My family is infamous for giving humorous gifts, especially my brother. One of the gifts he gave me recently is a little black notebook for my purse, which is so thoughtful because he knows I like to have something with me at all times for note-taking. But it was the title on the cover of the notebook that made me laugh: People I’d Like to Punch in the Face.
My thoughts immediately went to how quickly I could fill a page in THAT book! And while the notebook will probably eventually be filled with helpful research notes like “visit Waffle House to research the waffle-eating scene,” the little book is a tongue-in-cheek reminder of how useful it can be to exorcise your demons on paper or in a private way before taking them to the physical or public level. For example:
I can’t count the number of angry emails I’ve written…and deleted.
And the number of times I’ve chewed out my bathroom mirror instead of making an irate phone call.
And the voodoo dolls I’ve mutilated in lieu of amassing assault charges.
Passive-aggressive? Maybe. But while I recognize that I’m a passionate person who doesn’t suffer fools, I’ve also learned that speaking my mind in the heat of the moment hasn’t always built bridges for future communication. (And there are a lot of dense people in positions of power.) So now I take a deep breath and keep my eye on the long-term prize. If I feel the need to vent, I try to do it privately: to a trusted friend, or through an exhausting run, or by killing off that person in my next book.
Because I’ve discovered that the best last word is mute success…and that’s so much sweeter than the fleeting triumph of, as my grandmother would say, “getting someone told.” I’m a big believer that a person gets back from the universe what they put into it. Vile people will eventually implode, bullies will eventually meet their match, megalomaniacs will eventually reveal themselves on a public platform (thank you, Twitter). Meanwhile, I don’t let those people rob me of precious time and energy…instead I use that spontaneous anger to fuel my own efforts to succeed.
And then I quietly record their name in my little black notebook. I mean, how foolish does a person have to be to cross an author who could someday write her own tell-all book? 🙂
Q: Have you ever confronted someone who wronged you and then regretted it (or not)?
Oh, yeah! Sometimes, I kinda can’t shut up. I’ve told off professors enough that my classmates knows me as the one who will speak out — I usually will — and tell the professors to get lost — I’ll do that, too! I don’t really regret it, because I use logical, rational arguments to show them how they’re wrong (not that their arrogance will always allow them to admit that), so, I know I’m right when I do that. Nothing to regret. Also, I have a bunch of people to back me up most times! 🙂
Good for you! (You look so deceptively sweet.) You must be more diplomatic in your telling off than I am! But you’re learning early that a person’s title doesn’t entitle them to being right.
I didn’t add that I ALWAYS speak up to my political representatives…I have all of them on speed email!
You know, I like to think that I *am* sweet, but that’s exactly what I hate — the whole pulling title sort of thing. Just because of you have a doctorate doesn’t mean you are right. Argh! All the arguments I’ve had about that the past weeks! I wouldn’t say I’m diplomatic, but I make myself heard!
And GOOD FOR YOU! Speaking out to your representatives is a good way to make them hear and try to make them change! 😀
As a former “sweet-looking” gal, I have to say that mastering the art of the one-liner is a handy tool…it allows you to comment without fully engaging. (This works best when you can punctuate your sentence with a well-timed drink from a martini glass.)
I like to think I have matured enough (hahahahahahaha!) to pick my fights. Is this something I really feel strongly enough about to say something, or shall I just take the high road. There can be satisfaction in that . . . whilst scribbling down names and writing to their head office 😀
Totally agree with the thought of what goes around comes around.
I also agree with the belief that what goes around comes around –
I’ve gone over people’s heads before–with mixed results. Pick your battles–that’s a good mantra. Sometimes a person HAS to speak up, especially if an innocent person is being picked on. But if the injured party is me and the person on the other end is simply toeing the corporate line…well, that’s a tide I can’t fight and I’d be better spending my energy elsewhere.
I need a book like that! It’s so hard keeping all those names up in my head. ;o)
For a long time in my younger years, I was a mouse. Then for a while, I was all confrontational. Now I try to remember an old saying: Never try to teach a pig to dance. It just frustrates you and irritates the pig.
When you meet some person whose opinion you will never change, no matter how rational your argument, then trying to reason with them is like dancing with a pig. Walk away instead of wasting your time.
“Never try to teach a pig to dance”….I LOVE that! And it reminds me of something my dad always told me:
“Don’t get into a conversation with an idiot. Because the people walking by won’t be able to tell which one of you is the idiot.”
Or you could just make bacon! 😀
Made me laugh! Yes, there are times when nothing will satisfy the appetite like a nice slab of bacon!
This is excellent advice as always. I’m a little too prone to opinion sharing, but I’m trying to learn.
Of course, now all I can think about is the Waffle House. If you need anyone to assist you in your research, you know where to find me.
