I’m deeply enmeshed in my latest book for St. Martin’s, and when I write, I usually plumb deep in the depths of my soul for real emotion. The most important of these emotions, at least as far as I am concern, is fear. Because that is what drives a suspense book at the end.

Even if it is not the subject at hand, I reach into those fears and use them to make my words and dialogue real. So what scares me?

1. Spiders. Terrified. Have to call Chatter Child to kill them, because Dancing Daughter is ALSO terrified.

2. Heights. I have really tried to conquer this one, but put me on a narrow mountain road that drops off, and you’ve got white-knuckled, no-speaking, white-faced entertainment. Should you be entertained by someone else’s terror that is.

3. Telephone calls that start with “Mom, something terrible has happened!” I should note that Chatter Child is of the dramatic persuasion, so I have already had one or more of these types of phone calls, none of which ended up being she had driven the car off a mountain road, had an encounter with a man-eating spider, or ran over some unsuspecting little children (can you say “16″ and “driver’s license”), but when I am trying to tap into the terror mode, this one STILL gets me.

So these three things scare me the most, as well as some events that have happened in my past.

When I was six-years-old, I was held at gunpoint by a man who threatened to kill me, my sister and our two friends if we didn’t take our clothes off. The sound of his rifle as he shot it in the air, to prove how serious he was, has stayed in my memory all these years, and in fact I used it as the opening for WIVES AND SISTERS, although only the “memory” is part of that scene, and the rest is fictional.

The reason I use this method is not because I am a weenie-butt scaredy cat, but because I think to make something REAL, you have to feel it. And to feel it, you have to know it.

Most people LIKE to be scared, hence the immense popularity of scary movies and, let’s be honest, suspense and horror books. We like tension. With tension comes adrenaline, a drug our body manufactures. I obviously share this addiction to adrenaline, because I LOVE suspense fiction. Put me on the edge of my seat, make me unable to put down your book, and I am in for the ride.

Just don’t call me and say, “Mom, something terrible has happened!” That one is a little too scary for me.

But I know I have succeeded in writing a tense, emotion-filled scene if I feel tense and filled with emotion. And to do that, I have to tap in to what I know.

The most recent book I read that had me on the edge of my seat was BLOOD MEMORY by Greg Iles. It started out a little slow, at least for me, but then it picked up, grabbed you by the throat and NEVER let go through the end. And it’s a BIG book. But the terror was VERY real and very palpable in that book.

Now, it’s first person, present tense, and written by a MAN! But it’s first person, present tense and narrated by a woman. So it’s quite a feat. It’s also about repressed memories, a highly controversial subject, which just manages to add to the fear. It’s not a perfect book, but it’s a tense, suspenseful, excellent read.

And I found myself wondering how Iles managed to create so much FEAR and tension. Did he put himself in that state first, or is he just a suspense genius?

I read a Tess Gerritsen book once where there is a “chase” scene of sorts, and the tension is so high, I felt myself actually gripping the pages of the book so tightly that my fingers were white. That’s the kind of tension a suspense books needs.

Which leads me to my questions for you:

1. If you write, how do you make your scenes real? Do you call on your own fears to help you create the tension?

2. As a reader, what really SCARES you in a book?

This blog really is about writing, and creativity… but I’m detouring a bit at first. Bear with me.

I don’t know how many of you watch Top Chef, but I love that show. If you’ve been buried in other things in life and haven’t had a chance to watch, it’s a “reality” TV show where a bunch of contestants are given cooking assignments each show and then judged on that assignment at the end of the show. The contestant with the least favorite food of the judges goes home. And that is the crux of both what works and what’s a problem for the show: momentum doesn’t really count in that moment of judging. There can be a contestant who’s won a couple of previous challenges and they can have one off night and be sent home, whereas another chef who’s basically been in the bottom three all season long can tenaciously hold on just by being average. It’s not entirely fair–nor predictable–but it is what it is and the contestants know this ahead of time. I think the mind-set of the judging is that the “cream will rise” and even though I have had serious doubts about that each and every season, I have to say that typically, the last three standing going into the finale do appear to be the best of the bunch.

