 | 16 Feb 10 |
I’m not a big country music fan but Garth Brooks has a couple of songs I really like, If Tomorrow Never Comes and The Dance. Both tug on my heartstrings. Both are about love and life as well as the unexpected. Can we ever really be sure we’ve said the things we really need or want to say…in case the worst happens? Would we do things differently if we knew what the future held? Music has always been a major inspiration for me. My first editor at Harlequin asked me to describe what I wanted to accomplish with my writing. The answer was simple. I want my stories to move my readers the way a favorite song moves me. I love writing. It’s my passion. But after two major tragedies I’ve been a little distracted from my writing the past week or so and I’ve done some major reflecting.
On Friday, February 5th, a family in a nearby suburb of my hometown of Huntsville, Alabama, sent their ninth grade son off to school as usual. I don’t know the family personally, but I’ve wondered if it was like a typical Friday morning around my house. There’s never enough time. The daughter rushes out the door and heads for school. The husband heads out to do whatever is on his agenda for the day. Most of the time it’s simply a relief that everyone got off on time—or close to it. But on Friday, February 5th, this young man left home and it was the last time his family would see him alive although he would spend the day at a place we parents consider “safe.” That tragic day another ninth grader at school shot him—an injury that would end his life a few short hours later. Discovery Middle School went into lockdown and families were devastated. Shock waves laden with misery reverberated across the community. Our innocence was gone…that horrible thing that has happened in so many other towns and cities had happened to us.
A few days passed and we shored up our beaten and fallen spirits and got on with our lives. We’ve all heard about the horrors of school shootings over the past decade or so. Just because we live in a smallish southern town doesn’t make us immune. It was done. In time the police would determine a motive, etcetera, but two families would be forever changed…forever devastated. Then, as if fate had turned against us for some reason, on Friday, February 12th, another school in my hometown went into lockdown. A professor entered the Shelby Center at the University of Alabama in Huntsville and commenced firing her weapon. In abject horror, my family and I sat glued to the television. We have friends whose children attend the university and friends who work there. My own daughter attended class there. How could this happen again?
I watched the local news folks talking to those who had rushed to the campus in hopes of learning about loved ones inside the school. I wondered whose parent or child would be injured or—God forbid—dead. I wondered what were the last words exchanged. Had their morning been as hectic as that of my family? How would their lives be changed after this tragic moment in time? And I prayed.
Six people had been shot, all faculty members. Three were dead. Three were critically injured. Families were devastated. The community was shocked once more. Shocked and devastated and still aching from the first tragedy. Nothing would ever be the same.
If you watch the news you’ve heard about this and there’s no need for me to repeat the details and theories. But the point of this post is to reiterate how quickly things can change. Never miss an opportunity to say how you feel. Never hold back or turn down a hug. Never, ever hold restrain your passions. If you love to read, write, knit, paint, hike, climb mountains, whatever, find the time to do it! And never, ever take a moment of life for granted. No matter how crazy, how frustrating, how worrisome, or how painful, every second is precious.
This morning as my daughter left for school, I told her to drive safely, to have a good day and that I loved her. Then, unable to help myself, I told her that she was beautiful and brilliant and that she was going to be the best nurse ever. She just shook her head and said, “I love you, too, Mom.” Then, I poured myself another cup of coffee and sat down with my laptop to do the thing I love…write.
What did you say to your loved one(s) this morning as you parted ways? Can you take just five minutes today to do something you love?
Debra Webb, born in Alabama, wrote her first story at age nine and her first romance at thirteen. It wasn’t until she spent three years working for the military behind the Iron Curtain—and a five-year stint with NASA—that she realized her true calling. A collision course between suspense and romance was set.
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Oh, Deb, you made me cry. Mission accomplished. What happened to those families is this mother’s greatest fear. I can’t even imagine the horror and pain of that senseless killing, the agony of having to say that final goodbye to that person you love so much it consumes you.
