 | 17 Nov 09 |
When I was in third grade, one of the other girls at St. Gabriel’s made fun of the stupid green ribbons my mother had put in my hair. I remember tugging at the offending strings, eyeing her across the playground, and thinking I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her.
For the past four days, that same girl has filled my house with laughter and love, showered my children with gifts, helped my husband cook, and split a few bottles of wine with me as we caught up on each other’s lives and took long walks down Memory Lane.
Colleen and I became friends after that hair-teasing incident. I don’t remember how, exactly, but long before tween girls took ownership of “BFF” we used to sign our notes to each other “YBF” (Your Best Friend) – and still close our emails that way. We were opposites in many ways – me, the youngest of five; she, an only. Me, an ambitious scholar headed for UCLA; she, a knock-out off to NYC to become a model. And even now, all these years later, Colleen is happily single, and I’m embroiled in marriage and kid-rearing.
And yet, there is no major (or minor) life event we haven’t shared. We learned about birds & bees & boys on the same afternoon in fifth grade, at a skating rink in Pittsburgh, where a girl named Julie spelled out S-E-X for our innocent selves. We both headed home for validation of the unthinkable (the boy does what to the girl?) and then discussed it in painstaking detail for many years. Together, we endured the torture of middle school, the thrill of first kisses, the giddiness of graduation, the trials of the twenties, the thrill of our thirties. At every landmark in my life, my first call has been to Colleen. We’ve shared the loss of virginity, the triumph of a promotion, the pain of every breakup, the delirium of a wedding, the misery of a miscarriage, the joy of motherhood, the heartache of a parent’s passing. Colleen is my son’s godmother, my husband’s favorite houseguest (of course, she makes him martinis and watches football – I do neither!), my go-to girl for soulbaring and life sharing and, oh my God, so many laughs I blame her for half the lines on my face.
We’ve always known our relationship was special. In sixth grade, one of our teachers discussed friendship and said, “You think you have friends now, but, really, in your whole life, you will be lucky if you have three true friends who will stay by your side through good, bad, and everything in between.” Colleen and I looked across the classroom — the nuns tended to separate us, can you imagine? — and smiled. Even then, we knew our friendship was real and lasting. We don’t judge each other, we don’t try to fix each other, we don’t change each other. We just genuinely love one another, and, seriously, once you both get cut from cheerleading on the same day, you are heart-mates forever.
Do you have a friend like this? Call her today. Send her an email. Find her on Facebook, and tell her how much she means to you. And tell us right now….who’s your real and true Best Friend Forever? 
In honor of my BFF, I’m giving one commenter a copy of Hunt Her Down…because Colleen is reading it as I write this blog and she actually knows the boy who inspired Dan Gallagher. We have no secrets, really.
© 2009 Roxanne St. Claire. All rights reserved.
Roxanne St. Claire is a bestselling, RITA-Award winning author of twenty-four novels of romance and suspense. For the past several years, she's been writing a popular romantic suspense series called “The Bullet Catchers” for Pocket Star Books, featuring a cadre of bodyguards and security professionals. In 2010, she's launching a new series, "The Guardian Angelinos" focusing on an extended family of renegade crime fighters and investigators based in Boston. The first book in that series, EDGE OF SIGHT, will be released from Grand Central Publishing in November, 2010, with two more scheduled in 2011. In addition to the RITA, her books have won the National Reader’s Choice Award, the Daphne Du Maurier Award, the Maggie Award, the Booksellers Best, the Book Buyers Best, The HOLT Medallion, multiple Awards of Excellence, and Borders “Top Pick” for Romance in 2007.
Subscribe to Posts 
Sherry, from 7th grade. Doesn’t matter if we haven’t seen each other or communicated in years; we pick up as if no time has passed. She’s the one I don’t have to be tactful with.
by Terry Odell November 17th, 2009 at 4:31 amSherry and Terry. Cute. Why be tactful when you can be with your BFF? xo
by Roxanne St. Claire November 17th, 2009 at 8:02 amI don’t have a friend like that, not really. I have friends I’ve known for a long time, but I’m not particularly close to anyone. I think this is the sort of thing part of me believes it only happens in fiction, having a friend you can *always* go to, no matter the time or the situation. Having someone you don’t have to measure words or worry what they’ll think about you, someone you know you can just talk to about anything. So, it always makes me smile when I see real people saying they have close friends like that. I guess I’m sort of jealous, to be honest, I always wonder what it would be like.
