 | 10 Mar 10 |
I considered piggy-backing on Rocki’s post from yesterday, and the gender bias in genre fiction, but hers was so well thought out and presented I figured I’d need more time to make mine coherent.
One thing I don’t have right now? Time.
I know, I know I’ve been talking about this deadline forever, it seems like I’ve been working on this book forever, under deadline forever, and there’s a very large part of me that cannot WAIT until Monday and this sucker is finally gone. Then there’s the paranoid part of me that thinks even if I had another month, the book still wouldn’t be done.
And I’ll admit I did feel better when Laura’s post last Friday mentioned several of the same responses I give in the throes of deadline when asked by my hubby, “How’s it going?” My response? “It’s going.”
Uh-huh. Descriptive language from writer girl.
So yesterday, as I’m tweaking and cutting, and mumbling to myself, I came across a scene I’d forgotten. One where my heroine has a backhanded compliment lobbed at her. You know those lovely little gems, like someone saying, “You don’t sweat much for a fat girl.” Of course, in fiction, I have plenty of time to come up with snappy, smartass comebacks. In real life? Not so much. With Mercy’s character, half the time I’m afraid she’ll pull out a gun and shoot the jerk (I swear sometimes I have no control over my characters, NONE)
Then after reading the review that Rocki mentioned, I’m reminded that it’s some people’s “thing” being snarky. Regardless of the situation, whether it’s a review, or a blog, or a conversation, or hell, even on twitter, even with people they consider their best friends. I’ve never understood why some people feel the need to be snarky all the damn time. I’m not that way. Sometimes? Yes. But I would be upset if that’s the first personality trait someone used to describe me.
Ooh, I know, let’s share some of the backhanded compliments you’ve either received, or given, and I’ll pony up the first book in my Julie Collins series, BLOOD TIES, for a random commenter!! And if you’ve never been the victim of a backhanded compliment….carry on 
I’ll even go first. I was in a clothing store and the saleswoman saw me looking at a shirt on the rack and she said, “Oh, you don’t want that one. This color would look much better on someone your size.” Then she handed me a different shirt.
***The winner from the mismatched sock post was Michael Hartsfield, contact me offline and we’ll see if I can’t find you some funky camo socks to wear when you’re on duty ****
Lori G. Armstrong left the firearms industry in 2000. Her first mystery novel, BLOOD TIES, published in 2005, was nominated in 2006 for a Shamus Award for Best First Novel by the Private Eye Writers of America. The second book in the Julie Collins mystery series, HALLOWED GROUND, released Nov. 2006, was nominated for a 2007 Shamus Award for Best Paperback Original, a Daphne du Maurier Award and won the 2007 WILLA Cather Literary Award for Best Original Softcover Fiction. SHALLOW GRAVE, released in Nov. 2007, was nominated for a 2008 High Plains Book Award, a Daphne du Maurier Award and was a finalist for the 2008 WILLA Cather Literary Award. The fourth book, SNOW BLIND, released in Oct. 2008, won the 2009 Shamus Award, from the Private Eye Writers of America, for Best Paperback Original. Lori is a proud fourth generation South Dakotan and lives in Rapid City with her family.
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Mine came from my mom, of all people. Now I admit that I could never qualify for neat freak of the year award LOL EVER. I usually have stuff stacked on my counter, laundry being folded in the living room, beds unmade (I mean sersiously .. why make them? I’m just gonna mess ‘em up again in a few hours). But my house isn’t DIRTY, it’s just messy and cluttered.
However, my mom called me once after dealing with my sister (whose house from all accounts IS(or was at that time) dirty and unsanitary, I don’t know I’ve never been in her house) and said “She made you look like Martha Stewart.” … so … ummm … yeah. Should I be flattered or insulted there? LOL
by Angi C March 10th, 2010 at 9:39 amOoh, Angi, that was not nice from Mommy Dearest
by Lori G. Armstrong March 10th, 2010 at 10:20 amThe kids and I were making an early morning trip last month and had to stop at a rest stop (early!). I’m waiting outside the men’s bathroom for my son, and a truck driver says “you remind me of someone I know”. Stupidly I ask, “who?” “Someone pretty and short”. As I walked away he said “I like your shirt – it’s sort of tie die – you don’t see much of that anymore”. The only good thing is that my kids are old enough to get the backhandnedness, so it made us laugh together for a while.
by Robin Lang March 10th, 2010 at 9:52 amRobin, see as an author, and after the fact, I’m thinking you could’ve flashed him the peace sign…
by Lori G. Armstrong March 10th, 2010 at 10:22 amMy mom used to show up, look around, and say, “You’ve cleaned for me, haven’t you.”
