 | 27 Jan 09 |
To sheath or not to sheath, that is the question. Whether ’tis nobler to stop the story and bag the boy, thus allowing characters to exhibit traits of intelligence and responsibility…or to suffer the slings and arrows of readers and reviewers who believe that a latex-free ride is a ticket to the wall for the novel in their hands.
To show or not to show, that is the quandary. Whether ’tis acceptable to take the reader on the ultimate fantasy that circumvents all things awkward and abrasive, thus whisking her away to that great big Calgon bath in the sky… or forever risk the taint of TSTL.
Every one of us who include detailed love scenes in our books face the condom question. Do we describe the tearing and wearing in every single love scene, or do we let “Trojan Understood” stand as an implication of the act? If we ignore the condom completely, without so much as reference in dialogue, does that become an indelible character trait (stupid, lazy, careless, selfish, unheroic) or can the reader accept that this is a fantasy with a happy ending and no fear of STD or unwanted pregnancy? Is the condom too much fact in our fiction, or does the author have a moral responsibility to address the issue of intelligent, safe sex in every single love scene?
I do not have the answers to any of these questions, but good heavens there are strong opinions about this! Recently, all three books in the latest Bullet Catcher trilogy were featured in a “bulk” review on my favorite form of on-line crack the popular web site Dear Author. In my opinion, DA reviewer Janet did an outstanding job of presenting a thoughtful overview of the trilogy, dissecting the individual stories, and analyzing the complexities and subtleties of the characters. Like any fair review, she didn’t love everything, and one of her sticking points was that of the love scenes throughout the trilogy did not always include mention of the condom.
No doubt about it, in the half dozen or more love scenes across those three books, I ran the gamut from including the condom, to implying that the condom was worn, to ignoring it completely, to insisting on withdrawal because the raincoat hadn’t made it into the shower love scene. Moments after the review was posted, the site ran one of its fabulous instapolls on the subject that included a lively discussion thread with no less than 168 comments on the subject of condom usage in the romance novel.
Poll results were surprising, at least to me. An overwhelming majority (72%) of nearly 400 (yes, four hundred – there are a lot of us on DA crack) readers actively look for the condom and are disappointed when it isn’t included. I voted with the 28% who felt the mention of the condom could ruin the fantasy, but as a writer, I certainly took note of how important this is to readers.
The issue, for me, is not whether or not to include the condom but how to keep both sides of the readership happy. And should we? I deeply respect those who feel that a heroine who has condom-free sex has crossed the line from daring to dumb and deserves if not death, then a DNF on the book. (Although I believe most of those readers do agree that if there is a specific plot point supporting this action — i.e. she’s trying to get pregnant — then it’s okay.) I also respect the reader who cringes in disappointment when the foil packet is introduced because it yanks her from romance to realism and, to her, it’s no different than showing the characters taking a quick post-coital trip to the bathroom. She knows it happened, but would rather not read the gory details.
The only answer is to let the scene and character dictate the condom decision. In the vast majority of the love scenes I’ve written, a condom is mentioned, sometimes joked about, occasionally fumbled over, and the search for one has actually changed the course of a story. But I admit, there have been scenes where I’ve opted to let fantasy rule over common sense. In Then You Hide, there is a love scene that takes place in the shallow waters of the Caribbean. I did not have the characters take a condom into the water, or climb out of the waves to suit up for sex. They just go for it. Did I lose a reader or two over that? Perhaps, but I really hope not. Personally, I loved the momentum and spontaneity of that scene, and it felt right to let those two characters (one who is notably impulsive) frolic unprotected. There are other love scenes in the trilogy where I don’t mention the condom, but it’s there in my mental image. I don’t describe every touch or sigh or hip undulation, either, otherwise the love scenes would be twenty-five pages long. In the final love scene in the trilogy there is no condom, and the hero specifically asks “Aren’t we forgetting something?” but the answer is no. (Baby Bullet Catcher is on the way.)
The fact is, we can’t please every reader, though God knows we want to. At some point, it has to come down to how we want to tell the story. I can assure you, for this writer, it is not a cavalier decision. I’d love to hear how the MSW community feels about this, too. Writers, how do you address the condom conundrum? Readers, how do you feel when the writer makes a choice that goes against your personal beliefs?
© 2009, Roxanne St. Claire. All rights reserved.
Roxanne St. Claire is a New York Times bestselling, RITA-Award winning author of nearly thirty novels of romance and suspense. The author of two popular romantic suspense series, The Bullet Catchers and The Guardian Angelinos, Roxanne is hard at work on new books for 2012, which will include the launch of a contemporary series, Barefoot Bay, and her first young adult novel, Don't You Wish, and a brand new stand-alone romantic suspense, Space in His Heart. A five-time RITA nominee, Roxanne's books have won the National Readers Choice Award, the Daphne Du Maurier Award, the Maggie Award, the Booksellers Best, the Book Buyers Best, The HOLT Medallion, multiple Awards of Excellence, and Borders "Top Pick"" for Romance in 2007. She lives in Florida with her husband, two teenagers, and one impossibly cute Australian Terrier named Pepper.
Subscribe to Posts 
Strictly from a reader standpoint (because I haven’t had the need for a sex scene in my books yet), I’d say it depends on the book. Sometimes I just assume the characters are smart enough to already have their protections in place, so I don’t need to read it. Sometimes they aren’t thinking about it – like in real life – and unless consequences are part of the storyline, I let the lack of them slide. And sometimes I see where actually inserting the protection (pardon the pun) into the scene works.
I think readers need to remember these are fictional people, and art doesn’t always imitate life (and shouldn’t necessarily do the vice versa).
If that makes any sense. It’s early here.
by B.E. Sanderson January 27th, 2009 at 5:57 amYou know, I was considering a prize for the best pun on the subject. Trust me, I avoided many while drafting the post. Good thoughts, BE.
