 | 5 Jun 06 |
I always wanted to be beautiful, to be special. I’m the youngest of four children, a girl, two boys, then OOOPS, I mean, me 
Growing up was really cool in a lot of ways with much older brothers and sisters. The drawback was that I was the ugly duckling. My family would be horrified to read this, but it was my perception.
My sister was beautiful and kind.
My oldest brother was a black belt in Karate and quick witted.
My next oldest brother smooth, charming and surprisingly smart.
Me? Plain, a little chubby, big shoulders from swimming, annoying, and a major smart mouth.
I was always envious of my sister in an admiring way. I wanted to be as beautiful and sweet as she was and still is. She has eyes that change color from blue to green and back. There’s a gentle kindness about my sister that draws people. And her laugh is beguiling. I knew I could never be as beautiful as my sister.
It made me plainer, uglier in some ways.
Until I married my husband. This is where the story takes a surprisingly fairy tale turn. My husband made me feel beautiful and a funny thing started to happen. Other people noticed.
My family noticed. And not always in a gracious way. You see, I was breaking the order. We all had a place. I was the smart mouth not the beauty. I was the plain baby sister and they started reminding me of my place, so to speak.
At first I was baffled until I started seeing that I was literally threatening the social order in my family. My husband was having none of it, and he wouldn’t allow me to let others, including my family, define me. I define myself. I choose who I want to be, how I want to dress, how I want to present myself to the world. I don’t let others decide, and I don’t compare myself.
I’m no longer jealous of my sister. She is still beautiful, and in a strictly aesthetic sense, more beautiful than I will ever be. But it no longer matters to me because I have a strong sense of myself now. I’ve grown confidence in myself, people respond to me as a confident woman.
And so it goes with writing.
If I try to be JD Robb, Janet Evanovich or JK Rowlings, I’m going to fail and end up being the ugly duckling again. I’m not going to measure up to these authors because I am not them. I’m just going to waste endless amounts of emotional energy feeling depressed and bitter.
Or, I can develop my own voice as a writer. I can work hard to be the best writer I can. And as I grow, gain confidence and come into my own “beauty” I will carve my own success. To do that I have a few suggestions:
1) As Jake (J. Carson Black) said last week, Don’t compare yourself to others. You’ll come up short.
2) Set concrete goals. When you have a plan, it’s harder for the little voices to suck us into the vortex of jealousy and envy.
3) Know the facts. For instance, suspense usually has bigger sales than mystery. So I’d have to be stupid or a masochist to compare my numbers to suspense writers.
4) Know your strengths. Mixing romance and mystery is something I can do pretty well. And romance is a bigger market than mystery. Those facts were part of the decision making process my editor and I used to move me into the BRAVA line where I can write sexy romantic mysteries and reach a larger number of readers.
5) Have Patience. Publishing is the slowest business on earth. That may not be an accurate statement, but my experience is that things either move at lightning speed or slow motion.
6) The most important point, and one my agent reminds me of often: Have fun and don’t lose your joy in writing. I can’t stress this enough. It’s so easy to let the business beat the joy out of us. But it’s our job to guard our joy and remember that we do this because we love it.
What about you all? Ever get bit by jealousy? Ever feel envious? Do you have ways to beat the green-eyed monster?
© 2006 – 2009, Jennifer Lyon. All rights reserved.
Award winning author, Jennifer Lyon, always wanted to be a witch. Since her witch-powers never materialized, she went onto Plan B and now she creates magic in her books. In her new series, the author of the acclaimed Samantha Shaw Mystery Series (written as Jennifer Apodaca) introduces the Witch Hunters, legendary men who must overcome a curse to team up with witches and fight evil.
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Jen, you spoke to me when you said that this business is slooooowww. You’re just not going to get there overnight, even if you’re Michael Connelly. Doesn’t make sense, but there it is. And the thing about not letting this biz beat the joy out of you. Very important.
Write. Because you love it.
Envious? All the time. Writers are creative people, which I think opens the door to being thin-skinned, lacking in self-esteem (because we were often seen as weirdos as kids) and sensitive. This in a business where the coin of the realm is rejection. No wonder we’re so crazy!