You’re very lucky to have each other!!!!
ps: I actually remembered today was your blog day, Rocki
by Barbie November 17th, 2009 at 5:26 amThanks for remembering, Barbie doll, and for the comment. I happen to know you are young and you may not have met your BFF yet, but be open and she’s out there! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire November 17th, 2009 at 8:05 amI just wanted to second your advice to “Call her today. Send her an email. Find her on Facebook, and tell her how much she means to you. ”
At the beginning of the month my dearest friend Laura ended up on a ventilator and in an induced coma because of complications from the flu. Knowing I might never get to speak to hear again was heartbreaking, but knowing the last thing we’d said to one another was “love you” gave me great comfort.
Happily she seems to be improving, so hopefully I’ll have many opportunities to tell her how much she’s appreciated!
by Jen November 17th, 2009 at 6:22 amOh, Jen, what a stark reminder how important it is to stay in touch with friends. Sending hugs and prayers to Laura, and hoping for a speedy recovery.
by Roxanne St. Claire November 17th, 2009 at 8:06 amxo
Jen, just wanted you to know that Im adding my prayers for your friend.
by Jen Lyon November 17th, 2009 at 12:13 pmThank you!
by Jen November 17th, 2009 at 12:20 pmMe, too. One of my dearest best friends, whom I’ve loved for 30 years, is battling cancer. I am constantly afraid of getting the phone call that says she hasn’t made it (though when she reads this, she’ll bop me for that). We lost track of one another for a while in our thirties–life got too damned busy, but we found each other again and that really brings me such great joy. I hope to have her in my life well into our 100s, tottering around and terrorizing the nursing home.
by toni mcgee causey November 17th, 2009 at 12:20 pmWhat a great story. How lucky you and Colleen are to have found each other. I love it that you both knew, even in sixth grade, that you would be lifelong friends.
by GSM November 17th, 2009 at 6:54 amI know, it’s funny that we both remember that lesson. We remember the teacher, too (Mrs. Lannis). I think a lot of childhood memories are crystal clear because I share them with her, and we laugh about them a lot.
We relived a lot of those moments the past few days, too. Thanks for the comment. xo
by Roxanne St. Claire November 17th, 2009 at 8:08 amJen, good thoughts and prayers for your friend. Such a scary time.
My BFF and I met in college, freshman year. We HATED each other. 38 years later, we’re still the first one we go to when life sucks or there’s something to celebrate. We’re separated by distance and busy lives, but it doesn’t matter. I dedicated my first book to her (among others), but she was the first one to read it as I started sending it around. She hates romances, but she loved my book. Yeah. Toy is my BFF for sure!
by Silver James November 17th, 2009 at 7:40 amToy – great name! I dedicated my first Bullet Catcher book, KILL ME TWICE, to Colleen because it’s a twin story and when we were in 8th grade, I wrote my first twin story (Ricki and Randi! Based on us, natch.) She’s read every word I’ve ever written, dating all the way back to my Here Come The Brides fan fic. xo
by Roxanne St. Claire November 17th, 2009 at 8:09 amMy inner circle knows who they are.
Great, touching post, Rocki!
by Kristen Painter November 17th, 2009 at 8:07 amI better be in it. Or else.
by Roxanne St. Claire November 17th, 2009 at 8:10 amFantastic story! What a great thing it is to have a best friend — that other half of ourselves! I’m fortunate that my BFF is also my little sister. Regardless of what’s going on in my life, my first phone call always has to be to her! I can only hope that we’ll stay this close forever… but I have a feeling we will.
by Meg November 17th, 2009 at 8:07 amLove that she’s both your sister and BFF. I always wanted a little sister, but only got to BE one. Thanks for the comment. xo
by Roxanne St. Claire November 17th, 2009 at 8:32 amI met my best friend, Robin, in the 7th grade. I was a geek and she (the new girl) seemed way too cool, but we soon met in the middle – I got a little cooler and she got a little geekier ; )
We’ve been through thick and thin together, shared an apartment together in our 20s, served as each other’s maid of honor, have traveled together, you name it – and I’m delighted to say we’re still in close touch and live only a half hour apart. She’s a busy executive now with three kids, and I’m a busy author, so we don’t talk constantly like we used to (oh, how my ear would hurt after hours on the phone with her in high school), but we keep in touch by e-mail and get together for dinner once every few weeks.
We are each other’s sounding board for EVERYTHING and I see her as the sister I never had. I truly cannot imagine how different – and less rich – my life would have been without her in it.
by Toni Blake November 17th, 2009 at 8:10 amToni, your Robin sounds just like my Colleen. So glad the geek & the cool girl found their middle ground! (Although I doubt very much you were a geek.)
xo
by Roxanne St. Claire November 17th, 2009 at 8:35 amActually today is my best friends 23rd birthday and we have big plans to celebrate with going to see New Moon this weekend and have lots of beer and pizza.
by Caitlin Usignol November 17th, 2009 at 9:18 amOh to be 23 and hang with your BFF for a movie, beer & pizza. Wait, I did that all weekend, except for the 23 part. Have fun, Caitlin! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire November 17th, 2009 at 9:34 amI met my best friend in grad school…we bonded due to slightly more outgoing personalities than the majority of the school (hey, we were studying to be librarians…!)
