Comments on: How Does This Make You Feel? http://www.murdershewrites.com/2008/08/21/how-does-this-make-you-feel/ Ten Authors. Five Genres. One Blog. Because the only thing scarier than a loaded gun pointed at your head....is writing about it. Wed, 08 Feb 2012 07:39:22 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: katherine http://www.murdershewrites.com/2008/08/21/how-does-this-make-you-feel/#comment-223267 katherine Wed, 27 Aug 2008 02:36:41 +0000 http://www.murdershewrites.com/?p=870#comment-223267 I probably feel the same way. I have never been completely at ease with female friends. Even at the age of 16 I hung around with all males. I had so many "brothers". I have found that I have never been able to trust other women with the exception of my mother and sister. I am 49 and to this day I have few female friends. The ones I have are more mothers of my childrens friends rather than my own friends. I have to admit that I miss having companionship outside my family. I have four children but they are all getting older and do not need my as much now. I find myself alone more and more. I never went to college per se. I attended online college. So I do not know much about soriorities. But I have always had the idea that they were just like they are portrayed on television. Maybe they are not that bad but I just do not know. I do know that I have never really been close to many females in my life. Men seem to be easier to relate to or understand. Most of them are not sneaky and underhanded about what they feel and want unlike most women. I probably feel the same way. I have never been completely at ease with female friends. Even at the age of 16 I hung around with all males. I had so many “brothers”. I have found that I have never been able to trust other women with the exception of my mother and sister. I am 49 and to this day I have few female friends. The ones I have are more mothers of my childrens friends rather than my own friends. I have to admit that I miss having companionship outside my family. I have four children but they are all getting older and do not need my as much now. I find myself alone more and more. I never went to college per se. I attended online college. So I do not know much about soriorities. But I have always had the idea that they were just like they are portrayed on television. Maybe they are not that bad but I just do not know. I do know that I have never really been close to many females in my life. Men seem to be easier to relate to or understand. Most of them are not sneaky and underhanded about what they feel and want unlike most women.

]]> By: Karin http://www.murdershewrites.com/2008/08/21/how-does-this-make-you-feel/#comment-223221 Karin Mon, 25 Aug 2008 04:59:56 +0000 http://www.murdershewrites.com/?p=870#comment-223221 Ames, I think I have an inkling as to why RWA gets a bad rap: to begin with there are mass quantities of females involved, and females are more sensitive then the male of the species. So I think many times what was not an actual snub was interpreted as such. Not saying there isn't intentional snubbing, there is, but, well, I think many women feel like they were disrespected, when in fact, they were just ignored because too many other people are too busy doing what they need to do for themselves. Some of it is miscommunication and other times it's just a bunch of shy people whose shyness is misunderstood as snobbiness. When I joined my chapter years ago, I was not snubbed, I was ignored. The chapter did not have the wherewithal to get it that newbies needed to be welcomed and introduced and assimilated. Did that make the members bad? No, just unaware. It's like manners, you either have them because you were trained, or you don't. And I'm certainly not implying one cannot develop manners, but one must be aware of them and then seek the knowledge of them. Some may argue people should just know to be polite. I disagree. Talk to young adults today and listen to the garbage that comes out of their mouths. Okay, I am totally digressing here! Jennifer, let me see if I can find the link. ALR, I lucked out too growing up, and even into my adulthood, while I have been betrayed by those I thought were my friends, after the first painful bite I never took it personally. I mean, at that point, I no longer cared what that person thought of me. But, I have been fortunate that my instances have been your basic run of the mill run-ins with a few crazies. Nothing like what this woman experienced. Chris I don't care for large groups/crowds of women or men for that matter. Although I do love national. I love to people watch. But my local chapters? I'm very comfortable, and I'd like to think that so are my fellow chaptermates. I am very sad for her too. :cry: Ames, I think I have an inkling as to why RWA gets a bad rap: to begin with there are mass quantities of females involved, and females are more sensitive then the male of the species. So I think many times what was not an actual snub was interpreted as such. Not saying there isn’t intentional snubbing, there is, but, well, I think many women feel like they were disrespected, when in fact, they were just ignored because too many other people are too busy doing what they need to do for themselves. Some of it is miscommunication and other times it’s just a bunch of shy people whose shyness is misunderstood as snobbiness. When I joined my chapter years ago, I was not snubbed, I was ignored. The chapter did not have the wherewithal to get it that newbies needed to be welcomed and introduced and assimilated. Did that make the members bad? No, just unaware. It’s like manners, you either have them because you were trained, or you don’t. And I’m certainly not implying one cannot develop manners, but one must be aware of them and then seek the knowledge of them. Some may argue people should just know to be polite. I disagree. Talk to young adults today and listen to the garbage that comes out of their mouths. Okay, I am totally digressing here!

