 | 12 Nov 07 |
With three sons in college, I’ve really given some serious consideration to getting a Real Job. Fortunately, being a writer, I can see how the Job Interview will unfold in my head:
Interviewer: “So what is your work experience?”
Me: “I’ve raised my kids and ran a small business.”
Interviewer: “I see. What kind of business?”
Me: “I’m an author. I’ve negotiated contracts, hired employees, met regular deadlines, kept track of income and expenses…the usual stuff.”
Interviewer perks up. “Author? What kind of author? Like…books?”
Me. “Yes. Novels.”
Interview narrowing eyes in suspicion: “What kind of novels?”
Me: “Well mystery and romances.”
Interview sniffs. “Romances? That trash?”
Me standing up. “Don’t forget the mysteries. I know a dozen ways to kill someone.” And I make my dramatic exit.
Or the Alternate Ending:
Interviewer perks up. “Author? What kind of author? Like…books?”
Me. “Yes. Novels.”
Interviewer: “Really! I do a little writing. I have a 1200 page novel about cross-dressing kittens…which is really political satire; would you like to read it?
Me: Running like a bat out of hell. The kids can pay for their own education!
I have an interview story that actually happened (not just in my head!). Many years ago, I went to interview for an accounts payable clerk position. I put on my skirt and blouse, walked through an upscale office and did the interview. It went pretty well and I thought I had a shot. Then the interviewer called me and said that she couldn’t hire me, but her boss was interested in hiring me as his personal secretary. (Yes, I know, Administrative Assistant, but this was in the dark ages before fax machines and Starbucks.)
Uh, okay. I wasn’t qualified to be the personal secretary, but I was flattered, somehow thinking that he read my resume and application and thought I’d make a good personal secretary.
Hey, I was eighteen at the time. Maybe still a little bit naïve. I went in to interview with boss. He was middle aged man who—I swear to God—had an “office manager” that I suspect was actually his parole agent or maybe his nanny, I don’t know. She insisted I take a typing test before “signing off” on him to hire me. Then once she got me away from him, she told me that I didn’t want to work there, and pretty much failed me on the typing test.
You know, to this day I think of that woman with kindness. She was NOT a middle-aged woman jealous of a younger girl. She was literally doing me a favor, and I doubt she got paid enough money for her job. I can’t believe how stupid I was.
So see? It’s better if I just stay home and write books.
What are your interview stories?
© 2007 – 2009, Jennifer Lyon. All rights reserved.
Award winning author, Jennifer Lyon, always wanted to be a witch. Since her witch-powers never materialized, she went onto Plan B and now she creates magic in her books. In her new series, the author of the acclaimed Samantha Shaw Mystery Series (written as Jennifer Apodaca) introduces the Witch Hunters, legendary men who must overcome a curse to team up with witches and fight evil.
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Jen, I too stay at home, have for 20 plus years. I’ve thought of getting a real job, but I love to write too much. Let the kids pay for their own college.
by Jerri November 12th, 2007 at 3:16 amI’ve been home running a home-based daycare for 25 years and just recently began the process of trying to go back out into the work force. I have had one interview which went surprisingly well. Love to be able to continue staying home with my daycare but I need to boost my retirement and get benefits! Maybe I need to add playing the lottery to my retirement plan. LOL
by Glenda November 12th, 2007 at 4:04 amAfter I was hired for my current job in a middle/high school library my boss, a wonderful woman named Teri, told me that the main reason she chose me for the position was because of my previous job. I was a bartender at the time. Her logic was if I could handle a roomful of drunks I could certainly handle a roomful of teenagers. LOL. I’m on my fourth year at the school and I still enjoy it.
by Mare November 12th, 2007 at 5:16 amROFL…sounds like the woman was doing you a favor for sure! Though I don’t have anything that interesting, my worst interview was with a man who was more interested in my religion and in my family than my skill (I’ve since found out that is illegal but at the time I was fresh out of high school and didn’t have much skill). I say if you CAN stay home and write, do it! Life is too short and a full time job will seriously cut into your writing time (and everything else).
