One of the pitfalls of getting critiques from excellent writers is that I must trust my own gut. As everyone in the world knows by now, this latest books I’m writing has been a struggle. A real love/hate piece of work. And I mean WORK. I love this book, I really do. I think it has real potential.
Which scares me because I immediately go into doubt mode—do I have the talent/skill to write the book? I just read a book that I thought had an excellent premise and poor execution. That is enough to make me break out in a cold sweat of fear as one of the many voices in my head whispers, “What if that’s me?”
But here’s the truth. In the end, it’s my book and I must have the courage to go with my gut. These are my characters and if they don’t ring true to me, then they won’t ring true to anyone. I’ve spent a lot of time this last weekend pondering this. I have a couple people I rely on pretty consistently for feedback. Natalie is one of them. She gave me a list of items to help me on about two-thirds of my first draft and I’ve used everyone one of them to some degree. She’s invaluable to me. She spots stuff that doesn’t even cross my mind.
But…
And this is the part that’s scary. Sometimes, her suggestions aren’t going to work for me. The problem is that I respect Natalie, or trust me, she would not be reading my work. I have learned the hard way to shut out input from those I don’t respect or who have a mean streak. Natalie has real talent and skill and she is generous with her help. She told me why something I want to do won’t work. She listed reasons that make sense.
But…
Here it is. I’ve tried to fix this every way I can. But when I do it MY way, I can see my character. I can hear his voice. I can feel his conflict and goals pumping real lifeblood through the story line. He makes sense to me.
But…
What if I’m wrong? See I don’t think Natalie is wrong, I think she has very logical, solid points. But sometimes, what a character believes is what he believes. He was born that way in my head and he’s not going to change. And this is the part or writing that takes courage. I might be wrong, but I have to take the chance or I’m not writing the book that belongs to the writer deep in my gut. That’s the writer that’s going to take me from mid list nobody author to the ranks of best seller.
But…
If I’m wrong, I’m going to sink in the mire of struggling authors. Failure is always scary. Risk is always scary. But you know what is scarier? Not going for it. So win, lose, fail…whatever, I need to walk away from this book knowing I went for it. I took a risk, I went with my gut. That’s what courage in writing is all about.
Now as a *reward* for putting up with my whining, and since I’m trying to get into the holiday spirit, I thought I’d share a few of my Monday Murder Chick’s Thoughts on the Holidays…
Christmas Cards. I’m going to hunt down the Hallmark freak that started that guilt ridden, stress-producing, hand-cramping, little tradition and fry their chestnuts on my George Forman Grill.
Holiday Baking. Yes, please, my thighs just aren’t spreading fast enough. Frankly, I think Betty Crocker should be seriously medicated, then re-educated into the joys of refrigerated rolls of slice-n-bake cookie dough. Betty, take off your apron and pick up a good book. You’ll feel much better!
Holiday Decorating. Invented by Hoover. Just when you finally vacuum up all the freaking grass from Easter baskets, then next thing you know, it’s time to drag a dead tree into your house to drop a daily dose of pine needles on the carpet. What kind of moron drags a dead tree in their house? Seriously, ever heard of Fire Hazard? And just to prove we’ve lost our minds, we keep watering a dead tree. THE TREE IS DEAD! GET IT OUT OF MY HOUSE!
Fake trees. What next? Fake spouse? Fake children? What else are you people faking out there, hmmm???
Caroling. Absolutely, just what I want after spending all day running around from store to store where they force feed endless loops of Christmas Carols but don’t have any of the items on my Christmas List. When I finally escape the madness, and get home to indulge in a good book, I am thrilled when the doorbell rings and a group of tone deaf yahoos scream out Christmas Carols. The garden hose in my hand is just a coincidence…why are you all running away?
Holiday Parties. Otherwise known as MARTHA STEWART’S REVENGE for not getting invited to the cool parties in high school. These little doozies are specifically designed to give you weeks of stress beforehand—you need the right outfit, the right hair, lose ten pounds, shoes—I need shoes! And a purse to match! Wait, do I have to bring a hostess gift? What do you mean my credit card is maxxed out? By the time you actually go to the holiday party, you have developed a twitch in your trigger finger every time someone mentions Martha Stewart in passing.
All right, I’m done messing with you all! My sincere suggestion is to do something nice for yourself this year.
You are 100% right. You have to trust your gut. But it isn’t easy. I second (and triple and quadruple) guessed everything I wrote in THE KILL, which resulted in major rewrites because I didn’t trust myself to do what I knew needed to be done. That doesn’t mean you aren’t going to hem and haw and argue with yourself (and your characters) because you fear your gut may be lying to you. But in the end . . . you know what to do.
I have faith in you, and so do your MANY fans.
re: easter egg grass!!!! ROFLOL, we banned it from our house three years ago and I STILL find it in the corners of the closets and toybox.
Jen I’m not sure if you are or not finishing said wip? I hope it comes to be the book you want it to be and your resolution is clear.
If Christmas parties give you that much anxiety I suggest several things.
First your own personal bottle of champagne.
Second reside in an area that isn’t over run with holiday festivities – the
Oregon countryside is good for this. I haven’t been to a Christmas party
in decades.
