Murder She Writes

Happy Halloween!

Because this is a great day to get spooked, in both little and big ways, I decided to share my Ghost Neil story. This is the first time I’ve ever told this story in a public setting. It’s a little personal, and somewhat intense, and it actually inspired a character in my book WIVES AND SISTERS. (If anyone can guess which character, and I haven’t already TOLD you the answer, please email me at Nataliewrites@aol.com, and I’ll send you a signed bookmark. Actually, even if I have told you the answer, I’ll still send you one!)

I worked with Neil for many years, and always had a lot of fun chatting with him, and being around him, but he was quite a few years my senior, and I was trying to stick to men a little closer to my own age, since I was rebounding from a nasty failed marriage to an older idiot with an allergy to work and an addiction to alcohol and backhands.

Still, Neil persevered, and let me know his intentions while we were on a group cruise with a bunch of friends. (I was rooming with three other girls, so we had not gone on this cruise together.) I was young, just 28, and it was a heady time, with all the attention from the single men on the cruise. Neil patiently stood back and watched me play “life of the party” girl.

After we returned home, and none of the men who had been “so in love” with me on the cruise ever touched base, Neil let me know, again gently, that he was waiting in the wings.

He knew my fear about the age gap, about the fact he lived with and cared for his aging parents, and just the general fact that I did not have a lot of faith or trust in ANY man, due to a rough upbringing and some unfortunate choices on my part. But he didn’t back down.

He slowly and consistently convinced me that he would treat me better than any other man had ever treated me, and that whatever I wanted–the world–it was mine.

I didn’t really want the world, but I knew it would be nice to have someone faithful, consistent, kind, and loving in my life. And slowly I caved in to his pressure. One night, I finally told him I was willing to give it a shot. I wasn’t making promises, like he was, but I would try…..

The next day, one of his best friends came up to me at work and told me that he had been rushed to the hospital that morning. He had been stabilized, but he was in intensive care.

We walked in through the front doors to find our good friend, Rick, standing there sobbing. He told us Neil had suffered another massive heart attack and died just a few minutes before we got there.

I never got to say goodbye.

I tried not to dwell, not do the “why me” thing, but it was a little hard. I made myself feel better by making Neil my “angel,” and I swear sometimes I could feel him there, especially during the rough times, a constant and steady calming presence. He taught me, in a short time, that it was okay to be treated well. That it was okay to like ME. And when he was taken so suddenly, I knew that I deserved what he’d promised me. I knew I needed to not settle anymore.

In short, by leaving, he taught me to stand on my own two feet. No one else had ever done that.

I still feel his presence, sometimes, but the only time I heard his voice, at least when I’ve been wide awake, was when I was driving a four-wheeler in rough terrain, shortly before it rolled over on me. That time, I clearly heard the words “Get her off,” in a male voice. I made my youngest daughter get off the back of the vehicle, and not one minute later hit a tree branch, and the four-wheeler rolled over on top of me. I suffered some minor injuries, but she was totally unharmed.

I think he was following through on his promise–taking care of me, protecting the most precious thing in my life.

I still dream of him, very lucid dreams, and we have some interesting conversations. I think I’ll keep those to myself. But is he a ghost? A spirit, maybe. He’s there. His energy is still out there. Making it impossible to ever forget him. And I’m grateful that I won’t and can’t.

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In honor of Halloween tomorrow night, let’s talk about ghosts.

I’m not exactly sure what I believe, except that I’m not arrogant enough to believe I know it all. Who knows what exists? It’s what makes life so interesting, and it’s what makes fiction so compelling—the possibilities

One of my sons was watching a movie about ghosts and asked me if I’ve ever seen a ghost. Nope. Not that I can remember.

I did hear one, once.

So here is my ghost story:

I was a teenager, I’m guessing about 15 years old. I lived with my mom; my dad had died suddenly the year before. My one sister and two brothers were adults and on their own. Two of my girlfriends and I went to a nearby stable to ride horses. I had a tame mare that was cooperative but she wasn’t thrilled to be out on the trails. After we rode most the trail, we were heading back to the stables. My mare was getting anxious, and somehow she stumbled.

Everything went into slow motion.

I felt her stumble, felt her struggle for endless seconds trying to get her balance. I know it was only seconds, but it felt like long minutes as I tried to figure out what to do. I was not a good horsewoman, just an amateur. A better horsewoman might have been able to help the horse. All I knew is we were going down. Sheer instinct had my dive off the horse.