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 6:52 amI’m a member of the ‘it depends on the writing’ camp. I want to see some sort of allusion to protection if it works for the story. As far as pulling me out if it is/isn’t there … if it does, then the author didn’t do a good job writing the scene.
Having raised children beyond puberty, I definitely prefer some reference to responsibility, both in pregnancy and STD prevention.
And since this topic was covered At Great Length over at DA (and at another major blog about the same time), I don’t think it’s necessary to go into all the details. If there’s absolutely no mention of protection, I’m going to lift an eyebrow (OK, both of them, since I can’t do that Spock thing), but it would never sour me on finishing the book, or abandoning an author.
by Terry Odell January 27th, 2009 at 6:10 amI’m just, um, enjoying the challenges of puberty with my children, Terry, and when my husband and I were discussing this blog topic last night, my 15 year old son said, and I quote: “Do you mention that characters put on a seatbelt every time they get in a car?” I thought that was interesting. Also, in his mind (I hope, I hope) the condom is like a seatbelt: not optional. This is all in the distant future, of course, say, when he’s thirty or forty years old.
As I mentioned in the post, it was the DA discussion that prompted this blog, but I missed “the other major site.” Where was it? I’d like to read it.
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 6:58 amRocki, I think (sorry, aging gray matter), it was “Romancing the Blog.”
I think the decision of how much to show is always up to the author. I’ve shown my characters clicking and unclicking seatbelts and I hope the reader assumes they’re going to do it every time. If the scene shows the specifics of them getting to the car, opening the door, getting into their seats, etc., etc., then I’ll show a seatbelt. Same goes for sex scenes. If we’re seeing them every minute, I’d expect a reference. If it happens off the page, I’ll draw my own conclusions.
As one of my crit partners pointed out in a scene I’d written — my dialogue could NOT have taken the amount of time I said had elapsed, and I hadn’t written anything to indicate there had been a lull in conversation, etc. Didn’t take but a few words to address the elapsed time.
I think one of the best scenes I read recently (in a mystery, not a romance) addressed the issue after the fact, and it was very well done, as the hero remembered how embarrassed he’d been at the way he’d fumbled the process.
by Terry Odell January 27th, 2009 at 7:07 amOne good reason to write historicals? This is a tough one, Rocki. I guess it depends on the story, the characters, the situation. Will they have one handy? Are they risk-takers? Is the moment so heated they aren’t going to be thinking straight?
I guess it is like having characters who smoke in movies or books. Are you reinforcing bad habits? I guess I side with the cautious ones. I would rather see characters, especially heros and heroines, to exhibit good sense, but I wouldn’t put the book down if they didn’t.
by Sandra Coburn January 27th, 2009 at 6:30 amThe “having one handy” is often a challenge, Sandra. The only thing readers hate more than TSTL characters are huge stretches of credibility. It *is* a tough one.
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 7:22 amI write Native American historical, so the condom conundrum doesn’t come up. (No pun intended.) However, I’m writing a time travel now where my heroine lands in 1860, and is rescued by a hunky Indian (no surprise there).
When the probability of sleeping with him first enters her mind, she does think about the dates of her birth control. As for disease, I don’t go that far in her thoughts. I choose to believe romance readers are intelligent. They don’t need chapter and verse every time.
by Joyce Henderson January 27th, 2009 at 6:35 amOkay, we have another entry in the best condom pun contest!
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 7:01 amI remember when I first started to write romance that someone said that the characters should be what we are if we were better people. So, put me in the camp that likes to see that the hero and heroine are smart and careful and use a condom.
Now that said, as a writer I can see how you don’t want to stop the scene. But generally speaking in a contemporary romance I want to see they are responsible.
But it’s not a deal breaker – I wouldn’t stop reading the book, so as someone said, it’s the story that the most important.
by Terry Irene Blain January 27th, 2009 at 6:36 amI’m one of those who doesn’t want to see it. Romance novels are an escape. I don’t need or want to be reminded of reality. If I did, I read something from Oprah’s bookclub.
And while this topic may have been discussed other places, I love that you’ve brought an author’s viewpoint to it, Rocki. Not to mention a sense of humor few romantic suspense authors seem to be capable of.
by Kristen January 27th, 2009 at 6:42 amYou know irreverent is my middle name.
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 7:23 amDitto what Kristen said.
by Phyllis Towzey January 27th, 2009 at 6:52 amI’ve honestly written it both ways. In my contemporaries, I try to include it, unless the characters have already been together before.
In my historicals, not so much. I believe it depends on the characters. If, like your surf scene, the character is somebody who’s spontaneous and didn’t think past the moment, then as writers we should be true to our characters (even if they make stupid choices with long-term implications.)
Why?
Because it makes them real. Seriously, you can’t be telling me that every person who thought condoms should be in every scene has used one every time, including their teen years. It’s just not statistically possible.
We all make mistakes. Why should our characters be different?
by Theresa Meyers January 27th, 2009 at 7:04 amWKS (what Kristen said!)
Seriously, I miss the good old days of spontaneity…being driven wild by the passion, overcome with desire, the mental concentrating on the feelings evoked rather than syphilis (or whatever skank the “hero” had been with before now).
Trust me, I know all about unprotected sex (not because of my checkered past! But I was a nurse and a OB/GYN nursing instructor for YEARS) I know the condom is here to stay.
Now, have we “covered” this subject? BRAWAHAHAHA
by ArkansasCyndi January 27th, 2009 at 7:07 amDing! Another Best Condom Pun entry from Miss Cyndi! Good to hear from a ob/gyn nurse on the topic, too!
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 7:24 amI believe it largely depends on the genre. I wouldn’t expect it in a historical novel, obviously, but I also don’t expect to see it in Futuristic, Fantasy or Science Fiction romances either.
I like to believe there is some built in genetic protection in the future.
Hey, I can dream.