When I came out of the bathroom one morning, after four years of failure, I held the stick of success in my hands and announced to my husband that we’d finally done it. He, a veteran with two grown sons, leaned back on his pillow and said, “Honey, you have no idea the weight that just landed on your shoulders.”
That love is a weight, and one (two, now) I’d never give up. Mornings are crazy here, but they are my special time. I make breakfast every single day -and always serve it with placemats, good dishes and love. My husband takes my daughter to the bus and my son drives himself now, but ever since they were little, there’s a little kissfest when they walk out the door. (Not that I am not happy to start writing, I just love the send off.) Even now, my six foot 16 year old young man tolerates the kisses on the cheeks and my admonishment to “be good” and “have fun” and “learn something.”
My heart aches for those mothers who won’t have that tomorrow. Thank you for this beautiful reminder. Now, I have to go. It’s 8:07 and I’ve got some kissing to do.
xoxo
by Roxanne St. Claire February 16th, 2010 at 8:09 amNow you made me cry, Rocki! You are so right. There is nothing, absolutely nothing as wondrous and frightening and magnificent as being a mother! These two tragedies are so senseless. So completely tragic.
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 8:14 amNow, you BOTH have me crying. Touching posts! I’ll make sure I tell my kids and husband how much I love them today because you’re right, life can change in the blink of an eye.
by Delores Fossen February 16th, 2010 at 8:44 amHey Delores! Great to have an Intrigue buddy visiting me today! And, yes, life can change just that quickly!
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 8:54 amHow sad! I have always held to the tradition that my children & my husband always get a kiss and hug and an “I love you” before they leave my house. How devastating for these people. Thank you for making people think!
by Joanne R February 16th, 2010 at 9:01 amJoanne, me too! I can’t have a phone conversation with anyone in my family without ending it in “Love you!” I’m just a sap…but I’m glad to be one.
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 9:03 amSometimes I wonder why we have to grow up, life was so much simpler when I was a kid! My husband and I are almost goofy about saying “I love you” to each other and the kids but we have found how fast it can end and change. Almost a year ago now our then 14-year-old son came home from school, asked if he could go up the road to a friend’s house and I gave permission. I called his cell an hour or so later to tell him to come home and got no answer. Shortly after a sheriffs car pulled up at our home and the officer told us our son had tried to commit suicide. We were devastated. But, we were also very fortunate as he did not die (due to a friend’s quick thinking and actions) but it was a very hard drive to the next state and the ICU where they Lifeflighted him to! So yes, sappy as it may be, end every conversation with “I love you” and “Be careful.” You never know what will happen and when!
by Sharla Long February 16th, 2010 at 9:11 amOh, gosh, Sharla, how terrifying! As a parent, when something like this happens the first person you blame is yourself. Why wasn’t I aware of what was going on in my child’s life? Why didn’t I see this? But you can’t know and see everything. It’s simply not possible. Hard as we try, we are only human. Bless your heart. I hope all is well with you and your family now. Life can be so hard sometimes. Thank God we have our faith, good friends and good books! Sometimes we need one or all!
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 9:28 amThank you Debra. Life is good for us. Sometimes things are not always as they seem (or in my family’s case!) but it made us very aware! I love books with HEAs simply because it is not guaranteed in life! Thank you for giving us that in your books!
by Sharla Long February 16th, 2010 at 11:01 amYou’re most welcome, Sharla. The stories are wonderful getaways for the writers and the readers!
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 11:04 amWriting with lump in throat.
by Cate Noble February 16th, 2010 at 9:35 amThis morning I kissed my hubby and told him I loved him, as I do every day just before he left for work. But you know what? I was cooking oatmeal at the time, thinking about what all I needed to do today, while the TV blared in the background. I’m ashamed to admit my kiss was more perfunctory than passionate, my words more rote than deliberate. Thanks for the wake up call, Deb. Guess who I’m calling next?
Oh, Cate, I know just what you mean. Sometimes I say my “love yous” and “good-byes” as if I’m on autopilot. Never again. Never again.