Head Judge Tom Colicchio often exhorts the contestants to “cook your food” and to “cook the kind of food that brought you here” that “got you into the contest.”  While the assignments are difficult and under extreme time constraints, they are also designed with enough freedom that each contestant can put their own spin on the food–and frankly, that’s exactly what the judges were looking for.

Now, I have to say, I loved Carla. I loved Carla from the first wack-a-doodle comment that she made. She’s this tall, gorgeous African American woman, who not only seemed incredibly comfortable in her own skin, but had such a shining personality that she made everyone around her feel better. She wasn’t syrupy, and she never once, ever, seemed to have a jealous bone in her body or a chip on her shoulder. (A major feat, since I think every single other chef devolved into pettiness at some point–it’s the nature of competition.) I loved Carla for the crazy, honest things she’d say, and the way she’d say them — you could see the real person inside, and you really wanted her to win. She might not have been the best chef technically in the first half of the season, but you wanted her to win.

And then, somewhere along the way, Carla had an epiphany. She’d nearly been eliminated two or three times because she’d second guessed herself or she was trying to do something that she didn’t whole-heartedly believe in. As a viewer, you could see it happening, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on what was wrong, because you didn’t quite know what she was capable of. Then she tossed out all of the “shoulds” — and started cooking her food. Her ideas, her spin, and quit worrying what the other contestants were doing. Sure, they might be cooking four things for a quickfire contest (the fast, usually 30-minute-deadline cookoff at the top of each show which gave the winner some advantage for the bigger elimination round–usually immunity from being eliminated that round) — and Carla would decide to only do one item. She ran the risk of looking like she was doing something too simple to their “big” or “complex” or “wow.” Something almost magical happened–she went from always being in the bottom three to being in the top three–and often winning.

Last night, at the final, taped in New Orleans, Top Chef brought back three chefs from a previous season to act as the sous chefs to help this season’s top three — Hosea, Stefan, and Carla — with their meals. Their assignment: cook the best three-course meal of their lives. The location: Commander’s Palace in New Orleans. By luck of the draw, Carla drew Casey — another very nice, positive woman contestant who had problems during her season of listening to her own instinct. I think if Carla had drawn either of the men as her sous chef, she might’ve been better off, for this reason: both of those other men were incredibly strong-willed and whenever we saw Carla up against someone like that, she stood her ground. It’s the friendly, quiet suggestions that slipped in under her radar and derailed her. And sure enough, we see a point early on where Carla is talking to Casey about the menu she wants to do, a down home “beef and potatoes” type of thing (with her own twist on it, and some incredible sauces) and Casey makes a suggestion to sous vide the beef: 

French for “under vacuum,” sous vide is a food-packaging technique pioneered in Europe whereby fresh ingredients are combined into various dishes, vacuum-packed in individual-portion pouches, cooked under a vacuum, then chilled. Sous vide  food is used most often by hotels, restaurants and caterers, though it’s expected to become increasingly available in supermarkets.

And that’s when we heard Carla say, “I’ve never done sous vide, but that sounds good.” You could tell it wasn’t really coming from her heart, that she was under time constraints and trying to utilize the help she’d been given. She was relying on someone else to dictate to her what this final meal became… this meal that was supposed to showcase her cooking. Then for dessert, she was going to do something with a tart (and she’d won with desserts before, so a tart was her strength) and Casey suggested doing some sort of cheese souffle and Carla went with that, too. I’m not sure why she made either decision. She’d already learned in this competition that she should cook what came from her heart–her own wacky new combinations, because they would grow out of her talents.

During the judging, it was clear that the items she’d gone with her own instincts on were clearly the best of the three (in a head-to-head competition, all of the courses were judged against each other at the same time, not sequentially). (The judges had added an appetizer as a way to add pressure, so each contestant had four courses.)

The courses where Carla had not listened to her own gut instinct? Were not nearly as good, and ultimately, doomed her. 

As the three contestants stood later during the judging round, Carla was exceptionally dismayed because she realized her mistake. She stood there with grace and poise and didn’t blame Casey–but she admitted to being influenced. It was clear from the judges that her food, done her way, had a lot more soul and power than the men’s… but not the courses where she’d second-guessed herself. She cried, though she hung tough and didn’t sob. [I have to say here that Stefan, who'd been shown to be a prick most of the season, surprised the hell out of me when he broke the line at that moment and went over to console her--and ended up having tears running down in face in compassion. Clearly, we did not learn as much about Stefan all season as we could have.] 