That little black dress for all occasions has now become a comfy black skirt
for all occasions – it is long enough to hide my slippers.
Take a personal bottle of champagne for the hostess, she will thank you
so much you can both get tanked in the pantry.
Christmas baking, nawh, personally I never have time for this. Find a good
local bakery and lie through your teeth or not.
Love the hoover analogy – perfection. By the time I am finished getting it
up, down it must come. But (shhhh) living in the middle of Christmas
tree central I do have an artifical tree because darn those needles that
you find when you’re still vacuuming up those strands of Easter grass. I
have to wonder about people who live in warmer climes – Arizona for
example – do they wonder when and where their Christmas tree came
from? Oregon, cut before Halloween. Get real. No wonder they explode
when a light switch is turned on.
I’ve often resorted to New Years cards out of guilt. This year I have said I
am doing picture cards out of envy of a friend who does them annual.
But I’ve yet to do them. I always blame Hallmark for my misery.
I wish you a Happy Holidays and hope it is filled with Mocha Roca and love.
Allison, thanks for the support! I’m grateful for each and every fan. BTW, I hate, and banned, Easter grass too!
Cele, I am finishing the book. I have to, it’s under contract
I actually don’t hate the Holidays, LOL! But I do hate the pressure, although I think much of it is self inflicted (at least in my case). However, I’m finally learning to do what I enjoy and ignore the rest.
Jen, Jen, Jen, a woman after my own heart. I and my family spent the entire day yesterday putting my house in holiday mode. Everyone worked their asses off, I refused to do it all this year. I love the reason for the season, but not all of the crap that goes with it. And while we do have one helluva annual Christmas par-tay, (hubby insists) I learned long ago to have it catered, complete with bartender and clean up person.
As far as your current wip, go with your gut, it’s your intuiton talking, and a girl has to listen to her intuition.
I hear what you are saying Karin–get a full time staff of “people” and make them all do the grunt work
Amen to a girl listening to her Intuition. Now if I could just tune out the Internal Editor!
LMAO! Your holiday sentiments are perfect.
Good luck with the book. You’re right, you have to do what feels right, because if you don’t, it will come back to haunt you. Usually at 3am.
Jen, bottom line is YOU have to trust your gut. As a critiquer, I might make suggestions, but I’m not dumb enough to say, “you better do it this way or it will tank.” I’m seeing pitfalls, but that’s without reading the whole thing, and see, you are IN the character, and you KNOW the story, and if you truly believe it will work, it will.
The fact you are having trouble with the suggestions means they aren’t the right suggestions.
And that’s the bottom line.
Trust yourself. You’ll do great.
Jen,
Fake trees. I call them Stepford Trees. What’s the point? I think I’ve solved the tree thing this year. I have declared December “I’m a Buddhist Now” month. Of course, when Buddhist celebrations come around, I’ll be rethinking my commitment to Western traditions.
On the WIP. You plan murders for a living. Plan a truly hideous death for that Internal Editor. Make it hurt really bad. Once IE lies ableeding on your carpet midst Easter grass and tinsel – Go With Your Intuition. Didn’t your mama tell you to always listen to your intuition?
Cele,
Where in the Oregon Countryside. I want to move there. My love of a husband always accepts a bunch of holiday invitations. And despite the fact we live in the country near a small town, it is California after all.
I hate holiday parties for the same reasons Jen does with a few variations thrown in. Plus there’s that whole “Now I have to invite them to my house” pressure. Don’t get me wrong. I like people. But the pressure involved in planning and executing a party gives me hives.
Mo
Amy, I don’t want any 3 a.m. hauntings! I have enough trouble sleeping, LOL! I’ll go with my instincts.
Natalie, I was never worried about having YOUR support. You are a great friend and a terrific critiquer. I value your input or I’d spend so much time looking at your point. And I’m not finished yet–experience has taught me that sometimes there’s a way to make it work using both your points within the framework I’ve given my character. I’ll keep writing and see what happenes!
Mo–too funny about planning a hideous murder for my internal editor! A great idea! I just need to resurrect IE when I need to do straight editing. Why can’t all the voices in my head play together nicely?
You all know I was mostly teasing with my Christmas thoughts, right? The trick is to do the things we enjoy and ignore the rest! For instance, I’ve cut baking back to the things my kids and I enjoy making, but we use simple recipes. I use slice and bake cookies for them to decorate. Hard to believe, but my sons, all of whom have driver’s licenses, enjoy baking and candy making with their mom. They all help with the Christmas decorating. And my husband helps with the shopping and various errands.
Jen – having teen sons that still want to bake and make with mom is a treasure of itself. I have a grandson who is proud of owning his own apron and is always eager to bake cookies and cook with granma. I hope when he is a teen I am still blessed with this eagerness.
Mo – I live in Florence, a mile from the ocean. It is a wonderful slice of heaven. I left California 33 years ago, but still find it a great place to visit every 5 to 10 years.
Hey, baking IS fun!
Chocolate chip cookies, cornflake clusters, flapjacks, sugee cookies, pistachio cookies, meringues… *drool*
LOL.
To each her own.
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