 | 24 Jun 09 |
My mother was Irish, and therefore, had a dozen expressions.
My favorite, though, was always, “Don’t be peein’ on me head and tellin’ me it’s raining.”
She didn’t actually have the accent when I was older, until the day she died, when suddenly she was speaking Gaelic again and thinking that I understood. I remember as a child wanting to learn, and the way she looked at me. “Just who in your world would you ever speak to?” There’s sense to that–she was always very sensible. She spoke with no accent, or an America “Johnny Carson” accent, as she was taught she must do at that time to become a good American. But her mother, her mother’s mother, and all the rest kept it. The sayings went around, and in my head, they’ve always got that little twist of the old country.
She knew many good sayings. Truisms, maybe.
What is, is. And that’s the way it is. Sugar coating doesn’t change anything. Most of us really want the truth, and that’s that.
Another favorite saying she had about certain people was, “Ah, but he can fall into a pile of @#$% and come up smelling like roses.”
Then, there are those to whom the weird things in the world happen, and there’s no malice involved, they just happen.
And for that group, “The banshees be pinching his behind from birth ’til death, and just playin’ they are, for he’ll have days and days o’ the like!”
Basically, this meant that would things would go bizarrely wrong for someone–but they’d live a nice long life while they were going on!
Hm. I’m afraid I’m falling into that category.
Those who know me are fully aware that organization is not my key virtue. It is a virtue that is actually totally lacking. But most the time, I stumble along. I get things done. As long as I don’t try to clean up, I can usually find what I need. Seriously, if you visit me, suggest that I do not clean while you’re there. My house is known for swallowing things, like single shoes, IPods, books, and it clearly adores eating up pieces of paper with important information. All clothing dryers, I believe, consume one sock out of a pair now and then. My house consumes just about everything. It isn’t evil–just hungry.
Do I ever win the lottery? Definitely not.
Ahha. But I was a random choice for an audit!
Which would be fine. I’m one of the few people who actually believe in taxes–although I certainly wish I had more of a say on how they were spent! II understand that we have to collect money for roads, bridges, police and firefighters and teachers (underpaid) and that there will be a time when I read that a congresswoman used tax-payer money in the tens of thousands to rent a luxury car for two weeks, and that it was legal.
I understand there are very good things, and also, there will always be those who know loopholes.
In truth and fairness, I don’t mind the concept of an audit.
Except that I’m in the midst!
And I’m reconstructing. I lost almost everything in flooding–I live in storm country. Trust me, that happens a lot down here. We don’t need hurricanes, we just need some of the never-ending rain like that going on now! While I was being cast out of New Orleans by Gustav last year, rains were bearing down upon my house on top of papers I had moved because they’d been in the realm of the leaks before. Those areas are now perfectly dry, other than . . . well, it’s pouring now. It’s summer in Miami, and we’re all being amazed by the same weather that amazes us every year. “Honestly, it wasn’t this bad last year!” But it was. Hot as hell–though, oddly enough, cooler than many places in summer, because we do get the ocean breezes. But the rain . . . well, it does seem never-ending.
And as to the rain . . . .
On that subject, my dog is eleven years old. He might have been born in Kansas and purchased in New York–we bought him on a spur of the moment thing on a business trip, go figure–but he spent his entire little Cairn terrier life in Miami where, every single summer, it rains. A lot. Huge storms. Thunder and lightning. Sometimes, for hours. Bless him. He still barks on end whenever it rains. He doesn’t hide–he goes into attack mode.
So, I’m working on reconstructing my financial year and finishing a book, and being me, I write for an hour–add for an hour–writer for an hour–and call the bank and beg them again to hurry with my records. The dog barks and barks . . . and I write for an hour, and add for an hour, and then just curse a lot because the bank hasn’t called me back.
That’s okay. No one can hear me. The dog is still barking.
I think that, sometimes, fate kind of decides to “pee” on our heads.
Oh, and it’s raining at the same time!
Heather Graham
© 2009, Heather Graham. All rights reserved.
Heather Graham has appeared on Entertainment Tonight, Romantically Speaking, a TV talk show that aired nationwide on the Romance Classics cable channel, and CBS Sunday News. She has been quoted in People and USA Today, been profiled in The Nation, and featured in Good Housekeeping. Her books have been selections for the Doubleday Book Club and the Literary Guild. She has been published across the world in more than 15 languages and has published over 70 titles, including anthologies and short stories.
