 | 23 Aug 07 |
Robert Gregory Browne, a pal of mine from Thriller Writers whose debut novel KISS HER GOODBYE came out this year, posted over at Murderati yesterday about log lines. It’s definitely worth reading (but come back here when you’re done!)
Rob posted this article a year or so ago on his own blog, and it resonated with me. Being able to pitch your idea in on sentence so that someone “gets it” is a valuable tool. I use loglines (though not as good as Rob’s!) to summarize all my books. However, after reading Rob’s lesson, I realized that what I thought were loglines are really . . . not. The loglines from my first trilogy are better than the ones from my second trilogy, which are too character specific and don’t really tell the story in a high concept kind of way. I’ve had them posted at Publishers Marketplace for ages, and I want to update my page with my new books.
PREDATOR TRILOGY
THE PREY . . . Ex-FBI agent turned crime fiction writer discovers her books are being used as blueprints for murder.
THE HUNT . . . The sole survivor of a brutal serial killer tracks her attacker twelve years later when another college student turns up dead in the Montana wilderness.
THE KILL . . . When DNA evidence releases the man she believed murdered her sister, an FBI crime lab scientist breaks all the rules to find the real killer.
NO EVIL TRILOGY
SPEAK NO EVIL
When Montana Sheriff Nick Thomas learns his brother Steve is suspected of a brutal murder, he goes to San Diego to prove his innocence. Homicide detective Carina Kincaid is working just as hard to prove his guilt.SEE NO EVIL
When District Attorney Julia Chandler’s troubled niece has been charged with the grisly murder of her stepfather, Julia hires P.I. Connor Kincaid to help prove her innocence. Together they uncover a game of virtual murder with deadly results.FEAR NO EVIL
Five years ago FBI agent Kate Donovan took on a sadistic killer and lost. Now running from her own government in order to prove her innocence in another girl’s gruesome murder, Kate teams with forensic psychiatrist Dillon Kincaid to find the killer’s chamber of horrors before Dillon’s sister Lucy is slaughtered live on the Internet.
Especially FEAR NO EVIL, I could have shortened to this: Forensic psychiatrist has 48 hours to find sister before she’s killed live on the Internet. Much more powerful, don’t you think?
I pitched my upcoming “prison break” trilogy as follows:
An earthquake under San Quentin precipitates the escape of several death row inmates.
That’s a good start–but it doesn’t really say anything about the actual story. It’s the inciting moment, so-to-speak–what sets up the trilogy.
I need three log lines for my prison break trilogy. According to Rob, you need the “Who, What and How” for a logline–and nothing more. But it is much harder than it looks. Here’s what I have so far, but I don’t think they are tight enough:
KILLING FEAR
Theodore Glenn vowed to kill everyone involved with his capture and prosecution the day he was convicted. Now he’s escaped from prison and Detective Will Hooper must put an end to his killing spree before he becomes the next victim.
SILENT SCREAM
Two escaped murderers take a Montana resort hostage during a snowstorm, and things turn deadly when a romance writer is stalked by one man who considers himself her personal hero for killing the man who murdered her husband and son.
DYING BREATH
An innocent man on death row for the murder of his wife and her lover must seek refuge with his estranged daughter, who was the prosecution’s primary witness against him twenty years ago. As he struggles against the clock to prove his innocence, he must earn her trust before the real killer strikes again.
What do you all think? Any comments or criticisms are welcome. I think they are all too long, but brevity is not my strong suit.
Now, it’s your turn. Read Rob’s article and come up with a log line for the readers of MSW to critique. I’ll be at Six Flags Marine World all day, but I will comment on every log line posted by midnight tonight. AND every brave soul who posts a log line will be entered in a random drawing for any book in my backlist.
BTW, I have a cover for the KILLER YEAR anthology edited by Lee Child. Cool, eh? (Well, the cover–it’s kind of bland–but I think it gets the point across about the content, don’t you think? And Lee Child’s name will sell the book.) Remember the pain I went through writing a short story? Well, I love this story and the hero Matt Elliott is going to not only be a major secondary character in DYING BREATH, but he’ll eventually get his own book. Now I have to do it all again with another short story due October 1 . . .
© 2007 – 2009 Allison Brennan. All rights reserved.
New York Times and USA Today bestselling and award winning author Allison Brennan has published fourteen romantic thrillers with Ballantine, plus a novella and four short stories. She lives near Sacramento, California with her husband and five children. Recently, RT Book Reviews said, “A master of suspense, Brennan does another outstanding job uniting horrifying action, procedural drama and the birth of a romance — a prime example of why she’s tops in the genre.” For fun Allison enjoys wine tasting, swimming, playing video games, and—of course–reading. Her most recent release is CARNAL SIN, the second book in the Seven Deadly Sins supernatural romantic suspense series. Her Lucy Kincaid series will launch in January, 2011 with LOVE ME TO DEATH.