She’s such an amazing woman with a phenomenal sense of self that I feel lucky to have her in my life. She’s brilliant and supportive and the best road-trip partner EVER — we did a whirlwind trip to Memphis simply to see Graceland.
We’re both married, with kids and live far away from each other now. Thank goodness for email, Facebook, etc for keeping in touch. The great thing is, even if we are out of touch for a while we are able to pick right up when we do get back together as if we had never been apart!
by Barbara November 17th, 2009 at 9:19 amOutgoing librarians on a road trip to see Graceland….why am I thinking there’s a book in here?! Thanks for the comment, Barbara, so glad you have your BFF. xo
by Roxanne St. Claire November 17th, 2009 at 9:35 amWhen I was 25 I moved in with my uncle in New Jersey to get away from the 17% unemployment where I was living. After a few months of working as a Kelly girl, I saw an announcement in the church bulletin that they were looking for a temp. secretary to take over when their secretary had surgery and recovered. I called and got the job. I started on Thursday so she could walk me through what needed to be done. That was the day I met the deaconess, Jenni. Jenni was looking for a roommate and I was looking to move out of my uncle’s house. I moved in with her on Friday.
We became best friends pretty quickly. We lived together for a year and a half and while she didn’t introduce me to my husband, she is pretty much instrumental in getting us together as she sent the two of us out on an errand togethr after a church event. That’s when he learned I want to write romance and I fell in love with him when he didn’t flinch.
Eventually, she married his best friend from high school!
Since I married my husband we haven’t lived in the same town, and usually not even in the same state! There were several years we didn’t even live in the SAME COUNTRY!
But we’ve remained close. She dropped everything in September and rushed out to Pennsylvania from NJ to be there at my mother’s funeral. She was my rock when my husband and kids’ plane was late and they weren’t at the funeral unti the very end. She and her family stayed with us at my mother’s brother’s house and became family that night when they were willing to sleep on the floor in borrowed pajamas!
I love Jenni and she is my sister in so many ways other than biological! I’d never had a true best friend before her and I am so grateful for her love over the years!
by Nancy the Romancechick November 17th, 2009 at 9:47 amNancy, I loved your story! I’m so very sorry for the loss of your mother, so happy we all have these women “rocks” to hold on to during dark times. Thanks for the comment! xo PS. I was a Kelly Girl for while, too!
by Roxanne St. Claire November 17th, 2009 at 10:23 amI have known my BFF since 1st grade. I can’t even remember how we met it has been so long! Despite being separated by a move to another state, we still visited and stayed close. As we got older, we talk less frequently, but it is always as though we had just talked the day before. No awkward reconnecting, just friends. Old friends. I know she would do anything for me and I feel the same way about her. We stood up at each others weddings and she is my biggest fan when it comes to writing. She is the one who for years has pushed me and said, you can do this! I can’t imagine life without knowing she is there across the country a phone call away if I need her.
by Danielle Yockman November 17th, 2009 at 9:49 amThe writing thing is amazing, isn’t it? Especially when your BFF is NOT a writer, but they *get* your dream. And when you know each other from grade school, boy, there are a lot of memories, right? Thanks! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire November 17th, 2009 at 10:24 amI’ve been very fortunate to have one childhood bff and one adult bff who if i had to chose would get ultimate bff honors. I’m going to call her right now. Thanks Rocki. xoxo
by Karin Tabke November 17th, 2009 at 11:00 amYou’ve reminded me that my *other* BFF (from college) is celebrating a birthday today…hope she isn’t jealous of this blog! (Happy Birthday, Doreen! Love you!) How’s the Grandma biz, Karin? xo
by Roxanne St. Claire November 17th, 2009 at 2:39 pmso i called my bff, who is my youngest son’s godmother and who lives in VA, and we talked for hours. thanks, rocki. i really miss her.
on the grandma front, it’s bliss. gianna is perfect. such a doll.
by Karin Tabke November 17th, 2009 at 5:59 pmGood girl! And you got to share your baby bliss! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire November 18th, 2009 at 8:39 amI met my bff through kid #2. She’s the mom of his best friend. I had no way of knowing 7 yrs ago when we met that we would become such great friends but I am soo glad that we did.
She’s the first person I admitted to that I love to write. She’s been 100% supportive ever since.
