For over a decade, our family has taken a summer trip to Yosemite National Park. The first time we went, my children were toddlers. This time, both of them will scale Half Dome with their dad. Meanwhile, I’ll be here at my desk, barreling through the last of the revisions on my latest book.
I’m a little wistful about this. On the one hand, I’m not in good enough shape this year to make the climb (at eighteen miles and  several thousand feet elevation change, the Half Dome hike is pretty tough, and I’ve only done a few times, though my husband never misses a chance to scale that rock) and I’m enjoying a few days of solitude and quiet. On the other hand, I feel a bit as though my family’s precious time together is passing me by. But there was a book to promote, and deadlines to meet, and upcoming travel to plan around, and I’m trying to be a good sport.
I was driving home from Yosemite yesterday, trying to decide between In’n'Out and Wendy’s (ha! as if it’s even a choice!) when I remembered something my husband once said to a friend of ours, back when our children were little and he was on the road for his job most weeks. “The travel’s a pain,” he said, “but what’s really hard is coming home and seeing that life went on without you.”
Sometimes, when they were babies, Bob would come home and say they’d grown in that one week. He heard about many of their milestones over the phone – their first steps, first words, first trips to the emergency room. He missed classroom parties, end-of-school picnics, lacrosse games, softball games, field trips, scout trips.
One of my favorite memories from when they were little is going to Target. There was a pay phone at the front of the store, and my children loved to pretend that they were calling daddy at work. They “talked” on the phone and told him how much they missed him, and that they hoped he would come home soon.
Now I’m the one who’s calling in from the road. Sometimes the kids are out; sometimes they don’t feel like talking much. I missed sleepovers and concerts and games this year. I was away on Junior’s birthday.
I used to silently fume when Bob came home from a week on the road and said he just wanted to relax. I’d had a week’s worth of macaroni and cheese with the kids, after all, and I just wanted to get out of the house.
But recently I got back from a trip to New York – that trip’s a 6-hour flight when you live out on the west coast – walked in the door and pretty much collapsed. I thought about all the delayed flights, the missed connections, the rental cars and hotel rooms and canceled meetings in Bob’s past, and wished I’d remembered to say thank you a little more often.
Don’t get me wrong. I love, love, love my career. I’m thrilled to be traveling. I can barely believe my good fortune that I get to go to New York City several times this year. I even love the fact that after years of relying on other people to take care of all my travel plans, I now have my own frequent flyer and hotel and travel site accounts – my own (pink!) rollaboard – my own travel size everything and a wardrobe I can roll up into tiny wrinkle-free piles.
But it all comes at a cost. Tomorrow while I’m typing away, my babies will be rounding 5,000 feet elevation without me, and I’ll be off to the airport before they get back.
So all of you out there who’ve missed your families while you’re working – whether you’ve traveled around the globe or down the street – I raise a toast to you today.
Anyone out there have any great summer travel planned? Travel horror stories? Comment for a chance to win a signed copy of my tour partner’s new book: A CAST-OFF COVEN by Juliet Blackwell. (Book tours are twice as nice when you take a friend along!)


















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I’m in London right now, I have a presentation to make later today. They wanted me to do it tomorrow, but it is the start of dress rehearsals for my daughter’s dance. So, I will be up at 4 am to get to Heathrow to (hopefully!!) be home in DC at 11 am, which gives me 3 hrs to get home, unpacked, and be at the theater with all the dance crap and my daughter in tow (and there is quite alot of it). It will be a horrendous weekend for me, juggling long hours of dance, with family in town, and fighting the jet lag, but hopefully it will go fairly smoothly. I’ve warned my daughter and the other dance mom’s I will likely be cranky and I’m hoping they’ll understand if I flip out for no apparent reason! We’ll see!
wow Kris, now I feel like I ought to buck up and roar back into the ring. That schedule sounds positively grueling but we all know that MOMS DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE!
There was an article in the NYT over the weekends about how since dads are pitching in more with household stuff they’re more stressed than ever, but still not as stressed as moms…one expert says they feel the stress more because they aren’t used to having to do their share. ummm i might have editorialized a bit.
I feel bad when my husband gets picked on for making a horrid pony tail (it’s those “man hands”) or the time I was absent for the costume try-ons and he put it on backwards. That was 2 years ago and the dance moms STILL give him a hard time about it! I give him points for trying!!!!
I took my daughter to see Taylor Swift at the beginning of June. I’m not much of a fan of her music, but she turns out a good show (and she genuinely appears to be grateful for her fans and good fortune, which makes me smile too!).
Oh, Sophie, what an awesome post. I played your husband’s part when my baby was small. I worked for NASA and usually ten to twelve hours a day. It was an hour commute home. The Wednesday before one unforgettable Thanksgiving my husband called to remind me that I needed to stop at the Honey Baked Ham Store on the way home. Of course, there was a line. Finally, about eight that night, I got home to learn I’d missed my baby’s first step.
