I am working on page proofs right now for book three. In fact, I have to turn these in tomorrow. (I was technically supposed to have turned them in yesterday, but there was a glitch, and St. Martin’s Press very graciously gave me a couple extra days, and wow, am I grateful.) 

Working on page proofs is, for me, like that moment after you’ve exercised and exercised, maybe for months, and you didn’t think you were accomplishing anything at all and then bang, one day, you can suddenly fit down into the lower size. It may be a little tight, it might not be perfect, but it feels damned good to finally get to that point. You know?

It’s also a little strange, for me, because when I first open the package with the proofs, it’s like, Holy Fu*k, I wrote a book. How’d the hell did that happen? And it’s not because I haven’t printed the sucker out before, and it’s not that I don’t see the volume of the work and realize how much has gone into it (for many drafts). It’s because it’s typeset and it finally looks like a book will look. The pages have whatever layout design they’re going to have, the font is set, the spacing.

And good grief, do you ever see things at the proof stage that you didn’t see at any other stage. (How on earth did I, three of my own proof readers, the copy editor, and my editor miss the typo on page one? Which was there from the beginning, I discovered, as I went back to see where it crept in. Geez.) 

Now, depending on the publisher, you can still make changes at the page proof stage. Some will only let you change things if there is a typo. Some will not even allow you to do that much if the typo is going to change the length of the line because then everything on the page has the potential to shift, which can screw with the spacing forever after. (I think this is rare, but I am curious if others have seen this more often?) Most publishers are open to minor changes–a word, a line, occasionally a paragraph. I have found that it is much easier on everyone if I mark anything out where the change is going to be longer than a few words and note that there is an “insert” for that spot, and then label the insert with that page number. (If there is more than one insert per page, I label the first with the number and the letter A, the second with the letter B, etc. That way, if I go back later and discover that page 101 needs an insert, I don’t have to renumber the inserts that came afterward.) Depending on how far ahead your page proofs arrive from the ultimate production deadline, your publisher may be open to more changes than that. 

It’s amazing, to me, that they let me keep futzing with stuff. They’ve been incredibly gracious and hard-working and kind. I always have the sinking feeling when I send back these books all marked up with little “insert” notes that someone in production wants to put their head down and cry, and I suspect I will need to send them some really nice gifts after they allowed me to fix some stuff in book 2 (out at the end of June)… way up against the production deadline. 

Right now, I’ve gotta go back and finish this one so I can be on time tomorrow. Meanwhile, I want to mention our own S J Day’s book which came out TUESDAY (go get yours) (seriously), called EVE OF DARKNESS.

“What was once a sexy fling for Evangeline Hollis has become a Mark of Cain. The formerly agnostic Evangeline finds herself struggling with her new life, her new demon-killing job, and her two loves — Cain and Abel.”

You can see an excerpt here and I have to say, I really loved this book. I got to read it as an ARC and it’s incredibly imaginative, brilliantly done and incredibly HOT. 

And also, a shout out to an author I thoroughly enjoy, Alison Kent, whose new book No Limits is out now, too — and this one sizzles and is set is south Louisiana. (yay)

“When an undercover operative returns to his Louisiana home, he never expects to find his house falling down, a conspiracy involving Confederate gold, or a woman hiding in his kitchen wearing nothing but rubber waders and a Victoria’s Secret bra.”

Read an excerpt here.

So for you all… what have you been working hard on lately? OR, what did you work a long time on (can be ANYTHING, doesn’t have to be writing related) that you finally achieved! Give yourself a shout out here.

Now, I’ve seen this and heard this before, but it seems to be coming true for me more often than not. I first heard it through a paragraph written by a woman who didn’t understand why her flowers hadn’t been watered at the end of the day–when it was the first thing she had set out to do.

I think that it’s not just me, but that it’s true for all of us these days. I don’t grow flowers, so, thankfully, at least, I don’t have to worry about killing them. I do own pets, but, luckily, if you don’t feed them, they set up a howl or jump on your lap, or do something else equally noticeable. But here is the thing–I often find out at night that I didn’t complete the main project I’d had in mind to be finished by the end of the day.