As a writer, I always include a “condom” reference if I’m writing in a contemporary setting. This is because I’ve seen reviewers and readers comment passionately on this very subject over the years.
However, if I’m reading a contemporary novel and there isn’t any protection mentioned, I generally move on without any eyebrow or facial movement whatsoever.
It’s fiction people. These are fictional characters. I like to believe they act responsibly even if it isn’t spelled out to the letter.
by Lara Santiago January 27th, 2009 at 7:15 amL
I write erotic romance, so this is a question I have to deal with a lot–and yes, some of my love scenes do go on for twenty-five pages–or more. In Wolf Tales I’ve solved the problem by making my Chanku impervious to STDs and the women totally in control of the ability to breed (ie: whether or not they consciously release an egg–my world, my rules) but in scenes where either is an issue, I always have my characters use protection. I make it part of the eroticism of the scene–sheathing a partner can be very sexy. I’m one of those readers who immediately classifies both characters as TSTL if protection isn’t used, and it will definitely ruin the romantic elements of the story for me.
by Kate Douglas January 27th, 2009 at 7:15 amI love the “imperviousness” of paranormal, Kate. Also love that you do the 25-page+ love scene and that the act of protection can be part of the lovemaking itself. I, too, have done that in sensual scenes and it can really work well.
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 7:27 amI like a hero who can rise to the occasion. My books cover a wide range of genres. I have a romantic suspense set in the ’80s when AIDS was first rearing it’s ugly head for heteros, too. I do have a discussion about sexual histories and mention the use of both a condom and the Pill. In the end, they have unprotected sex. The second book in the series occurs 25 years later and stars their daughter. Oops. They did it again.
As a writer, I try to fit the scene to the crime, as it were. I’ll try to slip in something iabout birth control and/or condoms in contemporaries. Historicals and paranormals, not so much. Rocki, I DO mention my characters fastening seatbelts. And I got my daughter through her teens in one piece. She’s 21, engaged, and responsible. *whew*
by Silver James January 27th, 2009 at 7:16 amRise to the occasion! We are punny today!
Interesting that you bring up the 80′s – does anyone know when the condom became an essential part of the romance novel love scene? Would love to know who was the first author to include it in a contemporary.
Congratulations on your daughter’s engagement, Silver. And your success in managing the teens. So far, we’re good…but boys (mine, anyway) seem to be so straightforward and *easy*. The other one (only 11 now) might be a bit more challenging…
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 7:31 amI don’t personally remember any mention of their use until…well, lately. Out of curiosity, I Goggled and couldn’t come up with any information on when mention of condoms first came into vogue in the romance genre. Maybe someone else will have a better memory or Google chops that beat mine.
by Silver James January 27th, 2009 at 8:09 amWho’s to say they aren’t using a condom just because it isn’t mentioned? Let the reader decide if he slipped one on or not. Besides, maybe she’s on the pill or has an IUD or has gone through menopause (and no, you don’t have to be old to go through menopause). And not every woman conceives no matter how many million sperm come calling. There are any number of ways the writer can handle it. Or not. You can have a character walk from one side of the room to the other but you don’t have to describe every step.
by Nancy Morse January 27th, 2009 at 7:22 amMaybe being a mom of boys makes a difference (and having taught for years!) but I do wonder when I’m reading about the protection used. Not enough to stop reading but there can be a jolt about ‘did he or didn’t he?’ I don’t want a heroine who is TSTL – however, if there’s a good reason why they didn’t, that’s okay. Since we’re writing heroes here, he could be quick in donning his raincoat or I like the authors who bring the process into the story.
I covered several generations in my last book and I considered the use of protection for each time period when writing my scenes (and since all of them weren’t covered, I don’t know if that previous sentence counts for a pun). I also do the same with other safety issues and realized the other day I have to revise a scene where the heroine unbuckles her daughter’s seatbelt – the little girl is too small to sit in the front seat yet. Someone would be sure to notice and the change actually helped with a plot device I need for later.
Oh, and you’re right, I hope the seatbelt/condom is a given with my boys – the second definitely sometime in the very far distant future
by Tessa McDermid January 27th, 2009 at 7:31 amI love books that cover several generations, Tessa. What’s the title? I’d like to snag that one.
Yes, the very distant future! (Although I am staring down the barrel of the driver’s license and I don’t like it at all.)
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 7:59 amI fall firmly into the condom camp, and I voted that way on the crack poll… however, I’m a bit of a hypocrite, because in my first published sex scene, I, um, didn’t manage to mention it. However as my heroine had mentioned condom use several times prior to that scene, and the partner in question is one that she would DEFINITELY be using a condom with (he’s a bit of a playboy), then yeah, my editor and I decided it was safe to assume condoms had been utilized. Funny, I talk about condoms in every one of my unpublished books, as well as in the one coming out in May, the hero of which, knowing what the heroine did with the playboy in that other book, probably is especially interested in using one.
Who is that Harlequin editor who insists that if there is no mention of condom usage in a love scene, that the heroine be pregnant at the end of the book? Or is that a romance writer’s urban legend?
by Diana Peterfreund January 27th, 2009 at 7:34 amDiana, I firmly agree that if it’s been mentioned once, even prior to the love scene, it doesn’t *have* to go in again. Like someone upthread said, we don’t describe every step that a person takes across the room.
I don’t know the HQ editor you mention – haven’t heard that bit of folklore. Anyone?
