 | 9 Jan 09 |
In the name of research of course. 
I’ve had this blog topic on my mind for a while now but always seem to write something else. The other day, I followed a link someone had posted to a blog that was chatting about this very topic, then caught Fargo the other night, watched it again, loved it more, which got me to thinking: how, while one may not commit the perfect murder, they could get away with murder, if they just kept their cool and didn’t panic when the cops showed up.
The scene in Fargo where Margie goes back to the car dealership and chats with Jerry Lundegaard is the perfect scene of what not to do if you are guilty. He shows almost immediate signs of stress, then he commits the big no-no: he lights outta there. The only thing that could have screamed he was guilty louder would have been a signed confession. Had he just stayed calm, answered her questions as honestly as possible, and acted genuinely concerned, he’d have gotten away with it. But, he cracked, big time, and got caught.
I’m fascinated by murder triggers. They are so basic. Passion, greed, revenge, power, envy. All of these are emotional reasons for killing and in so doing most of the time, the cops don’t have to look too far to find not only their person of interest but the actual killer. It’s the how does someone get away with it that captivates me more than the actual murder details. Over and over it’s the cracks that begin to surface when the bad guy starts to panic, the cops pick at them like a scab, the bleeding begins, then bam the whole bloody thing rips open and you have an open oozing, puss infested wound.
If only they had just kept their damn mouth, shut!
So, I asked Officer Friendly for a few hints on getting away with murder. He spewed five out like they were emblazoned on his brain. When I gave him the raised eyebrow look, he grinned that grin of his.
Um…so there were five really good bullet points on how to get away with murder, but it occurred to me after Officer Friendly so effortlessly shot them off that maybe I shouldn’t post them. I certainly don’t want to instruct anyone on how to get away with murder. Officer Friendly even went so far as describing the perfect scenario for snuffing, me, the love of his life out, and making it look like an unfortunate accident. And let’s just say, if I didn’t know him like I do, I’d start sleeping with one eye open! The plan is brilliant! And, it adheres to each and every one of his 5 bullet points, but again, since it was so detailed, I don’t feel comfortable posting it. Next thing I know, I’d have the cops at my door questioning me about a murder someone read here.
So, let’s leave it at this: Without going into too much detail, tell me, how would you commit the perfect murder?
Karin*
A Cop’s Wife Writes the Cop’s Life:
Award winning author, Karin Tabke isn’t just another author with steamy stories to tell, but a cop’s wife who has “seen it all and heard it all.” Some of the hottest stories come from behind the blue wall of law enforcement rather than from in front. Married to a street cop, now retired, Karin is intimate with both and proves it with her sizzling tales and hot cops. Not only are her cops hot, but so are her sexy knights. Karin’s Blood Sword Legacy series is a must read for anyone who loves tales of yore when men were men and women were women, and love did conqueror all!
Subscribe to Posts 
Oh, since I have allergies (not food allergies) and asthma I tend to lean in that directtion. But I must say food allergies would be easier since an adverse food product can ‘infect’ other normal foods, thus the timing can keep the villian from being pinpointed.
by Margaret A. Golla January 9th, 2009 at 5:33 amJus’ a thought.
Well, when we lived in Florida I would have to say Gator food or shark bait.
In an area w/ poisonous snakes or spiders that would be good. You’d just have to be careful not to get bit/stung yourself.
If I were in mountain lion or bear country, I’d invite the person on a hike, insisting on packing the backpacks. I just wouldn’t tell him/her that there was a raw steak in their pack. I would, of course, have a gun ready to protect myself.
Wow, I’m seeing a pattern in my choices. In my state we have none of these available so I’d have to go w/ car accident – a couple different scenarious w/ that one.
Blunt force trauma, bullet, or knife from a “break in”. Of course the scene will have to be staged very well.
It’s too early for my brain!
by HollyD January 9th, 2009 at 6:09 amMuch depends on the motivation. (Wow. I sound like a “bad” actress there, huh?) Are you murdering a spouse or significant other? A boss or coworker? A rival? Some random stranger because you want to become a paid hit man/woman?
Just remember KISS. Yes, that KISS. Keep It Simple Stupid. The more elaborate a plan, there more there is to go wrong, the more strings there are for the cops to tug and the more chance for exposure.
I’ll put some red flags, from an investigative standpoint, up here.
1) Do NOT buy or increase the amount of life insurance on the victim within at least two years of the deed. Need more money, make sure there’s a double indemnity clause for accidental death and then make sure the death is an “accident.”