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 9:37 amOn April 19, 1995, the people in Oklahoma City did the same thing, Debra. At 9:02 a.m., our world was rocked by one of the biggest domestic terrorism incidents this country has scene. Not a day goes by that I don’t tell Lawyer Guy and The Only (and now her fiance, Baseball Boy) the same thing: Have a good day, be safe, come home, and I love you! We may not hug or kiss, (we’re not overly demonstrative that way) but the words are heartfelt.
I learned that day, and in the aftermath, life is precious…and fragile. I want to say goodbye with no regrets, no “shoulda, coulda, woulda’s”. Not that I want the goodbyes! But they come eventually. I want to live every day of my life with no regrets, no “what might have beens.”
There’s another Garth Brooks’ song, STANDING OUTSIDE THE FIRE. I’m with him. I want to be right in the middle of that blaze getting burned! *hugs* to you Debra, and to your community. *hugs* to the mothers and father, husbands and wives, sons and daughters of this world. Now get out there and live your life like there is no tomorrow!
by Silver James February 16th, 2010 at 9:44 amWell said, Silver. And you are so right–NO REGRETS! Love you, girl! (and I mean that!)
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 9:47 amDitto, girlfriend! Love and hugs right back atcha! Here’s to HEAs for us all!
by Silver James February 16th, 2010 at 10:04 amAmen!
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 10:09 amDeb – You’ve managed to sum up in so very few words all the hope and love and worry and sorrow we’ve felt reading about the tragedies in Huntsville. And not a one of us can think about the loss without giving thanks that we were spared and with concern that it could have happened to us.
by cindy gerard February 16th, 2010 at 9:44 amEvery day and every night starts and ends with I love you at our house. Always has always will. I never miss an opportunity to tell my hubby or my kids and grandkids that I love them. It’s important for them to hear and important for me to say. Plant the seed. Watch it grow. Love cements our place in the world and knowing someone loves us no matter what, will hopefully make the difficult choices easier.
Absolutely, Cindy. That’s why every story we write includes that wondrous element–love. It’s the glue that holds everything else together!
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 9:49 amLife is so precious and sometimes we have to remember how wonderful our children are …We are so busy all the time, my boys are grown (sort of) 22 and 19. I cannot begin to understand things that face our children today and we can only pray that we guide them , support them, listen to them, and love them during these changing times. Thanks for taking the time to remind us to stop and tell out kids that we love them and that we are proud of them.
by Elizabeth White February 16th, 2010 at 10:07 amVery true, Elizabeth. I look back at my teenage years and though there were some tough times and my generation had its share of challenges, I honestly believe it’s much harder for kids today. The temptations and challenges are overwhelming!
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 10:13 amYou are so right I am the youngest of 6 children and there was always something going on at our house but nothing like what goes on today. I will keep everyone in my thoughts and prayers.
by Elizabeth White February 16th, 2010 at 10:16 amThank you so much!
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 10:19 amI’ve always been sad thinking about how my children have lockdown drills like I used to have earthquake drills.
A very bittersweet post, Deb. Off to hug my kids.
by Allison Brennan February 16th, 2010 at 10:10 amWe had tornado drills, Allison. That was the scariest part of my elementary school days. I shudder at what’s out there today. Yes, ma’am, go hug those sweet babies!
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 10:15 amTwo tragedies so close together would seem overwhelming. I do not let my kids or husband leave the house without telling them I love them, to have a good day, and getting a hug and kiss, even from the teenagers. My kids also do the same thing when I leave the house, even if I’m just running to the pharmacy.
My deepest sympathies to the families affected by these two tragedies.
by HollyD February 16th, 2010 at 10:20 amThank you, Holly.
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 10:54 amDebra,
by Laura Griffin February 16th, 2010 at 10:22 amWhat a beautiful post. I’m weepy now. Everything is so hectic, and I want to thank you for this reminder not to take anything for granted. One of the things that has stuck with me all these years since September 11 is the simple message to hug your children.
Absolutely, Laura. Just a hug, a kind word…it’s all so easy if we just take that moment.
