“This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. “– Dorothy Parker

I have always enjoyed the wit of Dorothy Parker, which often lends itself to the dark side, sort of like myself. Perhaps I relate to her. This particular quote, above, was about a book she was expected to review.

Apparently, it was a wallbanger, a term coined by Samuel Goldwyn, who described a script as having made a “Hell of a bang, when I threw it against the wall.”

Recently, over on Dorothy-L, the mystery listserv, the question of reviews and reviewers was being rehashed again. What PART of reviews and reviewing you might ask? Just about ALL of it. Wallbangers and SACRED TOMES alike.

What often comes out of these discussions is the behavior of writers who receive bad reviews, and sometimes even the behavior of reviewers. SO I thought I’d share my take on reviewing and reviewers.

It hurts to not get a good review on a book, which is like someone telling you your baby is ugly (I believe I read that first on Tess Gerritsen’s awesome blog), but it is important to remember that REVIEWING IS SUBJECTIVE.

For some reason, writers who receive a bad review are often not capable of being that same kind of subjective. A bad review means they can HEAR THE BIG FLUSH OF THE PUBLISHING TOILET, as their career swirls to the depths of the sewer. Based on one review. Or even two. Even if you have two good ones to balance it out. And when your career is in jeopardy, instinct kicks in. WHAT can I do to save it?

Here’s a few things you SHOULDN’T do.

1. Write the reviewer and offer them a bribe.
2. Use slurs about their mother and offspring.
3. Spread nasty rumors about the reviewer’s drinking habits, including hints of a liquid breakfast.

Okay, those were kind of tongue in cheek. But people actually DO write reviewers and complain. They DO write reviewers and argue. They DO say nasty things about the reviewers on loops.

I have to ask, why?

Overwhelmingly, W&S got excellent reviews, including one from Kirkus. The only BAD review I had was from my local paper, and that brought me a lot of publicity I might not have otherwise had.

The reviewer said it was an “angry novel.” BINGO.

Yes, it hurts to get your work panned, but I haven’t yet met ANYONE writing currently that has NOT been panned. Including some of my faves including Harlan Coben, Tess Gerritsen, MJ Rose, Dennis Lehane….

Everybody is not going to like your work. It’s just reality.

You’ve got to be able to put it in perspective. Talk and bitch to your friends–ones you can trust. It’s okay to feel bad. It’s normal. But MOVE on. I’ve read rave reviews of books that I personally had a hard time even GETTING through. That’s me. I have likes and dislikes. I have strong opinions.

That said, reviewers, too, need to realize that THEIR REVIEWS are subjective. Just because YOU loved it does not mean it’s a masterpiece, and someone else’s reviews don’t mean squat.

Here are a couple of rules that I follow in regard to reviewers.

1. I write a thank you, if at all possible. (Sometimes you don’t have their contact info, because a book is sent out by your publisher.) I even wrote an email to the reviewer who panned me, but I have no clue if he ever received it.

2. I never ARGUE with a reviewer, or try to change their mind. What is the point of this?

3. If I send a book to someone to review, and they never do it, I let it go. It’s entirely possible they read it and hated it, and why put them on the spot and make them tell you that? What is the point?

4. If I personally send a book, I do check back to make sure they received it, but am careful not to imply pressure.

5. I’ve learned, through the massive amounts of hate email I get, to laugh a lot of things off. More authors should have this problem I have, because it makes you put things in perspective. If I got PISSED off at everyone who wrote, including the girl who told me to “PUT YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES ON,” I’d be in a nonstop sour mood. There’s no point. It’s not productive, and I’d spend more time arguing then I EVER did writing.

A few more things to remember about reviews. If your book is sent to a newspaper, the odds are good it will not be reviewed. I still have books that were given away, after they were sent to the Salt Lake Tribune, where I worked for many years. If at all possible, GET a contact and stay in touch with them.

If you send a book to be reviewed by a popular reviewer, PLEASE CONSIDER THIS PERSON HAS A LIFE. If they don’t review it, that’s life. They can’t review it all.

If they do review it, BONUS. That’s just the way the business goes.

If they don’t review it, it’s possible they did not like it. Isn’t it a favor to NOT give you a negative review? Does it do any good to belabor the point?

Do you REALLY want them to run a Wallbanger reviewer?

How do the rest of you handle reviews, good and bad?

© 2006 – 2009, Natalie R. Collins. All rights reserved.