texting race to see if he can make up for missed texts
I work from home, on the computer, sometimes 12+ hours a day. Do I think I could do that with texting 140 characters or less. Absolutely not! Do I want to? Absolutely not! Give me a complete sentence, a complete thought, a thorough compilation of material.
Whew!
Kids don’t yet understand the intangible benefits of personal communication. I hope they are not lost in the technological ether…
I grew up in the era before there were cell phones, remote controls, etc. But, there are definitely good and bad things about the level of electronic communications. My biggest pet peeve is how the lack of spelling or abreviations transfer into every day writing by most people. But, one positive that is at the top of my thoughts right now is our upcoming cruise…I have one child and it’s nice that she can communicate with kids her age before the cruise and have some built in “friends” as soon as we get on the ship. This has been very good for her. And, while my family is just as guilty of texting/surfing while out to dinner, we do have alot of face to face time. We drive an hour each way to dance 5 days a week and when my daughter isn’t doing homework or reading, we do have lots of time to actually talk.
Balance is a good thing. And used to love to hold my son captive on a long drive. Some of the best conversations occurred in that venue. One night, at midnight, driving over a mountain in the snow, he asked me to explain sex to him….damned near went off the road…several times. Couldn’t he have just texted? Kidding, of course….well, sorta:)
LOL!!!
i lost my cell phone right before bouchercon last year and had to go without calling and texting and, mostly, email. it was weirdly freeing. every interaction i had was of the “real” variety, and i realized i was seeking out those i really wanted to see…am considering one of these tech vacations people are taking where they announce their plans to disappear – and then actually do it!
Sophie–I’ve started leaving my phone at home when I go out in the evenings. At first I kept thinking “what if something happens to my son or something?” as if I’m the only person who can solve any disaster:) Now, I too find untethering myself and focusing on the people with me and the experience we are having, to be wonderful.
I don’t text or tweet or really use Facebook. My cellphone is for emergency use or a quick question which takes less than a minute. I think it’s ridiculous that people can’t put away their devices during a meal, when having one on one time with their kids or others or when they go to bed. Though, if you don’t have a land line, I guess the phone can be kept on for emergency calls.
I would be upfront with anyone I was seeing on a family or social basis about how inappropriate I feel about device use. Luckily, most of my family is the same way.
Insightful post, Deb. Ironically, we seem to be re-visiting the telegraph era when everything was communicated in as few words as possible.
With a newspaper background, I can appreciate the value of getting to the point quickly. However, I am worried about everyone in this country getting their news in pithy soundbytes. There are many problems we face that can’t be explained in 140 characters or less. I am bothered by the trend that so few people actually sit down and read newspaper articles anymore… instead they skim headlines and then have opinions shouted at them by all the partisan “news” anchors on TV. That worries me. We need more thoughtful exploration of ideas and less noisy sensationalism, IMO.
As for all the texting… I think people texting and talking on cell phones at the table in restaurants is flat-out rude. If you have to talk, step outside. Maybe one day we’ll have “non-phoning” sections like we used to have “non-smoking” sections.
Laura, I agree totally. Our attention spans are getting shorter and shorter–and information needed gets lost. “Thoughtful exploration of ideas” Yes! And warm conversations with those we care about. I miss those days when people gathered around a table to share a meal and exchange thoughts and ideas–and the conversations usually lasted well into the wee hours.
Being in my mid-twenties, I’m definitely of the electronic communications persuasion– but part of it is because half of my nuclear family is in a different country, the older sister is a few time zones away, all of the extended family is on a different continent, and my friends are scattered all over the globe! Email & Facebook make it possible (& much easier) to stay in touch, but I do Skype with the siblings & ring the parents weekly so they at least remember the sound of my voice, haha. Being in lab all day & having terrible reception, I rarely have my mobile on me, so SMSing or WhatsApp-ing is a better (and time-delayed) way of getting a hold of me… even if it’s just to say “Ring me; we need to talk!”.
But I never check my smartphone/SMS/ whatever when I’m with people– the younger sib does it all the time at the dinner table and it drives me mad!
I agree. It has the good point of speed and brevity, but those two things are not always appropriate or efficient, so it really depends upon the message intent.
I kind of love this post! As a 24 year old, I can relate to that a lot. Obviously, I prefer texting over talking, and that’s simply because I’m a really shy person. I’m always super embarrassed to call someone and bother them, so, texting always feels better. When I’m with my family, though, we talk all the time. Like, we talk when we’re watching tv, and we talk in the car, and, sometimes, when we’re out eating, even if we’re checking our phones, we’re still talking.
I’m not one to call anyone, unless they call me. I have this one friend I talk to on the phone, but mostly because she calls me all the time. All of my other friends I text. Today, even, one of my doctors sent me a text to remind me I had an appointment. I text with professors. Classmates. Everyone in my life.
Barbie–that’s great that you maintain great communication despite being shy. However, let me posit this, perhaps, if you have more direct contact with folks, the shyness might abate a bit. When my son was young, I used to require him to go into the cookie store and ask for the gingerbread man he wanted. And if he wanted some information? ditto. He had to pick up the phone and call whoever had the info he wanted. To meet my son today, you’d never know he had a shy bone in his body. And NEVER feel that when you call someone you are bothering them. First, they don’t have to answer if to do so would be inconvenient. Secondly, they should be thrilled to hear from you! If not, you might want to rethink whether they are worth a call in the first place:)
Wow, what a great post. My oldest is the worst when it comes to texting at the table, my husband is the second worst. I’m guilty of giving my younger kids my phone and iPad to play with so I can have adult conversation with my older kids and husband when we go out to dinner. Argh! I need to rethink that …
Great post Deborah.
I for one miss letters. The lost of letters, especially love letters, is very sad. Our grandchildren will have to read our emails I guess to find out our secrets.
Letters…even love letters….yes, I miss them, but I find e-mails to be an interesting substitute. The immediacy and near conversational aspects, yet the separation and the time to delve into deeper more profound and thoughtful themes in an e-mail makes that medium of communication rather compelling to me.
When did the two little words going postal suddenly bring such horrible images to mind?
Letters were mentioned–how about Thank You cards?? My girls are 14/16 and I still (although after doing it their entire life, you’d think they’d remember) ask them–Did you send your TY cards?? Not text, either write a quick note or pick up the phone to say TY. We also are still reminding them about having conversations w/ Grand/Great grandparents when we get together with them. Use a complete sentence with a responsive answer.
As for spelling–If yr going 2 spell–do it right!!
A handwritten thank you note is a treasure–and a gesture that carries a great deal of meaning with it. Good for you that you encourage your daughters to write them!
When we moved, one requirement was some sort of high-speed (the term is relative) internet service, simply because of my writing. My kids can’t seem to go 37 seconds without using their phones…which was a major crisis for my son who had an iPhone with AT&T and up here, it’s Verizon or no signal.
It’s amazing how many thousands of people we’re in touch with now, yet how little we really ‘communicate’
Terry