Debra, that made me want to cry. I can completely imagine that line at the shop. you poor thing…wish I could have brought you dinner. I have to say, now I understand a little better how you’ve written all those books…you have some woman-of-steel running through your veins.
I just wanted to pop in and say the Yosemite picture brought back some nice memories of the summer I worked there back in my college days. Some fond memories.
Hubster was almost always the traveller, other than trips I took with the kids to see their grandparents in the summers.
Terry, you worked there? I am secretly hoping one of my kids might do that. What an amazing experience. In fact I hope that almost as much as I hope they come straight home and spend the summer with me….I am going to be *terrible* at letting them out of the nest…
Yes, actually I worked there for a short time right out of high school–around Labor Day. I worked in the cafeteria. The next summer it was ‘full time’ and I worked as a chambermaid in one of the campground areas. Got lots of experience making beds. The ‘rooms’ were wood-framed tents. I don’t think anything’s really the same anymore. This was back in (cough) 1965.
But it was great fun–who could not love looking up at El Cap or Half Dome. And finding a guy who’d spring for a dinner at the Ahwahnee.
Ahh-my favorite place! I hear the falls are flowing right now.
Your family is in Yosemite, as I sit here trying to get reservations for Yosemite–next year!!! Been trying for days, can’t get them yet. Nothing more amazing than coming out of the tunnel and seeing the Valley View.
Good luck on the revisions. I’m so sorry you didn’t make it to Yosemite. Hope the family has an awesome time =)
Sophie,
Your family will miss you in Yosemite even as they glow with pride at your success. They know you’re there for them everyday, supporting them and cheering them. Now, I’m sure, they’re happy to be there for you!
I hope you’re right, Virna! I will remind them of that the next time one of them (ahem, not sayin who) thinks that being out of chocolate chip eggo waffles is a crisis up there with copyedits…
Huge congrats on the tour! I’m a stay-at-home mom & I know exactly how that feels when hubby comes home from a trip and wants to relax. He’s lucky I only write murder scenes. LOL.
it’s hard to be gracious, isn’t it, when they’re all “Ugh I can’t stand to eat in one more four-star restaurant” or “it’s so hard to get anything done with the maid around” – we deserve medals for keeping our mouths shut!!
it’s hard to be gracious, isn’t it, when they’re all “Ugh I can’t stand to eat in one more four-star restaurant” or “it’s so hard to get anything done with the maid around” – we deserve medals for keeping our mouths shut!!
I’m taking my niece to see the Taylor Swift concert on Prince Edward Island in a couple of weeks (we live in Halifax) and I’m really looking forward to the trip =). Congrats on the tour! Hopefully you can visit Yosemite with the family next year?
Oh i would LOVE to take Junior to see Taylor Swift! If she ever comes back to the bay area I’m going to do it. The other concert I’m threatening to take her to is Willie Nelson…I figure I better get that one in soon before the old guy expires…
Catherine, my husband starts calling the reservations line exactly one year in advance of our next trip and keeps at it all day until he gets them on the phone. It’s a time honored tradition around here
Now you can make reservations 1 year and 1 day (366 days) in advance. Usually takes me couple weeks to get what I want
Sophie, it’s so true, everything comes at a cost. My husband travels more than I do (so far) and it gets harder and harder on him. Fortunately, he was home enough to see most of the milestones with the kids.
I remember one occasion when his flight kept getting delayed and I had to pick him up at the airport. Around midnight, I put all three sleeping kids in the car and went to get him. He hated that I had to do that to the kids and took the car, leaving it in the airport parking after that.
I wasn’t upset, the kids were fine.
You’re kids are fine too
They’ll miss you on the climb, but we all have to work sometimes. And it obviously makes you appreciate the time you do have with them all the more!
Jen, you reminded me of how, early in our marriage, I would get up and drive bob to the airport – with the dog – no matter what the hour. 4:30 am, no problem. and i’d be there to pick him up when he got home. Now, I’m not even sure what state he’s in half the time!
Fresh out of Journalism school, I was assigned to interview a farmer in backwoods Alberta. I took my Mom because she’d never seen me “in action.”
We got lost. I was new to agriculture and my sense of direction is limited. Somehow the map got twisted, the landmarks started disappearing…
And then I kept seeing these signs for “Texas Gate” in 1 km. Green signs, the kind that typically mean “small town” – I had no idea that Texas Gates were the cattle crossing things!
After passing Texas Gate many times, and losing cell range, I figured we should turn around – but not before we stopped dead in front of a giant skull in the middle of the road, like some kind of ominous sign.
Of course, it was a cattle skull – but I write thriller, so the trip, if nothing else, jump started my muse
Dawn, that’s a great story! I didn’t know that those things were called “Texas gates” and I grew up driving over them. I love that you took your mom along!
No summer travel plans here! We don’t travel anymore! We can’t aford to travel so we just spend our time doing things around the house!