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 10:56 amWhen my son was in school, I worried each day about this type of tragedy happening. Then he graduated and I thought I could finally breathe again. Now he’s serving in Iraq, which makes saying I love you and goodbye feel akin to having an anxiety attack. I save each text message from him, never knowing if it’ll be the last. To add to that stress, both my husband and I work at the university in Birmingham, and since the shootings Friday, I feel that same anxiety when we part at the intersection to go to our separate buildings. I can’t say I love you enough, and maybe that’s the good thing we can take from something like this.
Like you, I’m still in shock from these two tragedies. But you’re right. We should never wait to tell our loved ones what they mean to us. Thanks for reminding us in such a wonderful post, Deb.
by Callie James February 16th, 2010 at 10:39 amCallie, I know it is very difficult with your son serving in Iraq. I sincerely appreciate the sacrifice he is making and the one you and your husband are making being without him. I know it’s awful to believe it has come to this, but I think it’s time to consider metal detectors at all school. Transparent backpacks…the works. It’s an inconvenience, some would say. But, what is a life worth?
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 11:00 amDeb, your post is beautiful, heartbreaking and true. Well said, my friend. We need to speak our love every day. Furthermore, we need to show it. “Today show kindness to everyone you see” should be posted on every refrigerator, mirror, desktop, etc. in America.
by Peggy Webb February 16th, 2010 at 10:44 amExcellent idea, Peggy! It’s so much easier to be kind and caring than the opposite!
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 11:02 amMy thoughts and prayers go out to all of those touched by these tragedies. So unnecessary and so tragic!
As a child I grew up knowing that I was loved but never hearing it. Now, at a minimum, my kids hear it twice a day – once when they leave for the day and once at bed time. And I stand there and prompt and prompt and prompt until I get it back! (They are only 5 and 7, there shouldn’t need to be that much prompting yet! LOL!)
But I am that mom. The one that doesn’t let my son walk to or from the bus stop by himself. It is only 3 houses down and we live deep in our neighborhood but the fear that something will happen to him is so strong that I just have to be there. And as a complete control freak, it is very hard for me to realize once he is on that bus, everything is out of my control.
I think it is so sad that we all have to live in constant fear that someone will come into our workplace, home, school, grocery store, etc. and just start shooting. Maybe it is not necessarily at the forefront of our thinking, but it is there. And again, I think it is just sad that things have to be this way!
by Aly February 16th, 2010 at 10:49 amAly, I’ve always been “that” mom too! But it’s hard not to worry. When we first married my husband’s family was very reserved. We had been married for 5 years before I saw him and his mother embrace. But it wasn’t for a lack of love. They loved each other very much. They just didn’t show it in public displays of affection. I guess my ways grew on them. Now they’re the first to offer hugs and “I love yous”.
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 11:13 amOh, I was always that mom, too, Aly. I drove them to school (even though it was literally three blocks from me) when they were in elementary school. Heck, I drove them to school every day until the oldest could drive, and then the youngest went to a different school in an entirely different direction, so there were years and years of driving. But I wouldn’t have it any other way, because those mornings in the car were were we had a lot of great conversations.
I was so protective, I didn’t even let my oldest cross the busy street we lived on ’til he was about 12. [He is a SWAT police officer now. Somehow, I don't think that was exactly what I had planned with all my protection!]
Utterly heart-wrenching post today, Deb. You all had me in tears. We say “I love yous” all the time. Lots of hugs. You just never know.
by toni mcgee causey February 16th, 2010 at 1:22 pmToni, I think being a mom is a universal thing. No matter where we grew up, our religious preference, culture, whatever we have that same inner need to love and protect. And, no matter what our kids grow up to be, no matter where they go, we will always worry! It’s just being a mom–in any language!