by Emma Sanders November 12th, 2007 at 5:45 amI am so boring. I’m 38 years old, and outside of the home & family have held one job that I interviewed for when I was 17 at one of the hospitals. I started out working working in medical records and over time worked my way up to coding, which I really enjoyed, but decided to stay home with the birth of my first child 7 years ago. Regarding my one & only interview, can’t say I remember much of it, except I got the position due to the fact I had the fastest typing score.
by Wanda H November 12th, 2007 at 6:16 amI am now retired, but the last job I had was that of office manager in a small, 4 person office. As it happened, everytime I tried to reach the owner of this business (for reasons other than employment), my call went to his voice mail. Seems he didn’t have a receptionist or office person. He was always good about calling me back and during one of those conversations I mentioned I thought he needed to hire a phone person. He said he was thinking about that. I said I was thinking about getting a job, how about if we talk and he said to bring my resume in the next day. I did and was hired on the spot. A great place to work for 5 years before finally retiring at the end of ’05.
by Karen H in NC November 12th, 2007 at 6:37 amI was interviewing for a job on campus, during my jr. year of college, and the interview was the wrost…but I still got the job! When I walked in to the office, I couldn’t remember the name of the person I was interviewing with, and she was the one that I introduced myself to, I spilled a cup of coffee all over the table while filling out an application (I later found out that it had an important budget report on it) – it wasn’t even my coffee. I was so nervous that I know I kept repeating myself and sounding stupid with ummm and like and all those other annoying words. After the interview I went back to my dorm and cried – how was I ever going to get a job in the really world if I couldn’t even interview for a job on campus. Two days later when they called and offered me the job I almost started laughing on the phone.
by Tiffany November 12th, 2007 at 6:38 amI’ve only been out of the workforce for three and a half-years, but I don’t relish the idea of going back. I’m too busy to work for anyone else now.
On the subject of interviews, I’ve had so many jobs and job interviews they all blend together. The worst incidents are:
A UT man who told me I was so qualified he wished he could hire me, but he couldn’t because I smoke.
A different UT man who asked me point blank if I was Mormon. When I said no, the interview ended.
The MI employer who spent the time interviewing my breasts for the position.
The FL employer who gave me the whole ‘You ain’t from around here, are ya?’ and then told me he was looking for someone who was.
The other MI employer who offered me a job because I was a woman and he needed to meet his company’s Affirmative Action quota.
by B.E. Sanderson November 12th, 2007 at 6:47 amI’m not published, but have written tons. I never thought of mentioning my writing for an interview. It does show discipline and dedication. I may mention it at my next interview. Thanks for the idea.
by Carol November 12th, 2007 at 7:02 amThat’s awful! I hate the thought of having to interview for a “real” job. Aside from having no bosses to recommend me, they’d probably look at me and think, “what, you haven’t worked in twelve years?”
I watch this one guy interview at our local Borders, have for about four years now. It’s kind of sad, but we only have to take one look to know whether that candidate will be hired or not.
by spyscribbler November 12th, 2007 at 7:05 amThe year before I was hired by a legislator in southern California (which began my 13 year affiliation with the California State Legislature), I applied for a job in Virginia. The guy flew me out, interviewed me, and it looked like a “perfect” job. It was with a non-profit political think-tank–or so I thought. I mean, it looked so legit–the guy actually flew me cross-country, put me up in a hotel, interviewed me, sent me home, called me to hire me three days later. I got rid of everything that couldn’t fit in my Bronco and drove cross-country right after Christmas of 1991.
Needless to say, the job wasn’t what I had thought. The guy was basically just raising money to keep his business running. He was anal about everything, including how you tore fax paper off the machine. I was working 12 hour days not doing much of anything I liked–the job was far different than I expected. And I’d moved 3,000 miles from home for this? So I quit three months later. But he refused to give me my final paycheck until payday (probably didn’t have the money in the bank.) So I had two weeks to see the sights, but very little money. So I did a lot of cheap and free museums in DC.
