So here I am. It’s after 11:30 pm Thursday night and I’m pondering what the hell I’m going to blog about. I don’t like to blog about the technical aspects of publishing, quite frankly it all bores me. I don’t care about reading about the mechanics of plot, character arc’s and all that until the words swim in front of my eyes. But I am smart enough to know that for my own good I should have a basic understanding of it all. I’m an intuitive writer. I allow my instinct to guide my characters and their paths. Too much schooling dries it up for me.
So what else to blog about tonight? Politics and religion are out, because I truly respect the fact that other people have different views and opinions then myself, and while I may not share that belief or view I won’t shove my thinking down anyone’s throat, and would ask the same of others.
But, this Mel Gibson thing is bothering me. Big time, on many levels. But I can’t put my finger on exactly why. Yes, he said some bad things, but here’s the thing: I’ve always seen him as a decent guy. Okay so he drinks hard, plays hard and lives hard, and in a drunken stupor said some hurtful things. I cringed when I heard what he said. I don’t understand it. I never pegged him as the type to hate like that. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe…hell I don’t know. I just know I couldn’t be more disappointed in him right now.
But what I’m wondering, is there room for forgiveness? I’m not Jewish, and if I were I’m not sure if I could ever forgive this man who I thought was my friend. I mean can Steven Spielberg ever look Mel in the eye again and not feel the hate? Not feel betrayed? Or is this much adieu about a drunken outburst? What happens when someone you trust, someone who is imperfect but honorable screws up so badly you feel embarrassed and hurt by their actions? But if we stand by them, accepting their apology, we incur the same wrath as those he offended. Do we as a public make a statement by shunning him or do we take what appears to be a humble, sincere, heartfelt apology to heart and move on, but not forget? If it were family would we automatically forgive and move on? Why are we harder on public figures? Including writers? Mel Gibson has always been one of my favorite’s, but now, he is tarnished in my eyes. But who am I, an imperfect human, a human with my own bias’ to judge him? I guess when you step into the public forum it goes without saying you have a target on your back. But is it right? What makes it okay for people to take shots at us but not others? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Mel doesn’t deserve the outrage over his words, he needs to be held accountable, and in so doing there will be serious collateral damage. But why do we come down so hard on those in the pubic eye? Why are they held to a higher standard than the average Joe?
Now, without flames, and without making this into a war of words, how do you feel, from the gut, about Mel right now?

I had a bunch of ideas to blog about. I could recap RWA, but that’s now old news. I was considering writing an open letter to International Thriller Writers about the importance of NOT scheduling their conference for the same week as RWA, but I decided to make that a private letter so only one person gets mad at me instead of hundreds. And I already lost that battle . . .

So, as I do when I’m drinking my morning coffee (before the brain cells start communicating with each other), I surfed around a bunch of blogs I’d missed while in Atlanta. Over at Killerette Alexandra Sokoloff’s The Dark Saloon I found an article that intrigued me. It was about writing a book you don’t know if you’re ready to write. May, a regular visitor here at MSW, commented with a link to an article here. So I followed the trail–I big thanks to May and Alex!

So anyway, fear is a powerful emotion. What differentiates human beings from animals? Internal fear. We all experience external fear–animals fear predators, and humans fear . . . well, everything – but humans are unique in that we fear things that can’t physically hurt us.

We fear our dreams.

In Christina Dodd’s fantabulous Saturday keynote speech, she talked about the Sidewalk of Success and the importance of walking. Keep walking. If you fall, get up. If you get sidetracked down a dead end alley, turn around and get back on the Sidewalk of Success. Keep your goals in sight. When you reach them, set new goals. Keep moving.

Great advice. But sometimes it’s not a dead end or tripping over an uneven surface. Sometimes, we turn around and run the other way, backtracking. Why? Internal fear.

For thirtysome years, I wrote stories I never finished. I could argue that it was because I was young, immature, irresponsible, unmotivated, busy, yada yada, but those are all excuses. The truth is, fear kept me from getting to the end. If I finished a book, I would have to send it out, try to get published, and what if it was total dreck? (It was.)

Once I got over THAT fear–fear of rejection or fear that I couldn’t write myself out of a paper bag–other fears crept in. What if I entered a bunch of contests and never finaled? Well, I DID final . . . but I never came in first. What if I never sold? I did. What if I got published, but the books were a total failure? Well, my books did pretty good. What if my next book isn’t as good as the last? THE KILL hit #21 on the NYT expanded list . . . what if I never get that high again?

The difference between success and failure is not whether you hit lists or don’t hit lists; it’s not whether you sell or don’t sell. It’s whether you keep going . . . or give up.