But if we concentrate on the writing, if we really love that—nothing can take that away from us.
by J. Carson Black June 5th, 2006 at 5:56 amJake, sometimes the slowness drives me crazy, but over the years I’ve gotten used to it. Envy is something that’s part of being creative like you said–when I read a good book, I always think, “I wish I’d thought of that!” But that’s admiration mixed with a little envy, not really a bad thing. It’s when we let the envy drive us that we get into trouble.
by Jen June 5th, 2006 at 6:54 amJen, wow, what a great post. And bravo for your husband. Mine did some of the same, not letting my family define me (I was ugly but smart) (does smart leak out as we get older?)….anyway, bravo for your husband.
I just taught a class this weekend in Houston on voice — how to find and shape your own, which took a sort of non-traditional path into deciphering voice (I think). Your point is so crucial: we cannot try to emulate others’ voices because they made specific choices via their characters and from their own life experiences. Anything that tries to emulate is only going to be a pale copy, because the choices made are not going to be organic to the story and characters we’re writing. There’s always room for someone else’s voice, some new perspective. I think the best success will ultimately be that we were ourselves and we got to write and had some readers. Everything else is langiappe.
by toni mcgee causey June 5th, 2006 at 8:52 amWow, Toni, you said it so much better than I did! I love the way you approach voice. Plus you made me smile on a Monday with your comment “does smart leak out as we get older?” LOL! I’m living proof that it does!
by Jen June 5th, 2006 at 9:05 amOMG, what a GREAT post, Jen. Your points are right on the money.
I’ll admit, I do get envious sometimes. I’m envious of your great posts. You seem to effortlessly write a pithy, original, and fun lesson–and I always learn something. Every time I read your posts, I think, “I wish I’d written that” or “why can’t I write like that.”
I tend to get more envious of people who write totally different than me. Take Janet Evanovich. Especially in her earlier Stephanie Plum books, I’d laugh out loud. Sometimes, I’d cry I was laughing so had. I really, really wanted to make people laugh because I had so much fun reading her books. Jenny Crusie, too. I remember reading WELCOME TO TEMPTATION, one of my all-time favorite books, and having to call up my mom to read her a section. Then again.
But I can’t write funny. I can’t make people laugh. And it’s not that I don’t like my voice–I love writing suspense, I can’t picture myself writing anything else–it’s just that because I CAN’T do something, I tend to get envious of the people who CAN do it.
And that’s probably why I read a lot of romantic comedy because I appreciate the talent that went into crafting the story–it’s not something just anyone can do. (I mean, I can’t, right? LOL).
Anyway, I’ve learned over time to appreciate my voice and hone it and not want it to be something that it can’t be. I don’t want to be an imitation of anyone, I want to be me. (Said the only child)
by Allison June 5th, 2006 at 10:13 amAllison, actually you are funny sometimes, but I know what you mean. Your voice is a perfect fit for suspense, and you are very smart to recognize that. But I don’t know about me writing great posts…LOL! I’m pretty weak at blogging. Still, I’m trying to learn!
by Jen June 5th, 2006 at 12:19 pmJen, you’re funny and relevent, Nat’s sarcastic, Deb’s literary and contemplative, and Karin’s authentic. That’s what I get out of you guys and I love it
by Allison June 5th, 2006 at 12:57 pmAs a reader who thoroughly enjoys Stephanie Plum, and still laughs outloud, I have to say in just one book I became enthrawled by Samantha Shaw. Jen, you’re not Janet Evanovich, you found something much better – your own voice, own vision, own place, and I am so thoroughly thankful for that. I love good humor, you rank right up there. Your’s and Jakes words were very right on for both writing, and for life in general.
by Cele June 5th, 2006 at 1:03 pmCele, thank you! That’s so sweet of you to say. I’m having one of those challenging days, so it’s nice to hear.
Allison, I’m not feeling funny or relevent today, but I appreciate your saying it!
by Jen June 5th, 2006 at 1:11 pmWhat’s nice about Murder She Writes is that we are all so different, and we like it that way!
Allison, wow, I just used WELCOME TO TEMPTATION in the class! It’s one of my favorites, and it so cracks me up.
I love writing humor. It lets my inner fifth grader have some fun.