Sometimes the days off at home are the best. My favorite ways to celebrate…go to Whole Foods for decadent take-away, pull weeds, straighten bookshelves, and read a book in the hammock chair. Ahhh, hammock chair – that’s a vacation right there!
we’re going to sc (we live in fl) to visit my mother and siblings next month! my fiance will be meeting my family for the first time, so this is pretty exciting! please enter me in for the drawing – this is on my want list!
I’ll never forget the first time I met my future in-laws – - good luck to you and your fiance, Kisah!!
I’m definitely keeping fingers crossed for you – All of Juliet’s books are top-notch (I sometimes get to be an early reader) – and she will have a second series debuting this fall.
It’s hard to know they’re on vacation without you! Think of it as special “Dad” time, though. That’s what I try to do whenever I miss out on something with my family.
Good luck with the book, Sophie! You’re doing a great job juggling so many roles.
thank you, Laura. I should have mentioned that Bob is a GREAT dad, and yes, I definitely believe in “dad time” especially for boys. (i’m not sure if that makes me sexist, but it’s true.) They just called me to tell me they’re down from the cables – yay! This is when I start breathing easy again!
For the last several years, my Hubby has been traveling for work to lots of wonderful places, and my schedule never allowed me to accompany him. Until now. In a couple of weeks, we’re headed to Scotland and I’m so excited. Yay us!
wait, SCOTLAND???? really??? i’m so jealous
I got to go to places like northern minnesota with my husband!! Have a great time.
I recently had a bad flying trip. It took forever for everyone to cram onto the plane. Forever to taxi to the runaway, just to stop in the middle. The pilot comes on the PA system: “Sorry about the delay folks. While steering I noticed the nose gear wasn’t acting right, so the mechanics are coming out to replace the pin in it. We’ll be leaving shortly.”
He could have gone all day and not told me that. I hate to fly and that was just the cherry on top.
oh jill, that’s terrible! I think they should definitely lie and just say it’s a backup on the jetway. They probably have no idea how they make people worry…
What a great post, Sophie. I don’t have kids but I can sort of relate. I live across the country from the majority of my family, who’s always gathering at my parents’ house. Flag Day? Let’s party! Arbor Day? Barbeque! And they take pictures of everything.
Every year, when I get to go home once or twice, I look through my mom’s photo albums, see evidence of all the good times and think, “I’m not in any of these pictures. Where is my place in this family?”
PCN I love the stories of your family…and I know what you mean. It’s easy to go to wistful when we’re far away. I think that’s why we’re always expanding our circle, one little ripple at a time…
Sophie, I love this post! I was there for all my kids’ milestones. Hubby was too, for the most part, but, now that they’re grown, I have no guilt or regrets if I can’t make something. I gave them all of me for so long, it’s me time! Whoo hoo!
I think that’s the great thing about having been there in the early days. I am so grateful that I got to be a stay-at-home mom. I know in my marrow that I was there for the “formative” times – the early days when my babies were just starting to toddle around and figure out who they were. I am NOT saying that moms shouldn’t work – there are many, many wonderful working moms – but my admiration is reserved for the ones who come home and get down to the true business of life, which is messy and stressful and full of sloppy cheerio kisses…
Worst trip ever was Jan or Feb 65 from MN to PA with my mother and my son (1 year) for great aunt’s funeral. Terrible storm, plane grounded over night in Cleveland, streets not plowed in Pittsburgh, son came down with measles. We went to visit grandparents and trip back from grandparents to Pittsburgh was on train that was running 3 days late! Cab strike in Pittsburgh, etc etc. I don’t really care for ham and it was served everywhere we went at all the relatives homes, after the church service, and on both ways by plane.
oh mercy, Karen…that sounds like the backdrop of a book right there. I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. I bet that when you got home, your own bed felt like heaven.
No summer travel plans for me. Probably a good thing with the bad storms we’ve been having in the midwest. A co-worker couldn’t get a flight back from NY because of the storms so he drove.
Am tentatively planning a 28 day cruise around the British Isles to Greenland then to NY from Aug. 2011. It’s my mother’s big final vacation dream.
no summer plans but to survive it with taking care of granchild,LOL the 5yro is running me ragged
my 13yro is in fla with my cousins, aunt and uncle ,so she is having fun in st augustine
No big travel plans for me this year. The hubby is broke.
I might be able to get to Texas for a few days to see #2 daughter who’s hubby leaves for Iraq in July for 8 months. This is his 3rd time to go but their 2nd time since being together. I like to go several times so it breaks up her alone time and we can have some girl time together. But all plans depend on money…eeks!
What a great post, Sophie! Tod and I are in St. Johns, Newfoundland as I type this. We’ve just returned from a whale- and puffin-watching cruise, where we saw minke and humpback whales, puffins, murres and kittiwakes.
Tonight, we’re going down to George Street and pub-crawling.