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 8:01 amWell, put me down in the category of “it depends on the writing” – if the author has created smart characters, I’m going to assume they’re taking whatever safety precautions prior to the event that they need to handle. I agree with your son–I don’t have to see them put on their seatbelt or wash their hands or keep food sanitary to believe that they know to do these things. Now, I think it’s a valuable tool (geez, there’s just no way to avoid the puns) to use for comic effect or for development of some issue between the characters. (Jordan Dane did a very funny scene where the man had not brought a condom with him, because nothing had been planned regarding sex, and when it happened, the woman was running around her apartment, with him naked, waiting for her as she tore up her rooms trying to find that old box–while worrying the condoms might be too old. Hysterical scene.)
by Toni McGee Causey January 27th, 2009 at 8:03 amGreat topic! Although protection wasn’t considered an issue in the early ’80s, when I started writing, I actually had to argue with an editor to include it in a book because I didn’t want readers waiting for the heroine to get pregnant because it would distract them from my plot.
I pretty much continued using it from then on, partly because although the books are fiction, because they’re contemporaries, they do reflect life, and on some level, as a reader, I have to wonder about a hero who doesn’t have the responsibility to protect a heroine or a heroine who won’t take the responsibility to protect herself.
(I grew up Irish Catholic. We not only do guilt well, we’re really, really tough on ourselves. And our characters. LOL)
If a scene begins with foreplay and ends with a fade-out, I don’t bother. Also, as Diana said, if it’s been used several times prior to a scene, it’s sort of implied.
If the scene climaxes (does that count as a pun?), well, the condom gets in there somehow. Often with just a quick word, but just as often it can become a sexy part of the lovemaking scene.
In my Callahan Brothers trilogy, I had a cop heroine who’d busted a porn studio. Part of the evidence was a so-called instruction video with a phony nurse teaching women how to get men to use a condom by putting it on with their mouths. My heroine proved a quick learner. LOL
And it can provide for some humor — I once had a couple have to stop everything while making out in the hero’s pickup, then drive to the small town store where everyone knew them to buy condoms.
It can also reveal something about a character. In Breakpoint, my upcoming July High Risk book, my hero was dumped in a trash can at birth, then grew up in foster homes, so he’s insistent on never having sex without protection, even when he and the heroine have that just waking up, still sort of dreaming almost sex.
The heroine was actually willing to go through with it — she was on birth control and, as the JAG officer who’d interrogated him during a court martial, she’d read his military records, including his medical file, which showed frequest tests — but although he really, really wanted her, he stuck to his core principles.
by JoAnn Ross January 27th, 2009 at 8:22 amJoAnn! You may be the author we were looking for – the first to use a condom in an 80′s romance.
It is nice when the condom just gets there. My absolute fave condom scene EVER is in Linda Howard’s KILL AND TELL – the balcony scene in New Orleans. Anyone remember? He had it on ahead of time, ready for about an hour, telling us so much about his alpha hotness that I swoon just thinking about it.
We’ll throw scene climaxes into the pun contest just for you!
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 9:40 amJoAnn, I also want to thank you for your, um, instructive condom scenes… and I absolutely agree, that condom usage can work out really well in the plot.
I wonder if you had that legendary editor re: no comdom = pregnancy!
by Diana Peterfreund January 27th, 2009 at 10:38 amI do look for the condum, or some kind of discussion on birth control. It’s not romantic, but necessary, especially since young girls, not just older fans read romance. I’m disappointed when its not in the love scene. Not because its anythng romantic, but it shows care on the part of the hero.
by Lee January 27th, 2009 at 8:36 amYou haven’t experienced the joy of swallowing your own tongue at the outrageous behavior of your boys until the 19 year-old comes tripping up the stairs late Saturday night when mom and dad are already in bed…reading! Honestly, would I lie?
“Hey, folks, meet Miss Jailbait.”
“Son of mine, it ain’t gonna happen in MY house,” say I. “You might rethink taking the sweet young thing to bed considering she’s only 16 or thereabout.”
Okay, so it was during the cumbiya, flower generation, but still! I really thought we’d explained responsibility better than that!
Oh, did they have sex? I have no idea, and 35, 40 years later, I still don’t want to know.
by Joyce Henderson January 27th, 2009 at 8:42 amOMG Meet Miss Jailbait is funny. I mean, not if you are her (or his!) parents, but it’s a memorable line!
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 9:41 amMy first book featured off-the-page sex, yet nonetheless I got email complaints that readers quit reading at that point because there was no mention of condoms. Now, there was no mention of anything specific. The music soared, the curtains closed, and then it was the next morning. In my mind, there were rubbers galore, but this particular story wouldn’t have been advanced by bringing it all on to the page.
My solution for my second book? Keep it to a hand job.
by Bill Cameron January 27th, 2009 at 8:45 amHey Rocki–great discussion today!
I have this problem in just about every book, though not necessarily in every scene. If I thoroughly establish the use of a condom in love scene # 1, I don’t always reiterate it in # 2, I just assume the readers is going to know these two use them.
But those “spontaneous” moments, where there’s just no way a condom can magically appear, can be really tough. I have had characters who get birth control shots, or who think at some point in the book how glad they are that they didn’t go off the pill, just to give myself some flexibility. Doesn’t address the disease aspect, just the birth control one, but I have to hope readers have come to know my characters enough to realize they would never endanger someone they cared about by having sex if there was any chance of passing along some ugly std.
by Leslie Kelly January 27th, 2009 at 9:20 amLeslie, you always handle it beautifully. I think before I wrote my first love scene, I’d read one of yours (NIGHT WHISPERS, I think – so fabulous) and got the idea of how to manage the condom donning well.
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 9:42 amRoxanne, awesome topic!
I’ve written over 35 romance novels, most contemporary and most including condom usage. In fact, I’ve often used it as a source of humor…like when my heroine’s psychic mother sends a condom up to where her daughter is “hiding out” with the hero…just in case because they weren’t going to do it otherwise. I’m firmly in the “depends on the story, the characters, etc” and the only time a heroine is TSTL, IMO, in regard to condoms is if she’s having unprotected sex with a stranger that she’s just met. I’ve read that and yes, it’s thrown me so far out of the story I had to get a map to get back…if I went back at all.