Even after the contestants left the room, and every judge agreed Carla was out of the running, and even after Tom Colicchio said, “I think even Carla would say she was out of the running,” when given a chance to vote for who they thought ought to be top chef, the audience still wanted Carla. And ultimately, she did not win and the win went to Hosea. [I have issues with Hosea for cheating on his girlfriend with one of the other contestants during the season, and apparently being relatively immune to the ramifications of that, but that's a whole separate blog.]

I was bummed for Carla. Exceptionally bummed for her, because I think that she probably was the most innately talented of the three finalists. She certainly had the personality of a “Top” Chef and I could see her running the kind of kitchen / restaurant where people were excited to work.

But the lesson–listen to your gut–could not have come at a better time for me to reinforce some things I needed to remember. 

It is very very easy, when we’re creative, to get caught up in a world of “shoulds” – a world about marketing and what other people think. It’s very easy to get derailed by even the best of intentions, because part of the make-up of women is that we *do* communicate and we *do* listen and nurture and balance out the various sides of the arguments and try to find the fair and common path. Anyone who’s had to wrangle kids and / or family expectations knows how that role can be thrust upon us. 

I’d been thinking about this over these last couple of weeks, actually–the show last night was just the final punctuation to that process. Back when I first had the concept of writing Bobbie Faye, I was a screenwriter. My then-agent heard only the first half of the title and interrupted me and said, “No one’s ever going to buy a story about a woman set in the south. Especially one having a bad day. Think of something else.” She meant well–she wanted me to sell. She’d believed in me for a long time and she’d gotten me into places that astounded peers of mine who’d been at it much longer, so I couldn’t just write off what she said…. could I? Wouldn’t that be career suicide? So I tried and tried to come up with something else more marketable, and realized, nope, I’m just not that kind of person. I have to write something that appeals to me. I was making a living doing something else at the time, so if I was going to spend the time writing, I wanted to spend the time doing something I really wanted to do–writing the kind of book I loved to read–and to hell with the “shoulds.” It went on to sell in a three-book deal on a pre-empt, the path of which was strange and filled with flukes and luck. But the work had gone into it–and the heart. I’d been writing, at that point, for 20 years, and I realized that Bobbie Faye was really one of the first times I’d fully listened to my gut.

Right now, I’m working on something else. (I’ve just turned in the third Bobbie Faye, which will be out this August). I need to switch gears for a while, and I had a host of high-concept ideas I’d been playing with. I even got one down on paper, on one page, and sent it off to a couple of trusted writer friends, who were very encouraging. 

I couldn’t make it work. I kept feeling… cross-eyed over it. That’s the physical manifestation of what was going on in my brain. It was like I had two different kinds of books that I was sandwiching together, because I thought I “should” have this high-concept type of thing that was easy to pitch. Only, I didn’t really actually have a story there… just some vague notions. I might even be able to come up with a story there, but something wasn’t clicking for me.

On my way through some research for that project, though, I came across something and it was as if the top of my head blew right off. I had known about this piece of history, but not some of the details and I felt utterly gripped by this story. I wept through the reading of it, and I kept thinking, “Why hasn’t someone written about this? I can’t believe someone hasn’t written about this! Someone really should write this.” And then I’d read a little more, weep, talk my poor husband’s ear off, read some more…. weep… and a little voice in my head kept thinking me me me me me me me. 

And my husband, who knows me too well and knows I will second-guess myself, said, “You were meant for this story.”

And I thought, “My God. Yes. I am.” 

I admitted to him that’s what I really wanted.

Then I immediately started second-guessing myself. It’s different than what I’ve done before (but I know I can do it) and it’s not what anyone would expect from me (but I know I can do it) and it’s not at all how I’ve been branded (but I know I can do it) and it’s not going to be an easy thing to pitch because of the tragedy (but I know I can do it) and I have no idea if there’s even a market for this sort of thing (but I know I can do it)…

Then I saw Carla last night, and when they asked her why she should be Top Chef, she said, “Because when I cook my food…. it’s great. My food… is amazing.” And you knew what she was saying… she was saying, “But I know I didn’t cook my food tonight.”