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 1:43 pmWe are close to a main road and the ambulances frequently go by with their sirens wailing. My heart stops and I hold my breath when my husband or daughter are out and about! I think it started for me when there was an accident at the intersection near our house – we are three lots away. I was inside and could hear a young girl crying and calling for her mother. I ran to the scene and found an a friend of our daughter. I was able to talk to her and calm her down until her mother arrived. My family takes part of me with them wherever they are!
by Karin Tillotson February 16th, 2010 at 11:02 amKarin, I have a similar situation. We live one street back from a major thoroughfare. You try to get used to the sirens but it’s impossible. Like you, I worry whenever anyone in my family is out and about and then I hear those awful sirens.
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 11:07 amTook a packing break – wasn’t ready for such a teary moment. It never stops, really. Our kids are grown and out of the house and there’s still that “are they OK?” undercurrent.
And the hubster has been known to call more than once to say something like, “I saw an ambulance pulling out of the Y. Just making sure it wasn’t you.”
by Terry Odell February 16th, 2010 at 12:34 pmTerry, that is undeniably true. Your hubby sounds exactly like mine! Packing, oh my. I’m still unpacking from a move two years ago! Good luck!
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 12:52 pmjust wow i dont watch the news much mainly because of how often you see such sad news I tell everyone before i go to bed how much I love them and when i commence my day the same thing i always spare a minute to tell everyone how much they mean to me.Seems Like every day is a new beginningfor people my heart goes out to everyone involved in these tragic events
by Beverly G February 16th, 2010 at 12:48 pmThank you, Beverly. Like you, I don’t care to watch the news and never have been one to do it until the past year. Now I feel like it’s necessary to be informed. Boy is it scary.
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 12:53 pmI agree with you! Bad things happen all the time and we don’t say those words enough I love you! My son acts like he don’t want to hear it but I think thats a boy thing.
by Quilt Lady February 16th, 2010 at 1:57 pmYeah, most boys/guys pretend they don’t want to hear it but deep down they do!
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 2:06 pmDeb, such sad tragedies! I always try to say something positive to my husband and kids. My son left very early for school today (college) so I didn’t see him, but I did text him
My heart goes out to the loved ones involved in these horrific events.
by Jennifer Lyon February 16th, 2010 at 3:35 pmThanks, Jen. I’m learning more info all the time and the latest word is that it was a woman who initially stopped the killing. The shooter started firing around the table. After shooting six people, she leveled her weapon on the next victim and it jammed or something. The woman she had tried to fire at charged her and then others in the room followed suit. Can you imagine being that woman? Someone has just fired at you, at very close range, and you have the presence of mind and the courage to charge her. Wow!
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 5:17 pmWhat a beautifully sad and thought provoking post, Debra. Thanks for the kick in the pants first thing about what’s really important – making sure those you love know how you feel. Not just on special occasions like Valentine’s Day, but every day.
I’m so sorry for all that your community has gone through in such a short amount of time.
by Lori Armstrong February 16th, 2010 at 3:47 pmThanks, Lori…it’s been something.
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 4:15 pmBeautiful post, Deb. An important reminder to us all.
I hope the people in your area are able to find some comfort in this terrible time.
by Karen Fenech February 16th, 2010 at 4:48 pmThanks, Karen. It’ll be a slow process but the love and prayers coming from all over the country are making a big difference.
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 5:18 pmi love alll your books.
by tami/blackroze February 16th, 2010 at 5:08 pmThanks so much!
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 7:12 pmMy husband is a cop and he kisses me good-bye every morning. Granted most days I don’t remember he did it, but I know he did. Hey, I love him, but 5 a.m. is 5 a.m. LOL
My heart bleeds for those families.
by Jill James February 16th, 2010 at 5:50 pmJill, now that’s real romance and true love!
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 5:53 pmCrazy things can happen even at home, but outside there’s more variables. I usually say, “I love you more,” in response to the “I love you’s from my kids.” I have high hopes that nothing bad will happen. For instance, my 25 year old twin daughter was going bananas about having her purse stolen. I think she learned a lesson while her purse was found the next day with nothing missing. I told her to travel “light” next time and she agrees.
by Sunnymay February 16th, 2010 at 6:12 pmTraveling light is very good advice, Sunnymay! I’ll suggest that my 19 year old daughter keep that in mind!