Today is no exception. Of course, I have an excuse for myself. I have just returned from the Romantic Times convention which is a tremendous amount of fun, but also, a lot of work and late nights. So, as my mom would say, I’m discombobulated. I’m not sure it’s a word, but it’s nicely descriptive. I made it home last night–it was Orlando, so we drove–and crashed. Completely. I had all kinds of projects lined up for today, the simplest being to kind of get the house back into a semblance or order. Or at the disorder that I find manageable. My first thought was that I had forgotten to turn on the back air-conditioner. I was going to do that. Then I thought I needed coffee and forgot the air-conditioner and walked to the kitchen. I didn’t make it to the kitchen. The computer was in the way. I stopped to check email. I was about to answer an email when I realized I really needed the coffee. I started the pot and was distracted by the fact that my face cleanser and tooth paste were in my bag. I went for the toothpaste and toothbrush–my teeth really irritate me in the morning and I actually managed to brush my teeth. I almost took a shower while I was in there, remembered the coffee and went back. Tripped over the luggage. Ah, I really should hang up the one jacket. Remembered the coffee, but the computer was in the way again. I answered one email, remembered I was supposed to blog, get to the accountants, and fix a mistake on a dedication. I managed a few things at the computer, and headed in for coffee. Ah, but I hadn’t turned on the air-conditioner. I walked toward the back, but the TV in my room was on, and go figure, it happened to be a repeat of one of the few episodes of Law and Order, Criminal Intent that I hadn’t seen yet. I stopped and stood there, then sat on the bed. The episode ended. I wanted to see another, but . . . I did manage to get up. I came back to the computer, where luckily I found a reminder from Deb to blog. Okay, right after the accountant. No . . . right after a shower. No . . .

Okay, well, I honestly think that we all do this, although I do have amazing friends with wonderfully organized minds. I so envy them.

Anyway, the phone distracted me in the middle of this. I answered it, talked to my son. Forgot what I was doing, and took a shower. Came back to the kitchen remembering that the coffee pot was still on. Saw the half-finished blog.

In a towel. Surely, I will remember to get dressed before heading for the accountants.

Man, it’s kind of hot in here.

Oh, the air-conditioner.

I’m back from RT and I am exhausted! But you understand the consequences before attending the convention.  RT is always exhausting.  For the most part it’s a good kind of exhaustion.  You meet beaucoup booksellers and readers and, best of all, friends like the marvelous S.J. Day and Karin Tabke.  Thanks, S.J., for the chocolate martini!  And, Karin, for the smoke!  I also briefly saw Roxanne St. Claire there, but she was always busy doing exactly what authors should do at RT–networking.  Also, I chatted with Heather Graham, another of my MurderSheWrites pals!

Peggy Webb, my traveling buddy, and I arrived via car (all the way from Tupelo, MS) late on Wednesday night.  We were both exhausted.  The last few hours we were certain that we were never going to get to Orlando and that the lovely Turnpike was surely a direct route to hell.  Since we lost an hour (eastern time down there you know) we arrived about eleven p.m.  I was so tired from driving all day that all I wanted to do was hit the sack–except I was at RT. I had to see who was there.  So we made our way around to the various sitting areas and the bars just to see who we recognized.  Back at the room we met CJ Lyons, another fabulous author, and our rooming buddy.  I slept like the dead!  The next morning it was off to the corridors of the convention center.  Oh, the wonderful people–all of whom love what I love–books!  Coffee and lots of chatting and panels where I saw more fabulous authors talking about how they do what they do was the schedule for the day.  I also dropped in on a couple of publisher spotlights and heard how folks in NY are handling publishing in today’s economy.

This year there were notably more male authors than usual–that was extra cool.  Guys like Barry Eisler and my pal Robert Gregory Brown and fellow panel members Andrew Peterson, Tom Lowe and Cody McFadyen.  And more booksellers!  RT has done a great job of drawing those independent booksellers.  Marvelous folks from far and wide!  We won’t even go into the cover models–Wow!  The parties–a party every single night with a different theme.  The Vampire Ball which is always amazing, was exactly that this time.  Heather and pals (big shout out to Alex Sokolof, Harley Jane Kozak and F. Paul Wilson) put on a great show.  Always an entertaining event, especially since I shared a table with Peggy, SJ and Karin!  I was too tired to stay for the rest of the party and the costume contest since I’d captained two panels (shout out to Karen Rose for starring on one of those panels) that morning and helped Harlequin make presentations at the luncheon.

On Saturday CJ Lyons, Peggy Webb and I had breakfast with one of the industry’s legends–Joan Johnston!  She picked us up at the hotel in her new Volkswagen Beetle convertible.  It was so cool!  Joan is in a class all her own.  She used to practice law and she knows her stuff!  Then we were off to the booksigning event.  Wow!  So many authors in one room!  Amazing, amazing, amazing!

Then came the drive back home.  I arrived home late Sunday night, once more totally exhausted.  As I drove those last few miles I asked myself was it really worth it?  The answer is YES!!!  No matter whether you’ve had one book published or dozens, there is a moment that always, always happens at RT that makes all the exhaustion so damned worth it.  I had sneaked out of the awards ceremony to have a smoke where the rocking chairs were kept outside (down here we’d call that a porch).  I was digging frantically in my purse for a lighter as I pushed through the doors onto the “porch.”  Three young women stopped talking and looked up.  I thought oh, God, they were having a private conversation and I’ve intruded.  However, I didn’t care cause I had to have that frigging smoke.  So, I lit up and savored the chemicals contaminating my lungs.  Before I could take the second drag, the three women edged cautiously toward me and one asked, “Are you THE Debra Webb?”  I swallowed the lump rising in my throat and replied, “Yes.”  They burst into animated dialog saying things like, “We love your books!”  That, my friends, was worth every moment of sheer exhaustion.