However, that said, I’ve read lots of books where I have no idea if a condom was used at all…I was so firmly entrenched in the story that it never occurred to me to make note of it. And I agree, if the characters have discussed it previously or have used one previously, I assume they’re doing it again unless the author leads to me to believe otherwise…as in, this is the time she’s going to get preggers because they used no condom.
Bottom line: you can’t make all readers happy. But I’m with Kate…I loved writing my paranormals because not only could my heroines not get pregnant by making love to a Phantom (since they’re solid, but not technically “alive” but they can’t get STDs either.) No discussion necessary! Wahoo! The Freedom!
by JulieLeto January 27th, 2009 at 9:23 amAh, Bill…see? That’s where I’ve erred…the simplicity, the pure beauty of the male approach. I’m going to remember your last line and run with it, should the occasion arise –which it always does, in my WIP! (And that was most definitely meant as a pun…)
by Kate Douglas January 27th, 2009 at 9:32 amYou’re in, Kate, with the rising occasion! LOL on the “male approach” from Bill. Keep it simple!
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 9:43 amPut me in the it depends camp. In a contemporary, I kind of want it to be mentioned somewhere along the way. If they’ve been talking about condoms, I’m going to assume it’s been used. I don’t need the actual sheathing scene. My current WIP hinges on a broken condom, in fact (oh those playboy princes and their randy ways!). But that was backstory.
OTOH, like you say, seatbelts are understood — so why not condoms? It’s a hard subject.
by Lynn Raye Harris January 27th, 2009 at 9:35 amA hard subject, indeed.
(*snort* Couldn’t resist.)
by Bill Cameron January 27th, 2009 at 9:42 amI have a soft spot for the broken condom…it’s how this late in life child #5 got here in the first place!
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 9:45 amOne can only hope, of course. *g*
by Lynn Raye Harris January 27th, 2009 at 2:00 pmInteresting topic–I almost always mention the couple using protection as long as it fits the scene and the emotions motivating the scene.
The only time I didn’t was in my fourth Paladin book where the hero crossed into another world, a spur of the moment decision taking nothing but his weapon with him (does that count as a pun?). I did get at least one review that mentioned the couples irresponsible behavior.
Still, under the circumstances, I still maintained he wouldn’t have made a quick trip the store in the middle of a crisis.
As a reader, it’s never a deal breaker with me.
by Alexis Morgan January 27th, 2009 at 9:37 amIf I’m reading/writing a contemporary romance I really need to see a condom. Or some kind of discussion. I grew up reading books without them and I think it probably shaped how I wanted to have sex–which is obviously not they safe way! So now, I take into account who might be reading my books and try and insert birth control. So hot lovin’ can still be sexy with protection. Though I’m sure I’m probably guilty of skipping it or implying it in a book or two.
by Shelli Stevens January 27th, 2009 at 9:53 amI’m wondering if down the road, using a condom might become a given enough that it’s expected, somewhat like buckling a seatbelt or putting kids in a car seat. That next step to a future where they aren’t needed because diseases can’t be passed along.
BTW, the generational book was FAMILY STORIES, from Harlequin’s Everlasting Love line. Thanks for asking, Rocki!
by Tessa McDermid January 27th, 2009 at 10:00 amWouldn’t that be nice! I don’t think we’re quite there, yet.
Will def. check out your Everlasting – I really loved a lot of the books in that line.
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 10:45 amI’m not expert on this, a-hem, and wasn’t going to post but something in your blog prompted a thought, Rocki.
It’s interesting that the survey revealed readers looking for the condom as part of the scene. To me, it speaks of how our culture has changed. So much, it impacts the fantasy of the novel.
Readers, are in some part, seeing the scene as real-life. Or, putting themselves into the scene and there’s that part of them that would not go-for-it without latex.
As an author, you’re in pure fantasy world. But the reader brings some part of reality with them. “It could happen to me.”
I still think an author should write the story as it is in their heart. The interesting reality for us is that the readers escape with us, bringing along a bit of real life truth.
RHauck
by RHauck January 27th, 2009 at 10:09 amIt certainly has changed and quickly, when you consider that JoAnn once had to argue for the condom — that really wasn’t so long ago.
Your observations about the reader putting themselves in the character’s shoes is right on, Rachel.
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 10:44 amHey Rocki, stimulating topic! I’ve written scenes with and without condoms. In my witch hunter books, so far, no condoms. These are supernatural beings and they aren’t worried. In my mysteries and Bravas there were condoms. It just depends. But for me as a reader, if I’m into the book, I just enjoy the fantasy. I don’t get riled up on this subject simply because I don’t think we’re teaching sex education or safe sex
by Jen Lyon January 27th, 2009 at 10:56 amAs the person responsible for both the DA reviews and the Romancing The Blog column, may I offer an aspect of this issue that I don’t see discussed very often? [assuming permission here] Namely the traditional expectation in Romance that babies are intrinsic to the HEA.
IMO this expectation is so deeply rooted (heh) in the genre that a heroine like Min Dobbs from Jennifer Crusie’s Bet Me has to make an explicit declaration that she does not want children (a revelation which, of course, horrifies her mother).
And for a reader like me, who does not automatically equate a couple’s HEA with a nice spread in the Suburbs and 2.5 children, the absence of the condom can be (doesn’t have to be, but can be) a reflection of that automatic expectation of children, even if the heroine does not become pregnant during the course of the narrative (do we get credit for menstral puns, too?).
So unlike seat belts and beyond STD’s, for me the absence of a condom can telegraph a tacit acceptance of the HEA = babies equation that has been so prevalent in Romance. And while I certainly have no objection to babies as part of a couple’s HEA, outside of a plot that deals overtly with the consequences of unprotected sex, I like the idea that babies (especially in contemps) are made as a conscious choice on the part of the protags. Or not.
