 | 18 May 09 |
There are times when I feel as if I’m somewhat of a veteran writer. I look at my backlist and numerous publishers, and think I’ve experienced a lot. I write in a variety of genres and lengths. I’ve had three agents and several editors. Haven’t I done just about everything?
Then there are the times when I realize I don’t know much at all. Times when a new experience hits me right between the eyes and I understand that there are facets of this business I haven’t seen yet. Things you can’t prepare for. Things you see coming but you can’t avoid them, even when you try.
For me, the hurdle I tried to leap but tripped over is what writers call “burn out.” It doesn’t happen overnight, but if you keep dipping the quill and not refilling the well… Well, it happens. Maybe not for everyone, but it happened to me. I’ve been dealing with it for a year and a half now. Seems like a long time, doesn’t it? It does to me. But contractually, I couldn’t take any time off. I continued to write.
Oddly enough, I think the books I’ve written while “burned out” are my best work yet. So, what’s the complaint?
Writing is a lot more of a struggle than it used to be. Every day, it became harder and harder to write effectively, and I accomplished less and less. Dehydration. Slow and steady, the pool of creativity grows shallower until it’s completely gone. The joy of writing follows suit and then it’s just torture.
I tried pushing through it. I tried talking to friends about it. I tried approaching it like an obstacle and maneuvering around it. All of that was exhausting and didn’t get me anywhere. Finally, I gave myself permission to stop doing anything. It wasn’t easy. People were disappointed and/or angry. My family budget tightened. I felt guilty for giving myself a break. I felt defensive when prodded by well-meaning friends, as if it was even possible for me to do anything other than rest. (Seriously, there are only so many months that you can try to write and get nowhere before you realize the effort is futile. When the well is dry, stabbing your quill into it only hurts your hand and breaks the nub.)
I knew I was in trouble when I looked into the future without a driving urge to keep my release schedule hopping. I even entertained the thought of never writing again and was strangely okay with that. I just wanted a break. Whatever it took. (Which speaks to how burned out I was. Writers can’t quit forever. That’s like holding your breath until you die.)
Here’s where my inexperience came into play. There was still part of me (the little devil on my shoulder perhaps) that said I was going about the whole “dry well, burn out” scenario wrong. I chastised myself:
- Writers only get burned out only when they seriously f*ed up somewhere, so suck it up and drive on.
- Screw the whiny pity party and get to work.
- This is a business. You don’t have the luxury of waiting for a muse.
Jack London said you can’t wait for inspiration to strike, you have to go after it with a club. Definitely Mr. London knew more than I do.
Then I ran across a post by Neil Gaiman. (Don’t you love when the timing is perfect?) Whatever experience I think I’ve got, Mr. Gaiman has gazillions more of it. And he says:
- Writers and artists aren’t machines.
- I would rather read a good book, from a contented author. I don’t really care what it takes to produce that.
- Some writers need a while to charge their batteries, and then write their books very rapidly. Some writers write a page or so every day, rain or shine. Some writers run out of steam, and need to do whatever it is they happen to do until they’re ready to write again.
- And sometimes, and it’s as true of authors as it is of readers, you have a life.
(There are more gems in the post. I hope you’ll go read it.)
This is a new experience for me — the dry well, the acknowledgment of the burn out, and the acceptance of my individual process to get back to a creative frame of mind. Neil talks about being “young, driven, a borderline workaholic, and very fortunate” and I know that’s been true of me as well. (I have three single titles releasing in June!) But things change. Maybe I’m not so young (in mind and/or body). Maybe I’m less driven. Maybe I ran out of luck. If so, I might be evolving into a new creative process that involves a slower pace and more downtime. Maybe it’s temporary and after awhile, I’ll be recharged and tearing off again. I don’t know. I’m inexperienced in this regard. But someone with experience says there are lots of ways and my way isn’t the wrong way. Makes me feel much better knowing that. 
