 | 20 Oct 09 |
As I write this blog entry, it is very late on Monday night. Okay, somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean, it is actually Tuesday morning. Gulp. Normally, I write this post on Sun![snoopy[1]](http://www.murdershewrites.com/wp-content/uploads/snoopy1-150x150.jpg "snoopy[1]")
day afternoons, sometimes after I’ve been to the beach with a little time to mull on a topic, or maybe during a weekend/workday that I use to focus on non-writing tasks. In a little more than a year of enjoying this every other Tuesday at MSW, I’ve never been late or missed a blog. But I’m in the throes of a deadline the likes of which I’ve never experienced before. Maybe next time, I’ll tell you the long, ugly story of how I thought I’d made my deadline only to realize I had a huge hole in my story. Huge. Major. Grand effing Canyon sized. My editor, bless her ever-lovin’ heart and all of her offspring for generations to come, generously gave me a wee more time. So I am writing my fool head off now…and the last thing I’ve thought about since, well, two Tuesdays ago…is my blog.
Until tonight, when I fell flat on my face slobbering with exhaustion climbed into bed, kissed my husband and my dog (maybe not in that order) and then yelped, “Oh, sh…ugar, my blog post is due!” Pepper barked at my turmoil, but my beloved husband wisely suggested that I consider recycling something I’ve already written. Perish the thought! But then I looked at the clock…and remembered I have the “Snoopy Article” that’s been buried on my web site for a few years, but still gets the occasional “wow, thanks for the inspiration” from readers and writers. So, with deference to my deadline and a nod to another great dog, here is…
File It Under H: Heartbreak, Hope & the Holy Grail of Publishing
Something sent me to my old file drawer today; I was looking for an address of an agent for a friend, and I knew I’d queried that agent in the past. In my files, I pulled out a dog-eared, overstuffed, tear-stained file folder.
I remember creating that file, when I sent out my initial three agent queries for my first manuscript. I’m a fairly organized person, but for some reason I didn’t take the time to type out a label. This file folder bears one Sharpie-squiggled word on the tab: QUERIES.
And in it, I shoved a heck of a lot of heartbreak. But that’s not all that’s in that folder. There’s something else between those tattered edges. Something magical, something elusive, something that begs to be shared.
I started querying editors and agents in the early months of 2000. A copy of every one of my letters can be found in that file. So neat, and, yes, so overwritten. In the beginning, my manuscript was called STARSTRUCK. How appropriate. Here I am, agents, your next star! It’s all there…the clever opening line, the pithy one-graph storyline, the take-me-seriously bio, the plea.
The letters are individualized and customized; they are typo-free, right-hand justified, and oozing with optimism. As the quantity of queries increases in the file, the letters evolve. I changed the title of the book. I re-ordered the paragraphs of my query. I stopped comparing myself to other writers and started referring to our recent meeting at a conference. I boasted about contest wins. I tried funny. I tried dry. I tried straightforward and businesslike. I tried. I tried. And I tried. I tried so freaking hard it hurts to remember how hard I tried.
Behind all those copies of my letters, separated by lists of names and notes, is the big fat section of real heartbreak.
The letterheads vary, and the quality of the type is sporadic. Some are sloppy copies, and some are clean originals, but the message is consistent: Not at this time…your story is original, but not for us…thank you but we regret that…we are not seeking unpublished clients…not sufficiently enthusiastic….pardon the impersonal nature, but…I’m afraid I’ll have to pass on this one…and my favorite – arriving two years and seven months after sending the query…sorry for the delay in responding.
Let me tell you something, writers. I loved going through that file. It was a snapshot of my tenacity, a testament to persistence, a two-inch think monument to one woman’s stubborn refusal to take no for an answer.
Just behind that file, hanging so close that the two pendaflex folders practically kiss, is another neatly tabbed section of my life. This typed label says: contracts. In it, dated twenty-seven months from the date of my first query letter, is my very first contract. Behind that juicy legal-sized document are several more just like it. All signed. All sold. Money sent and (you can bet) spent.