I don’t mind going down for something I’m passionate about. I may fail, but I’ll fail at something I really wanted to do.

I don’t want to go down because I didn’t cook my own food.

So thank you, Carla. You were beautiful and lovely and I hope you have much success… but thank you for being open and honest and giving women everywhere a reminder that we should trust our gut and do what’s right for us.

How about you? Tell me what’s the last thing you did where you trusted your gut and it worked out (or didn’t and it didn’t). It might be a family matter and you want to just say “family” — but let’s hear about gut instincts and why you think we don’t always know how to trust them, as women.

A few weeks ago I was sitting in an airport, thumbing the keypad on my Blackberry at the speed of light, when a lady standing near me commented—”Can you imagine what life would be like without those gadgets?”

Without looking up, I blurted, “Yeah, we might actually have one.”

A long pause, then she chuckled. A small half-laugh that held an undercurrent of resignation, one that said, Yeah, I know what you mean, but what can we do?

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not against new technology. What I have a hard time wrapping my brain around, though, is how some of these gizmos, which were supposedly created to save us time, wound up taking up more of our time? And they not only take it, they demand immediately attention, like a bratty kid pitching a fit for a candy bar in a grocery store. All those bells, whistles, buzzing, snorting, bee-bopping, raps and taps, each alerting us to emails, texts, phone calls, and heaven only knows what else while we’re eating dinner, watching a movie, or even sleeping. And like that’s not bad enough, once those suckers have their hooks in you, it takes major willpower to break away from them. Ever try to stay away from emails and the internet for a week? Tough, ain’t it?

But I guess, like with most things in life, there’s some good and bad, give and take with each of these gadgets. My personal challenge with them has been perception—and reality. Without question, they often have me overwhelmed and overworked at times. And that alone has kept me from reaching out to embrace yet another new fangled piece of technology that seems to be all the current rage—the Kindle.

When the reading units first came out, the reviews were pretty good, most people touting the virtues of their convenience and ease of use. As good as the reviews were, though, I shook my head and reached for a nearby book, happy for the feel of the paper between my fingers and the smell of the ink on the page, something I knew no electronic reader could give me. I used other excuses to stay away from the readers, as well. Like I hate reading from a computer screen. The glare kills my eyes. Not only that, Kindle sales reduce overall revenue to authors because the cost for a book’s Kindle edition is lower. Even worse, the sales for these units are not accounted for by BookScan, which is a relatively new sales measurement system being used by editors and agents in the publishing industry. With all of that in hand, I held fast to my convictions . . . until recently.

As this very moment, sitting at the corner of my desk, is a box from Amazon. It arrived at my office half an hour ago, and it’s still unopened. –SIGH– Yes, this is my confession—I fell prey to Amazon’s incessant, glory-rallying advertising of their latest and greatest—Kindle 2. No glare or eye strain they promise. 16 shades of gray give a reader the illusion they’re reading from an actual book. One quick click of a button and the pages turn as they would between your fingers. No computer connection needed to download books as the K2 contains its own wireless system. AND, of course, don’t forget that by using a K2 you’re helping to save the planet. Save the tree, the spotted owl – - the red-breasted, wooly mammoth caterpillar! Yep, they knew all the right things to say to break down many of my defenses. So, I gave up the ghost and bought one. Never thought I would. Actually fought the inclination like a cat trapped in a shoebox, but—obviously—like that same doggone cat—curiosity won out. –SIGH

I can’t give Amazon all the credit for my moment of weakness, however. The airline mentioned above played a part in it as well, with their $25 per checked bag policy and $50 for anything over 50 pounds. Add to that smaller allowances for carryons, and it was getting to the point where I had to often times decide whether to bring the two paperbacks I’d been reading or my shampoo and cream rinse. The books or a blow dryer. The books or my makeup bag. Argg!

So, here I sit, staring at a yet to be opened box, wondering if in buying this new gizmo I’m not cutting off my nose to spite my face. The read might be easier and the pages might turn faster, but no one’s touched the issue about revenues and sales numbers for authors. And what about the feel and smell of an actual book? Nothing can give a reader those sensory pleasures but the real deal.