I hit the ground and lay there stunned. The horse was still stumbling. And then I heard it.

“Roll Jen!”

I didn’t even think, I rolled, literally feeling the brush of the horse as she fell and barely missed me.

The horse was fine! Don’t worry, she got right up, they checked her out, she was fine.

I had torn a muscles or something in my arm and was basically fine. I didn’t even know I was hurt until the next morning.

My two friends were stunned. They saw the whole thing and they swore that horse was going to land on top of me. I mean they were freaked out. They said I was lying motionless and at the last second, sort of woke up and rolled out of the path of the falling horse.

Guess whose voice I heard yelling at me to “Roll, Jen?”

My dad. I didn’t see him, but I sort of felt him and I heard him as clear as if he’d been standing there yelling at me.

So was it real? A ghost? Or was it just my mind reacting to a shocking and frightening set of circumstances? I don’t know. I do know that for the next few years as I grew up without a dad, I carried around that memory, letting myself believe he was “around.”

What about you all? Share your ghost stories! It’s Halloween, let’s have fun!

So, I’m tagging everyone who reads this blog (you can tag back here)!

Here’s what you do. Pick the fact number of mine below you think is the lie, then write five facts about yourself, one being false, and we guess which one is the lie

I’ll start:

1. I’m full blooded Irish and proud of it!
2. As a teenager in Switzerland, I got so drunk with my friends at the airport in Lucerne waiting for our flight to NYC, security had to come escort us to the plane that was about to leave without us. We laughed our asses off the entire way home.
3. In the seventh grade I beat up a six grader who was a notorious bully and twice my size because he was picking on my little brother. I broke the kid’s nose, and knocked out his front tooth.
4. As a kid, I showed both Western and English (that’s horse shows). I sucked at both. But hey, I had fun!
5. I always wanted to be a doctor.

Don’t be shy! C’mon and play.

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Okay, admit it. You’ve read books replete with errors. With typos and missing words and things that just don’t make sense. Who’s the first person you blame? The Author. Right. Been there, done that.

It’s not always the author’s fault.

Page proofs are the final stage before publication. You get the book in typeset form. For my publisher, this means a mock-up of each page, complete with printer marks, chapter headings, what-have-you. The dedication, the acknowledgments, and my favorite page–the inside page that tells the reader that this is a work of fiction, and it’s bears my name next to the copyright.

That’s cool

Page proofs (also called “galleys” or “first pass pages” and a host of other names) are the author’s last chance for changes. And most contracts specify you can’t make oodles of changes, usually 10-20% (though what THAT means, I don’t know.) All the changes–some major, and sometimes with complete scenes inserted in the text–made at the copy edit stage are incorporated into the page proofs (and this is my best reason to always submit in courier–to make that transfer of information easier on the production manager!) Mistakes can happen. They might miss a word or two. They might misspell your character’s name. They might not make a small change that will have huge repercussions down the road in the story. In THE PREY, I changed the name of a secondary character, and FBI agent, to Quinn Peterson to bringing a the connecting element to THE HUNT. I did this in the copyedit stage. Either the CE or myself missed one “Eric” and I caught it in the page proofs.

ARCs and bound galleys are made from the page proofs. This is generally the version that gets sent for review. You’ve probably seen them: UNCORRECTED MANUSCRIPT PROOF or ADVANCED READING COPY.

At Random House, two professional proofreaders read the manuscript along with the author. The proofreaders are responsible for, well, proofing, but also making sure that the changes from the copyedits made it on the page proofs. Their copies of the proofs are put with mine and one person is responsible for transferring all the changes to the master production copy and that goes to press.

When I read the proofs of THE KILL, many of the changes from the copyedits hadn’t been incorporated. I called my editor. The production manager was already aware of the problem and fixing it.

Mistakes can be made at any stage–author, copyeditor, production manager. I am very forgiving of errors in other people’s books (unless they’re huge and repeating) because I know how this happens.

I turned in the page proofs for SPEAK NO EVIL the other day. I’ll admit, I love this stage. Seeing the book in its semi-final form. Being able to tweak a bit, change a few words, cut a repetitive thought (or ten). It makes the book so real.

So what kind of errors did I catch?

The most blatant was changing the hair color of one of the victims. That I caught it was a miracle in itself, but it jumped out at me. I also used the wrong word (this is under “stupid Allison mistakes”)–I said that no defense attorney would allow their client to SUCCUMB to a DNA test without court order. It’s SUBMIT. (And I didn’t even catch it, my husband did!)