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 7:05 pmExcellent post and reminder. We never do know what moment will be our last or the last of someone we love. My husband leaves for work before I get up in the morning. Sometimes I leave a note, once in a great while I’ll wake up to say goodbye. My son rolls his eyes and complains when I say “Bye and drive carefully.” My husband reminds him it is because I care. We say it to everyone in our family when they leave.
by Patricia Barraclough February 16th, 2010 at 8:49 pmNot the same, but when my Mother was dying from cancer (she died 4 weeks after they found it), we were told not to let her know she was dying and act like she was getting better. It was such a wrong way to handle it. We never got to say Good-bye or really let her know how much she meant to us. She died in 1971 and it still hurts that we didn’t part the way we should have.
Patricia, I know exactly what you mean. My father died of cancer. We knew for many months before he died and he insisted on knowing the truth. So we had time to say the things that needed to be said. My mother died suddenly with no forewarning whatsoever. It was extremely difficult for all of us. But for her, it was far better than suffering all those months as my father did. Still, there were things I would like to have said.
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 9:53 pmI live in Deb’s town, belong to Deb’s RWA chapter and shared in all the horror of the past two weeks. A fellow chapter mate works in that department and her boss was one of the fatalities. The other victims were her friends and colleagues.
My younger son was assaulted and held against his will by some drugged up hooligans when he was 16 years old. We were shaken to the bone. Six months later they arrested the ringleader (he’d fled the area but his juvenile-age buddies had been arrested that night) and a year later we went to trial. He pled guilty and spent 3 years behind bars for it, but it made me very aware that your child can leave the house for whatever reason and perhaps not come back.
My boys are grown now so I can’t give them kisses and hugs as often as I’d like. But we email and phone and text to stay in touch. Matter of fact, I think I’ll call now to see how they’re doing. One had his truck totaled two weeks ago (after having his house burglarized last month) so he’s been dealing with a lot of crap. The other finished grad school in December and is job hunting. They could both probably use a verbal hug from mom (and mom could use one from them too).
Great blog!
by Marilyn February 16th, 2010 at 8:53 pmThanks, Marilyn. We just never know. I may not have done everything I want to when I go, but, unless someone cuts out my tongue, I will have said most of what I wanted to say!
by Debra Webb February 16th, 2010 at 9:56 pmThis terrible tragedy has been on my mind a lot, and yes…every time one of the kids comes near they get an extra hug. They may wiggle out of my grasp after a bit, being teenagers, but I think we all need the reminder that we are cherished and loved above all else – that’s the fuel we need to get through the hard days, whether we’re 9 months or 90 years old.
by Sophie Littlefield February 17th, 2010 at 1:56 amI couldn’t agree with you more, Sophie. We never get too old for hugs!
by Debra Webb February 17th, 2010 at 7:44 amperfect , now i’m crying (T_T).
Thanks for reminding me to treasure our little moment with our love ones.
i’m so feeling guilty right now, coz i was mad at my 3yos son because he’s crying for something that i couldn’t understand
by Mariska February 17th, 2010 at 2:22 amMariska, frustration and impatience are parts of life too! You’re only human, it happens! Sorry for making you feel guilty! But I’m glad you shared. It’s hard work being a mom!
by Debra Webb February 17th, 2010 at 7:46 amAs I was rocking my 3 month old granddaughter to sleep earlier today, I looked down at her sweet, innocent face and said to her, “If you stayed this small, I could protect you from the world.” She smiled and started sucking on her fist.
Even in grandma’s arms she is vulnerable. I cannot imagine losing a child. Or now, a grandchild.
In our family, we tell each other more than once a day, “I love, you.” It goes with saying, not without.
Today I had a chance to do something I really love to do: I took a long nap.
by Karin Tabke February 17th, 2010 at 2:52 amGood girl, Karin! Gotta love yourself too! And I can’t wait to have me a gorgeous grandbaby!
by Debra Webb February 17th, 2010 at 7:47 am