But I’ve tried to write in the more serious / thriller vein, and if I have to stay serious, it ends up turning… I dunno, maudlin or boring or something. Someone in there has to be a smartass for me to get through it. I am always impressed with people like yourself who can write these riveting thrillers, page-turners, and have so much going on, character-wise and suspense-wise. I’m not so sure I could do that. So yeah, great that we have this variety!
by toni mcgee causey June 5th, 2006 at 1:49 pmJen, you’re right. It is nice you all are so different. Each day on MurderSheWrites is an adventure.
by Amanda June 5th, 2006 at 1:52 pmAmanda, I’m so glad you like it here!
By the way, I’m having a contest to give away 10 copies of BATTERIES REQUIRED over at my blog http://www.jenniferapodaca.com/blog for anyone who wants to enter!
by Jen June 5th, 2006 at 2:32 pmAmanda’s right…I love this blog!
Jealousy is tought especially in this business….I know I walk a fine line between keeping to myself for self-preservation purposes and trying to be more a social writer. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy
by Cece June 5th, 2006 at 2:58 pmCece, glad to hear you like it here too! I really understand trying to keep the balance between being social and ignoring stuff on the Internet. It’s one of the reasons I’m not as good as self promotion as I could be.
by Jen June 5th, 2006 at 5:32 pmthat was a really nice post. I know the jealousy feeling. I have a couple of writer friends, and when I read their stuff, I think, “man, I can’t write lyrically like that…” and other such stuff. I mean, I write so much more blunt and choppy. Where their prose is thick with description and language, mine is blunt and to the point, with lots of little paragraphs. (personally, I think I’m allergic to long paragraphs).
Anyway, I had an issue about this for a while, but eventually I did realize that they wrote the way they did because that was how they wrote. I wrote the way I did because that was my style. And the funny part? They admired my short, blunt style, while I was so envious of their lyrical prose.
by Candice Gilmer June 5th, 2006 at 7:35 pmI’m alergic to long paragraphs too, Candice. And when I get a bout of the runons (ew that sounds gross) my CP’s chop chop chop and then I flush flush flush.
by Karin June 5th, 2006 at 8:50 pmJen, good post. I can’t wait to meet you next month.
Did Nat tell you?
Oh, PS, Allison is announcing the contest winner tomorrow.
by Karin June 5th, 2006 at 8:51 pmI’m SARCASTIC??? Jen gets funny and relevent, Deb is literary and contemplative, Karin’s authentic and I’m SARCASTIC???? Sheesh. I’ll just go cry in my corner now……
by Karin June 5th, 2006 at 10:15 pmAnd not only that, but I was logged in as Karin, and somehow never got logged out, and now it looks like she is mistaking herself for ME!! It must be bed time…..
by Natalie June 5th, 2006 at 10:19 pmlol, Nat, Sarcastic? Nah, never heard *that* before.
by Karin June 5th, 2006 at 10:29 pmOkay, in 34 min my BEST FIRST LINE CONTEST begins at my blog. go to my site http://www.karintabke.com click on blog and after midnight tonight (PST) you can post your best first line.
Candice, it’s easy to get sidetracked by envy, isn’t it? I’m glad you came to appreciate your own voice and style!
Natalie, are you having an identity crises?
Karin, I have to get over to your site to see the contest!
by Jen June 6th, 2006 at 7:09 amKarin, yep! Natalie told me! I can’t wait!
by Jen June 6th, 2006 at 7:11 am>>with lots of little paragraphs
Candice….that’s me. And two of my CP’s totally kick butt at description and world building. The good thing is we compliment each other (my weakness is their strength and vice versa). I don’t try to write LIKE them, but I do pay attention to how they do things and push myself a little harder. Hopefully that made sense…..
Karin…….sarcasm rocks!
by Cece June 6th, 2006 at 8:31 amKarin — LOL… I wanna flush those long paragraphs too.
Jen — thanks! Jealousy can be a bad deal… such bad karma.
Cece — Glad to know I’m not the only one with little paragraphs…
by Candice Gilmer June 6th, 2006 at 5:56 pmfunny karate
by funny karate July 26th, 2007 at 7:19 pm