Fast forward 10 years. The guy was arrested for statutory rape (or picking up an underage prostitute and having her dress in schoolgirl clothes, I don’t remember.)
by Allison November 12th, 2007 at 7:16 amI can’t match Allison’s story – and I don’t want to! Yuck.
On an interview about ten years ago, the HR person was excited that I’d sold short stories. She was an English major and told me she wanted to write a book … when she had the time. LOL I didn’t get the job, and I’m glad. It was for an insurance company, and I would have hated it.
by Edie November 12th, 2007 at 7:35 amGreat stories. I wish I had something as interesting. The last time I did an interview I wanted to relocate from a large law firm (over 250 attorneys) to a smaller, more intimate, one. I still had a good job as an administrative assistant with the large firm and was cocky with the guy I interviewed with. I was looking for a significant pay raise and when he asked me if I thought I was worth the money I was asking for, I just looked him straight in the eye and told him “absolutely”.
I’ve worked here for over 16 years now and don’t regret the move. A small 4 attorney firm, they’ve been with me through thick and thin and are absolutely thrilled that I’ve written (and published) a romance … even though none of them read romance. They still have every intention of purchasing my book when it comes out in print in February.
Great blog, Jen. I enjoyed the stories.
by Liz Kreger November 12th, 2007 at 7:47 amLove your job interview scenarios, Jen! My oddest job interview was at Baskin-Robins when I was almost 18. The owner heaved a 75 pound round of ice cream for me to catch, hold, put in the display case, and put in/ take out of the walk-in freezer. He thought I was too small, weak and whimpy to do the physical work, but I got the job.
by Nancy Haddock November 12th, 2007 at 7:58 amYes, I recently tried to get a “real” job again, too. But why is it that everyone wants evening and weekend availability? I recently had an interview at a company that I walked out on several years ago after only two days on the job, but in a different department. Nothing like sitting in a really hard chair all day listening to LOUD heavy metal music while three young guys talked about bands and their weekend conquests. No thanks! I think I subconsciously and maybe deliberately blew that interview, but I don’t care. I picked up a regular contract only two days later!
by Michelle November 12th, 2007 at 8:09 amJerri, I’m with you! The kids are doing great and don’t need my help
Glenda, home based day-care? That is hard work! I hear you on the retirement. Sadly, the lottery is probably as good plan as any other these days.
Mare, after raising three boys, that logic actually makes sense to me.
Emma, when we’re that young, we really don’t have the skills to handle those questions.
Karen H, I love it–you created your own job!
Wanda, you’re not boring, and obviously YOU can pass a typing test, LOL!
Tiffany, way to make an impression! I think my sister did the same thing and got the job too.
BE, wow, you really found some interesting characters in your job search.
by Jen November 12th, 2007 at 8:33 amCarol, I hadn’t thought too much about my writing until I was working on my resuem. Turns out I actually have a few skills, and you do too!
Spyscribbler, I haven’t worked a real job in longer than 12 years, so I can relate. I do think that whole first impression matters in interviews, just as you noted in B&N interviews.
Allison, what a creep! Glad you quit, you were wasting your talent and skills working for that guy!
Edie, insurance company wouldn’t be my first choice either. Glad you didn’t get the job
Liz, great story on knowning your own worth! I think all women could take a lesson from you!
Nancy, that’s crazy! I can’t believe he expected you to catch that! Glad you showed him!
Michelle, oh man, it’s like those commercials where the boss’s kid is running the company! So glad it worked out for you. I got my latest contract offer just when I was giving a real job serious consideration–I’m very thankful!
by Jen November 12th, 2007 at 8:41 amGreat stories! I can’t think of any interesting job interview things that’s happened with me but I’m enjoying reading all of yours! The Baskin Robbins one is really funny!
by RachaelfromNJ November 12th, 2007 at 8:56 amLike Rachel, I can’t think of any job interview stories. Mine were all pretty mundane in comparison to the real ones and the ones in your head!
by Keetha November 12th, 2007 at 9:06 amIt was late winter when I first moved to Oregon. Half a mile from our house was a horse back / dune buggy rides place and I applied the first time I saw any sign of life on the property. The guy I ran into gave me his name, said he’d interview me after I got out of school the next day. I’m really kind of naive sometimes. I walked over to the place as he was just finished hefting the last bales of hay into the back of his pickup and told me to hop in the truck.