(I’m now staying at my daughter’s house and am keeping my mouth shut.)
by Terry Odell March 10th, 2010 at 10:30 amGood Mommy, Terry
by Lori G. Armstrong March 10th, 2010 at 10:47 amOops — forgot about what hubby used to say when he suggested certain swimwear for me and I balked. “But there are people on the beach wearing those, and they look worse than you do.”
by Terry Odell March 10th, 2010 at 10:40 amI’m assuming he slept on the couch?
Men.
by Lori G. Armstrong March 10th, 2010 at 10:48 am“Mom, you weren’t a bad cook–I mean, we didn’t die from anything, you know.”
or
“That other dress was prettier and doesn’t make you look as wide. Wear that one.”
or
(said by a waiter)
“You know, you’re kinda smart, for a woman.”
and said by an exec in L.A.
“Wow, I didn’t know Southerners were actually this well-read. What else do you know?”
(I know how to punch your stupid lights out, that’s what. Wanna see?)<– what I wish I could have said.
by toni mcgee causey March 10th, 2010 at 11:03 amHah you couldn’t be “wide” if you tried, Toni
And don’t you just wish Bobbie Faye would come screaming out of your mouth and fists when idiots say mean/stupid things? It’s worse when they’re trying to be ironic.
Kids can get a pass on what they say until age 12. After that…they know better!
by Lori G. Armstrong March 10th, 2010 at 2:16 pmAt the shooting range with my DD.
Male shooter in next lane after The Only shoots: “Hey, not bad for a girl.”
The Only reloads, empties clip into groin area of human silhouette, brings it close to examine, turns to guys in next lane. “Gee, I was aiming for the head.”
She makes me so proud!
The DH: That dress looks fine. Besides, you’ll be sitting all night.
O rly?
by Silver James March 10th, 2010 at 12:29 pmOmigod, Silver, I love your daughter!!! Great story
by Lori G. Armstrong March 10th, 2010 at 2:17 pm“Look how pretty you are with makeup on.” My mom once said. “You don’t were it often, do you?”
by Patsy Hagen March 10th, 2010 at 1:04 pmPatty, I often wonder if I’ve said stuff like that to my kids, and not meant it.
Still hurts whether or not it was intentional.
by Lori G. Armstrong March 10th, 2010 at 2:18 pmMy MIL told my nieces, “You had two dogs and a cat, so you really couldn’t help it, but your house always stunk!” My poor nieces were horrified.
by Janel March 10th, 2010 at 1:47 pmI would be too, Janel, especially the “you couldn’t help it” section.
It runs along the lines of “Can I be honest here?”
Who in their right mind says yes?
by Lori G. Armstrong March 10th, 2010 at 2:19 pmI’ll probably piggy back on Rocki’s post because her subject is a pet peeve of mine . . . or I’ll just write about why heroines are easier for me than heroes.
Great post, Lori.
I can’t think of anything good off the top of my head. It’ll probably come to me later . . . I know there have been a lot . . . my daughter recently told my I don’t act as old as I am.
by Allison Brennan March 10th, 2010 at 2:11 pmCan’t WAIT until your post, Allison, because we’re usually on the same page about this stuff.
I recently tried on a new skirt and said “What do you think?” to my middle girls, which left the ammo in their hands.
My 17 yr old said, “It’s a great style…for 1987…”
by Lori G. Armstrong March 10th, 2010 at 2:21 pmMy 16 year old would get along very well with your 17 year old, methinks.
by Allison Brennan March 10th, 2010 at 6:56 pmAnd then they’d rule the world, Allison, but I’d like to think rule it in the right way with us as such great influences!
by Lori G. Armstrong March 11th, 2010 at 9:09 amMy tells me I am a pack rat but I just have a lot of stuff. I keep throwing out and collecting more. LOL.. Hey, it’s my life and I am retired now and enjoying it..
by Brenda B. Hill March 10th, 2010 at 2:11 pmBrenda, we are on a purge binge — I say “we” meaning my DH of course
by Lori G. Armstrong March 10th, 2010 at 2:22 pmI think the worst one came from an ex of mine
for a girl your size you sure dont eat much
by BeverlyG March 10th, 2010 at 2:48 pmNo wonder he’s an ex!
by Lori G. Armstrong March 10th, 2010 at 5:39 pmlol i forgot about the trying on clothes thing seems to be a big one for them or what irks me the most is when they do the oh no this color will look better on u for ur size then walk up and laythe garment on the counter like your actually going to buy it its like for god sake sif i wanted that color id of been looking at that color
by BeverlyG March 10th, 2010 at 2:51 pmI know, as if trying on clothes doesn’t suck enough…and my daughters and hubby wonder why I don’t come out of the dressing room half the time
by Lori G. Armstrong March 10th, 2010 at 5:39 pmLori, I’ve had so many of those backhanded comments! The ones directed at me that drives my husband crazy is. “Published? You must write children’s books.”
