The dictionary calls a friend a person you know well and regard with affection and trust. In my opinion this is a neat, generic definition. Friends can be so very much more. We all have friends. Some are more like acquaintances. You know them and like them but you don’t really know them or hang out with them unless it’s a work or community function. Others are like sisters, you are absolute best friends and you share everything and do much together. Then there are those rare lifelong friends who are kind of a hybrid somewhere between a best friend and a long distance relative. The ones you might not get to see often but you know each other deep down–all the way to the bone. It’s a different kind of friendship. You have known each other your whole lives and no matter where you go or what you do in the future you instinctively know that you will be there for each other come hell or high water.
Joyce is my lifelong friend. We have known each other our whole lives. We went to school together but never hung out. We married the same summer and shared some very special firsts. First homes, first cookware sets, first jobs. We both dropped out of high school to get married and move on with our lives. We took our GEDs together and reveled in that small success. When my husband joined the military and we moved far away from home, we always made it a point to stop by and see Joyce and her husband when we returned for visits. Those visits became more rare later when my family moved away from our shared hometown. During that fifteen or so years, we both had many career successes and somehow managed to stay married when so many of our old schoolmates were getting divorced and remarried. Joyce was building her life in our shared hometown while my husband and I were traveling the world. Then just over twenty years ago, with the military days behind us, Joyce and I reconnected with the births of our baby girls.
Joyce and I have shared a few adventures. Like sneaking backstage after a Michael Bolton concert. Her virgin trip to NYC. Sleeping on an airport floor on Christmas Eve. Our daughters’ weddings. Renovating our homes. Changing careers. We’ve shared many successes and triumphs. And somehow we’ve kept that connection though we might not see each other more than once a year and rarely ever talk on the phone. She doesn’t do email but has recently started doing  text.
No matter that we rarely see each other, we have always been there when needed. Like when our mothers and my father died. When my father died I hadn’t seen Joyce in probably two years but she appeared at the funeral home, a single red rose in her hand, and hugged me so hard. After my tragic injury in 2010, Joyce and her husband checked on me. That same year my family and I attended her older daughter’s wedding. Last year she and her family attended my Melissa’s wedding. Joyce and I exchanged Christmas wishes this past year via text but we’re both busy and hadn’t gotten to see each other even once in 2012. Her younger daughter’s wedding is on my August calendar.
Last week I received a call from my dear, lifelong friend. Her voice trembled as she told me that her husband was in surgery. He’d had a heart attack. I immediately said, “We’ll be right there.” Since their small town hospital had transferred her husband to Huntsville we were only five minutes away. Again, in that waiting room, we hugged so hard. We cried together for a while and then we talked weddings and told silly stories about when we were young. Eventually the doctors came to us and gave us the good news that her husband had survived and that the outlook was very optimistic.
We brought Joyce and her daughters home with us that night where they slept together in our big old king size bed, exhausted and emotionally drained. The next morning we had coffee and hugged before they left for the hospital once more. My family and I visited again in the hospital and have checked on them since they returned home. I might not see Joyce again until the wedding. But there is one thing I know for certain, if I need her she will be there. She knows my heart and soul and I know hers. She is my rare and lifelong friend.
Do you have a friend like that? I’d love to hear your story of friendship. Two lucky commenters will win  autographed copies of COLBY LAW!