Okay no problem.
But I got a little nervous when he turned on to highway 101, drove past my house and down to Reedsport. I remember the Carpenters were playing on the 8 track and thinking he has sucky taste in music. We got to the ranch and the horses were real. Mega relief. We dropped the bales and I feed them into the hay racks while talking. After asking me about my first job (at a race track) he never asked me another question about my ability, experience, or horse knowledge.
After we drove back to the business, right past my house, he said he liked me and would call me about when to start. I walked home in the rain and never heard from him.
Fast forward to mid May – still no word – I walk down to the place and talk to the woman sweeping in the gift shop. I told her my story, asked if I’d gotten the job. And she had a totally perplexed look on her face, a look that turned to horror after I told her the name of the man. She called her husband, who came down while I waited. When he arrived she asked me if this was the man and I said no. I described the guy, the truck, and the place he’d taken me. I though they were both going to have a corinary. Apparently the guy had just been fired, he given me the business owner’s name, as his, when he took me to the ranch – which explains the looks of horror on both their faces.
I did get the job and worked for them two summers. The guy who’d been fired ended up shortly there after in prison for a list of items, but thank heavens none were rape, assault, or horse thievery.
by Cele November 12th, 2007 at 9:18 amI decided to get a full time job which was temporary and I was hired on the spot. I thought that it would be an easy and enjoyable experience. It was a learning experience and interesting, but sheer drudgery and extremely tiring. When I completed the job it was a relief but the experiment to work at this particular place was fascinating to say the least. I would not do it again.
by anne November 12th, 2007 at 9:25 amIt’s been some years since I have been on a job interview but I do remember how nerve racking they were and that you have to interview with mulitple people before you find out if you have the job.
by Maureen November 12th, 2007 at 9:50 amOh wow, some of these stories are scary! (Allison and Cele) Thank God y’all weren’t hurt.
I haven’t worked in 11 years now, and I don’t know what I would do if I had to get a job. Yeah, I got the MA thinking I’d go teach college students how to write papers, but I realized when I was taking a certificate course in teaching last year that I really, really didn’t want to do that.
I don’t have any weird interview stories that I can think of. I worked in retail for a few years, selling jewelry, and pretty much the only skill I needed to get hired was to be young and pretty.
by Lynn Raye Harris November 12th, 2007 at 9:56 amI stayed home with my kids for almost two years. Even after such a short period away from working, interviewing was awful. I’m happy with the job I have now, but with twins they’re going to have to pay for college on their own anyway most likely…LOL!
by Erin Hunter November 12th, 2007 at 10:01 amI stayed home for eighteen years to raise two boys. Then went back and ended up as a p/t bank teller. Eight years after that I started working full time. Life certainly does have a lot of twists and turns.
by Joyce November 12th, 2007 at 10:23 amI feel very fortunate. I interviewed for a couple of jobs as a teenager, and got them. But for these past 20 years running my own biz, I sit behind the interview desk. I like it better there. And I am constantly amazed at how people show up, act, then expect me to throw work their way.
by Karin November 12th, 2007 at 10:24 amI don’t have any good interview stories to share. But earlier this year I had to look for a job and it wasn’t fun. I was 49 at the time (recently turned 50) and I’ve found it’s incredibly hard to find a job at my age. I went on lots of interviews that I thought went well, only to not get offered the job. They don’t tell you it’s because of your age of course, but I’m pretty sure that was the reason, at least with some of them. I finally got a job with a privately owned small company, which is quite a change from the non-profits I’ve worked for before.
by Michele November 12th, 2007 at 11:09 amI once was hired for a teaching position despite being so stupid with exhaustion from a trip I slid down in my chair and answered questions (probably incoherently) with my eyes closed.
by Bernita November 12th, 2007 at 11:37 amAlso, I was covered with dog hair.