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Bless your heart! But I know you, you will survive! And when it rains, it often pours! Grab that umbrella and keep writing those marvelous stories!
by Debra Webb June 24th, 2009 at 5:55 amDeb, thanks! As always, you’re a doll!
by heather graham June 24th, 2009 at 3:23 pmI believe in taxes to pay for stuff. I just wish they were easy enough for the average citizen to do in a simple, straightforward fashion. And I wish they were fair. Good luck.
I lived in Miami for 13 years. I’m in central Florida now. We get more thunderstorms here. Except for the past week, when it’s been just plain miserably hot.
And I love those sayings. My mom used to say (in German, although eventually I understood enough to figure it out) “If my aunt had nuts, she’d be my uncle.”
by Terry Odell June 24th, 2009 at 6:10 amOh, my God, I love it! That’s another one to remember!
by heather graham June 24th, 2009 at 3:24 pmYIKES on the audit. Good luck.
Love the “Peeing” statement.
by ArkansasCyndi June 24th, 2009 at 6:40 amThanks. She’s seriously a very decent young woman. She just has a job to do. I just have to hope I can give her everything she wants. Poor thing, I felt terrible for her–she got stuck in that awful, awful weather from Broward to Miami.
by heather graham June 24th, 2009 at 3:26 pm*eyes clothes basket with FIFTEEN single socks* I wonder if their mates will ever return?
Murphy’s Law, Heather. If you win the lottery, you will be audited every year.
The Irish have always had a way with words and expressing their rather unique take on life.
May the bank call you soon, the storm pass, and the dog find a bone to chew.
by Silver James June 24th, 2009 at 7:15 amSilver, the missing socks will show up as soon as you toss their mates.
by Terry Odell June 24th, 2009 at 7:30 amIs that how it works? LOL! I’ve had some of those socks languishing for their sole mates for years now.
by Silver James June 24th, 2009 at 9:12 amAnd may ye be in Heaven an hour before the Devil knows you’re dead!
by heather graham June 24th, 2009 at 3:25 pmUses for single socks, just in case:
Clean stuff with, especially dusting.
by Karen in Ohio June 24th, 2009 at 10:50 amCover your shoes when they’re in your suitcase.
Stuff two tennis balls into one end, tie the other. This makes a super spine roller, if your back hurts.
Stuff your bra. Oh, wait, that was in grade school.
You made me laugh with put the tennis balls in them–I’ve seen the kids do up make-shift nunchuks that way!
by heather graham June 24th, 2009 at 3:27 pmI have had three audits. Won two, the third was more of a draw. Not a single one of them fun, and they disrupt so much of our lives.
I believe in taxes, too. I just wish they’d make the stupid process easier.
Good luck with yours, Heather.
by toni mcgee causey June 24th, 2009 at 11:03 amOh, my God! I know. I’d have no problem with them just taking what they wanted. Okay, reasonably. It’s the paperwork that’s the killer.
However, accountants do not want to be out of work, so . . . .
It’s all subjective!
by heather graham June 24th, 2009 at 3:29 pmWell that blog title sure caught my eye.
What a charming post, Heather, I love the sayings, they are precious and uncannily to the point.
by Leanna Renee Hieber June 24th, 2009 at 3:16 pmThanks, they are fun. And now, too late, how I miss being told about life by all those folks!
by heather graham June 24th, 2009 at 3:30 pmI agree with you on taxes. I don;t mind paying my fair share, but it irritates me no end to see others using loopholes to get out of paying theirs. If they would just spend it properly and not waste it.
by Patricia Barraclough June 24th, 2009 at 9:17 pmYour method of organization sounds a lot like mine. Every time I clean up I can’t find anything. Spent two hours at work looking for something. I had organized what I needed and put it all in a box and put the box on a shelf with my other program materials. Unfortunately, I didn’t remember that part. Unfortunately both at home and at work, we have been rearranging things. As a result I really can’t find anything. I’ll be glad when my summer reading program is finished. Then I’ll have the time to dig in my office and maybe find my desk.
Cairn Terriers – we had two cairns. The only time the boy one would come and ask to be petted was when it rained and thundered. I guess its just part of the breed.
Hester from Atlanta
by hHester Sturrock June 25th, 2009 at 12:58 pm