It’s intended to suggest that A) moms/homemakers can only write children’s books and B) children’s books are easy to write.
It makes my husband furious. I just laugh and say I never, ever recommend my books to children.
by Jen Lyon March 10th, 2010 at 3:28 pmOr worse, Jen – you’re published? How much did you pay to get that done?
Or worse yet – I’d write a book if I had time.
by Lori G. Armstrong March 10th, 2010 at 5:40 pmOne of the great backhands came two weeks ago when James Cameron said of his ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow (director of “The Hurt Locker”), that he thought she would win because it was “time a woman won.” Or words to that effect.
So when he lost (and he must have thought he was going to), it would stick in peoples’ minds that Kathryn Bigelow got a leg-up in the competition because people wanted a woman to make history.
Well played, but scuzzy as hell.
by MJ Hawk March 10th, 2010 at 3:59 pmYeah, it’s about the gender, not the work, MJ – I”m glad she kicked his ass, and I hope she’s STILL getting alimony from him!
by Lori G. Armstrong March 10th, 2010 at 5:42 pmOne for me came from my sister. We were in a store and I picked up this pair of shorts and she informed me real quick that I couldn’t wear them because the waste would be to small in them! They were like jogging shorts and how would she know if they were to small or not.
by Quilt Lady March 10th, 2010 at 4:37 pmDoesn’t it stink the worst ones are coming from our own families?
by Lori G. Armstrong March 10th, 2010 at 5:42 pmAs a person in a wheelchair I always have someone say to me….How nice to see you getting out. I have to then ask myself where they think I’ve been.
joderjo402 AT gmail DOT com
by Joder March 10th, 2010 at 6:16 pmJ- you should run over their foot after they say something like that – honestly, some people
by Lori G. Armstrong March 10th, 2010 at 6:42 pmMy daughter zings everyone! The problem…she is only 5!!!!
To me – “Don’t worry mommy you are beautiful even if your boobies don’t stand up straight!”
To my mom – “GG, I love you lots. Even if you are wrinkly like daddy’s pants before he irons them!”
Gee! I can’t wait until she is a teenager…
by Aly March 10th, 2010 at 6:22 pmAly, sounds like your daughter is growing up to be like Silver’s
what a funny kid! And see, I would laugh at that too…
by Lori G. Armstrong March 10th, 2010 at 6:43 pmI remember when I was pregnant and feeling very rotund, I wore a red shirt to a party and someone told me I looked like a lady bug. I they thought they were being nice…
by Laura Griffin March 10th, 2010 at 7:01 pmSomething similar happened to me, Laura with daughter #2 – I was SIX WEEKS from my due date, and at the mall for something when the manager of the store came over and asked if I was okay…because I looked like a grape about to pop…
Yes, I was wearing purple, yes, I sobbed my eyes out hysterically, because the baby wasn’t done cooking yet, which meant I wasn’t done growing yet…
And she ended up being 2 weeks late and over 10 pounds!
by Lori G. Armstrong March 11th, 2010 at 9:12 amI don’t think I’ve gotten one, if I did I must have blocked. it out. I have had people ask me if I was crazy or stupid when they found out I was the mother of 9.
by Zina March 10th, 2010 at 8:17 pmZina
I would stand up and give you a round of applause for having 9 children, Zina!
by Lori G. Armstrong March 11th, 2010 at 9:12 amGreat idea! Love these stories.
I was on the cross-trainer the other day and my son said, “You’re so good at working out all the time, Mom. How come you’re not thinner?”
He spends a lot of time backpedaling. It’s a good thing he’s cute.
by Gwen Hernandez March 10th, 2010 at 8:30 pmKids say the darndest things…I hope he made it up to you Gwen
by Lori G. Armstrong March 11th, 2010 at 9:13 amThese have been very entertaining! There was one that still burns me up, to this day. It was from someone who used to be a friend and now is not. She had been asking to read my work for a long time and against my better judgment I let her. The next time I saw her she said “I didn’t realize you were writing for a less-educated audience…I can see how they would enjoy it.”