I think they were desperate.
Many years ago I went for a job interview that I wanted badly since the office seemed so interesting and fun. No office is really fun, mostly mundane and boring but I was impressed. They showed me around and I hoped for the best but they said that I was too inexperienced at the time. I didn’t mind since I found something way better, in a local university library which was fun since young people worked there and it was a new environment for me.
by ruth November 12th, 2007 at 12:10 pmMy last interview was a year ago and was set up by my dh to do a job very similar to what I do part time. He was sweet enough to help put together a resume which I haven’t had since college. While the interview went well .. I didn’t get the job. On the good side it would have been had to do my telecommuting I’m doing will we are down under. On the bad side… since I telecommute my days are very quiet.
Our joke with my job is that is has been outsourced to Australia while we are down here. Many people don’t realize that I’m still doing work and some people don’t realize we aren’t in the States.
by Ann M. November 12th, 2007 at 1:13 pmI remember an interview I did for a telemarketing job I had trying to sell photo packages for a local photo studio. I came into the office. I had to read a prewritten couple of paragraphs, in English and know how to dial a phone. I worked there 2 days and quit. I am not a salesman.
by Amanda November 12th, 2007 at 3:33 pmMy worst job interview which turned out okay for me: I was laid off for over 6 months and getting quite desperate. I got a callback after interviewing with this company 2 months earlier. I was suffering from a sinus infection and they wanted to see me, I was the leading candidate. I went in and every question that was answered by me was, I believe, was incoherent. They gave me a research problem and the solution I came up with, again, I believe, was so archaic that when I left the interview I cried all the way home. Two hours later I get a call saying I was hired because they felt if I could analyze like that with a sinus infection and medicated, imagine what I could do when I was 100% well.
by Dru November 12th, 2007 at 3:40 pmIt’s been over forty years since I was on a job interview. All I remember is how nervous I was! But to my surprise, I did get the job. I worked until I decided to start a family. Now I don’t have the skills to compete with the young people coming out of college. I’m satisfied to just stay home and read my books and enjoy my grandchildren.
by Carol M November 12th, 2007 at 3:56 pmReal job? AUUUGGGGHHH. LOL. I started at Sundance today, and it doesn’t really qualify as a real job, but for now, as close as I am going to get…..
Great blog, Jen. Only problem is, I didn’t get to read it until nearly 5 p.m., but it’s still a great blog.
by Natalie November 12th, 2007 at 3:56 pmHi Jen,
by Toni Hingleton November 12th, 2007 at 5:31 pmGreat stories. It’s been 10 years since I interviewed and I would rather not repeat the process as it was nerve racking waiting for the phone call. I remember interviewing for a car salesman job–something to do while in college. It took me a few months to sell a car and then the guy who hired me and owner of the company tried to hit on me the week his girlfriend was out of town.. End of that job! Saw him a few years later on the news. Apparently he was selling lotto tickets for his house–a dollar a ticket. He would draw the winning ticket. For some reason and I can’t remember why, it turned out to be illegal…
~Toni
Rachael, I liked the Basken Robbins one too, but now I have a craving for ice cream.
Keetha, what goes on in my head is much more interesting than my everyday life
Cele, that is so scary!
Anne, so the temp job didn’t work for you, huh? That’s what I had been thinking about doing.
Lynn, I have a couple friends who did the same thing then decided they didn’t really want to teach too. Must be the times we’re in…
Erin, let the twins pay! My kids are doing fine that way. I don’t what I was thinking!
Maureen, I agree!
Joyce, twists and turns keep life interesting
by Jen November 12th, 2007 at 6:08 pmKarin, maybe I should practice interviewing with you…should I ever have to get a Real Job.
Michele, it sounds like all the interviewing paid off and you found the right job for you.
Bernita, it must have been the dog hair the clenched the deal for you!
Ruth, glad you found a job you liked.
Ann, Australia–cool!
Dru, you’re amazing even when you’re sick!
Carol M, sounds like you’ve earned the time to read and enjoy your grandchildren.