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I had to do a logline for a submission packet last year, and here’s what I came up with for my book Fear Itself (formerly known as Spectacle):
When a renowned scientist’s deceit ignites a worldwide panic, a substitute anchorwoman and an obscure astrophysicist risk everything to fight for the truth and to save mankind—not from a devastating comet but from itself.
It took me forever to write a one-liner, then my husband and I brainstormed all morning to tighten it down to the above. Prior to that, I googled loglines and read everything available. Wish I could help more.
by B.E. Sanderson August 23rd, 2007 at 5:10 amHere’s mine for Dead People (formerly Dead People are Easy):
When a brooding songwriter with a newly found daughter discovers his house is haunted, who’s he gonna call? A ghost whisperer who thinks men are hard and DEAD PEOPLE are easy.
How’s this for DYING BREATH?
An innocent man convicted of killing his wife escapes death row and struggles against the clock to gain his estranged daughter’s trust before the real killer strikes again.
Although I used “innocent”, a different adjective would work better. We know he’s innocent by the “real killer”.
by Edie August 23rd, 2007 at 5:53 amHi B.E.: I love your title and the logline! It says everything you need. I wouldn’t change it either.
Hi Edie: I remember that idea! Great line. I like your rewrite of DYING as well. Shorter and tighter. Thanks!
by Allison August 23rd, 2007 at 6:29 amThanks, Allison. Now I just need to finish this latest round of tweaks and get someone to represent/publish it. =oD
Try this for Killing Fear: Every convicted psycho promises revenge, but when one escapes and begins carrying out his promise, it’s up to the man who put him behind bars to stop the killing spree before becoming its next victim. (Or something like that. I just threw this together.)
by B.E. Sanderson August 23rd, 2007 at 6:56 amHi, BE, much better than mine! I can work with that. Thanks
by Allison August 23rd, 2007 at 7:59 amAllison, looking at the logline for DYING BREATH, I realize you can use a different noun as well as adjective instead of “innocent man”. The reader will know he’s a man when she reads he was convicted of killing his wife and her lover. I’d forgotten the lover in the one I’d written.
by Edie August 23rd, 2007 at 8:13 amHi Allison,
Here’s my attempt at capturing my current wip, Cursed Blessings, in a logline:
Investigative reporter Scott Murphy is taking a look at sperm donation through different eyes – those of the offspring thirty years later – but when each of his interviewees turn up dead, teaming with Homicide Detective Lucy Gallagher is his only hope to prove he’s not the killer.
I really appreciate the article you shared and any feedback you might be willing to give. Loglines are right up there with high concept pitches as things that get me tongue tied.
by Kellie August 23rd, 2007 at 11:43 amFor the first time, I started with a log line on my current project, but alas, I can’t share. Dang. These are fun to read though!
by Jen Apodaca August 23rd, 2007 at 12:16 pmThe sole eyewitness who testified to imprison a serial killer a decade ago discovers the original prosecution team is being murdered one by one. Terrified for her safety, Forensic specialist Lacey Campbell must figure out who the new killer is before he finds her.
Outcast Max Cage returns to his small hometown to find his murdered father’s grave dug up and containing the wrong remains. Max fights against three decades of prejudice and secrets to find out what actually happened to his father.
Ack. I should have timed how long this took me. Waaay too long.
When does the Killer Year anthology come out? I’ve been on a Lee Child kick for the last week, rereading all his books in order.
by Kendra August 23rd, 2007 at 5:33 pmI hope you had fun at Six Flags! I definitely like the second FEAR NO EVIL logline best. Shorter is definitely better and stronger.
I wanted to play, but my brain just won’t come up with something this late. Oh heck, truth is, loglines are SO hard for me! I think I need to start practicing them with other people’s books, first.
by spyscribbler August 23rd, 2007 at 7:18 pmOh, right. I told myself to practice, LOL. Does this lead you anywhere?
KILLING FEAR
A freed murderer is on a bloody rampage of revenge for his imprisonment. Can Detective Will Hooper put an end to the killing spree, before he becomes the next victim?
SILENT SCREAM
Is the cold-blooded murder of a murderer an act of heroism? When a widow is stalked by a dangerous hero, she fears the man who killed the murderer of her husband and son.
DYING BREATH
by spyscribbler August 23rd, 2007 at 7:42 pmA convicted murderer must prove his innocence to his daughter–the witness who singlehandedly landed him on death row–before the real killer strikes again.