So, this afternoon, I sat on my office floor and read every one of those rejection letters again. The vast majority – about thirty – were from agents. All were in response to a manuscript which has yet to sell. (Big lesson there.) Tears threatened to dislodge my contacts, as the old ache returned. Like when I occasionally read a passage from Morning Glory, just to revel in the emotion of LaVyrle Spencer, just to feel that tug at my heart and know I’m human. Yes, I cried. I cried to remember how it felt to stand in my driveway, ripping open an envelope that I had typed, but a nameless secretary mailed. And the words were just too familiar. Thank you for your submission, however…. That knot in my throat would strangle me as I sweat in the afternoon humidity, the relentless Florida sun grinding me into the asphalt like some giant, imaginary heel …you can’t do this…you can’t achieve this…you’re dreamin’, girlie.
And every time, I’d return to the air conditioned comfort of my home to quietly slip the rejection into my QUERIES file. And I’d seek my solace. I’d turn to my husband and my kids for humor and comfort, to my friends for validation of my skills, to my work in progress for a distraction. At night, alone, I’d release the tears, but never the confidence that had gone with that original query. Never, never my dream.
The next day, I’d write another letter and slip in one more ounce of optimism. The supply, I learned, is never-ending.
One day, my self-addressed envelope didn’t boomerang back at me. Instead, I received a call; an agent heard my voice. And liked it! And nearly a year later, I answered another call. The one that I’d imagined. The one that I’d role-played a thousand times. The call I knew would come if I continued to write and work and believe. The QUERY file was closed.
Until today, when I had reason to open the file and retrace my steps over that steep, dangerous, winding, poorly-marked, but irresistible road to publication. Revisiting that brief but difficult journey made me want to share that experience with my chaptermates and friends. It made me want to repeat – no, no, to holler at the top of my lungs – my mantra: Persistence and determination and tenacity and sheer bulldoggedness are as important as talent in this business.
Did you hear me?
In the back of the file, I found a yellowed cartoon I’d clipped from the newspaper. It’s Snoopy, at his mailbox. Dear Contributor, states the letter he reads. We are returning your stupid story. You are a terrible writer. Why do you bother us? We wouldn’t buy one of your stories if you paid us. Leave us alone. Drop dead. Get lost. In the last square, Snoopy rests on his doghouse. Probably a form rejection slip, he thinks.
Oh, yeah. Snoopy knows where to file that rejection. His dream is protected, his heart is in tact. File that letter under H for Hope, that dream-sustaining elixir, the Holy Grail of publishing.
Here’s to hope! What keeps yours alive when a form rejection comes in? What protects your dream, whatever it may be? And while we’re thinking about hope…I hope that by next time I write, my deadline is met and the manuscript is finished!! To thank you for letting Snoopy pinch hit today, I’m giving away one copy of Hunt Her Down! Leave a comment about hope…and I hope you win!
© 2009 Roxanne St. Claire. All rights reserved.
Roxanne St. Claire is a bestselling, RITA-Award winning author of twenty-four novels of romance and suspense. For the past several years, she's been writing a popular romantic suspense series called “The Bullet Catchers” for Pocket Star Books, featuring a cadre of bodyguards and security professionals. In 2010, she's launching a new series, "The Guardian Angelinos" focusing on an extended family of renegade crime fighters and investigators based in Boston. The first book in that series, EDGE OF SIGHT, will be released from Grand Central Publishing in November, 2010, with two more scheduled in 2011. In addition to the RITA, her books have won the National Reader’s Choice Award, the Daphne Du Maurier Award, the Maggie Award, the Booksellers Best, the Book Buyers Best, The HOLT Medallion, multiple Awards of Excellence, and Borders “Top Pick” for Romance in 2007.
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What a lovely blog Roxanne ! Very inspirational indeed.
by Emmanuelle October 20th, 2009 at 4:31 amMy way to handle rejection is working at being better. I need to keep faith in ME and that goes with giving the best I can whenever I can. If I know I did my best, I can handle rejection better. At the end of the day, what is really worth is how I consider my own work.
