With my other blog, I generally have lots of material. Either someone is blogstalking me, leaving nasty comments and emails on a regular basis, or sending me “Come unto the Lord” warnings. Or someone is doing something stupid, related to the predominant religion here in my home state, thus giving me all kinds of material.
But here, with these other esteemed writers, I’m sort of, well, constipated. I do NOT have diarrhea of the mouth. See, I’m trying to keep my rather, well, opinionated opinion, in rein.
But how the heck am I supposed to do that, because the truth is, I have a lot of people reading me BECAUSE I am that loud-mouth, smart-alecky, bi-atch.. Am I going to chase hordes of people away because of who I am? (Stupid cyber-stalker guy? No one believes you. And you have a small male, er, uh, unit. Go away.)
In real life, I am fairly easy-going, patient, and seem fairly sane, albeit neurotic about my writing career, because every damn writer is neurotic about their career.
But here on MSW, I am trying to be level-headed, moderate, and mostly, well, plain vanilla? Well folks, I like vanilla, but it can get very, very boring after a while.
So sorry, ladies, but I HAVE to vent.
Ready? Sorry to disappoint, but it isn’t going to be about anyone you’ve heard about in the news.
These damn characters in my book are NOT cooperating. How am I supposed to sit my ass down and write when they are pulling all this crap right and left? Tell me that? When you have a character whom you assume is a minor character, and suddenly you realize they are DOMINATING the book, what are you going to do? Are you going to tell them that? Do you have that courage? Well, I’ve tried, but when bossy characters take over, what are you going to do?
Hmm. Death is good. Er, I did not just say that. I heard a comedian one time that said, “I put you into this world young lady, and I can take you out of it,” and I laughed and laughed. The comedian, of course, was referring to his/her daughter, but that applies to writers. Even better, because of course the comedian would go to jail, but not a writer. You can remove a mouthy character. Or can you? Consider my current work-in-progress.
Alissa: Collins, I am not happy with my current position in your book. You have all the men drooling over me, but not actually consummating. I need some consummation.
Collins: Uh, is that even a WORD your character would know, let alone use? I think not. And women go without sex for long stretches of time. In fact, GORGEOUS women are known for having a hard time getting guys. So what are you complaining about?
Alissa: Collins, you are full of so much crap. Ya know? I think you are just jealous because you were never a gorgeous woman and you have no real measure of what it’s like to be me, to be special, to be adored by men. And that does NOT mean I give in to men, although I do if they are really hot. And if you even begin to judge me because I occasionally give in I am so going to give you so much trouble that you are going to be so sorry that you even created me that you will…”
Collins: Um, excuse me? Alissa? I am already sorry that I created you, and by the way, wherever did you get the idea that I am not hot, or at least was never hot, although I am a FEW years past my prime, huh? And how the hell did this conversation devolve into this discussion?
Alissa: Because you are an insecure writer who thinks she knows women and understands women, but is really just a has-been-wanna-be who is trying to control what happens here, and it ain’t gonna happen, because, well, that’s not something people can do. No matter what you think, you cannot control what someone else says or does or…. I AM WRONG. I AM SO VERY WRONG, AND NATALIE COLLINS IS THE QUEEN OF THE KEYBOARD AND SHE IS THE VERY BEST WRITER EVER AND SOON SHE WILL BE ON THE NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER LIST AND BY THE WAY, ONCE UPON A FAIRY TALE SHE WAS HOT.
Don’t you love writing? I do…..