I cut some phrases and sentences. Once I cut two paragraphs because it was almost identical to something earlier in the chapter. I changed a minor character name because it was too similar to another character and threw me when I first read it. I changed words when, as I was reading the text, I realized I’d used a blah word. I double-checked my timing and made sure it flowed.

I found once that a door was open then in the next paragraph it was opened again. Hmm. I fixed it.

So I guess the purpose of this post is to share a little bit about this stage of the process, and to share RELIEF that this book is over. Done. On it’s way to the printer. Yeah!

Also, if you see a few little mistakes in books you read, be forgiving. I’m not talking about the big ones, but sometimes even though several people proofread the book, mistakes happen.

Now, time to have fun. What’s the BIGGEST mistake you’ve seen in a book? You don’t have to give the author’s name. I have two to share:

1) A book that referenced the Gospel of Thomas. I thought it was a major plot point (there is no Gospel of Thomas in the bible, it’s a gnostic gospel). Because the missing person was a minister, I thought this was a HUGE plot point and would lead the protagonist to find her. Um, no. It was a mistake. But it was distracting because I THOUGHT it was important.

2) I have a hardcover that was printed upside down and backwards. It’s a keeper. You never know if it’ll be worth something someday!

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This week I’m heading east to speak to a group of high school students in Miami, Florida. The event took months of planning, and I’ve been fingerprinted, background checked, telephoned, and debriefed about school policy ad nauseam. Understandable considering the rash of violence and gun slinging that’s been going on in schools lately—which brings up an issue for this post.

Having done the high school circuit for the last three years, I’ve met many authors who follow that same circuit, each committed to literacy and wanting to do whatever it takes to get more kids reading. That commitment hasn’t kept us from complaining, however. We commiserate about the challenges that face us, the distractions that steal a young adult’s attention and force us to have to do more with even greater conviction so they’ll hear us. Even amidst the griping, though, most of us just cowboyed up and did what we had to do to get the message across—until now.

Too many authors and hope-bearers don’t want to deal with the hassles of getting into the schools anymore, and that saddens me more than I can express. It’s bad enough our children are forced to deal with violence in the first place. Now, because our society has become so adversarial, even the sprinkling of hope we had to change the paling face of literacy is being compromised.

I can understand the need for people to uncomplicated their lives by dropping projects or issues that seem to bring more hassle than hope, but I can’t understand giving up. If we all throw up our hands and say, “It’s just not worth it. This war is too fierce, and there’s no hope for success,” isn’t that the same as surrendering? Doesn’t that mean that we’re handing over our children, our future leaders, so they become permanent prisoners of war? How can we do that when we’re the ones responsible for dragging them into the fight in the first place? And we did it in the name of democracy and with a bad case of constitutional hemorrhoids. We stopped prayer and hampered discipline in schools. We allowed pants that hang below butt cheeks and skirts no longer than a sideways bandanna. We allowed cell phones in classrooms, cursing in the hallways, and threats to teachers who try to make a difference. Just what did we expect all this ‘freedom’ to generate in our society? Peace—love—harmony?

Okay, so the hassles (and dangers) are greater when it comes to getting into schools—so what? These kids need us. We just need to cowboy up once again and push through this new set of challenges so some of them will have a chance to hear a voice of reason and calm, an echo of hope. If we don’t, we could lose many of them forever, and that’s just friggin’ unacceptable to me.

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Just recently, on a writing list I belong to, a little spat took place. It occurred because one writer took offense at another writer’s summation of her publisher. You’ve all seen it happen. Usually, all it takes is the acronym POD, and people start lighting each other on fire, torturing children, and threatening death. POD? Get the noose!

Because I love lighting people on fire, I decided to address the POD issue today, mostly because it keeps coming up–time and time again. And me? I have Rhino Hide. It’s tough to light rhino hide on fire. I promise.

POD 101: What is POD?

POD means print on demand. As many people have stated, it IS a method used to publish, and it does NOT necessarily mean the KIND of publisher.

POD technology means a publisher can print ONE BOOK AT A TIME, thus saving money on a costly print run. The books are printed as they are ordered. Thus, print on demand. Lightning Source, a subsidiary of Ingrams (one of the world’s biggest book wholesalers), is one of the most well-known and reputable POD companies around. LS is NOT a publisher. They are a RESOURCE for publishers. Small independent publishers use Lightning Source to print their books. Self-publishing companies use LS to print their books. Large New York publishers use LS to print some backlisted books, etc. In short, LS uses POD technology to provide a service to PUBLISHERS.