One of my greatest fears (today) is that I won’t be able to write the book I want to write. It’s bigger, more complex, with deeply flawed characters both on the side of good and on the side of evil. I conceived of this idea two years ago this month . . . the idea has been churning, percolating, simmering. I even wrote some tentative first pages. But I never felt like I could really write the book. It seems so much bigger than any of my other ideas. Deeper. Do I have the skill to pull it off the way I want to?

Am I ready? I don’t know. I feel ready, I feel like my mind has settled into the story and is ready to tell it. But what if it’s total dreck? What if I can’t take this fabulous idea and make it shine?

What if I fail? Like Alex said on her blog: “I don’t know if I have the chops, yet.”

Neither do I. But to continue Alex’s train of thought: “But that’s the book I want – the one that I kept tossing all those other books aside for because they aren’t IT. ”

Fail? Only if I don’t write the book.

Are you ready? If you haven’t completed your first manuscript, ask yourself why? Fear of success . . . or fear of failure? Everything else is just an excuse.

And if you have finished one, two, ten books, ask yourself: are these the books you want to write? Is there another in your soul, itching, scratching, begging to get out? What are you waiting for?

Get writing.

I’m a member of a lot of different writing organizations….International Thriller Writers, Mystery Writers of America, Sisters in Crime, National Association of Women Writers, Persephone, Horror Writers Association, and the Writers Guild of Acadiana. My primary reason for joining these orgs was to network with other writers, but I soon discovered that you get a lot more from the org if you give more than just an occasional appearance at a conference. In essence, if you volunteer for different projects, more information and contacts come your way.

The challenge for any org, especially non-profit groups, is the lack of help. Volunteers are hard to come by. Everyone’s life is so busy that even the thought of adding one more responsibility to that mile-long TO-DO list makes us ill. But it’s worth it. A volunteer often stands at the front lines, first to know what’s going on in the org, first to hear the latest in the industry, first to meet some of the biggest names in the business. Plus they get a sense of satisfaction at having earned those perks and at having contributed to an industry that puts food on their table. Their voice is heard. They make a difference.

I don’t think anyone would argue with the fact that who and what you know in this business is crucial if you plan to survival for any length of time. Idealism wants to rest on laurels, holding fast to the belief that the writing will speak for itself. Not true. Just look at the national best-seller lists. Not all of those authors reached that pinnacle because of his or her vast talent in literature. Many of them got there because of who they knew. That being said, it makes sense to immerse ourselves in many aspects of the business, and writing organizations are the perfect venue with which to accomplish that. You never know what opportunities may arise.

So what do you do for your org?

I know I’ve mentioned before that I have some pretty strange dreams. There was that one with Johnny Depp living in my basement, and I repeatedly fail high school and realize that not only am I not going to graduate, but I’m naked to boot.

But last night’s dream was another doozy. In this dream, I was chasing down the FedEx lady because I had arrived ONE minute late for the 2:30 p.m. pickup, and wouldn’t you know it, she was leaving without MY package.

Mind you, it was my “first pass” or copy edits for my next book, BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, and it needed to go NOW or it would not be there in time.

Alas, she would not wait. And there I was, stuck behind a mother with a stroller while the FedEx lady hauled butt up the escalator. Oddly enough, she was not dressed like a FedEx lady, but more like a…a…a NEW YORK EDITOR.

I woke up in a cold sweat, convinced I had missed the last pickup and the manuscript was going to be late…Late….LATE….LLLAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTEEEEE.

That was one dream I was happy to shake off. And my editor’s assistant assured me the manuscript arrived JUST fine.

I know why I am having these dreams, although I have never really figured out the naked-high-school-reject dream (I graduated just fine, and wearing a cap and gown AND clothes underneath). I know it’s the pressure of this business, egged on by the intense deadlines I have been under.

Sometimes my dreams are more vivid than others, and I realized, after thinking about this latest dream/nightmare, that I use dreams for my characters a LOT. I still have dreams about my childhood, and so do my characters. When I go through something traumatic or upsetting, my dreams show it. I even have recurring ones that I’ve had for years, over and over again.

I’ve heard some critics say that they hate dream sequences in books, and I wonder why. Dreams are so symbolic, and filled with nuance, that a lot of what a character is going through can be fleshed out in a dream sequence. The important thing to remember, I think, is what makes a dream “realistic.” A realistic dream is filled with only bits and pieces of real life and a lot of color, some danger, and dashes of logic combined with total nuttiness.

You can say a lot with a dream.

Or you can wonder why the hell the FedEx lady has it out for you…..

How many of you use dreams, or have a problem with reading about dreams in books?