Again, great blog, Thank you
Keeping the faith in YOU in the face of rejections is the most difficult battle you face, Emmanuelle. It’s so easy to just throw up your hands (or your lunch) and say “I’m not good enough.” That’s why tenacity is key. Good luck!! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 6:31 amI’ve saved all my rejections as well–even the ones that are my own query with “NO” emblazoned in bright blue ink. Being the ‘perfect’ student in school, always getting good grades, etc. (ok, hate me, but I loved school and teachers liked me) I’d never dealt much with rejection until I started writing and submitting.
This, by far, remains my ‘favorite:’
“We did review your proposal, and for some reason we don’t feel we can represent it. Some of them come close, and yours may well be one of those, but we do have our reasons for declining.”
When I got an agent, I still got rejections, but at least they were faster to come back, and usually much friendlier.
I’m no longer agented, and I’m still dealing with wondering if I can handle another round of those rejection letters if I start sending out queries for my new project. Even after having 5 books published with small presses, I’m not sure it’s any easier, because each book is a ‘start from scratch’ proposition.
But, as I work through galleys of my next release, I know there’s always hope. And besides, I LIKE the writing part.
by Terry Odell October 20th, 2009 at 4:50 amTerry -how wonderful to see you here!
I had to laugh out loud at that rejection – I have one similar that was a total *headdesk* – keep writing, please. You are too good to quit!!
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 6:32 amLove this post! As a new writer, and I do take great freedom with the word writer, it is always interesting how your favorite authors get started. I have yet to take the leap and show a “stranger” my writing, but have revised my query letter within an inch of its life!! But now, in reading this, let the journey begin!!!
by susan October 20th, 2009 at 5:11 amWhen you take the leap, have a parachute handy. That could be friends, family, chocolate, wine, any number of things to catch you when you fall. Because you WILL fall…and the trick is to get back up and jump again. Good luck, Susan! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 6:34 amI went twenty years and a lot of life between submissions, rejections and first contract. Small press, but hey! My hope is off again…..requested submission this time. Big house. Full…. No agent yet. Sort of working on that. Hope springs eternal, and all that.
Back to jury duty. Boy, will I have some tales!
by Silver James October 20th, 2009 at 5:29 amSilver – you better be taking notes at Jury Duty. It’s research, for sure. I can’t wait to be your booksigning assistant! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 6:35 amRoxanne, Thanks to your advice not to give up and to keep submitting, I received “the call” from Harlequin American Romance in May. You are my inspiration, the source of my persistance. I frequently repeat your words when I tell others to learn the craft, get their work out there and, most of all, hang onto the hope because dreams do come true.
Here’s hoping you meet your deadline.
by Leigh Duncan October 20th, 2009 at 6:02 amOh, Leigh! I’m so honored to be a source of inspiration. I knew the night I curled up in my living room and dug into that manuscript that you were going to sell it. I didn’t know we’d all be YEARS older when you did, but I had faith and, much more imporantly, so did you! Can’t wait to get my hands on THE OFFICER’S GIRL. (And, ahem, the Officer.) xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 6:36 amEight years of rejection and still counting. When I sent out my first query on my first story I thought I was the next best thing since sliced bread. I now know that I had a lot to learn and will continue learning throughout all my writing years.
I keep going because I’ve found my voice and I like it. My writing voice is very distinctive and it definitely isn’t for everyone, but it’s mine and I think I’ll keep it.
I’m sure I’ll keep adding to my rejection file for many years, but at least I now enjoy what I’m writing and who I am as a writer–being published would be the thick layer of icing on the cake of my life.
by Margaret A. Golla October 20th, 2009 at 6:07 amMargaret – You are so smart to enjoy the process now and even smarter to recognize that your voice is distinct. THAT is the most marketable element of all…even if you *think* that want somebody that sounds like everyone else. Keep singing your tune just the way you do…someone will hear! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 6:38 amI’ve only had the one book rejected, but that’s one for one in the novel department since it’s the only one I’ve written. I’m trying to decide if I can come up with a book to write for NaNoWriMo next month, since the aforementioned book was a NaNo book and quite frankly I need something to force me back into writing.