2) If you are relying on random violence, don’t. Too much left to chance.
3) Act like you care when the cops come by. I don’t care if you offed your spouse because he/she was the biggest SOB/bitch in the country and everyone knows you hated that person, be concerned. You can be honest. “Yes, officer, I hated his guts because he never paid child support and slept with everyone but me, but…I loved him once. We have…had children together. *sniff*
Y’all get the idea. (And there’s a reason for that shift in verb tense. I won’t explain it because the cops need some advantage to catch the bad guys, right?) FYI, I come at murder from the experience of a forensic photographer and CSI. Could I plan and execute the perfect murder given my background and expertise? Maybe. *bwahaha* Off to plot my own murders now. And WRITE them. I don’t actually kill people, officer. I just write about killing them. Honest. *nodnod*
by Silver James January 9th, 2009 at 6:38 amOh, I don’t know…slipping on the wet tile and falling into the bathtub while holding the hairdryer might work. I could lament how I’d warned him to drain the tub BEFORE blow drying his hair. Or maybe I didn’t realize he was about to put something in the trunk when I backed up. Thought I’d run over the curb and pulled up to see…..
by Debra Webb January 9th, 2009 at 6:46 amLee Lofland, retired cop and author of Police Procedure and Investigation (with a great resource blog, “The Graveyard Shift”) uses the following as his email sig line:
There are no perfect crimes, merely imperfect investigations.
by Terry Odell January 9th, 2009 at 7:28 amWhen my hubby ticks me off I often remind him I’ve learned 5 ways to kill a man and make it look like an accident he he! I’ll just keep those ways to myself though …
by wendy roberts January 9th, 2009 at 7:34 amKarin, I could never commit the perfect crime. My whole life is written on my face, and it’d show…big time. I’d love to have been a fly on the wall when Gary explained his perfect murder, though. LOL. Too funny about the, “sleeping with one eye open,” if you didn’t absolutely trust him.
I’m not an expert, but that cop guy whose previous wives met with an untimely fate, and he struts in front of the camera spells guilty to me. Do you know the one I’m talking about, one of his wives drowned in the bathtub. Anyhoo, I get the vibes he’s guilty everytime I see his ol’ self. Whatever happened to that guy?
by LaDonna January 9th, 2009 at 8:35 amThey are still looking for the missing wife. I believe they have ruled the second wife’s death (the tub drowning) a homicide, but I’m not sure if they’ve indicted him on that yet.
by Toni McGee Causey January 9th, 2009 at 9:53 amI read somewhere else that a doctor said that if she’d wanted to commit the perfect murder, she’d inject the person with potassium–because potassium is elevated at the time of death anyway and a coroner wouldn’t be able to pinpoint that as the murder weapon. I’d also heard of another one for diabetics, but that one seems too accessible so I’m not going to post the specifics!
LOL on Officer Friendly. And he’s got us all convinced you’re the love of his life. NEFARIOUS, I tell ya.
When I first started writing crime fiction, I started buying all of these research books about things like poisons, murder, alibis, etc. Carl did look at me with a few suspicious looks there for a few days.
by Toni McGee Causey January 9th, 2009 at 9:33 amI wanna hear those 5 bullet points.
by Jaci Burton January 9th, 2009 at 10:06 amI”m a little nervous for Karin! Sounds like Officer Friendly has given this some thought!
I like the potassium idea but if you’re not a medical person and have no reason to have it in your possession, that could get tricky.
I think the key could be…keep your cool, and keep your mouth shut. How many people are caught because they BRAGGED!
AND if you’re going to kill your spouse, have a freaking alibi for the time period, which means no up and personal kill.
by ArkansasCyndi January 9th, 2009 at 10:11 amI’ve started buying a bunch of true crime books (for research). The husband is starting to act like he needs to sleep with one eye open. LOL First, if I were going to kill him, I wouldn’t be so blatant and buy books about doing it. Duh!! Second, I love him too much to kill him, it is so much more fun to torment and torture him for years and years instead. hahahahahaha
by Amanda January 9th, 2009 at 10:48 amMe, too Jaci!
by ArkansasCyndi January 9th, 2009 at 10:48 amThanks for the info, Toni! Glad to know the powers that be think he’s guilty too!
by LaDonna January 9th, 2009 at 11:06 amAh, you ladies are smart. I’ve read several of Officer Friendly’s bullet points in your comments. Yanno, when I asked him last night for some help as I was writing this and he was on his way to watch the National Championship, first he kind of frowned, coz, the game was about to start, but he just rattled off those what to do and not to do’s so quick my head spun. Once a cop always a cop, I guess. And the scenario to off me? It actually happened to a friend of a friend we know and when we heard it I remember the hubster saying, “Well, that would be you.”