There’s the “POD is a technology” part of it.

In summary, POD technology is used by:
1. Self-publishing companies. Legitimate self publishers include iUniverse, Booklocker, Lulu, etc. These companies do NOT pretend to be anything but what they are: a method to publish your book. But you pay them to do it. Editing is minimal, if there is any at all. In effect, YOU are the publisher. You are responsible for all promotion, generally artwork (if you want something more than a stock cover), etc.
2. Small independent publishers. These, again, are legitimate publishers, but unlike self publishers, you do NOT pay them any money, you have an editor, they do the cover and artwork, etc. With most of these, the majority of the work is STILL up to you. Using POD technology, many companies can set up virtually overnight with little overhead and investment, so you MUST be careful when you choose one of these companies. They, for the most part, ARE legitimate. But you should be aware that New York publishers consider this self publishing. There is RARELY an advance paid. It is hard to get your books stocked in bookstores. Can it be done? Yes. Is it easy? NO. Most of these publishers do not accept returns, because of the technology (POD) used. Brick and mortar stores frown on small independent publishers. Your work is cut out for you should you choose to go this route. Don’t kid yourself. While these publishers do have submission policies and do NOT accept everything submitted, it’s still an uphill battle to acceptance.
3. Vanity Publishers. I know others might disagree, but here is where I place PublishAmerica. They claim to be a legitimate publisher, but they are not. They WILL accept anything, as has been proven. A group of authors wrote the most atrocious piece of trash they could come up with, and PA accepted it. They have an ABYSMAL contract. They have the same problems as small independent publishers, as far as getting book stocked in bookstores. My biggest problem with PA is their claim to be a legitimate publisher. They are not. Do they publish good books? Of course, some of those books are good. But there is a stigma attached to them that is hard to overcome. If you ARE going to go this route, I would highly suggest someone OTHER than PA. Retain your rights. Do NOT give them away.
4. Traditional New York Publishers have also used POD technology, some to print backlist books, etc.

Now here’s the skinny. The truth about POD technology is that it has not become the wave of the future like it was originally thought, mainly because of the stigma attached to it. Publishers like iUniverse, PublishAmerica, etc., flooded the market with books, many of poor quality, with little concern given to editing, design, content, marketing, etc., and this led to a backlash from book buyers, bookstores, readers, etc. Used correctly, POD had tremendous potential, and still does have tremendous potential, but it also has a lot of stigma to overcome. Legitimate small publishers who use POD technology have an uphill climb for this very reason.

I KNOW that there are good books published using POD technology. I also know that because of the way the system is set up, there are more POOR books published than there are good ones.

I also know that agents and editors in New York do NOT respect POD printed books, no matter how good it is. I have seen this first hand. I am speaking from experience. My first book was published POD. Even today, it is considered “that self published book,” even though it was published first by Booklocker (self publishing) and then by Zumaya (small independent publisher).

Do I regret it? That depends. It got me out there. It got me noticed, but remember, it was a HIGHLY controversial subject (polygamy) that happened to hit the market at just the right time.

How can I regret writing a book that eventually saw me into New York publishing? Well, mostly because NO ONE will touch that book. And I think it’s a timely subject, and would do really well right now. But NO ONE WILL PUBLISH IT.

Five Star is publishing the sequel to SISTERWIFE. They didn’t want the first book, though, BECAUSE OF THE WAY IT WAS PUBLISHED.

See my point? While I don’t regret it, and certainly wouldn’t change it, I do wish things had gone differently.

So the bottom line is, know the realities. Don’t get your feelings hurt because someone disses your method of publishing. If you MAKE this choice, just KNOW what you are getting into. Know what you can expect. Put on the Rhino Hide and get ready.

Now, light fires amongst yourselves…..

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Sorry I’m late! Life has been crazy. I can’t seem to get ahead.

Part 1 of my blog: An update on my son with the sprained ankle. Evidently there’s an amazing piece of equipment out there called an X-Ray. Ever heard of it? It’s pretty cool; it showed us clear pictures of the healing fracture in my son’s foot and the break in his ankle bone.

An X-Ray—who’d have thought of that?

Oh wait, I did.