Sylvia Day is the national bestselling, award-winning author of seventeen novels. A wife and mother of two, she is a former Russian linguist for the U.S. Army Military Intelligence. In addition to her novels, she’s written numerous novellas and short stories for both print and electronic-original release. Sylvia’s work has been called “wonderful and passionate” by WNBC.com and “wickedly entertaining” by Booklist. Her stories have been translated into Russian, Japanese, Portuguese, German, Czech, and Thai. She’s been honored with the Romantic Times Reviewers' Choice Award, the EPPIE award, the National Readers' Choice Award, and multiple finalist nominations for Romance Writers of America’s prestigious RITA® Award of Excellence.
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Sylvia, this is SO common. I completely remember the first time I felt I’d lost the joy, that writing had become not only work but a chore. I had a very hard time admitting it to anyone, because I felt I was being truly ungrateful for the “success” I’d enjoyed (at least in as much as I had steady contracts and income.)
What got me through it the first time, and any subsequent times, has been 1) some rest and perspective and 2) reading completely outside the genre just for fun and 3) starting a new book – oftentimes in a whole new “style” or voice. (Perhaps a new series.)
Burnout is very real when you have, ahem, three single titles being released in one month. Holy Hotpen, Batman! That’s a year’s worth of work for the most prolific writer, condensed into one month. All of those books had to be written, revised, edited, and promoted – all simultaneously or through some impressive juggling and time management. And discipline!
Relax, let go of the guilt, exercise, be with family and friends, and give yourself a few weeks to refill the creative well.
Good luck! xoxo
by Roxanne St. Claire May 18th, 2009 at 6:09 amThank you, Rocki. ((hugs)) It’s comforting to know that this is normal for authors. I’m getting rest and spending time with the family–school field trip chaperoning two weeks in a row, yikes–and I have a pile of non-romance books that I’ve bought in recent weeks that I haven’t dug into yet. I will now, though! Thank you for the tip. I appreciate it.
by S.J. Day May 19th, 2009 at 7:35 amYou’re not the only one. I think folks like us who tend to be very prolific also need to feed that well of inspiration every once in a while. I do it by taking a few days every month for not writing. It’s hard, but I just don’t do it. Instead, I watch movies or read (which I don’t do enough nowadays), or do something creative in a different medium.
Every week, I try to take a day or two — it adds up to maybe 1 week out of every 4 — and just don’t write. I have to keep reminding myself that even God rested on the seventh day, right? LOL
I wish you well! Recharge and come back when you’re ready. Your fans will be waiting and never doubt your writing is worth it! Whatever it takes!
by Bianca D'Arc May 18th, 2009 at 7:05 amBianca,
I need to reorganize my schedule in the future so that I build in more downtime, like you have done. I had thought I’d allotted room for rest, but I mistakenly didn’t extend the length of downtime between each consecutive story. When it began taking me longer and longer to finish books, writing cut into that cushion until it wasn’t there anymore. I need to make accommodations for that.
Thank you for the well wishes! I appreciate them.
by S.J. Day May 19th, 2009 at 7:40 amYeah, what Rocki, Bianca, and Neil all said. And then some! We all need to figure out the “care and feeding” routines that work for us. No one’s way is right or wrong for the next person.
Do what is right for you but first, lose the guilt. That’s the only “order” I’ll give you. After that, find your own path and walk it, wherever it leads you. If it’s your path, it’s the right one.
by Silver James May 18th, 2009 at 7:53 amThe Care and Feeding of Writers. Love that!
by S.J. Day May 19th, 2009 at 7:41 amI’ll agree. Sometimes I think there’s a cosmic connection, because my blog topic today was very much related to this one.