Right now I have so much other heartbreak that a book rejection is pretty trivial in the grand scheme of things. I recently had a small 2 x 3 inch ink drawing framed. My mom gave it to me and it sat in my kitchen window, still in the cellophane, sans a frame, for over 25 years. I decided to frame it for my new apartment. It’s not a standard size so I figured I’d just have a new mat cut and put it in a standard frame. Nope. Wouldn’t work and look right. Soooo, $45 later it’s all framed and double matted and ready to be hung in a special place. What does this little thing say that gives me hope?
“God never closes a door without opening a window.”
I try not to focus on the closed doors behind me, but on the open windows ahead. It isn’t always easy, but I’m going to do it or bust.
And this reminds me my own blog is due tomorrow and I have nothing written for it. Wonder what’s hiding on my hard drive?
by Marilyn October 20th, 2009 at 6:24 amMarilyn, your journey this year has been a living hero’s journey…and you are just about at the HEA. I feel it, honey. I’m so proud of you. And, by the way, that window you’ve been climbing in? There’s a book waiting on the other side for you. You’ll find it, and you’ll write it when you’re ready. xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 6:40 amSnoopy–Nice of you to pinch hit today. For me, hope comes from the Lord. If you believe in God, you hope.
by GSM October 20th, 2009 at 6:49 amWow, I started crying reading this. I also keep all of my rejections. That way one day if/when I get the call instead I can say I never quit and never gave up.
Thanks so much for sharing this with us and good luck with your new deadline.
by HollyD October 20th, 2009 at 8:38 amWhen, not if, Holly. Hold the hope and thanks for getting teary. Such a compliment! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 8:47 amI too keep all my rejections, in a firebox, no less. Even the emailed ones, I print out. What can I say?
I’ve always said that something will sell eventually. But in the thirteen years I’ve been sending my work out, I only recently received a kind of acceptance: A contest winning story. 
That gave me the hope I needed *not* to give in and self-publish, though I have tons of friends who have. So, yeah, I’m not giving up yet. I still hope for the best!
by Julianne October 20th, 2009 at 9:14 amYou know, I recently had to look through old contest comments to find something and THAT was a blog in and of itself. There were a few doozies – including one from a woman who basically told me to hang up my keyboard, I was a hack. She signed her name. She remains unpublished. Just going to throw that out there.
Thanks for commenting! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 10:54 amYour blogs are the best, you inspire me so much
by Barbie October 20th, 2009 at 9:27 amI hope to be, one day, at least half of the human being you are, the mother and the writer. And I know I’ll be kickass.
Am always by your side and rooting for you, you know this!
Love you, Rocki.
You ARE kickass and I love you to pieces. And I loved that VIDEO! Wait, now I must find the link and share it. Anyone who’s ever experienced rejection must watch this, courtesy of my cyber-daughter, Barbie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XDxhDbtDak
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 10:55 amRocki, what a fabulous post! Makes me wish I was nearly as organized. I have a folder…here somewhere!
by Debra Webb October 20th, 2009 at 9:32 amHah! You crack me up, Deb! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 10:56 amThanks for this post, I needed it. I have my share of rejection letters but making progress; they are now addressed to Mr. Ray rather than Mrs. Ray. Now if I can only address one more concern. Its the non-rejection, the non-replies that is hard to understand. I’ve had many fulls and partials out for over a year.
However, I sent out another story yesterday and busy on the next. Thanks for the encouragement.
Johnny Ray
by Johnny Ray October 20th, 2009 at 9:35 amDear Ms. Ray,
DON’T GIVE UP!
xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 10:56 amAwesome post, Rocki!
I remember you talking about this very topic at a chapter meeting long ago. When I got to STAR you were already an author with two books under your belt, so I was surprised you had ever been rejected.
by Lara Santiago October 20th, 2009 at 9:43 amI especially remember being inspired to keep going even in the face of rejection after rejection.