So for me, some mention of protection, even the slightest hint that it’s there (a nightstand drawer, a quick trip to the bathroom afterward, etc.) shows me that neither I nor the heroine must simply accept that children are inevitable in the future simply because this is a Romance (or that we’re both women so we should understand that).
by Robin/Janet January 27th, 2009 at 11:43 amOh, I’m so glad you posted, Robin. You started all this!
This is very interesting:
<>
Mostly because I think — this is just me — that the conundrum is more about STDs than pregnancy. Can we not assume the heroine takes care of her own birth control? Do we have to be told if she’s on the pill? I let that be the case for many of mine (assuming they are not virgins – I’ve only had one of those and condoms were front and center in that book).
Points for a new pun direction (although you had me at deeply rooted), and a different perspective.
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 1:17 pmWhoops, the comment didn’t copy. What I edited in was your point about the “traditional expectation that babies are intrinsic to the HEA.”
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 1:19 pmYou started all this!
Heh, and I’m probably going to give it one more breath of life in my Thursday Access Romance Readers Gab column, especially since JMC recently wrote a wonderful piece on the STD issue in Romance (http://accessromance.com/gab/2009/01/22/stds-in-romance/#comments).
Anyway, JMC’s point about how it seems unspoken that the hero and heroine must be “clean” to retain their heroic status is really important, IMO, and directly connected to your reference to STDs as the crux of the condom issue. And I definitely agree that the STD issue is very much at issue, lol.
But I also think it’s about unpsoken assumptions in the genre that have become conventions, and that like the unspoken assumption of the protags’ sexual cleanliness, the assumption of ‘baby on board’ is unconsciously operative in the genre as a whole.
So can I trust that the heroine is taking care of her own birth control? Not until I can trust that she’s not a 30 year old virgin because she hasn’t met “the One” and never been curious about sex, or a near-virgin because of one crappy experience, or a CEO who blithely throws it all away for small town life and a brood of six, and all of the other conventions in the genre that seem to control the sexual/gender behavior of the heroine.
For me the fantasy is wholly inclusive of the way the characters are developed, of their logic and internal consistency. And it’s about how their choices and characteristics are treated. If I feel that an author is treating her characters really thoughtfully and deliberately, being mindful of all these little details, I’m much more likely to follow her heroine into the suburbs with her 2.5 children and doting neanderthal husband than I am if I feel like these conventions are merely being *followed* or simply *not questioned* — if they’re simply being mindlessly repeated.
In other words, I don’t need subversion of the conventions, just an understanding that they’ve been chosen freely, deliberately, and in the best interests of the story and the characters. Sometimes a condom can communicate that to me, even if it’s only the barely discernible rustle of a wrapper or the momentary reach toward a nightstand drawer.
by Robin January 27th, 2009 at 3:29 pmRobin, thanks for the heads up on Thursday’s Access Romance Readers Gab. Will definitely check that out.
I love your focus on the characters, but so wish all those unspoken assumptions hadn’t necessarily become “conventions” – because conventions feels like “cliche” and we all just want to run screaming from those.
I haven’t had a lot of heroines who are pregnant at the end, or plan to be (Lucy is a notable exception – that was obviously a major part of her story arc) and the other that comes to mind was a chick lit I wrote called HIT REPLY. (I need to send that to you!)
Good thoughts, as always!
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 4:27 pmAnd see, as a writer who’s come to (ahem) the romance genre by way of (first) screenwriting and (secondly) thrillers, I had not realized that the HEA = babies at some point. While I’m certainly catching up in my reading material (and am going to go broke reading DA as well as this group, because I keep snapping up recs from both places, and enjoying them)… I think my cross-genre reading has influenced my perception of the HEA. Or at least, what I extrapolate as the future HEA once the hero and heroine end the story. (Of course, coming from the thriller world, just being alive = HEA.
)
by Toni McGee Causey January 27th, 2009 at 7:43 pmI don’t know where this will post, since I don’t think I hit the right “reply” button, but here goes:
… so wish all those unspoken assumptions hadn’t necessarily become “conventions†– because conventions feels like “cliche†and we all just want to run screaming from those.
You know, I hadn’t made the connection between conventions and cliches until you mentioned it, but I see what you’re saying. And don’t know what the answer is. OTOH, mimesis is critical to the notion of genre through the repetition of central tropes, motifs, and structural components. But at what point does it become trite instead of cohesive? Or is it always both to some degree? And are cliches so horrible?
More than the cliche question, I worry about the moral and ethical straitjacket IMO the heroine so often ends up in through the repetition of certain tropes and motifs that reinforce certain ideas about how a heroine should behave sexually and romantically. For example, she can’t have too many sexual partners (but how many is too many?), she can’t ever have cheated (which is interesting, because one of my favorite LaVyrle Spencer books, Spring Fancy, contains an unfaithful heroine), etc. etc. yadda yadda.
And I wonder how much of that reinforcement comes from an automatic repetition of certain characteristics rather than a conscious use of them. In other words, are we reinforcing certain limiting behaviors and characteristics for heroines (and heroes) simply by using certain things over and over again without noticing or questioning them?
I haven’t had a lot of heroines who are pregnant at the end, or plan to be (Lucy is a notable exception – that was obviously a major part of her story arc) and the other that comes to mind was a chick lit I wrote called HIT REPLY. (I need to send that to you!)
I’m definitely interested in seeing how Lucy adapts, especially given her past. As for Hit Reply, is that the one told in emails? I must confess that I’ve been *wanting* to read that one . . .
And see, as a writer who’s come to (ahem) the romance genre by way of (first) screenwriting and (secondly) thrillers, I had not realized that the HEA = babies at some point.
I wonder if it’s more prevalent in historical Romance than in contemps, but honestly, I’m not sure, since I have seen it in both pretty regularly. But since Romance is directly descended from the sentimental novel, it makes sense, to some degree, that the celebration of the nuclear family would punctuate genre Romance. It’s just interesting to see how the concept of the family evolves (or not) in the genre, IMO.
by Robin January 27th, 2009 at 9:03 pmGreat topic, Rocki.