I’ve been dealing with jaw pain for three weeks now. Don’t ask…it’s boring. Eventually we’ll get it resolved.

But do you think I’ve lost any weight? BWHAHAHAHA!!! Want to guess what I can eat? ICE CREAM. Even though I’ve only eaten, in three weeks, maybe four servings of ice cream, it’s STUCK to me like fangirls on JR Ward.

How is that fair?

I’m starting to blame my new book for the jaw pain. I’m pretty sure the book hates me. My hero is so hard to crack. He doesn’t share his thoughts or feelings so how am I supposed to tell his story? I have two semi-solid chapters and about a 100 pages of crap in my cut file. Those 100 pages are dead to me. I only keep them in my cut file because if I delete them then I will need them.

Is it any wonder my jaw hurts? Wouldn’t that make you grind your teeth?

I will win though. I may break my jaw in the process, but I will get this book written and in on time. I Will Win! I will not let a hero that I created beat me.

Clearly I’m a little tense and need a distraction, yes? So I’ve been carving out some reading time. I’m reading a paranormal where the characters had sex outside, and up against the car. I really like this book, and the sex scene was half way through, well motivated, and it worked find except…I found myself worrying when they started stripping outside. Can anyone see them? Are they worried about it?

Note the irony—I’ve written sex scenes that take place outside. I tried to assure the readers that the characters were safe from prying eyes, but who knows if it worked.

But all this got me to thinking. Where is the weirdest or most unusual place I’ve read a sex scene take place in a book? The best answer I can pull out of my fried brain is;

On A Horse. Yeah, I don’t suggest trying that one in real life.

What about you all? Do you remember reading love scenes that took place in weird or unusual places? (Remember to your answers appropriate all for a public blog!)

Somehow, I got corralled into cooking hamburger (taco meat) for 50 people, and I’m still not entirely sure how it happened. One minute they were passing around a signup sheet, and I happened to get it last, and the next minute, I’d been cornered. There was nothing LEFT but meat, so I said, “Okay, sure, I’ll bring some meat.” Somehow, that turned into me cooking ALL the meat and people giving me money.

As you can tell, I haven’t really mastered the art of being a government worker. If I’d done it properly, I would have handed two dollars to someone and they would have MAGICALLY appeared the day of the Taco Potluck with a great big vat of cooked taco meat. But no, I still have a lot to learn, and thus, I ended up doing the cooking.

Now, I’m not really a fan of hamburger, and the whole cooking process makes me a little nauseated, so this has been a chore. Besides the fact that I had to cook a GAZILLION pounds, and it has taken me about two hours. You can’t cook taco meat halfway, you know. There’s that whole e-coli thing. And then there’s the seasoning. I KNOW how to season two pounds of meat. How does one season a GAZILLION pounds? And how does one know when it is properly seasoned?

God forbid I might have to taste it, because after two hours of cooking it, all I want to do is throw it out the freaking window! Or feed it to the dog. He would, of course, eat it all, and then roll over and DIE, because he is not the smartest dog in the world (he thinks the doorbell is for him EVERY time it rings. Even though it never, never is.). A gazillion pounds is a lot of meat for a little shih tzu.

I have entertained calling in sick tomorrow, because that is a very “government-like” thing to do, and it would be pretty freaking ass funny, except I would never be able to show my face at work again. These people take their potlucks and treat days seriously.

I would be stoned. I mean literally stoned, like the old days “stoned to death” with rocks. Not stoned like the lady who sits across from me worshiping Jim Morrison, and putting voodoo spells on everyone who pisses her off (all of us, on different days). That, my friends, is a whole DIFFERENT kind of stoned.

While I was cooking this hamburger, and plotting my immediate conversion to vegetarianism–because let me tell you, hamburger meat is disgusting–I started thinking about how easy it would be to poison people. I mean, think about it. How many picnics, potlucks, parties, banquets, soirees, etc., are held EVERY single day? BY very trusting people! I mean, when was the last time you got ready for the Superbowl, thinking, “You know, I better take my own food, because I believe it’s entirely possible Helen is going to try to kill me off so she can marry my husband, and become the mistress of my household.”

Let’s face it, we don’t think about it.

I think we got a wakeup call not too long ago when the infamous Dominos video was posted on Youtube.

I promise, I have not done anything disgusting to this taco meat.

But let’s face it. It would be pretty easy to do, if I wanted to do so.

Sometimes we get too meticulous in our plotting and thinking, when it would really be very, very easy to just poison the taco meat for the work potluck.

Hmm. I think I just scared myself…. I wonder if Voodoo Lady is bringing anything…..