I never kept an official “queries” file, but I certainly did keep a contract file once I sold and it’s a big fat file now.
Thanks for the walk down memory lane.
L
You didn’t keep a query file because you sold with lightning speed and haven’t stopped publishing since! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 10:58 amRocki,
by Jessica Scott October 20th, 2009 at 9:56 amThank you for sharing your file with us. I won’t go into how many rejections I had before landing my fab agent, but let’s just say I’m glad for each and every one. In hind sight, my book was not ready and should not have gone out. Each rejection made me want to go back and revisit and try to make it stronger. Each rejection got me closer to writing a readable book and learning more about my craft. Each rejection got me closer to finding the agent that was the right one, as opposed to the right now.
Rejection is incredibly hard to live through. I had my tears, hell, I still do. This is not an easy business but my all time favorite quote: A professional writer is one who didn’t quit.
Great post!
Thanks, Jess. Yes, the rejections do make us better writers…if they give us some idea why we were rejected. Most of them just make us feel like crap. So glad you have your wonderful agent!
xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 10:58 amI have always believed Snoopy will be published one day! The dog knows how to Dream Big!
Rejections both hurt and often humiliated me. Seriously. I wasn’t yet good enough and I had to face that in order to get better. But once I did, once I got past the stomach cramping disappointment (in myself), I pushed myself to learn and improve. It’s my natural reaction…
What? I’m not good enough? Wanna bet?
Great blog!
by Jen Lyon October 20th, 2009 at 10:01 amOooh, Jen. Stomach cramping disappointment. What a perfect, on the money description of the feeling. You must be a writer!! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 4:36 pmGreat blog! Exactly what I needed to read today. This business is brutal. All I can do is keep trying, keep learning, and keep writing.
by Kendra October 20th, 2009 at 10:39 amThanks for this post Rocki. I’ve kept all of my rejections, even the ones that are nothing more than a form.
My hope comes from several areas. Science Guy is amazing and continues to tell me I can do this and will do it.
You guys, my friends who are authors and share with me/us what it was like to get to where you are today always gives me hope.
And believe it or not, the actual rejection letters give me hope. Even though I haven’t sold, I’m now getting the ones that say, your voice is strong, or the story is very appealing, or I love the characters, and things like that. These letters tell me I’m on the right track and to keep going.
by Vicki October 20th, 2009 at 11:07 amThere is such a thing as a “good rejection.” The oxymoron always makes me laugh, but it’s true. Rock on, Vicki. Kiss Science Guy for me (but don’t get him all worked up, for heaven’s sake). xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 4:38 pmThat post gave me goose bumps. Though I’m only in the writing process and have yet to get to the rejection stage as I read about the lump in your throat as you opened the letters I knew exactly how you felt. Everyone has been there maybe not with writing but with something. I loved the advice you gave me at plotmonkeys.com. Unfortunatley I’m unable to go to the Tara retreat in November,
but I’m looking forward to meeting you.
by Michele Benard October 20th, 2009 at 12:10 pmMichele – the retreat is going to be AMAZING. I wish you could be there. So glad the advice helped! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 4:38 pmIn the 80′s I wrote a children’s book which was rejected by some 20 houses. Then I wrote another non-fiction book, which was also rejected by many publishers, so I self-published it (and it has sold over 10,000 copies, so there!). The success of that book earned me a contract for a similar book, which ended up not being very well marketed by the publisher. The copyright reverted to me and I republished it in a different (electronic) format, whereupon I sold nearly as many as the publisher had.
So I learned fairly early on that rejection is often just a question of fitting the round peg into the round hole. There is nothing shameful or bad about it, at least in my experience. I may still one day publish that children’s book!
by Karen in Ohio October 20th, 2009 at 12:15 pmKaren, I just read an amazing blog about print v. ebook royalties and the benefits of keeping your own rights. I think this is the link: http://jakonrath.blogspot.com/2009/10/kindle-numbers-traditional-publishing.html
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 4:39 pmThanks for the link, Rocki. That’s very interesting, and it’s just the impetus I needed to get off my duff and put my books online. Compared to having to dupe CDs and ship, ebooks are a no-brainer.
by Karen in Ohio October 20th, 2009 at 7:35 pmMy rejection file encompasses several bulging manila folders in one entire file drawer. there are hundreds. and those aren’t the e-rejections i didn’t print.