When the kids or the hubbies are driving us nuts we’re each other’s first phone call and we always take each other’s side.
by HollyD November 17th, 2009 at 11:15 amLOL Holly. I love “we always take each other’s side.” Isn’t that the best feeling? You KNOW you’re going to get support from your BFF, no matter what you’ve done. xo
by Roxanne St. Claire November 17th, 2009 at 2:40 pmI don’t have any friends from grade school, high school or even college I’m still really close to. My closest friends are my writing friends but I’ve developed another circle of wonderful friends I met in a divorce recovery group. There’s nothing like a divorce to bond a group of women. One helped me move. I hired another (and her business partner) to hang curtain rods and mirrors for me in my apartment. The others have invited me to join them for dinner.
There’s nothing in the world as good as a good friend, especially one who will rearrange her Saturday and get her husband to cook so you can fly in for lunch.
by Marilyn November 17th, 2009 at 11:52 amLOL – Hop Sing is always ready to cook for my friends! So glad you’re finding soulmates during this rough time – that’s a silver lining, for sure.
by Roxanne St. Claire November 17th, 2009 at 2:41 pmI didn’t meet my BFF in school. We met at work nine years ago. We talk almost everyday. I don’t get to see her often because she moved to another state a couple of years ago, but at least I get to her voice. Every so often we’ll talk and laugh about the day we met and how we became friends.
by Jane November 17th, 2009 at 12:11 pmGreat story! I have several wonderful friends that I treasure.
I do have a friend I exchange Christmas cards with from way back. I hadn’t thought about her until I read this blog. I should email or write her
by Jen Lyon November 17th, 2009 at 12:16 pmGet on that, Jen! LOL. Glad to help. xo
by Roxanne St. Claire November 17th, 2009 at 5:22 pmI have to say that next to my older sister(we hated each other growing up, but talk every day now), my 6 best friends are the ones I met in college. We get together every month for dinner, and more often if we can find the time. Luckily, we all decided to move to the same area, and have been in that area for almost 15 years. We actually have a dinner planned this weekend and are calling each other like crazy to get everything planned. We also have our “Yaya vacation fund” so we can go on vacation together when we turn 40 in a couple of years. Our plan is Vegas at 40 and Italy at 50.
by Liza November 17th, 2009 at 12:28 pmLiza, you are SO lucky. My “group” friends, and several NBFFs (nearly) are now my writer friends. So nice that you have our group around you. xo
by Roxanne St. Claire November 17th, 2009 at 5:23 pmMe and my BFF have known each other for the last 20 years (since 5th grade). We are both very much alike. She’s the only person I can talk about my favorite topics : romance novels (in english). We have the same tastes so we often share the expense
by Emmanuelle November 17th, 2009 at 3:12 pmShe got married 2 years after me and ended up living in my building… pure luck (I know, weird). We don’t see each other that much but when we do we connect 100%. I really do love her, like the sister i don’t have. I’m going to have to tell her soon, thanks for reminding me !!
What an amazing story of sisterhood! Thanks for sharing!
by Debra Webb November 17th, 2009 at 5:20 pmHer name is Cathy and BFF’s since the 5th grade. She was there immediately when Ron passed and she and her husband and family always there for me and mine.
She’s the sister I never had, and like your friend doesn’t judge, just loves and supports.
We’ve been through good and bad together and speak to this day at least two times a week.
I’ve been blessed with wonderful friends, some I’ve had for over 20 years and others new to my circle but Cathy will always be the sister of my heart, my BFF.
by Marilyn S November 17th, 2009 at 7:37 pmMarilyn, I’m so glad you had Cathy during those dark days when you lost Ron. Give her a kiss for me and thank her for being such a good friend to you! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire November 18th, 2009 at 8:40 amI met my first BFF in third grade, when she surreptitiously passed me some grapes to snack on while we were taking state tests. We’ve stuck together since then, through first loves, first (and second and third) heartbreaks, first real jobs, and hopefully first marriages (although I’m not really sure I want the mantle of MOH
). She’s my voice of reason when I’m confused, and the one I know for sure is going to be in my corner, no matter what.
by Julie November 18th, 2009 at 12:56 amJust like Colleen – you met in third grade! LOL on the grapes. Isn’t it funny how you remember that moment. Thanks for commenting! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire November 18th, 2009 at 8:41 amWE HAVE A WINNER! It’s commenter #9 Caitlin Usignol. As always when I run a contest, my daughter randomly selects the winner – sometimes picking a lucky number, a name she likes, or moved by a particular comment. Caitlin mentioned going to see “New Moon” this weekend and my daughter, I swear to God, said, “She should read your book. It’s better.”
Now, she’s never READ my book (she’s 12) but I appreciated the support. And Mia chose Caitlin!
Caitlin – if you email me at roxannestc@cfl.rr.com with a snail mail addy, I’ll get the book right out to you.
Thanks, everyone! Now go call your BFF!!!
by Roxanne St. Claire November 18th, 2009 at 8:46 amxoxo
Rocki