Oh, well, too late now. It’s a done deal. So–sigh–GRIN–here goes nothing . . .

Evidently, in a moment of weakness, I promised to continue my “manuscript milestones” theme and talk about that magical moment when a character comes to life. And some of you…remembered. Some have emailed me and…asked for this blog. And thus I am guilted into blogging about character development. I admit, this is a little like “plotting” for me — I talk a good game, give a decent workshop, offer tips and techniques that really work. I just don’t necessarily practice what I preach. But I’m going to share my process, just in case it strikes a chord with others.

But first (and I’m not procrastinating, I swear!) an announcement! Two weeks ago, I promised a winner of FRENCH TWIST for best suggestion of a tool we can’t do our job without and the winner is Kait Nolan who shared links for Dropbox and ywriter — excellent writing tools! Kait, if you email me directly at roxannestc@cfl.rr.com with your mailing address, I’ll get a book out to you right away!

And now I suppose I will have to talk about characters…

I have a good email friend I write to almost every day, certainly every week, and spend a lot of that time whining about discussing my struggles as a writer. Her advice is always the same, to the point where it’s a little joke with us. “Know thy characters,” she tells me on a far-too regular basis. It’s all about character. Story is character. Character is king. Know thy characters — before you write about them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sez I.

I can’t know these folks in advance, any more than Allison Brennan will create a 3-D plotboard or Karin Tabke will cease to drop f-bombs. Some things will never change. I don’t know my characters when I type ‘Chapter One’ — and I’ve already openly admitted right here that I hate those two words more than any others. Perhaps there’s a connection, eh?

Book after book, I start to write without much of a clue about who these people are. I discover them as I write. The layers come off, the characters say and do and think things that surprise me, a person takes shape, a backstory is revealed, a conflict is deepened. Needless to say, the sooner this happens, the easier the book is to write.

Not all writers (certainly not this one) have any idea who that character is/will be when they start. If I waited until the character was fully formed in my mind, I’d never start a book. I’d be paralyzed.

I only have two things in place as far as character development when I open that woefully blank document. First, I find a single word to sum up what I think will be their major character trait (one I suspect is closely tied to their major character flaw or personal challenge). Just looking at my books and pulling out a dozen characters at random, I can remember the word for each of them: Relentless. Reckless. Impulsive. Controlling. Biting. Rebellious. Determined. Protective. Resourceful. Precise. Curious. Distrustful. Nurturing.

When sketching the story and the people who will populate it, I give each character this “key word” or trait as a hook where I can hang their dialogue, actions, and introspection in the first few chapters. The descriptor, at that point, is merely a crutch to get me started on the long climb ahead.

The other “must have” is a picture that shows the hero and heroine’s attitude. Not necessarily their precise looks, although I try to be as true as possible with coloring, hair, and body type (and yes, I do have that in mind when I start, but have been known to change it). But for each main character, I have to find a picture that captures the “essence” of who he or she is. I use the hero’s picture as my screen saver, and he becomes my muse, guiding and inspiring me to uncover, and tell, his story.

Is this “knowing my characters?” Heavens, no. (It makes for a really nice screen saver, however.) The discovery process takes place at the keyboard. What I do there is…sculpt.

I think of that attitude-depicting picture and single character trait (along with the physical traits, the backstory I know, and any scenes where this character has appeared in previous books) as a giant chunk of marble. For each character, their motivation and goals are my multi-purpose chisels, the story premise is the mallet, the conflict is the crack of the stone as I start to carve and create a shape. I tap out different lines of dialogue and inner thoughts until one feels like it fits; I smooth away one rough spot only to find another; I carve an action and stand back and observe it, then try a different cut of the stone to see if that feels better. Once I find the shape I like, I polish that aspect of the character, then move on to the next scene. Slowly, a multi-dimensional person begins to emerge. Day after day, page after page, chapter after chapter, the marble becomes a man.

I don’t know if this technique can help any other writers, but it is the only way I know how to do it.

