 | 14 Aug 08 |
That’s me. Allison (yep, I forgot my password so I’m logged in as admin.) I’m the wayward daughter, the one who has neglected this blog (as well as my personal blog.) Last week I just forgot it was Thursday, until it was Friday. I haven’t visited or commented much at all in weeks. Between Thrillerfest, deleting (on purpose) my entire book and rewriting it in two weeks, RWA, and now revisions on said rewritten book, I’ve been a bit under the gun. And not to mention that it’s summer, the kids are out of school, and I have two teen-agers who are too young to drive who need to be taken places and picked up or they make my life hell. Not that this is an excuse, because I know Jen, Natalie, Deb and Karin are just as busy as I am, but I’m just not as good as they are at juggling everything. So I’m sorry, and I’m working on managing my time better! Frankly, when the kids go back to school and have a regular schedule, I’ll be in a much better, happier place 
There’s been enough said about all the conferences, so I won’t add my two cents. I do have a blog today over at Romancing the Blog about giving people the benefit of the doubt if you feel slighted, so feel free to check that out.
Remember when I talked about having my new office? It’s almost done. It’s gorgeous. I have a desk, bookshelves (almost filled) and even a mini refrigerator. When I get everything in order, I’ll take pictures, but I still have books all over the place and my couch is still in the corner of the family room because we need rugs so it doesn’t scratch the hardwood floors.
I’m still hoping that once the office is completely done, that I’ll be able to write here. I have a beautiful iMac, a lovely view, music, food, surrounded by books. It’s perfect . . . and I haven’t been able to write here. I try. It took me a week to write the first chapter for SUDDEN DEATH. Writing, deleting, starting in different places . . . it was awful. Basically, I wrote 30 pages in the time it took me to write 300 once I gave up the office and went back to writing at Starbucks. I really tried. I sat here all morning, all afternoon, and wrote and rewrote the same scene. I don’t know why I couldn’t get into the story, or why I was having such problems writing. But when I went back to Starbucks and my local bar, I thrived.
Part was the story itself–it wasn’t working. I had been wed to a specific backstory between the hero and heroine, but as soon as they got on the same page, I realized the backstory didn’t work. They didn’t know each other before these events. But I had 140 pages written, I couldn’t delete it. So I kept revising and revising and revising . . . and finally, on the plane returning from Thrillerfest, I realized that the backstory was wrong, that Meg and Jack didn’t know each other, and I had to delete most of the book. Once that happened, the story flowed. When I turned it in, it wasn’t perfect, but the story was all there, the characters developed, and the villains . . . well, let’s just say that these two have been particularly interesting because I haven’t done anything quite like this before (I hope!)
The story is different in other ways as well. First, Jack Kincaid is my most alpha hero. My other alphas–John Flynn, Zack Travis, Connor Kincaid and to some degree Mitch Bianchi–don’t hold a candle to Jack. Well, maybe John would be his equal. So it’s been hard getting to know him. I tend to gravitate to the smart guys, men like Quinn Peterson and Dillon Kincaid, who are strong, intelligent, noble, but not necessarily fighters. They would prefer to think or talk their way out of conflict, and they are exceptionally intelligent. But Jack . . . he’s not only a fighter, he’s a smart guy.
Another problem was figuring out what had kept Jack away from his family for the last 20 years. I’d set some things up unwittingly in FEAR NO EVIL when Jack came on scene to help rescue Lucy. But I didn’t know WHY Jack only returned for tragedies. Now I do, and it makes complete sense. In fact, it’s really the only reason that fits Jack’s character. It’s amazing sometimes how the mind works–I didn’t plan it this way, but some things that I said in FEAR NO EVIL led me down this final path.