Hope: The expectation of achieving our goal. Lose hope and you lose the goal.
Great post, Rocki, even in a pinch, it’s a message none of will ever get tired of hearing.
by Karin Tabke October 20th, 2009 at 12:58 pmThanks, Karin. Don’t lose hope!!! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 4:40 pmRoxanne
by Sue October 20th, 2009 at 1:04 pmDon’t ever give up you are to good of a writter
love you blog today
How much do I love Sue, MY NUMBER ONE FAN???? A lot, that’s how much! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 20th, 2009 at 4:40 pmIt’s as though Snoopy’s rejection letter was stolen from my dreams..well…nightmares. I really had a dream the other night an editor called just to tell me she hated my rewrite and that I had broken my MS.
So while I await an answer either way, I’ll definitely remember this blog. Very encouraging. If you don’t submit, you can’t get published. And rejection won’t kill you, even if it will make you retch and cry. But after the retching and crying, picking yourself up and continuing on is the only thing to do!
Thanks for the encouragement, Roxanne!
Maisey
by Maisey October 20th, 2009 at 5:00 pmMaisey – I had that same dream…only it was real! And I was awake. And it wasn’t my editor, it was my agent, and the word wasn’t “hate” but that’s all I heard. Bottom line, it never gets easier! Thanks for the comment!
by Roxanne St. Claire October 21st, 2009 at 8:22 amAs someone with a very thin skin who takes rejection way too personally, I found your Snoopy blog wonderful, especially the reprint of the words in the comic. I’m going to dig out my buried works and try again. Thanks for the encouragement by example.
by Barbara Maller October 20th, 2009 at 5:47 pmI have thin skin, too, Barbara. That’s why they invented wine. (And whine.)
by Roxanne St. Claire October 21st, 2009 at 8:22 amxo
What a wonderful testament of grit and determination! Proof to all aspiring writers that hard work and continued perserverence can bring a happy ending!
Thank you for sharing this!
by Laurie October 20th, 2009 at 5:48 pmYou are inspirational….love your writing. Think I might have a Bullet Catcher in the world of fiction!!!!! Only revision is I get the guy!!
by Catherine October 20th, 2009 at 7:16 pmCatherine! Which one do you want??? xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 21st, 2009 at 8:23 am
wtg
by kh October 20th, 2009 at 10:36 pmlove yoru books
great post
pleae count me in
I’m not a writer but what keeps me going when I’m down are my daughters. For so many years it was just the three of us supporting each other and now that they are grown and married with children of their own they still continue to be my emotional support. Since I was diagnosed with severe rheumatoid arthritis they have been they for me every step of the way, helping me with whatever I need. I don’t know what I would do without them, they are the lights of my life.
by Linda Henderson October 21st, 2009 at 12:27 amThere is NOTHING like a daughter, right? I’m happy you have three loving you so much. You must be a VERY good mother, Linda! xo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 21st, 2009 at 8:23 am30 rejections? That’s it? I had over 100 . . . and I still have every one. It keeps us humble
by Allison Brennan October 21st, 2009 at 7:21 amGreat post, Rocki! And sentiments I firmly believe in.
by Kristen Painter October 21st, 2009 at 8:55 amWE HAVE A WINNER!!! Maisey, poster #23 has won a copy of HUNT HER DOWN (or any Roxanne St. Claire backlist book, if she’s already read that one!). CONGRATULATIONS, Maisey…you had me at your dream. Which, as I said, was my reality this week. Email me at roxannestc@cfl.rr.com with and addy and book request and it’s yours!
And thank you ALL for such wonderful comments.
xoxo
by Roxanne St. Claire October 21st, 2009 at 9:00 amSnoopy & Rocki