Have you ever seen Jean-Leon Gerome’s painting Pygmalion and Galeta? It hangs in the Met, and a much less valuable version of it hangs in my living room. The painting depicts the mythological moment when Pygmalion falls in love with his creation and she comes to life. That work of art speaks to me every time I see it because I relate to the thrill of falling in love with a character, the lightning bolt-to-the-heart moment when he becomes a real person and his destiny matters very much to me. I like to think that’s the moment in the book that the reader falls in love, too.

I know when it happens: the scene when I realize that a character would never behave a certain way, or I know instinctively the direction of his or her personal compass. It happens when I don’t write and delete twelve different versions of a line of dialogue, but words spring from my fingertips just as they would from that character’s mouth. I can see the lines and angles of a personality, and understand every utterance and thought, and all of it is real and beautiful to me. This is my bliss, my character milestone moment.

And this magic, in my case anyway, cannot take place before the book is written despite a mountain of character charts, hours of interviews, an imaginary dinner date, a fictional horoscope, or a sneak peak into the hero’s desk drawer. All of those techniques are valuable in preparation for writing, but none of them make the character “real” to me. That doesn’t happen until I find and free him.

So when exactly does this bliss happen? Sometimes, in a “gimme” book that’s a breeze to write — yes, my little snowflakes, such things exist; I’ve heard tell of them – the character milestone moment happens early in the book, before page fifty. Sometimes it is more like the mid-point of the book, and that requires some rewriting of earlier scenes. Some very bad times it happens near the end of the book, and that means I better gear up for that great big honkin’ revision in my immediate future. But it will happen every time. I know I will eventually find the man in the marble, and fall desperately in love with him.

My message to writers: take heart if you don’t know your characters before you start writing. Don’t panic, don’t let this keep your from starting (and finishing) a book. Keep sculpting, keep chiseling and carving and cutting the marble until the man inside emerges.

I’d love to hear from writers about your techniques for character development (file it under “perhaps there is a better way”) and readers…is there a moment when you fall in love with the character? That can be every bit as magical, too!

Let’s talk about some of the 2009 films! There is a whole slate of interesting, unusual, thought-provoking, and action-adventure movies releasing this year. I’m really only going to mention the action-adventure movies, because those are my faves in film fare. Give me a great blow ‘em up action movie over any other and I’m happy.

But first… I completely spaced on my post today. I’m so sorry.

February has been a crazy, crazy month for me. It started out with two crash schedule deadlines, two sets of galleys, and, about a week ago, I received copy edits. Today, in the last week of the month, I’m down to one crash deadline and the wrapping up of a set of galleys. It’s been nuts. It’s 9 PM here in California and I just woke up from a four hour nap. (can you call them naps when they’re that long?)

I totally spaced on the Oscars, too. I only realized I’d missed them when the 11 o’clock news came on last night and they talked about the winners. Was very happy to see Heath Ledger win. His performance as the Joker blew me away. I FORGOT it was Heath playing the part while watching it. He seriously became someone else for me.

So… 2009 Movies!!

On my list so far are –

Race to Witch Mountain (the Rock. Yum.)
Watchmen
The Wolf Man
Night at the Museum 2 (my kids love the first one)
Fast and Furious (Vin Diesel is back — ’bout time — along with the rest of the original cast.)
Spy Hunter (if the Rock is in it, must see it.)
G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra
Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey, jr. and Jude Law as the detective and his sidekick)
2012 (Mayan prophecy and an all-star stellar cast)
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (Heath Ledger, Johnny Depp, Colin Farrel, and Jude Law playing the same role)
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Terminator Salvation (love this franchise)
Avatar (James Cameron and Sigourney Weaver)
Angels & Demons (Tom Hanks. Love him)
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Hugh Jackman *drool*)
Star Trek (prequel with young actors in the familiar roles)
Public Enemies (Christian Bale and Johnny Depp. Yummy)
The Taking of Pelham 123 (Travolta, Gandolfini, Denzel)

Other notable releases –

The Surrogates (Bruce Willis science fiction flick)
Nottingham (Russell Crowe playing both Hood and Nottingham)
Inglourious Basterds (Quentin Tarantino and an all-star cast)

What did I miss? What are you looking forward to seeing at the box office this year? Were you in agreement with the winners of the Oscars this year?