Well never mind. Hobbling son and I got to spend bonding time in Urgent Care Friday night. I’m quite sure he didn’t mind canceling his date with a girl to hang out with his mom and look at pretty bone pictures. In fact we bonded all weekend as I nagged him to stay off the splint until the plaster dried.

On the upside, I did make chocolate chip cookies. My son was a little confused by this until I explained to him that everyone knows chocolate chip cookies help heal broken bones. Hard to believe this kid is going to graduate college soon and doesn’t even know that! I suggested he mention my chocolate chip cookie theory to the orthopedic when we see him. This cracked my son up. Go figure. It’s a valid and well proven theory! Ask any mom.

Part 2 of the blog: I’m taking an online PR Class give by Louise Knott Ahern. If you ever get the opportunity to take this class from her, do it! It’s a four week, intense class she calls PR Boot Camp. This is just a snippet of what I’ve learned in one week:

1) I understand PR is about raising my profile as an author.
2) I’ve clarified my PR goals.
3) Discovered my brand. (She’s the ONLY one who’s been able to help me do that!)
4) Figuring out my PR personality, including my strengths and weaknesses.

What I want to get out of this class is two things. A clear understanding of the media and how it works, and a clear understanding of what I have to offer the media as an author. I need to promote myself over time to build a brand. What that means is that when readers hear my name, they identify with the books I write. It’s a process, not a single event or book.

Yeah, I know, most of you are saying, “Duh!” I knew a lot of this in theory but not the concrete steps to achieve a good PR plan. This class is teaching me how to analyze my PR potential and figure out how to use it. So even though everything else in my life is chaos, I have made a commitment to myself to do this to help my career, and myself personally. Good PR skills come in handy for numerous situations in life.

What about you all? What commitment are you making for your career? It can be anything…

My youngest son is 16. He’s a junior in high school. His freshman football team and JV football team had a combined record of 17-3. One of those three loses was a fluke. The freshman team only allowed something like 80 points all year with several shut outs. Offensively my son alone scored 17 or 18 touch downs his freshman year and ran for over 1000 yards. Their JV year they went undefeated with 5 shut outs. So here they are their varsity year and this team loaded with talent is 0-5-1. They have allowed approximately 200 points, and scored a fraction of that. So I ask you, what happened? Why has this stellar team of gifted athletes gone from 17-3 to no wins this season?
I’ll tell you: Lack of leadership, lack of motivation, and discord amongst the coaches.

When coaches tell players they are losers and have no heart, they start to believe it. I’ve never been a fan of negative reinforcement, neither has my husband who is a winning coach. He believes in constructive discipline, teaching the fundamentals, conditioning and skills. He believes in 100% commitment. If his players aren’t willing to give that, they are asked to leave the team. I wish my husband was coaching my son’s team, I know they would have W’s. He coached this team their freshman year and they kicked ass. They were good and they knew it. Maybe they were a little cocky, but they deserved to be, so long as they were respectful. He maintained order, respect and those boys gave their hearts on the field for him. They have none of that now and because of it, their coaches are frustrated and taking it out on the kids, these kids who have the hearts of lions are being told they have no heart.

As a writer, if my agent or editor told me I had no heart that I was a loser, I can’t imagine what that would do to my psyche. It’s one thing to hear it from a reviewer. Some have an agenda, some are just frustrated writers and some are just and fair in not liking a book. But when your coaches disrespect you, how do they expect you to give 100%? My son has two options. He can quit, which is not an option, or he can make the best of the situation and play the game he loves. He has chosen to hang in there, day after day, to take the abuse of his coaches, to take the losses, to get out there every Friday night and gave it everything he has, because when it all boils down he’s out there for one reason and one reason only: the love of the game.

Next year will be a new year for him. The head coach has already told people he doesn’t have the heart for the job, he won’t be back next year. Good riddance. If my editor or agent told me that, I’d scream. How could they expect me to walk around like nothing was wrong? How could they think that news wouldn’t affect me? Yes, I can get a new agent and if I’m lucky the editor filling in for the old one will love me as much as the old one, but what if she doesn’t? I always tell my children the same thing when they whine about an unforeseen obstacle popping up. ‘Improvise adapt and overcome.’ It’s what the Marines do, you can do it too.

Writing is like football. We have our coaches, we have our stadium, we have our fans, we have our non-fans, we have our wins and we have our losses, but what a writer needs more than anything to survive in the filed of publishing is the love of the game. Without that passion, that burn, that heart, you will fizzle out and lose.

When the going gets tough for you, what do you do to get going again?

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