Murder She Writes

I’ve never been a big jewelry person. Take pearls for example. I’ve probably used the word associated with the oystery-gems more times than I’ve worn them. In fact, if memory serves me right, I think I’ve only worn a strand of pearls twice. And both times I was forced into it by my daughters who didn’t want to be embarrassed.

Anyway, one of my favorite ‘pearl’ references is that whole ‘do not throw your pearls before swine’ thing, and another is ‘pearls of wisdom,’ which I consider to be quite a gift. I wish I had a few pearls of wisdom to share today, but I don’t. What I came up with are more like faux facts. Just something to consider should you find yourself in a similar situation.

I was in Manhattan a few weeks ago, meeting with a few key publishing folks, and I picked up a lesson or two before, during, and after that meeting…

BEFORE
1. Never take a cab from LaGuardia airport that doesn’t have the word CAB written on the side of the doors and doesn’t have a meter on the dash. I did, along with a woman from Memphis. Not only did this guy do 80 mph in a 40 zone, straddle the left sidewalk on two occasions when traffic came to a crawl, then nearly run over a group of pedestrians at the corner of Madison and 36th, he charged me $65 bucks when the cost should have been half that amount.

2. It is not ‘in-trend’ to walk down Madison Avenue on a hot day in a new pair of shoes—that has green gum stuck to the bottom of the left heel.

3. Dos Caminos serves the best guacamole on the planet, but they don’t take kindly to Southern hicks pointing into the large stone serving bowl and asking, “What’re the chunks for?”

DURING
1. The VP of sales is always right…even when they’re wrong. You’ve just got to make them think the right thing was their idea in the first place.

2. Persistence pays off. So does all the damn touring because they’re going to quadruple next year’s publicity budget.

3. Role playing works, even over a table covered with Mexican food. We came up with two new, brilliant ideas for promotions, and it came about when we made the national sales manager an independent book buyer.

AFTER
1. If a publisher offers to put you up in a hotel in New York for the evening, plus dinner and a show, screw the responsibilities at home. Take the offer!

2. When Delta Airlines insists you take an earlier flight because storms may cause you to miss a connection, thus not getting you ‘home’ on time, take the earlier flight.

3. When the man sitting next to you on the airplane coughs up a loogie—in his hand–change seats!

So there you have ‘em . . . faux facts. Not as fancy or grand as pearls, but they do make you wonder, don’t they?

© 2009 Deborah LeBlanc. All rights reserved.

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