 | 8 Jun 09 |
You know, I do okay under pressure when I know WHAT to do.
But when I’m staring at my computer screen, and don’t know what comes next, that makes my anxiety sky rocket. And then I get on the whole treadmill of craziness…I write pages, I delete pages, I write pages, and then delete them again.
TREADMILL OF CRAZINESS!
I just couldn’t seem to grab hold of this book. It’s a scary thing. I LOVED the synopsis, but when I started to write, I just couldn’t connect.
It all started in January when I got the news that my editor was leaving. I was devastated. I’ve lost editors before, but this time it kicked me right in the gut. I trusted Liz with my work like I trust my husband with my life. Liz was harder on me than any other editor I’ve ever worked with, and I loved her for it. Plus, she’s just really cool.
My new editor is totally awesome. People would kill to get the chance to work with her. I am thrilled and honored. But still…it messed with my head. I felt like Liz and I had a bond and a rhythm, one that we’d both worked to achieve. Now I had to start that all over again.
Then BLOOD MAGIC came out. The reviews were good, I got great fan mail, and life was good…except I started thinking, “What if I can’t do it again?” I told myself that was stupid; of course I could do it…couldn’t I?
Then I got this stabbing pain in my left ear/jaw. I lost sleep for weeks trying to deal with this. I went to doctors, and fought for referrals, and dealt with clowns posing as doctors (only one, but trust me, I’ll go to a witch doctor before I ever see him again). I was exhausted by this whole thing.
Then my computer crashed. Then it came back up, then it crashed again. Then it would only let my husband turn it on.
And through it all I kept writing and deleting pages. Finally, I’d had enough. I got off the treadmill of craziness and got to work. The first think I asked myself is — why am I trying to create a quality product with inferior equipment? Then I bought a new desktop computer AND a laptop. I’m serious about this. You see, I am cheap, and that’s fine up to a point:
Generic Advil that saves a buck – good.
Crashing computer that makes me insane – bad.
Then I told myself that I have a whole new opportunity with this new editor, so I’m getting my butt in gear to show her what I can do.
I finally got to the right doctor and he did a shot directly into my jaw joint now I’m no longer waking up at night with stabbing pains. It’s still not fully healed, but at least I can sleep. At least I have hope that we can resolve this one way or another.
Fighting with the HMO…that’s endless and I just accept it.
But the most important factor here is that I simply have had to engage my mental toughness. Being a writer, it’s a state of mind. If I want it, then I have to dig deep enough to connect to the book and find my passion. So I put my butt in the chair, and I dug.
And dug.
Instead of deleting pages, I started working with them. I asked friends for help. And I cut out the negative thinking. No more, “What if I can’t do it again? What if they don’t like the next book? What if…” Stop! Instead I said, “What if you just keep your butt in the chair and work?” And it’s beginning to work. YAY!
For those of you who haven’t seen it yet, here’s the cover of SOUL MAGIC, the second Wing Slayer Hunter book out November 24th, 2009:
Now for my question: Do any of you ever find yourself of that treadmill of craziness? It doesn’t have to be for writing, it can be anything. How much of it do you think is mental?
© 2009 Jennifer Lyon. All rights reserved.
Award winning author, Jennifer Lyon, always wanted to be a witch. Since her witch-powers never materialized, she went onto Plan B and now she creates magic in her books. In her new series, the author of the acclaimed Samantha Shaw Mystery Series (written as Jennifer Apodaca) introduces the Witch Hunters, legendary men who must overcome a curse to team up with witches and fight evil.
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It’s all mental.
by Margaret A. Golla June 8th, 2009 at 5:50 amI started to tell a story, but decided against it–as it didn’t translate well in blog format.
Craziness infects you only if you let it. Fix the things you can fix (new computer, writing, working with editor) and then focus on the end product.
If you let the other stuff, the stuff out of your control, mess with you then it won.
Margaret, darn, I’d like to hear the story but I know what you mean about it not translating. I did find that the more I started taking care of things like the computer…the rest got easier.
by Jen Lyon June 8th, 2009 at 7:46 amOooo, pretty cover! I bought Blood Magic last week, but I haven’t had a chance to start it yet. Plus, I found out it was on my daughter’s list, too, so now I have to fight her for it. ;o)
The Treadmill of Craziness? Good analogy. Get on, write like hell, and never get anywhere. It’s the story of my writerly existence. But I stay on it. The only alternatives are unsatisfactory. It’s all mental, but then again, most of life is mental. (And sometimes most of the people in it are mental, but that’s another story.)
Hang in there, Jen. You’ve done it before. You can do it again. And again. And again. =o)
by B.E. Sanderson June 8th, 2009 at 6:23 amB.E. thanks on the cover! I hope you and your daughter like BLOOD MAGIC!
Your so right that the alternatives are unsatisfactory. Sometimes, I think we forget to allow ourselves joy in what we’re doing.
LOL on mental people!
We’ll both agree to hang in there, right?
by Jen Lyon June 8th, 2009 at 7:49 amAgreed. =o)
BTW, I’m halfway through Blood Magic, and I don’t think you have anything to worry about. No amount of self-doubt can squelch talent like that.
by B.E. Sanderson June 9th, 2009 at 6:07 amB.E. oh, thank you! What a lovely compliment! I hope you enjoy the rest of the book.
by Jennifer Lyon June 9th, 2009 at 9:14 amWell, working out on a treadmill is supposed to be good for you, right? I’ve plunged back into writing now that the house-on-the-market craziness is (mostly) gone. At least I don’t have to pack anymore. I’ve found a new “just in case” daily routine so if by some rare miracle, someone wants to see the house, I’ll be ready.