Meg Elliott was easier in many ways because first, she’s a woman, and second, I was just in her head a bit writing PLAYING DEAD, the book that comes out at the end of September. She was fresh, so I could get into her head deeper. Yet I still didn’t know her backstory until I was halfway through the book and had that lightbulb moment. Now not only do I understand her and her background, I also have a much better understand of Hans Vigo, an FBI Agent and secondary character in several of my books. I have a confession to make: I’d planned to kill him off in PLAYING DEAD. I had this whole scene pictured in my mind and every time, he was a goner. But when I wrote the book, it didn’t turn out anything like I thought (and those vague “plans” really messed with my muse as I kept writing toward specific scenes that just didn’t work.) So Hans is around for another book, and I’m glad.
The last two books have been harder to write than any of my others. It honestly doesn’t get easier. I’ve said this before, so it’s nothing new. My writing is tighter, I write faster, but the story itself is harder–that wasn’t how it used to be. I know why–I’m pushing myself, and I don’t know if I’m going to push myself off the edge and crash and burn. I want each book to be better, but I don’t know if I can do it. But I also know that as a writer, if I keep writing books the same as before, the perception is I’m backtracking, not growing, and in fact getting worse. The inner stress can be paralyzing.
But at the same time, I love writing. When SUDDEN DEATH finally turned the corner and everything clicked into place, the joy of writing, the joy of telling this story, made all the suffering worth it. And I did suffer. I slept little, snapped at the kids, procrastinated, and feared I wouldn’t get it done, that I’d have to return my advance and crawl back to my old boss and beg for my job back. Fortunately, I didn’t have to do that. The book, though rough around the edges from the writing marathon, is done, the story told, and now it’s revision time. I love revisions.
I hope that the next book comes easier. I’ll be starting FATAL SECRETS the day the kids go back to school (August 25th, 11 days . . . no, I’m not counting. 
I know the hero–he was the hero of a short story I wrote called “Killing Justice” in the KILLER YEAR anthology. He also has a small role in PLAYING DEAD and SUDDEN DEATH. He’s Meg’s older brother. And the heroine had a bit part in PLAYING DEAD as well. Lexie, an FBI Agent. And the fun thing? I’m taking the set-up of the second book I wrote which never sold–an assassination attempt–and using it as the set-up of this book. Different characters, different backstory, different everything, but I get to keep my assassination attempt on Matt Elliott. I can hardly wait to get started.
So now, it’s off to work on revisions and apologize again to my MSW sisters. I’m back, and I think now . . . I’m in the zone.
Let’s just hope I can writing the next book in my new office.
© 2008 – 2009, Allison Brennan. All rights reserved.
Allison Brennan is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling and award winning author of seventeen romantic thrillers and several short stories. She lives near Sacramento, California with her husband and five children. Recently, RT Book Reviews called Allison "A master of suspense." And Lee Child said of her Kincaid series launch, "A world-class nail-biter ... Brennan is in the groove with this one." For fun Allison enjoys wine tasting, swimming, kids sports, playing video games, and "of course" reading. Her most recent release is IF I SHOULD DIE, book three in the Lucy Kincaid series. Watch for SILENCED coming on 4.24.12.
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Allison, great to ‘see’ you again. Can’t wait for your next book. I hear you about the office thing. It sometimes seems different stories have to be told in a different place and a different way.
by Amanda August 14th, 2008 at 9:53 amHi Allison,
by Toni Hingleton August 14th, 2008 at 10:26 amGlad your back and on your writing roll again. I also understand about the office thing–for years when we lived in the condo, I wrote at a local coffee shop. Then we had the house built, I put in an office and when I got on the computer–nothing! It’s gotten better but some days are a struggle. I just can’t seem to recreate the coffee shop atmosphere in my office
I really missed going to nationals but I am looking forward to Emerald City and was thrilled to see that you are presenting a workshop and will be closing speaker…looking forward to seeing you
Toni
Hugs, Allison! I’ve been away for a few weeks too, working on revisions and preparing for conference. Realized today that I hadn’t been to many of my favorite blogs in a while, so here I am.
Perhaps the pressure of THIS IS MY NEW OFFICE AND I HAVE TO WORK IN IT is just getting to you right now. Once you’ve settled in and settled down, you may work just fine there. Give yourself permission to hit the Starbucks and bar, knowing your office will eventually become the creative space you want it to be.