I never use condoms in my historicals. I’ve used the pull-out method of contraception, but that’s it.
On the other hand, I totally expect there to be condom usage in contemporaries until the hero and heroine are firmly committed and they’ve had the “I never not use them… I’m clean… only with you” talk. If there is no condom usage or mention at all, it’s a wallbanger book for me.
Totally a double-standard and a bit silly considering how prevalent syphilis was historically and how much/often those rakes got around during times when hygiene was questionable…
by S.J. Day January 27th, 2009 at 11:47 amThis is why I wish I wrote historicals. LOL I always have problems with condoms. I don’t know where to put them (in the story!) Too late seems to cut into the action and too soon seems to imply something that might not happen. Maybe just a simple, “You have protection, right?” might do.
by Amanda January 27th, 2009 at 11:52 amRocki this used to be somewhat of a dilemma for me.
I used to be one of those writers who thought, i’m not the moral police, and if i could get away from the condom I did. i felt it wasn’t my job to send a public service announcement each time i wrote a love scene. But that has changed with each book I write. not that i feel like the gal who needs to make a public statement but i’m the writer who knows that in today’s society whether it’s fiction or not it’s just stupid to have unprotected sex (so how could my uber intelligent characters have unprotected sex??).
unwanted pregnancy aside, to me there is nothing sexy in real life or contemporary fiction when characters are too stupid or too inconsiderate to protect themselves from a deadly STD.
now that said, if they (fictional characters) come clean so to speak before the act, and all is well, then by all means, toss the raincoat and get wet! But it must be established before the plunge!
by Karin Tabke January 27th, 2009 at 12:41 pmAnd the puns keep coming! (I *had* to, sorry.)
Karin: It’s not the moral issue as much as a craft issue. When it’s not mentioned at all, does that mean it’s not there? Yes, there are times (like I mentioned in my post) that I made the decision not to bog the moment, but that is the rare, rare choice for me.
Big pun points for plunge!
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 1:12 pmIt never bothers me for the condom to be unmentioned, depending on how detailed the scene is (we can assume, in some cases) but if it’s there, it has to be made sexy — I don’t want a PSA in the middle of my reading/love scenes.
Sam
by Sam Hunter January 27th, 2009 at 12:56 pmOh, I think ‘The Plunge” metaphor should win the pun contest!!!!!
And Karin, we’re definitely on the same page on this topic. The STD stupidity/calessness issue is why I (mostly) quit having my characters smoke years ago.
by JoAnn Ross January 27th, 2009 at 1:03 pmThat’s carelessness.
JoAnn, of the careless typing.
by JoAnn Ross January 27th, 2009 at 1:05 pmI try to mention it, partly because I love getting heroines accidentally pregnant, so if it’s not there I worry that readers will be studying the following scenes for nausea and breast tenderness when I have no intention of getting that particular heroine pregnant
I think it can make for some funny moments, even conflict when she wonders just *why* he happened to have a condom on him 
My first pubbed heroine got pregnant despite a condom. They’re not terribly reliable…
Jen
by Jennifer Lewis January 27th, 2009 at 1:14 pmAs a historical author and self-confessed research nut, I’m very aware of the prevalence of STDs. (My gosh, was syphilis far more common than we’d like to think! And the photos of flesh rotting off prostitutes… )
I therefore always try to mention condoms, whether or not they’re used, and try to make it important for characterization. Upper-crust urban men seem to have been well-aware of STDs. In fact, they had lots of sayings about the consequences for not taking precautions. Since my heroes are intelligent dudes , I therefore figure they’d use a condom or have a very good reason why not.
by Diane Whiteside January 27th, 2009 at 1:14 pmI have to agree with the less is more side of things. We’re talking fiction, here people. We know in REAL LIFE everyone uses a condom, right? In my fiction reading and writing, the condom thing slows me down. I like to think that if my characters are responsible in other areas of their lives, they will be responsible in this area as well. I don’t need to know they are slinging on a raincoat every time it pours. I think they are smart enough to do it without a PSA, as someone mentioned.
by Molly Evans January 27th, 2009 at 1:25 pmIn my magic books, my practitioners must not use “artificial barriers” or the mating bond won’t “take.” This has caused some interesting conversations when one or the other is not a practitioner and able to cast spells. The practitioner women do cast “birth control spells” so they won’t get pregnant until both of them are ready for children.
In my (at this point only) contemporary, the man uses one at the beginning of their first sex scene. After that, I basically have taken it for granted that he continues to do so. But I do think it needs to be mentioned.
After that, not unless it’s a plot device.
Cheers,
by Ann Macela January 27th, 2009 at 1:25 pmAnn
I think I just made a mistake responding to a yahoogroups email, which may not show up here, so I’m going to repost and hopefully not duplicate myself.
Anyway. . . Robin, this is exactly why I argued to have the condom introduced in the early ’80s because I had a heroine who specifically either wasn’t ready for children, or had been told she couldn’t have any. (I honestly forget which.)
But having had her state that, because of that
prevailing attitude in romances, especially back then, and even soap operas, I knew readers would be waiting for her to show up pregnant. Which can make for a fine story plot. It just wasn’t the story I was telling.
One of my fave things to read in a romance is, toward the end, when a hero and heroine make the conscious choice to let nature take its course, revealing that they truly are now a committed couple, and are willing to embrace the idea of creating a new life together.
And, okay, I can’t help it. . . digressing as I usually do, LOL, I once wrote two books back to back where the heroine, on the eve of her wedding, discovers that her husband, who was kidnapped by terrorists years ago and declared dead, has suddenly been released. I was really fortunate that HQ allowed me to have two super men really in love with her, and her in love with them for different reasons. (They even showed two men on the cover and didn’t state on the back of the book which one she’d end up with.)