Natalie, rub it in–such a cool job! I could never get a job like that!
Toni, I swear I saw that guy on the news too! What a small world!
by Jen November 12th, 2007 at 6:14 pmFresh out of college at 21, with a degree in English Literature, I was naive enough to believe that going back for more interview after 6 pm was legitimate. I didn’t realize what skills he was looking for, but I did notice that the wedding ring had disappeared in the intervening hours…
by Sherry November 12th, 2007 at 6:54 pmThe whole memory still has the power to turn me bright red with embarrassment!
by Sherry November 12th, 2007 at 6:55 pmFunny thing…most of the jobs I’ve actually interviewed for, I haven’t gotten. The ones I’ve gotten are ones where the interviews were either non-existent or really odd.
There was the time I worked at a tv-vcr repair shop. I got the line on the job from a woman who lived down the street…her son-in-law (or step-son, or something – I don’t recall the exact relationship, as it was a long time ago). I walked in and was just given the job. I was supposed to be the receptionist. Yeah, right. I was expected to be bookkeeper, bill collector, and interference-runner. I got sent on parts runs, too, which was actually the best part of the job because I got out of the shop. I didn’t last more than a couple of months there, though, because the boss kept asking me to do things like falsify the books (which I refused to do) and threaten (only economically, thank goodness) people who hadn’t paid their bills, and lots of other unsavory things.
I probably wouldn’t have even remembered that job, except for Allison’s story. About a year or year and a half after I quit, my mother and I learned from a news report that the guy I worked there for had been picked up for raping prostitutes by posing as a police officer. I knew I didn’t trust the guy.
One of the jobs I didn’t get was when I interviewed for a Major Department Store. They were very nice during the interview, but about a week later I got a letter telling me that I wasn’t “the sort of person” they were looking for. I threatened to write back and ask what sort they were looking for – convicted felons? – but cooler heads prevailed and I didn’t do it. I learned later that was code for being overqualified.
On the other hand, I got a job at a discounts and close-outs store more or less because the personnel manager was going through the same paralegal studies program I had completed a year or so before I applied for the cashier job.
And then there was the job working for a professor at the university I attended for my upper-division work. I had already spent a semester running two writing-lab sections (one of which included as a student a psycho/sociopath who was eventually asked to leave the school…yikes), so I didn’t really have to interview for the “mentor assistant” position, as it was called. But the person who was to have taken the job backed out at the last minute and I was officially hired about five minutes before I had to start the job. That was interesting…but it turned out to be a wonderful experience, working with just one professor in one class each semester as a sort of tutor/big sister/shoulder-to-cry-on/exam proctor.
But now I stay at home taking care of my mother, and so I haven’t had to interview for a job in almost three years. Fortunately my current job, writing for some websites in the UK (which I can do at home), literally fell into my lap right at the time I most needed it. I love having a commute of approximately fourteen steps.
by Elaine November 12th, 2007 at 10:00 pmIt was a LONG time ago but I was interviewed for a job as a mathematicain for a project to design a nuclear powered airplane. My qualification was a Bachelor of SCIENCE (yes science not arts) degree with a major in English.
Needless to say the project funded by the Department of Defense was never completed but I did have a fun job for about 4 years – ended up working as an engineer after taking courses given on the job by PhD’s that were working on the project. Left after meeting my husband – married 6 months later & then both of us were off to the Savannah River Nuclear Lab.
by Helen November 12th, 2007 at 11:00 pmIf she only knew she did you a huge favor. Wonder how many potential Admin. Assists. she’s turned down? I ‘ve only interviewed for about 5 jobs in my entire work life and only worked at 3 of those interviews. One after high school. Then one for over 20 years and now the job I’m at now.
by Sharon November 13th, 2007 at 11:26 amI was interviewed for a summer job that I wanted badly and had to impress the administration that I was the one. I made up a professional portfolio with all of my work, spoke in a very confident manner and hoped I had it.. I waited and finally did obtain this fun summer job. What a nervous wreck though, since 5 people interview you at once and it is nervewracking to say the least.
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