Jennifer, let me see if I can find the link.

ALR, I lucked out too growing up, and even into my adulthood, while I have been betrayed by those I thought were my friends, after the first painful bite I never took it personally. I mean, at that point, I no longer cared what that person thought of me. But, I have been fortunate that my instances have been your basic run of the mill run-ins with a few crazies. Nothing like what this woman experienced.

Chris I don’t care for large groups/crowds of women or men for that matter. Although I do love national. I love to people watch. But my local chapters? I’m very comfortable, and I’d like to think that so are my fellow chaptermates.

I am very sad for her too. :cry:

]]> By: Chris Redding http://www.murdershewrites.com/2008/08/21/how-does-this-make-you-feel/#comment-223218 Chris Redding Sat, 23 Aug 2008 19:38:31 +0000 http://www.murdershewrites.com/?p=870#comment-223218 I understand, but am not shocked by the behavior of those women. I learned it my mother's knee. She repeatedly betrayed what shoud have been a close relationship with cattiness. This was her insecurity. To this day I'm not a big fan of large groups of women. I do have my close friends, but it's tough to get close to me. I'm much more comfortable around men and work mostly with men. And I am sad for this woman. I understand, but am not shocked by the behavior of those women. I learned it my mother’s knee. She repeatedly betrayed what shoud have been a close relationship with cattiness. This was her insecurity.
To this day I’m not a big fan of large groups of women. I do have my close friends, but it’s tough to get close to me.
I’m much more comfortable around men and work mostly with men.
And I am sad for this woman.

]]> By: ALR http://www.murdershewrites.com/2008/08/21/how-does-this-make-you-feel/#comment-223217 ALR Sat, 23 Aug 2008 19:19:20 +0000 http://www.murdershewrites.com/?p=870#comment-223217 When my mom went to college, many years ago, sororities were nothing like they are today, and so she was actually a member of one. But of her four daughters, none of us joined a sorority because by the time we were at college, they were all about drinking, wild parties, and the out of control, horrible behavior that is described in the article we just read. I feel so angry and saddened that this happened to her. I guess I lucked out growing up, because I was quite a tomboy for many years, and I never would have been accepted by the type of cliquish girls described in this article--nor would I have wanted to be. Even now, I can't stand to be around such superficial, backbiting, bitchy women. And while I have never had quite the situation that she has had to deal with, I did experience a deep betrayal of another kind by both a man and a woman that I trusted, once. It took me a long time to get over it and heal, but a part of it will always stay with me because it's not something you ever forget. I hope that she has the courage to get the therapy and the help that she needs, as I eventually did. It really does help, if you can find a therapist that you can actually connect with. When my mom went to college, many years ago, sororities were nothing like they are today, and so she was actually a member of one. But of her four daughters, none of us joined a sorority because by the time we were at college, they were all about drinking, wild parties, and the out of control, horrible behavior that is described in the article we just read.

I feel so angry and saddened that this happened to her. I guess I lucked out growing up, because I was quite a tomboy for many years, and I never would have been accepted by the type of cliquish girls described in this article–nor would I have wanted to be. Even now, I can’t stand to be around such superficial, backbiting, bitchy women. And while I have never had quite the situation that she has had to deal with, I did experience a deep betrayal of another kind by both a man and a woman that I trusted, once. It took me a long time to get over it and heal, but a part of it will always stay with me because it’s not something you ever forget.

I hope that she has the courage to get the therapy and the help that she needs, as I eventually did. It really does help, if you can find a therapist that you can actually connect with.

]]> By: Jennifer McKenzie http://www.murdershewrites.com/2008/08/21/how-does-this-make-you-feel/#comment-223216 Jennifer McKenzie Sat, 23 Aug 2008 18:08:20 +0000 http://www.murdershewrites.com/?p=870#comment-223216 I couldn't find the pole at the end. I think I understand this woman's position on the men. They admitted wrong doing. They said what happened was awful. The women implied, by their actions, that Kelly was a slut, dirty, and she "asked for it". It is always the betrayal of those CLOSE to you that last the longest. The men? They're men. Women? They're "one of us". None of these women thought "what if that were me?". I think, for me, I expect women to stand with me when something like this happens. But too often, they don't. I couldn’t find the pole at the end.
I think I understand this woman’s position on the men. They admitted wrong doing. They said what happened was awful. The women implied, by their actions, that Kelly was a slut, dirty, and she “asked for it”.
It is always the betrayal of those CLOSE to you that last the longest. The men? They’re men. Women? They’re “one of us”. None of these women thought “what if that were me?”. I think, for me, I expect women to stand with me when something like this happens.
But too often, they don’t.

