 | 6 Jul 09 |
I have less than two months to my deadline. But I’m not panicking. Okay that’s a lie. I’m in full blown OH-FREAKING-HELL-DEADLINE PANIC. There is a serious, but possibly little know side effect of OH-FREAKING-HELL-DEADLINE-PANIC. It’s called, Waking Up Stupid. I know, it happened to me. Take a phone call this week from my son:
“Mom, you know my shot records?”
“What?” I just couldn’t process the words. I know he didn’t just tell me someone was shot. He sounds too calm, even bored. Far as I know he doesn’t have a police record, nor does he own any vinyl records. Shot records? My brain just drew a blank.
My son tried again, “You know, my shot records?”
Still not processing. I tried, really I did. Was he talking about his dog’s vaccinations? He has a really cute Miniature Pincher named Bailey. But he just got the dog from a friend, so why would he call me about the dog’s shot records? “Uhh…”
“Mom, the records you sent home with my brother (he actually said his brother’s name, but notice how cleverly I avoided saying his brother’s name) last time he was out? The records I need to show the college that I had the measles shot?”
“OH! Your shot records.” Now I remember. Last time my oldest son came home to visit, I gave him the shot records for his brother since they live together. YAY! I remember!
There was a big, massive, honking MALE sigh on the other end of the phone. “You’re in the middle of writing, aren’t you?”
“Maybe.” What’s his point? I can be stupid even when I’m not writing. Wait, that doesn’t sound right. I tried to focus. “You have the records right?”
“Yes, but I can’t find the measles shot on here. I need to take it down to the school today.”
“Look for MMR,” I explained now that I knew what the heck I was talking about.
“It’s not here. There’s just one shot listed.”
“Huh?” But my mental gears were finally shifting. I even managed to remember what his shot records looked like. “You only see one shot? Wait, did you take the paper out of the plastic sleeve?”
“It comes out?” He sounded surprised.
Smirking, but using my patient mom voice, I said, “Take it out and unfold it.” I heard shuffling then…
“OH! There are a lot of shots. There’s MMR, cool!”
“Hmm. And you’re in college?” I was laughing out loud now. This is my kid who can fix or assemble most anything. That it didn’t occur to him to pull the folded cardboard record out of the sleeve and open it up seems wildly hilarious to me!
But let’s be realistic. What’s more stupid? The way that shot record appeared, my son’s assumption was logical (just trust me). However, my not being able to grasp the two words, “shot records?” That’s a medical condition known as Waking Up Stupid.
It happens to me a lot on Deadlines. Here’s another symptom of the condition: I’m writing this blog sunburned. Why? Because I am too stupid to know when to get out of the pool and come into the house. There was sunscreen sitting on the table. I even said at one point to my husband, “I might be getting burned.” But I was swimming laps and floating on the raft and THINKING ABOUT MY BOOK. Now I’m sunburned.
I could go on and on. I finally made a special trip out to buy a curling iron. My favorite curling iron is fraying on the cord, revealing all kinds of pretty wires inside. I maybe be stupid, but I’m not suicidal, so I dragged myself out to the store and bought a new one. Only after I spent fifteen minutes opening up the package did I realize it’s the WRONG SIZE curling iron. Something that should have been obvious to me when I bought it or at least before I opened it.
Waking Up Stupid. Will I have to Wake Up Stupid for the next two months? Am I the only one who suffers from this condition?
Award winning author, Jennifer Lyon, always wanted to be a witch. Since her witch-powers never materialized, she went onto Plan B and now she creates magic in her books. In her new series, the author of the acclaimed Samantha Shaw Mystery Series (written as Jennifer Apodaca) introduces the Witch Hunters, legendary men who must overcome a curse to team up with witches and fight evil.
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You’re not alone. It’s a usual state for me. Any time I’m focused on something else and someone asks me a question, I get a case of the Stupids. I think my family is used to it. I just feel bad for the strangers I encounter during that state. They always walk away looking at me like I’m Mortimer Snerd. (If you don’t know who that is, he was one of Edgar Bergen’s dummies, and man was he dense.)
And now I feel old and stupid. ;o)
by B.E. Sanderson July 6th, 2009 at 5:41 amTerry, you are not old and stupid! I love that name Mortimer Snerd…and if I admit I don’t know who this is, remember, I’m woke up stupid
Why is it so hard to shift our brains out of the book?
by Jen Lyon July 6th, 2009 at 8:25 amLOL, Darlin’ you were having a bad brain day yesterday, weren’t you? S’okay, I can be Terry if it’ll help.
For me, it’s not so much a matter of shifting out of the book as it is of having a tough time changing gears.