But, her fiance was ready for a family, and admired the strong woman she’d become while battling the government for information for other families in similar situations.
While her husband, a hotshot foreign journalist really was a bit of a Peter Pan who 1) couldn’t quite connect this strong, adult woman with the innocent young adoring bride he married, and 2) wanted to continue chasing dangerous stories around the world.
Although, as I said, she loved both of them, for different reasons, the woman she’d become chose her fiance. But her husband ended up in the second book with a fellow reporter who was no more eager to settle down than she was. So, that was a story that definitely didn’t end up in the suburbs!
by JoAnn Ross January 27th, 2009 at 1:48 pmJoAnn – what a wonderful story! I demand a reissue of that book, stat!
by Roxanne St. Claire January 27th, 2009 at 1:57 pmJoAnn, can you give me the titles to these books — the two HQ back-to-backs and the one from the 80′s? Thanks!
by Robin January 27th, 2009 at 3:32 pmNo more eager to settle down than HE was.
And Boy, do I need a copyeditor today!
by JoAnn Ross January 27th, 2009 at 1:49 pmDiane, I love the idea that your intelligent historical heroes sheathe their swords. And you’re right, of course. Even Winston Churchill’s father supposedly died of syphilis.
And no, I am not expecting points for that sword pun, because it’s admittedly too, too lame. And too easy.
by JoAnn Ross January 27th, 2009 at 2:15 pmGreat topic, Roxanne! This is always a tough decision for me when writing a sex scene. I try to take it situation by situation. I’ve gotten emails and letters about not having my characters use a condom! With my daughters and my nephews I’m constantly reminding them to always practice safe sex.
by Debra Webb January 27th, 2009 at 3:25 pmRobin, the HQs are Tangled Hearts and Tangled Lives. I’ll have to trek up to my attic to find the ’80s books, because after about 100, my mind blurs.
Oh, wait! Maybe that’s the glass of pinot noir I had with dinner!!
by JoAnn Ross January 27th, 2009 at 4:53 pmThanks; I’m going to check them out!
by Robin January 27th, 2009 at 8:46 pmI’m kinda cool with whatever. It really should go with the flow in the book. A mention here or there or at the first love scene kinda sets it for me. A short “I’m clean and on the pill what about you” conversation will do it for me too. If it makes sense in the book then I don’t stress about it.
by Brandy W January 27th, 2009 at 6:36 pmDiane Whiteside mentioned that she writes historicals and does include condoms. That got me to wondering. The first mentioned of condoms that I can find is 1706.
However, in my American West stories, I doubt that my heros would have condoms, particularly the Indian hunks.
by Joyce Henderson January 27th, 2009 at 8:17 pmReplying to Robin, way above thread, since our “nesting” reply within a reply is down to nothing now. Robin said:
More than the cliche question, I worry about the moral and ethical straitjacket IMO the heroine so often ends up in through the repetition of certain tropes and motifs that reinforce certain ideas about how a heroine should behave sexually and romantically
Rocki replies:
This is obviously too big for a comment section, and maybe I’ll blog about it at some point. Different perspective: the “repitition” is the editorial constraints that we in the romance live under every day. Some of these are downright crippling in category romance, but they live strong in the single title world. “You can’t have a heroine who does X, Y, or Z because readers won’t like/buy it.” A lot of the conventions of the genre are borne of “limitations” or “expections” that are believed to be “sales killers.” Until either a Mega Author breaks the convention and readers love it, or a risk-taking editor gives a shot to an unknown who wants to break the convention, and readers love it.
by Roxanne St. Claire January 28th, 2009 at 5:29 am[...] Roxanne St. Claire brings up the condum conundrum. I am very pro-condom when it comes to depictions of contemporary sex scenes. Amy uses condoms, as she mentions on page 47 of Secret Society Girl. When I was in college, there were condoms everywhere — giant bowls of candy-colored ones in the women’s center, dispensers in the bathrooms, people handing them out at every campus event — there was really no excuse for finding yourself without one in a situation where you might need it. However, I understand Roxanne’s conundrum — sometimes there’s no good place to mention that the characters are practicing safer sex, even if you have made it perfectly clear in the past that they are the type of characters that do. (Roxanne’s argument, via her teenaged son, is that you don’t necessarily mention that someone puts on a seatbelt every time they get into the car, which just goes to show you that the next generation is growing up feeling that condoms are a must-have item as well.) There is, in fact, no overt mention of condoms in the scene in the tomb with George in Under the Rose, but rest assured, they use them. George, I believe, is the type of guy who buys in bulk. Amy would never dream of having sex with someone without using a condom, and I sometimes wonder if I adequately established that fact before she sleeps with George. There’s also plenty of condom talk in Tap & Gown, but that’s all I’m going to say about that for the moment. Interestingly enough, the topic of condoms rears its head quite early in Rampant: page 8, though it involves a discussion in a sex-ed class. Astrid is a virgin, perforce. [...]
by Diana Peterfreund Blog | Snow Day Links of Interest January 28th, 2009 at 7:12 amHI Roxanne,
I haven’t had time to read all 80 comments, so forgive me if repeating what others have said.
I’ve read all your books and never had a problem with any of the love scenes.
I always assume for the most part that the woman is on birth control. If it is the first time for a pair making love – something should be mentioned just to make sure they are having safe sex. I think you have handled all the scenes in each book very well. You’ve managed to make it all blend together. Each is treated individually according to the characters personality. And the way a love or sex scene is handled has been very distinct for each personality.
We should remember after all, it is fiction. If there is a slip now or then and someone forgets to “cover up” or it isn’t mentioned and the Heroine isn’t concerned about pregnancy, why should the reader worry about it.
my 2 cents
Robin of My Two Blessings
by Robin of mytwoblessings January 28th, 2009 at 9:57 am