Now picture me with the rage of a thousand suns. Flames shooting out of my ears…
by sophie littlefield March 10th, 2010 at 10:07 pmLESS EDUCATED? EXCUSE HER?!?!?!?!?! Who is she? I’ll go kick her ass while reciting shakespeare by heart LOL
by Angi C March 10th, 2010 at 10:25 pmSophie, flames are coming out of MY ears from that asinine comment. Damn. This is why I can’t walk around armed…
What an idiot and I applaud you for cutting her out of your life completely. Life is too dang short to deal with that mindset
by Lori G. Armstrong March 11th, 2010 at 9:15 amIt is so terrible that nothing is coming to mind, probably tomorrow by which time a new post will be up!!
How about a nice comment from my teenage son? I was having a really bad hot flash and sweating up a storm and I complained I was sweating up a storm. He turned to me and said, “You are a lovely lady. They don’t sweat, they glisten.”
by Jill James March 10th, 2010 at 11:41 pmNow, see Jill, that is sweet -
by Lori G. Armstrong March 11th, 2010 at 9:16 amLOL! It sure isn’t fun being on the receiving end of a backhanded compliment! Something like, “Wow, you look great! Much better than you usually do!” Moms! What can you do?
Can I help that my usual look is uh, drab at best? 
by Fedora March 11th, 2010 at 12:28 amFedora, I work in sweats or sloppy clothes during the day, because I’m home writing and I might as well be comfortable, right? So when I get “duded up” my daughters say, “Hey, you have real clothes on!”
As opposed to…fake clothes? No clothes? The Emperor’s New Clothes..
by Lori G. Armstrong March 11th, 2010 at 9:19 ami was at a ladies luncheon a few weeks ago, one lady said to the other, “Your face lift looks fabulous! When are you getting that tummy tuck?” Meow.
by Karin Tabke March 11th, 2010 at 1:33 amSo Karin, did the woman look fabulous after a face lift?
by Lori G. Armstrong March 11th, 2010 at 9:23 amOh, I loved these, Lori, and thanks for the (straightforward!) complimints on yesterday’s blog. I’m sorry it took so long for me to chime in – I had a book go to an editor end of day, so I was to the wall.
My funniest backhanded compliment came from my daughter (out of the mouths of babes) a few years ago. I happened to bemoaning the fact that my favorite jeans wouldn’t close and she said, “Don’t worry, Mommy, you’re not fat-fat.” Which, of course, sent me on a diet. Now it’s our little joke when I feel like it’s time to slim down, whoops, getting fat-fat.
Great, fun, topic!
by Roxanne St. Claire March 11th, 2010 at 6:57 amRocki, that’s cute, I’m sure it didn’t seem so at the time…
And your post really hit a chord with me, because I’ve seen so much…more negativity lately. Or maybe I’m just noticing it more.
by Lori G. Armstrong March 11th, 2010 at 9:27 amComplimints, I wrote. Those are like little breath mints that make you feel good about yourself. I meant compliments, but hadn’t had coffee yet.
by Roxanne St. Claire March 11th, 2010 at 11:13 amI’m with Rocki! My most memorable backhanded compliment came from my daughter. We were going into one of our favorite shopping spots and I noted my reflection in the windows and said, “Lord, I get fatter every day.” My sweet baby girl said, “You look fine, Mom. Especially when you wear that jacket.” OMG!
by Debra webb March 11th, 2010 at 8:33 amDebra, I’d say this is the reason mothers and daughters butt heads sometimes, and it’s hard when you know they didn’t mean to be mean
by Lori G. Armstrong March 11th, 2010 at 9:28 amDue to polio I am in a wheelchair. Several years ago my husband and I were crusing through a mall, laughing and having a good time when a woman came running toward us. She stopped right next to my chair and said,”I am so happy to see you here today. My day was going so badly and seeing you is going to turn things around because it’s lucky to touch a cripple.” With that she reached out and tapped me on the shoulder. As she turned to leave she was slowed down as my sweet, gently husband pushed my chair forward and ‘accidentally’ ran over her foot and said, “Maybe not.”
I love that guy!
by Donna March 11th, 2010 at 8:51 amDonna, the idiocy of people is astounding, and yes, your husband gets a big cyber hug for being such an awesome guy!
by Lori G. Armstrong March 11th, 2010 at 9:28 amheres one i just got yesterday from my brother
we were havingd inner and i set my rolld own by my platehe walked in looks down goes gonna eat that then looks aorund andgoes nm its you of course you are
by Beverly G March 14th, 2010 at 4:03 am