Of course when it happened to the friend of the friend it was an accident…
One of the bullet points was: “…if it’s someone close to you, you must show genuine emotion and be upset when the news is delivered.”
That would be the kiss of death for me. I mean, I could act upset and all, but like LaD, I’d look guilty as hell. I so do not have a poker face. I’d stress myself straight to jail.
Now, conversely, if I had to kill someone, to save myself or my kids, I’d stand right up and tell the cops I did it and why. Well, no, actually, I’d get a lawyer first. Always have a lawyer, even if you’re innocent.
by Karin Tabke January 9th, 2009 at 11:23 amThe perfect crime is not how you kill the victim, but how not to get caught. Karin has part of the answer: don’t talk. The second part is, don’t commit a crime with anyone else.
by Carol Luce January 9th, 2009 at 11:28 amI can’t think of anything, but it was interesting reading the answers. I’d probably only kill in self-defense or defending another person.
Karin, I’m glad your hubby loves you.
by Edie January 9th, 2009 at 11:40 amI’d probably confess before the cop said hello. It’s hard for me to imagine planning a murder (in real life). I’ve told me husband killing him is too easy, keeping his alive to torure is much more satisfying
Off the top of my head, herre’s a few things I wouldn’t do:
–Go back to the scene of the crime.
–Hang around the fringe of the investigation like a curious onlooker and offer helpful suggestions.
–hire some I met in a bar as a hitman
–meet a hitman in a motel (you know it’s an undercover cop)
–tell people my plan
There’s so many little details that can trip up a murderer
by Jen Lyon January 9th, 2009 at 11:55 amBreath deep the gathering gloom,
watch lights fade from every room…
Feeling a little light headed honey? Perhaps you should sit or better still… lay down for a bit… muwahahaha
Okay, want to catch a bad guy? You gotta think like a bad guy. Look at the crime scene and hear it speak to you as you look around. Lee Lofland is correct about bad investigators. So the bad guy wants to hide his needle so deep and so well in the hay stack, that there just isn’t the time or resource to find it. Other matters will eventually take over and many people just move on, especially in busy departments.
Cops are looking for motive, means and opportunity. A near perfect crime is going to avoid these as much as possible. The wife killing cop is in Chicago I believe and he has yet to be charged.
Honey, can I get you anything to drink…
by Hubby January 9th, 2009 at 12:16 pmWomen like to use poison, so maybe finding a poison that is untraceable in small amounts might work. Shoot the poison in between the victim’s toes.
by Jane January 9th, 2009 at 2:11 pmIt wasn’t a ‘perfect’ crime because the detective has to win, but I wrote a short story where the murder soaked a guy’s shirt in belladonna & DMSO and it should have looked like a heart attack. Or so my forensic buddies advised.
by Terry Odell January 9th, 2009 at 2:16 pmSadly, Karin, perfect murders are committed every day – by serial killers. They are predators looking for the right prey, often going from place to place, and generally, they leave bodies out in the elements where someone might come across them, or not. Because there’s no connection to the victim, and because the killer can be long gone by the time the victim is reported missing, a lot of these killers are never caught.
The way they’re usually caught? They get more brazen and try to taunt the authorities. They catch themselves. But before that happens, these sociopaths leave a string of perfect murders.
Hint to husbands contemplating killing your wives on a cruise ship: don’t do it. It’s been done to death.
by J. JCarson Black January 9th, 2009 at 3:03 pmHub – just wanted to ask. Do you think Drew Peterson will ever be charged?
I think he’ll be working on Wife No. Four before too long.
by J. JCarson Black January 9th, 2009 at 3:09 pmThere was an article in December announcing he was engaged to a 23 year old. The same age as the missing wife.
What the hell could make a woman want to marry him?
by HollyD January 9th, 2009 at 3:23 pmOops, hit enter too quick. If they marry, she would be wife # 5.
by HollyD January 9th, 2009 at 3:23 pmJake – in order for Petersen to get caught one of two things will have to happen. Either he does something different causing himself to “slip up” or the authorities have to approach the case and it’s investigation differently. Sometimes fresh eyes have a fresh approach. If he is indeed killing them the cops have obviously been going at it wrong. Maybe a new medical examiner as well. There have been many cases where the suspect was known but the evidence not found or the case not proven and no confession so it goes to the grave with the suspect.