Oh, and here’s a YouTube of Edgar Bergan with Mortimer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oa63fWWwEs – he shows up about 2 minutes or so in.
by B.E. Sanderson July 7th, 2009 at 5:35 amb.E. OMG–I really am brain dead! Sheesh. i’m so sorry! Let me take a minute to bang my head on the my desk and see if I can jump start my brain.
by Jen Lyon July 7th, 2009 at 9:42 amAnd on the flip side, I will also assume that anyone I ask a question (mostly hubby) will automatically have followed my meandering changes out thought processes and not wonder where the heck that questions came from, since we were just talking about something else.
(Scary thing is, hubby is usually able to follow – guess after 40 years, our brains have melded)
by Terry Odell July 6th, 2009 at 5:53 amTerry, I can totally relate to this! My husband is the same way! I once called him at work and said, “What would happen if I handcuff a man to that gas pipe in the garage?” He told me and that ended up in the book I was working on. Husbands like that are priceless, yes???
by Jen Lyon July 6th, 2009 at 8:26 amYes, he definitely has his good qualities. Thank goodness for that — I could NOT train another one.
by Terry Odell July 6th, 2009 at 8:30 amI’m deaf (no that isn’t exactly synonymous with stupid, but close sometimes). I’ve been known to be in the midst of writing and my cell phone will vibrate. I can ignore it, but apparently if I don’t answer it, there is a panic attack across the board; I’ve somehow harmed myself and I’m unable to answer.
Uh yeah, and I’m supposed to be the stupid one. Usually I’ll just text a cryptic few words. Sometimes I forget I’m texting and continue the story line instead. Computer, texting…not a lot of difference when it comes to clicking away on keys.
If they don’t think they’ve got the wrong number by that time, I usually get a huh? I seriously think I have several lines of my current book floating on the airwaves of text nirvana.
Maybe it would be better if they thought I had somehow harmed myself *winks*.
by Indigo July 6th, 2009 at 7:31 amIndigo, interesting! I love your story! First off, it’s great that people care about you so much, but pretty funny that they somehow assume you’ve harmed yourself when you don’t answer the text.
But the best part is continuing your storyline on the text! I can see doing that! Can you imagine how baffled authorties would be if they ever looked at your text messages for some reason???
by Jen Lyon July 6th, 2009 at 8:31 amThank God I’m not the only one who goes stupid on deadlines….and, like Terry said, I assume everyone knows exactly what I’m talking about when I dare to speak (mostly roar) when on deadline…
by Debra Webb July 6th, 2009 at 7:47 amDeb, is there any other way to speak when we’re on deadline? Roaring is just normal at that point
So glad I’m not alone! I just keep doing strange things.
by Jen Lyon July 6th, 2009 at 8:32 amQuantum mind leaps. Doesn’t everyone operate that way?
And my favorite line of all time? Stupid is as stupid does. Like a cat, I simply smile and look arch, my whole attitude indicating, “I meant to do that!”
Speaking of cats, I need to make a note for a someday character compliments of my bank teller, who doesn’t have pets because they keep commiting suicide, which really isn’t funny, but it sort of is and…..
by Silver James July 6th, 2009 at 11:09 amSilver, how do you find these people like that bank teller! That’s a new one. And yeah, it’s funny only not funny.
Quantum mind leaps says it all
I’ll work on my Cat Attitude.
by Jen Lyon July 6th, 2009 at 2:52 pmI went it to transfer funds between accounts. She was telling me about her bird that flew into a ceiling fan (that was on). And some sort of fish thingy that kept leaping out of the aquarium and her cat, that would try to jump up on the table and hit it’s head and fall senseless to the floor. I…managed not to laugh until I was in the car. I…I can’t help it. I’m warped, truly. I giggled all the way home. And I so have to make some hapless heroine have pets like these…or at least tell this story as to the reason she doesn’t HAVE pets! LOLOL!
by Silver James July 6th, 2009 at 3:03 pmSilver, what a character!
by Jen Lyon July 6th, 2009 at 6:42 pmMaybe it is the season. Lately my husband will talk to me and I’ll have him repeat it because I heard the words but didn’t understand them.
LOL about the shot record.
by Jill James July 6th, 2009 at 3:53 pmJill, at least it’s not just me
by Jen Lyon July 6th, 2009 at 6:43 pmWaking up stupid is allowed. What does he expect when he pops a question on you cold with no explanation. I can remember several instances with my kids or husband asking me something (or worse, someone at work) and just not having it compute. The worst part is it is usually something really simple and so obvious when you finally “wake up” and get it. It is a state we all find ourselves in at one time or another. We all suffer from overload and that is one of the side effects.
by Patricia Barraclough July 6th, 2009 at 7:05 pmstupid? nah, you’re being too hard in yourself. forgetful maybe? on a different planet in a different galaxy? could be. but never stupid. you’re too smart to be stupid.
by Karin Tabke July 6th, 2009 at 7:11 pmAh, Karin, thanks! And really, is there a rule that we have to always be on the same Universe as everyone else? LOL!
by Jen Lyon July 7th, 2009 at 9:44 am