Congrats on 3 June releases! Hubba Hubba.
by Terry Odell May 18th, 2009 at 8:37 amThank you for the congrats! I’ve never had two books out the same month, let alone three. It was grueling, but exciting, too. After waiting 13 months since my last new release, it’s nice to have these books launching quickly.
by S.J. Day May 19th, 2009 at 7:43 amSyl, I’ve hit something like that on this book. It’s not as bad probably because I haven’t written as many books as you. But it’s really startling to those of us who are used to DOING no matter what. Your blog just made me feel better, so thanks!
by Jen Lyon May 18th, 2009 at 8:51 amI completely empathize with this –I’ve gone through it. And I think each writer has to find their own way back out of it, which is frustrating as hell.
But like Rocki said, Holy Hotpen! (loved that, Rocki) 3 in one month? GEEZ. I would be lying prone, drooling, unable to articulate a single sentence, much less able to write. I admire the hell out of you (and because I’ve read EVE, I know how damned talented you are). But we have to put stuff into our brains to give it something to work with–experiences, news, family, activities, hobbies, fresh air, observations of something we haven’t seen before… etc. It’s not just about resting, but about the fact that we’ve used up a lot of what we have experienced and need new stuff. Like food.
I believe in you, Syl. You’ll find your way back outta this, and take over the world.
by toni mcgee causey May 18th, 2009 at 10:02 amSyl, Syl, Syl, as one who has been there with you during your incredible journey, I’m in awe of all you do. Amazing. Simply. Amazing. You not only write you take care of everyone else! You follow up and clean up everyone’s messes. I know you are between a rock and a hard place right now, but if you don’t give in to what you need, it won’t matter, coz there won’t be any you left!
I’m glad to see you have come out with this, facing it head on is good. Now, do what makes you feel good, and try not to think about the writing. Wanna come up here and chill? Big Daddy will make you all the One Eyed Jacks you can eat!
by Karin Tabke May 18th, 2009 at 11:10 amI totally know how your feel, Sylvia. I’ve been burned out for nearly a year–and it’s only now that I’m starting a completely new project that I am reinvigorated and excited about writing again. I hated the feeling of sitting at the computer dreading the writing. I LOVE TO WRITE! I didn’t want to hate it. It didn’t matter whether the story was coming out easy or hard, it was that I wanted to do something else, and found every excuse under the sun not to write. My last two books were late, I hated being late, and that seemed to make everything even worse, as if not only was I a failure and burned out, but I was letting everyone down.
It gets better. You have to push through it and find a way to love writing again. It’s different for everyone, but you’ll find the love.
by Allison Brennan May 18th, 2009 at 5:19 pmI remember coming across a website not long ago after reading a short story by an author named Sylvia Day. She had blurbs up – I wanted those books – but there was no info on publishing dates. I emailed that author, she said she hadn’t even written those stories yet. After I got over my disappointment (giggle), I followed her career, became amazed at how fast her star started rising and then the books started coming out one by one. I loved the pace to which I was getting these books but I had hope that she didnt wear herself out. You have many stories inside of you. We, your fans, will be here through thick and thin. Romance readers dont give up on authors that give us hours of reading pleasure like you do. Take a deep breath and ask yourself, what is best for you? Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your thoughts with us.
by Joy May 19th, 2009 at 12:24 amThank you so much, Syl, for saying what so many of us won’t. There are times when we just need to take care of ourselves–we don’t do that nearly often enough!
by Debra Webb May 19th, 2009 at 9:58 pmI’m just starting to enjoy writing again–at book 49. There was a while when it was a struggle and I eventually ended up taking time off to “refill the well.” Publishers will take as many books as you can write–and ask for even more. So be sure to give yourself enough time to write and even more time to breathe afterward. Thanks for being so honest about a problem a lot of us face and don’t talk about much.
by Joan Johnston May 20th, 2009 at 6:33 amI am just thankful you’re taking care of yourself and stepping back, that you know yourself well enough to wait out this spell….It’s not easy being an author, I can only imagine but as a faithful reader, I patiently await each of your books and am thankful they are always so good. Take all the time you need to recover, spiritually and emotionally.
by Shannon May 23rd, 2009 at 5:26 pm