Then, sometimes, at some later date, the suspect does another crime like break into a hotel room with a gun and rob someone of sports memorabilia and justice is served by another court.
by Hubby January 9th, 2009 at 4:11 pmSometimes you just think, “Sweet!” On the day OJ hobbled off to prison, another angel got its wings.
by J. JCarson Black January 9th, 2009 at 4:31 pmHubby, you win the intrawebs for the Moody Blues reference. ;D
by Silver James January 9th, 2009 at 9:53 pmWow. Fascinating blog post Karin. I’m not going to share my ideas about committing a perfect murder, but I’ve always loved the movie STRANGERS ON A TRAIN . . . of course, it’s best if one of those strangers isn’t a psychopath.
CSI (I know, I know, boo, hiss) had a great episode where the killers got away with it. Grisham knew they did it but couldn’t prove it.
A murder doesn’t have to be perfect to have the killer get away with it. Look at OJ Simpson. I mean was there ever a guiltier man who was acquitted?
With Drew Peterson, if he truly killed two wives, (or is it three?) he’s compulsive and can’t help himself. I suspect he’ll do it again, and maybe the next time he’ll slip up.
Jake had the right answer in serial killers, but the thing with serial killers is almost, without fail, the first victim is connected to them. It’s a matter of diligence and perseverance and never giving up. There’s a big difference between serial killers and impulsive killers (like Bonnie and Clyde) who killed for sport or money or to escape. But they can all be caught. Moving around (in different states) is the single best way to kill multiple people. Killing complete strangers limits chances of being caught. But why? Motive is important, and few people just kill for the hell of killing. They usually have a purpose (he wronged me, I want his money, I want his wife, he cut me off in traffic, she has blond hair like the girlfriend who dumped me.) Those are simplistic.
There are more serial killers in fiction than in real life. I think last I read there are between 500 and 600 known serial killers operating today.
For my current book, I’m dealing with money laundering. I came up with a method that my FBI friend said they wouldn’t be able to figure out unless someone turned state’s evidence
Fortunately, my hero is a smart guy.
by Allison Brennan January 10th, 2009 at 2:18 amAllison, I agree with you—the first victim of a serial killer (if you can figure out which one that is) would most likely yield the most information. It could be proximity to the killer’s house, or someone who has met the killer in some context, although that could be casual. Also, a serial killer would be most likely to slip up during his first foray.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but with serial killers, there’s almost always a sexual-sadistic component.
Personally, I’m bored by serial killers. There’s no there, there. It’s much more fun to try and set up a diabolical murder with a better motive than just sadism, power issues, or boredom But for pure effectiveness—killing strangers and moving on? You can’t beat ‘em!
by J. JCarson Black January 10th, 2009 at 5:04 amI just read Heartsick, which offered up a serial murderer with quite a twist. Excellent read, for anyone who enjoys thrillers. It’s by Chelsea Cain.
by Natalie R. Collins January 10th, 2009 at 10:18 pmFab quote Officer Friendly, next he’ll be quoting Pink Floyd or the Desiderata. But the Moody Blues are one of my favorites.
The perfect crime. One done by yourself, in a vast open place with a lot of wind, while you’re in transit. This folks is why I would never make a successful killer.
by Cele January 11th, 2009 at 8:50 amNatalie, I loved Heartsick. It was so different and original. She has a new one out too, not sure of title.
by Amanda January 11th, 2009 at 10:21 amSorry for not commenting on all your fabo comments, but I’ve been gone all weekend and am exhausted!
by Karin Tabke January 11th, 2009 at 10:31 pmThe perfect murder happens more often then anyone thinks, and its usually done by the smart person who is not a criminal, or at least didn’t come across as one, not your run of the mill dirt bag. But in todays world it is becoming increasing more difficult to commit it. Simply because of science. The perfect murder occurs when the cops screw up, and the killer walks and can’t be charged again. OJ Simpson is a the perfect example. In my career that was the most common reason for a murderer to get away with murder, a simple screw up on the way evidence was handled, or the investigation was tainted. It works almost every time without fail.
by Lee January 12th, 2009 at 9:03 am