]]> By: Ames http://www.murdershewrites.com/2008/08/21/how-does-this-make-you-feel/#comment-223215 Ames Sat, 23 Aug 2008 13:17:57 +0000 http://www.murdershewrites.com/?p=870#comment-223215 Karin you totally need to tell that story. I'm not sure why RWA gets such a bad rap...maybe it's the women thing again. Maybe it's not RWA but romance writers in general? Not saying we're all bad or mean or bitchy but I think there's definitely a dichotomy in how published vs non-published, epublished vs print published, genre A vs genre B are (and were) treated. Karin you totally need to tell that story. I’m not sure why RWA gets such a bad rap…maybe it’s the women thing again. Maybe it’s not RWA but romance writers in general? Not saying we’re all bad or mean or bitchy but I think there’s definitely a dichotomy in how published vs non-published, epublished vs print published, genre A vs genre B are (and were) treated.

]]> By: Karin http://www.murdershewrites.com/2008/08/21/how-does-this-make-you-feel/#comment-223212 Karin Sat, 23 Aug 2008 05:45:19 +0000 http://www.murdershewrites.com/?p=870#comment-223212 And Ames? Why does RWA get such a bad rap? I know I've told the story of my first RWA meeting. And, well talk about being shunned and sent to the bck of the room! Hahaha, that's a whole 'nuther blog. Maybe next Friday? Would someone remind me?? And Ames? Why does RWA get such a bad rap? I know I’ve told the story of my first RWA meeting. And, well talk about being shunned and sent to the bck of the room! Hahaha, that’s a whole ‘nuther blog. Maybe next Friday? Would someone remind me??

]]> By: Karin http://www.murdershewrites.com/2008/08/21/how-does-this-make-you-feel/#comment-223211 Karin Sat, 23 Aug 2008 05:30:29 +0000 http://www.murdershewrites.com/?p=870#comment-223211 Christa more people need to understand how far a simple act of kindness can go. Ames, you are absolutely right. Twice, physically and emotionally. I hope she finds peace soon. Christa more people need to understand how far a simple act of kindness can go.

Ames, you are absolutely right. Twice, physically and emotionally. I hope she finds peace soon.

]]> By: Ames http://www.murdershewrites.com/2008/08/21/how-does-this-make-you-feel/#comment-223210 Ames Sat, 23 Aug 2008 02:36:15 +0000 http://www.murdershewrites.com/?p=870#comment-223210 (((LaDonna and Karin))) :oops: THanks and I missed ya'll this year too. It's funny, I know a lot of people through writing but I STILL tend to be pretty cautious. Karin it's almost like she was raped twice. :cry: (((LaDonna and Karin))) :oops: THanks and I missed ya’ll this year too. It’s funny, I know a lot of people through writing but I STILL tend to be pretty cautious.

Karin it’s almost like she was raped twice. :cry:

]]> By: Christa M. Miller http://www.murdershewrites.com/2008/08/21/how-does-this-make-you-feel/#comment-223209 Christa M. Miller Sat, 23 Aug 2008 02:34:04 +0000 http://www.murdershewrites.com/?p=870#comment-223209 Cele, you are a sweetheart! :) Thank you so much for that offer. I think I'm all right. It took years of working through stuff to get to the point where I can let my parents' crap roll off my back. That's right - they still pull it, and it bothers me for a couple of days, but no longer than anyone else's crap would. Having said that, I limit contact with them. That's as much for my sons' sake as for mine and my husband's. Karin, Kelly didn't say much about her background, but it's a LOT easier to accept bad treatment when you already think you "deserve" it, when you just haven't experienced unconditional love. Whether you think it's karma for earlier sins, or just that you're a fundamentally bad person... it IS sad. Saw a quote recently that said: "Be kind to everyone you meet, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." Or words to that effect. It doesn't matter whether you've walked in anyone's shoes... just that you show kindness. And even though it's sad to not be able to show kindness to this woman? You posting it on the blog and having this dialogue with us is good! Cele, you are a sweetheart! :) Thank you so much for that offer. I think I’m all right. It took years of working through stuff to get to the point where I can let my parents’ crap roll off my back. That’s right – they still pull it, and it bothers me for a couple of days, but no longer than anyone else’s crap would. Having said that, I limit contact with them. That’s as much for my sons’ sake as for mine and my husband’s.

Karin, Kelly didn’t say much about her background, but it’s a LOT easier to accept bad treatment when you already think you “deserve” it, when you just haven’t experienced unconditional love. Whether you think it’s karma for earlier sins, or just that you’re a fundamentally bad person… it IS sad.

Saw a quote recently that said: “Be kind to everyone you meet, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle.” Or words to that effect. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve walked in anyone’s shoes… just that you show kindness. And even though it’s sad to not be able to show kindness to this woman? You posting it on the blog and having this dialogue with us is good!

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