So I’m writing. Scared, but writing. I have no contracts, parted with my agent, and even took the rights back to one of my books to rework it. So I have lots to write, but lots of those doubts as well. Will I ever sell another book?
Plus, I’m trying a new genre, and that’s scary too.
But the difference in my mental health since I started writing again is noticeable. And positive.
by Terry Odell June 8th, 2009 at 6:29 amTerry, wow! You are dealing with a lot! House on the market, parting with your agent, getting the rights back on your book…that is a lot! Which reminds me, I have an old contract issue I’m also dealng with–but that stress is much more manageable becaues I have an excellent agent. My motto is that you need the right agent or no agent, period.
But writing in a new genre, that’s exciting! Scary too, but it’s a whole new adventure for you.
by Jen Lyon June 8th, 2009 at 7:53 amHello Jennifer,
First, I love the cover of “Soul Magic” and I can’t wait for it to come out. It’s on my list for books to buy.
I’ve learned to accept the treadmill of craziness as part of my life. I don’t think I’ve been off of it for a few years now. I just keep rolling with the punches.
Have a great day.
by Roberta Harwell June 8th, 2009 at 6:50 amRoberta, thank you! I love the cover too.
Rolling with the punches is a good coping method. I’m still surprised that I let this trip me up so much. I wrote while dealing with three teenage boys and never hit this mess. I wrote through my mom dying. It’s odd…but thanks so much for the support, it really helps!
by Jennifer Lyon June 8th, 2009 at 7:58 amI LOVE the new book cover and can’t wait ’til it is released.
Your books rock and I KNOW you’ll manage no matter what life sends your way.
With 5 kids and a hubby my life IS a treadmill of craziness but unfortunately so is my writing but I’m not giving up.
by HollyD June 8th, 2009 at 7:14 amHollyD, thanks so much! I appreciate you saying my books rock!
You do have a very busy, demanding life, but you can do it! Keep writing!
by Jennifer Lyon June 8th, 2009 at 8:00 amOne of these days, we’re going to be in the same physical space (as opposed to virtual space), order appletinis, and compare our mileage on that treadmill.
You know what I think of your writing. Folks, if you haven’t read BLOOD MAGIC, you are missing a rare and wonderful treat! I can’t wait for SOUL MAGIC. I swear Mercury is in retrograde or Jupiter has aligned with Mars or something. So many writing friends are on this treadmill (myself included) that there must be something cosmic going on. I’ll tell you what you told me: Keep believing in yourself…I believe in you!
And I’ll tell you what I’ve been telling myself: Just write. The words will come, good, bad, or indifferent. Tell the story first, worry about the details later.
And if you need Chuck Norris jokes, you know where to find me.
by Silver James June 8th, 2009 at 7:34 amAww, Silver, you are such a good friend! Thanks so much!
I know how much you love a good Chuck Norris joke, LOL!
And yeah, so many of us are going through this. I just don’t know why, but it must be contagious But look at you–you make me feel like a slacker! You’ve got several projects going!
Next year at RWA Conf for sure!
by Jennifer Lyon June 8th, 2009 at 8:04 amI haven’t had a chance to read Blood Magic yet, but my sister loved it – she stayed up all night to read it when she had work early the next morning. She was disappointed that she has to wait, in her word “so so so long” for Soul Magic (love the cover!). Blood Magic is in the TBR basket, but I have so much going on at work that I had to decide reading or writing, and right now writing is winning. I am just off the treadmill of crazy and everything is flowing. I say that now praying that I am not jinxing myself.
by Tiffany June 8th, 2009 at 2:48 pmTiffany, that’s so cool that your sister liked the book! Thanks for telling me!
We won’t say anything and jink you
As for me–my dsl went down and I’m at a loss as to what’s going on now.
by Jen Lyon June 8th, 2009 at 3:07 pmHey Jen, the treadmill is totally mental but who doesn’t get it on every now and then. We all have our crazy treadmill moments or uh, days. It’ll come around, I’ve been a fan for years so it must.
by Erika June 8th, 2009 at 3:06 pmErika, I’m just mental enough to get on and not know hot to get off, LOL!
And thanks so much! A fan for years? I’m so touched!
by Jen Lyon June 8th, 2009 at 3:10 pmSince the first time I picked up Dating Can Be Murder.
by Erika June 9th, 2009 at 10:45 amI think alot of it is mental. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. We are harder on ourselves than on anyone else.
by Jill James June 8th, 2009 at 5:44 pmJill, you hit it on the head! We are harder on ourselves…and that’s why I keep deleting.
by Jen Lyon June 8th, 2009 at 6:20 pmthe human brain is more powerful than any drug.
we do it to ourselves. we are all crazy.
by Karin Tabke June 9th, 2009 at 1:31 amKarin, I hear you! I just need to get the crazy under control
by Jennifer Lyon June 9th, 2009 at 9:12 amI was on the treadmill of crazy a couple months back, while writing the second in my tattoo shop mystery series. My dad had to have surgery, I got really sick, my niece was really sick, nothing was going right. The book was going around in circles and I knew I had to try to get it right. Finally I finished it, sent it off thinking I’ll just fix it up after hearing from my editor, and then I found out my editor was leaving. So in the middle of this mess, I have a new editor after five books. It’s a wonder any of us stick with this…
by Karen Olson June 9th, 2009 at 8:17 amKaren, boy you hit the motherlode of crazy stress! I hope it’s all working out now.
by Jennifer Lyon June 9th, 2009 at 9:13 am