I think if you worry about it too much, you’ll always freeze up in there. Let it happen as it happens. The same way you write your books. JMO.
Thanks for talking about rewriting your most recent book. I’m facing another set of revisions and feeling kind of depressed at how much I have to do. At the same time, when you finally free your mind to say, “I can cut this and let it go,” everything becomes possible. I may have to do that, and you’ve reminded me it’ll be okay.
by Lynn Raye Harris August 14th, 2008 at 10:50 amAllison, glad to have you back! I’m looking forward to seeing the pics of your office.
As to the writing issues, it happens to all of us at one time or another. Add to that the deadlines pressures, promotion, family and all the other stuff and we feel like we’re struggling underwater, running as hard as we can and not getting anywhere. I hope it gets better for you.
by Jen August 14th, 2008 at 1:19 pmHi Amanda! Great seeing you at conference, and I hope you had a lot of fun. We didn’t get enough time to talk.
Toni, I am so looking forward to the Emerald City conference. I just got a fantastic deal on a flight–under $300. Now I just have to write a speech . . . I don’t think I’ll be able to wing this one. (But dammit, I just might try!)
Hey Lynn! You’re all over cyberspace today, aren’t ya? LOL. Maybe you’re right and it’s the pressure of HAVING to write there. I’m in Starbucks now, if that tells you anything, LOL.
I am the mistress of slash and burn. I cut two scenes already today, and this is revision mode . . . and I still wrote a bunch of new pages! Yeah! back to the book . . .
by Allison August 14th, 2008 at 1:21 pmHey Jen! It was so good to see you at the conference, and to chat at the Ballantine party . . . I hope you had a lot of fun, your cover is fantastic.
by Allison August 14th, 2008 at 1:22 pmthere is no rest!
by Karin August 14th, 2008 at 2:03 pmI’m everywhere today because I’m practicing avoidance.
by Lynn Raye Harris August 14th, 2008 at 4:15 pmGlad your back.
SO glad you didn’t kill off Hans (I’m always afraid you’re going to, lol).
Can’t wait to read Jack’s story and to learn more about the Kincaid!!
by Jen Baum August 14th, 2008 at 4:22 pmHeh. Sounds like you had every reason to be MIA for a while, but I’m glad you’re back.
Since I started writing, we’ve moved a lot. (Part of the problem with being a renter.) Every time we move, I have a tough time getting back into my writing groove. The new space seems to throw me off my stride for some reason. Takes me a couple weeks to get over enough to write, and then a few more weeks to get back into the groove. You’ll get used to your new space eventually. Honest. =o)
I’m with Jen Baum. I’m so glad you didn’t kill Hans off. I like him in the same way I like Ducky on NCIS, or the geeky rich guy with the curly hair (whose name escapes me) from Bones.
by B.E. Sanderson August 14th, 2008 at 5:49 pmHi, Allison. I’m slow getting back to my blog haunts, but I enjoyed your talk about ripping your book apart and starting over because I was feeling terrible about not being able to keep my WIP moving forward. Then, during the post-RWA decompression I ‘discovered’ what the problem was, and now I can go back and fix it.
See you in Emerald City. I was toying with going because I’ve been there before and had a great time, I’ve got a long-time friend who lives not too far from there, and the PNW is a possible relocation site. I cringed with I clicked the airline website (doubly so, because hubby was coming) and the far popped up (round trip from Florida) as under $200. Not much under, but after what we paid for airfare to RWA, this was miraculous. I called my friend immediatley, while I still had the website up, to confirm the dates and bought the tickets. I was still shocked that I didn’t get a “sorry, fare no longer available” message.
by Terry Odell August 15th, 2008 at 3:07 amAllison, I admire you so much for all you do. And you have your priorities right. Writing and family first, and then blogging.
by Edie August 15th, 2008 at 5:08 am