Made me laugh–will call you for my next Waffle House research expedition!
When I was younger and I allowed my temper to rule me a lot more yes I did. Then there was dealing with the consequences of not thinking and acting.. so now I choose when to confront the person. As you pointed out the majority of the time the irritant… er person who is causing you the distress will do them self in in the end.
Now I just vent and spew while driving… oh the conversations and arguements that I carryon while driving.. most people who see me must think I am crazy but it works for me.
I’m also one of those people who argue with the TV and have conversations with myself! And yes…with age and waning energy comes the feeling that some confrontations just aren’t worth the trouble of raising my blood pressure!
Great post and so timely since I was just mouthing off yesterday. 🙂
I am really laid back. It takes a lot to set me off. But once my blood pressure gets up…
Sometimes a person does have to speak up. However there are also some topics that it is a waste of breath to argue about. So like was being said here, I try to pick my battles. And I try to be polite about it. Until pushed too far. 🙂
I love “Never try to teach a pig to dance!” But don’t you think anyone with passion (which is a good thing) is bound to find themselves telling someone off? That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it. 🙂
I apologize if I left anyone with the impression that I ALWAYS hold my tongue…but those of us with a semi-public image have to be extra careful about voicing our opinions, lest our personal views get bound up in our public product. BUT there are some things that will always get me riled up…such as a man taking pot shots at me writing “those books.” That’s a guaranteed tongue-lashing!
I used to just put-up and shut-up–family life was sooo much easier that way when I was young. I learned the lessons well, and took them far into my adulthood. Which did nothing good for my blood-pressure:)
Now, I try to think before I react–not that easy to do:)
But, sure, I’ve said I things I regretted…I always apologize. but, the funny thing about words: they can never be unheard.
Now, I’m pretty laid back, choose my battles. I guess, as I’ve gotten older, either I’m just too tired to be bothered, or I realize a whole of things I used to think really matters, just don’t.
And you know, there is some truth to that what goes around, comes around thing….
Karma works…you just have to wait it out.
Yes, the bad thing about Karma is she has her own timeframe and doesn’t always provide the public arena the person deserves for their comeuppance! But taking the high road is almost always the better choice–it’s less satisfying at the moment, but in the end, it prevents the situation from taking up so much headspace.
I was in a situation a couple of years ago where someone I was close to severed our relationship because of petty jealousy and their own perceived shortcomings. That alone hurt enough. But then I discovered they were proactively scheduling lunches and events with our mutual friends to spread lies about me, including that I was mentally unstable–and how does one defend an attack like that? I couldn’t…and didn’t, just put it out of my mind and tried to stay productive even as former friends avoided me. Only a few months ago I ran into one of the former friends; I was civil–my life is good, I have no reason to harbor ill will. At first she was ill at ease, then said she was sorry she’d believed the other person who told the lies about me…over time she’d seen the other person for the insecure, hostile individual they were…and so had other people in our former circle of friends, but everyone felt so bad about it, they didn’t know how to approach me. It was a nice moment because I realized I’d done the right thing by just moving on…that it’s so much better when people have their own revelation…without my help!
Here’s when I DO speak up–when my career/income is likely to be affected. But I still try to step back from the situation and delay my reaction until a cooler head can prevail.
I’ve had that sort of thing happen as well. The hard part for me was what it said about all of my former “friends.” Why would they believe the other person’s lies? if I’d been the recipient of the lies I would’ve smacked the gal spreading them in the face. I’m loyal to a fault. Anyway, I did some soul-searching and then moved on. Not my fault. Not my problem. Only thing I did wrong was choose poorly. Which, especially when it comes to men, will probably be my epitaph.
Oh, and I found better friends….
The high road is great, but God, every now and then I’d love a drop of revenge….I’m petty that way:)
Yes, my career–I do speak up…and loudly. I, too, step back, assess, then go in with both barrels blazing when it’s warranted! Honey, I’m from Texas and you know what they say about messin’ with Texas:)
Oh, I got my revenge…I’m healthy and happy and my life is free of those toxic people! Good riddance!
Hi Stephanie,
Love the little notebook! A lot healthier than letting your temper fester.
I have a personal rule about hitting Send on an angry email. I force myself to take a break. Re-read later. Then decide. In our digital age it is much too easy to lose your cool in the heat of the moment and put something out there that can’t be taken back.
You’re so right…if an email is a good idea today, it’ll still be a good idea tomorrow. And emails can seem abrupt anyway. I have another rule–I don’t fill out the TO area until I’m ready to send the note so I don’t accidentally send something I’ll regret!
You know what they say, a life well lived is the best revenge…
So true…because you KNOW it kills the trolls to think someone else is happy!